Winter Hearts

by A. E. Radley

  “You’re denying you had feelings for her?”

  Emmie looked away.

  “Em, it was so obvious. You two were so into each other. You only had eyes for each other.”

  “No,” Emmie said, as she looked back at her sister, the blush still staining her cheeks. She put her hands up to them self-consciously. I’m getting too old for this. “She didn’t feel that way about me. We never...I suffered that in silence. I…I was just starting to realize.”

  “Whatever you say,” Cora said. “I could see it. Maybe she couldn’t admit it to herself back then either, but the attraction was mutual. Besides, that’s not the only time. She wasn’t the first. She’s just the one who got me to come to terms with it.”

  Emmie raised both hands in protest. “There wasn’t anyone before that; I swear!”

  “Really? There wasn’t?”

  Emmie shook her head vigorously.

  “High school? My best friend Bonnie Hall? You mooned around after her like a lovesick puppy. I just didn’t know enough to see it then. It all made sense after I saw the way you and Kelly were with each other.”

  Emmie coughed on her own soda then patted her chest hard, to clear the burn. She changed the subject. “Do you think Mama and Daddy will ever come around?”

  “Mom’s in shock, Em. She may get there, she may not, but it won’t be soon. Can I ask, what have you said to Seth? Does he know yet?”

  “Nothing…not yet.” She sighed. “I suppose I’ll have to say something soon, before Mama starts asking questions in front of him.”

  “What about Cass’s family, Em? How do they feel about this?”

  Emmie gave her sister a blank stare.

  “What? They don’t know?”

  She didn’t answer.

  “They do know and they’re all okay with it?”

  “I…I don’t really know. I don’t know much about them,” she admitted. “Cass grew up in Abilene.”

  “How’d she end up out here?”

  “Her mom, I guess. Her mother’s family is all Lute’s from Merkel and Trent. Her grandmother still lives there.”

  Cora sat back in the booth and slouched a little. “The longhorn farm?”

  “Yeah, what’s left of it, anyway…the stock I mean. They’ve still got all the land,” she said, as she thought about the potential of a wind farm being there, “but they’ve sold most of their livestock.”

  “So, it’s Cass and her grandmother? I’m confused.”

  “No, no. Cass manages that for her grandmother, but she has her own little place now…just bought it.”

  “She said Jimmie is her nephew, at the game.”

  “He’s her sister Pam’s son. She’s in Abilene. That’s all I really know. She’s only ever talked about her grandmother, her sister and the kids. I don’t know where her mother is now or if she ever sees her. I got the impression that was a sore subject, so I didn’t pry. I don’t know anything about her father or any other siblings. I assume there are none since there’s no one else to help with the ranch.”

  Cora eyed her sister but said nothing.

  Emmie looked at her and then looked away. “You think I’m moving too fast, don’t you?”

  “No…yes,” Cora began. “It’s not for me to decide. It’s just…you barely know her. I mean, how many times have you been out with her…sat and talked, even?”

  Emmie blushed.

  “Em!”

  “It’s…it’s different with her, okay. I just know. When we’re together…in the same room even…”

  “Pardon me for being blunt, but are you sure it’s not just lust?”

  Her head shot up. “It’s not!” She blew out a breath. I really need to talk to Cass.

  CHAPTER 15

  Thursday Evening, November 10th

  “I’m glad you could come over for a little while,” Cass said. She pulled Emmie into her arms, dipped her head and touched her lips to the shorter woman’s.

  Emmie started to return the kiss, but then groaned and pulled back.

  Cass gave her an odd look. “Something wrong?”

  “I…we…I can’t stay tonight.”

  “I didn’t expect you to. I didn’t expect you to come over at all, on a school night,” she teased. When Emmie didn’t react, she released her hold on her and took a step back. “What else is going through that head of yours?”

  “I…can we talk?”

  “Oh…”

  Emmie waved a hand. “It’s not bad…it’s just there are things we should talk about, is all.”

