A Trick of the Light

by Tina Wainscott

  Stella was the first to get to her feet. “I’d better get going. I have a dachshund at four who needs to learn some manners where a cat is concerned.”

  “And I have to get things rolling for the six o’clock show,” Marilee said.

  “Thanks for coming over. It means a lot to me.”

  “We didn’t want you to think you were all alone, hon,” Stella said.

  Chloe clung to each of them as they gave her a hug goodbye.

  They were right. She had to get back to work and get on with her life. Since the accident, her world had revolved around Dylan and Teddy.

  It was almost dark before she heard the boat engine. Well, she’d heard them all afternoon, running to the glass windows each time to see if it was Dylan. This time it was.

  She couldn’t help the speeded heartbeat, but she attributed it to finding out what Dr. Jacobs was going to tell him. She was also anxious to see if he’d found anything.

  Don’t run down to the dock, that’s good, walk very fast, and great, now he’ll think you couldn’t even take a second to put on shoes. No matter that he looked sunburned, tired and windblown, with a face shadowed with stubble, he was still gorgeous. And still locked away. The drained look on his face told her he hadn’t found anything. She secured the lines, hoping it would be a while before they were untied. Setting herself up for disappointment.

  Shakespeare hopped off, looking happier than either human. She knelt down and hugged him. “I missed you, buddy.” She looked up at Dylan, wishing she could hug him, too. He looked like he needed a hug.

  “Nothing?” she asked though she already knew the answer.

  He shook his head. “Some of the marine patrol were out there looking, but they can’t keep expending resources for the search. It’s time I accepted it, too.”

  She didn’t want to give up, but she remembered the doctor’s words about hope being a two-edged sword.

  He nodded toward the dog. “I didn’t know he was on the boat when I left.”

  “I kinda figured that. He looks like he had a good time.”

  Shakespeare gave himself a shake, then wandered off to chase a blue jay.

  “I gave him a hamburger from Snook Inn,” he said. “He wouldn’t eat it unless I held it for him.”

  “That’s my Shakespeare. Thanks for feeding him. You left your phone here.”

  “I realized that, too.”

  Had he tried to call her? She wished she could ask. That sword again. “You want to come in for a cup of coffee or something to eat?”

  “I’d better just get my phone and go.”

  When she started up the stairs to her house, she realized he intended to wait in the yard. She hated the pain inside, but it was time to accept that she didn’t belong in his life.

  The shadows of the courtyard nearly swallowed him up. She turned on the light when she returned with the phone. As soon as he took it from her, he started to leave. Had he even noticed how their fingers had brushed?

  “You had a call today,” she said softly. “From Dr. Jacobs.”

  “He’d heard?”

  He sounded so weary that she wanted to hold him close the same way she’d held Mac. She stiffened her body against the impulse.

  “Yes. He sends his condolences.”

  He nodded, and she could see that condolences didn’t mean anything right then. “There was something else he needed to tell you. About your blood.”

  “What?”

  “I don’t know. Call him.” She handed him the paper with the number and waited. No way was he leaving before making that call.

  He looked at the paper for a moment, then dialed. Chloe caught herself leaning toward him.

  The weary expression on his face turned pale with disbelief. “What are you talking about? That can’t be right. Uh-huh. Well, a test isn’t going to make any difference. If the test is even right.” He listened for a moment. “Good news? No, that’s not good news to me.” His gaze shifted to her. “The last thing I ever intend to do is have more children. No, I understand, it was your obligation to tell me. Goodbye.”

  Dylan crushed the paper and tossed it to the ground. She saw the same fire in his eyes she’d seen that day at the pizza joint.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked. His whole body seethed with angry energy. She took hold of his arm and made him face her. “Tell me.”

  He hesitated, searching her eyes for a moment. “Teddy’s not my son.”

  He may as well have punched her in the stomach. “What?”

  Dylan had put on his mask again. “I donated blood just in case Teddy needed it. They typed it, and there’s no way he could be my son.”

  “Is he sure?”

  “Positive.”

  She was trying to piece the conversation together. “Did he say it was good news, because he thought it would ease the pain?”

  Dylan shook his head. “Because I wouldn’t have to worry about the autism gene affecting future children.”

  That’s when he’d looked at her and said he would never have children again.

  “Are you all right?” she asked.

  He realized her hand was still on his arm and pulled away. “It’s all wrong. Everything is wrong.”

  