  “Okay.” Cass took Emmie’s hand and led her to the sofa. She waited while she sat and then took a chair adjacent to her. “It still sounds pretty serious. Are you having second thoughts, maybe?”

  “Cass…no. I told you it’s not that bad. I’m just trying to deal with my family…my mom, especially. She thinks this is all an experiment.” Emmie said, as she made air quotes.

  Cass winced. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

  “What about your family? You never talk about them. How are they going to take this? I mean, have you even told anyone?”

  “I’ve uh…I’ve actually talked to my sister about you moving in here. She’s fine with it all, but then, she’s always known about me. And Jimmy? As long as we keep him fed, he won’t care one way or another.”

  That made Emmie smile, but she was still worried. “What about your parents? Any other brothers and sisters? You’ve only talked about your grandmother.”

  “It’s just me and Pam. Mom’s in Abilene. She, let’s say, struggles with reality. She’s been in and out of rehab centers for the past ten years, since my dad left.”

  “Drugs?”

  Cass nodded. “Alcohol, pain killers. You name it.”

  “So, you don’t see your father much?”

  She shook her head. “Hardly ever saw him when he was with mom. He’s a long-haul trucker; oil tankers. He pulls from the refineries and drives loads east, into Ohio and Pennsylvania. He’s got a tiny apartment in Abilene that he’s in maybe one day, a day and a half a week.”

  “So, there were no male heirs to the Lute family farms?”

  “No, not hardly. Gram and Gramps had three girls. Two married and moved away. One of them is gone now and my mom may as well be.”

  “That’s pretty harsh.”

  “It’s reality. She helped a little before my father left but, even then, not much. He used to drive shorter hauls, be home every couple or three days, overnight. She was all wrapped up in being the happy homemaker and making him happy when he was there. He couldn’t have cared less.”

  “Do you ever talk to him at all?”

  “Sometimes, not much,” Cass admitted. “He was very hands off, as far back as I can remember, even when he was home for a long weekend or a holiday. The money he made paid for my high school sports and put me through college but, he really had very little to do with me or Pam growing up. He didn’t even walk Pam down the aisle at her wedding. He sure hasn’t offered any sort of support since her divorce. He never sees his grandkids.”

  It was Emmie’s turn to feel the need to offer comfort. She pulled Cass into an embrace and they held each other for several long seconds.

  Cass pulled back. “As for my grandmother, I’ve actually suggested she leave her own place and come and live with me.”

  “Really? Sell the family ranch?”

  “No, no. Nothing that drastic. Our places are so close together, it would be easy for me and Jimmy to continue to manage both. Quite frankly, that boy is going to have to man up some day and pull more weight.”

  Emmie stayed quiet. She thought Jimmy was coming along just fine, but Cass knew him better.

  “Gran is resisting leaving her own home, even though she’s struggling with her health. Her hip seems fine, but her blood pressure is up a lot and so is her sugar.” She trailed off and stared at the wall over Emmie’s shoulder, lost in thought.

  “Penny for them.”

  The rancher shook her he
ad to clear it. “It’s nothing. Just worried about her is all.”

  Emmie wasn’t convinced. She tilted her head and looked into her lover’s eyes. “What aren’t you telling me?” she whispered.

  Cass sighed. “There’s no putting one over on you, is there? I have a gut feeling her blood pressure issues are stress related.”

  “Over me, right?”

  Cass looked away. “Us. Look, Em, she’s known that I’m gay for years. I just…I never flaunted it; never brought anyone home. Never had anyone that I wanted to bring home, you know?” She leaned across the open space between them and picked up Emmie’s hand. “Now that it’s happening, that you’re moving in, I’m just worried she’s stressing over it. That she’s not quite as open minded as I thought.”

  “Maybe we should rethink this whole thing…”

  Cass stood and pulled Emmie up with her then put her hands-on Emmie’s shoulders and pulled her close. “No. I’m worried about her, but that doesn’t change how I feel about you. I want you here, Em. I need you here.”

  CHAPTER 16

  Thursday, November 24th

  Thanksgiving

  The Oakes Family Ranch

  Emmie looked up and down the long table. Her father sat at the head, as usual. And, also as usual, her mother’s seat to his immediate left was vacant. She was off in the kitchen fetching more of this and that. It was quiet. Too quiet. She glanced at the other table, set up to the left, and watched as Tyler ruffled Seth’s hair, drawing his attention to him, while their 13-year-old cousin Kenny Jr. Stole a big forkful of her son’s mashed potatoes. At least the kids are having a good time.

  Seth Jr. Caught the movement out of the corner of his eye. He spun around and called to her, “Mom! Ty and Kenny are messing with me! Why can’t they sit at the big table with you guys?”

  Dusty shook a finger at his older grandchildren and admonished them to leave the little ones alone. He looked down the table at his adult children and their spouses. “Cat got everyone’s tongues? There’s a big playoff game tomorrow night, isn’t that right Fred?” He tipped his head toward the other table. “Tyler? I know you all have been watching film all week. What do we know about this Glen Rose team?”

  Emmie relaxed a little as the males around both tables started talking football, but she didn’t let her guard all the way down. Eventually, her mind wandered to Cass. She’d tried to invite her, but Cass thought it was better that they wait to do family holidays together, as a couple until they were living together as a couple.

  She stifled a shudder. She couldn’t see Christmas, right around the corner, being much better than the, up until that moment, sullen affair she’d been enduring. Her mother hadn’t hesitated to tell her brothers and their wives of her plans. None had said anything negative, but they hadn’t shown any support for her either. What did I expect?

  When her sister’s-in-law were out of earshot, Emmie leaned toward Cora who stood at the sink performing the annual after Thanksgiving dinner, pot scrubbing ritual. “I wasn’t going to move out until the Christmas break at both schools, but if it’s going to be like this for the next month…”

  Cora looked over her shoulder and then back at her sister. “You’re going to move now?”

  “May as well. It can’t get any worse around here.”

  “It might if you leave now, Em.” She glanced over her shoulder again and then whispered, “What about Seth?”

  “He’s staying here for now, like I promised. I won’t move him in over there until after Christmas.”

  Cora shook her head.

  Friday, November 25th

  Graham, Texas

  Emmie stared at Cass’s back, a few rows below them. Cass had sketched a wave in her direction when she and the woman and the young girl with her took their seats. Emmie assumed the other two were her sister and niece, but she didn’t dare go down and open that can of worms in front of most of her family, arrayed around her in stands.

  Everyone was pretty wound up about the game. She was trying to be positive, but it had been a long day. She’d called Cass and told her what she was planning and, after hearing words of encouragement from her, she took the plunge and told her parents and her son before they’d left on the drive to Graham.

  Having Seth there had softened the confrontation a little. She knew that wouldn’t last. She figured her mother was biting her tongue, biding her time, in deference to the boy.

  Seth had been full of questions. He remembered Cass and said he really liked her. Em had smiled at that. He barely knew her but, he’d seen her in action and, in his young mind, he knew all he needed to know.

  She was patient and tried to answer everything Seth asked. Her dad had given her a little space to talk to the boy, but her mother had stubbornly hovered nearby as they talked. She guffawed loudly when he said he was curious to see the ranch Cass owned and to meet Jimmy. He wasn’t concerned for a minute about her not moving him with her after the holidays, but he was blunt in his six-year-old assessment of what starting at a new school the following year would entail.

  “What about my friends?” he’d asked.

  Trudy had shot her a look then; an I told you so look.

  “Since we live way out here right now, you have mostly school friends. You’ll make new friends pretty fast over at the Merkle elementary school.”

  He tipped his head and gave that a second’s worth of thought and then nodded, everything settled in his young mind.

  A cheer went up in the stands as everyone jumped to their feet. She got up a little slower and tried to focus on the team entering the stadium.

  CHAPTER 17

  Tuesday Evening, December 6th

  Emmie smiled as Jimmy cleaned his plate and jumped up to serve himself seconds from the baking dish she’d left cooling on top of the stove.

  “Slow down boy,” Cass bellowed at him. “Leave some for our lunches tomorrow. You’d think no one ever fed you.”

  Emmie told Jimmy, “Take all you want. There’s a second pan for lunches.”

  Cass shot her a look.

  “What? I was planning ahead.”

  “You’re spoiling him is what you’re doing, making him soft. They’re still in the playoffs, you know?”

  “He’s gotta keep his strength up then, Cass.” She gave Jimmy a conspiratorial look as he sat back down with another heaping plateful of her Aztec chicken casserole.

  “I like nights when the two of you don’t have class.”

  “Because she cooks?” Cass asked. “I cook.”

  Emmie coughed a little and cleared her throat.

  Cass shot her another look. “I do.”

  “Sandwiches ain’t cooking,” Jimmy said.

  “Aren’t,” Emmie supplied. If the teenager caught the correction, he didn’t respond.

  “Jimmy has really taken to you,” Cass said as they were cleaning up.

  Emmie had three containers lined up on the island top. She carefully spooned the chicken dish into each one.

  Cass quirked an eyebrow. “Only three?”

  “Seth won’t eat it. He says it’s too spicy. I’ll make him a sandwich.” She thought for a second and then asked, “There’s still quite a bit. Do you think your grandmother would like some?”

  “Probably not. She’s never been much of a chicken fan. If you want to send extra along with me though, you can.” Cass said, her tone hopeful. “You okay?” she asked, when the other woman didn’t respond.

  Emmie gave her a small smile. “Yeah. I just miss Seth. I mean, I see him at school, but it’s weird not having homework time with him and story time…” Her voice trailed away, and she stared off, her eyes distant.

  Cass moved behind her, wrapped her arms around her waist and put her chin on Emmie’s shoulder. “You’re not regretting moving in, are you?”

  Emmie shook herself and turned to face Cass. “No…no. I love it here. I love what we have together…how we’re learning about each other. I’d just like Seth to be here now too. I didn’
t think that through. I should have stood my ground.”

  Cass bit her tongue. She had her own struggles with her grandmother. She was worried about her, but Rosa Lute had a mind of her own and she wasn’t taking advice or criticism from anyone that she didn’t ask for. Instead she asked, “Will he be able to come over and spend the weekend?”

  “Seth? I should hope so. My mother doesn’t need to be dreaming up any more stuff to keep him there, instead of letting him come here. I should have put my foot down on that; don’t you think?”

  Cass figured she was the last person who should be giving that sort of advice. She gave Emmie a little nod and pulled her to her for a kiss.

  Emmie’s cell phone buzzed where it lay on the counter.

  “Leave it,” Cass whispered.

  Emmie half turned out of the embrace and glanced at the screen. “It’s my mom. It may be about Seth.”

  Cass dropped her arms and went back to the dishes in the sink while Emmie answered.

  “Hello mama. Is everything okay?”

  “No. Everything is not okay.” Trudy’s tone was haughty.

  Emmie drew in a long breath. “Let me rephrase that; is Seth okay?”

  “He’s fine. Missing his mother.”

  “Let me talk to him.”

  “He’s down at the barn with your father. That’s not why I called.”

  Of course not.

  “I want to talk to you about Christmas.”

  “We’ve already discussed that. As much as it pains me to be separated from him, and believe me, it does, I promised Seth could stay there until just after Christmas, remember?”

  Cass put the baking dish she’d finished cleaning into the rack to dry, then signaled Emmie that she’d take over the lunch making duties. It sounded to her like their conversation was going to get heated. When she heard Trudy’s voice come back over Emmie’s phone she knew she was right. She waved Emmie out of the room, so she could have it out with her mother privately.

  “I know that,” Trudy was saying, “and I hope you’ll keep your word.”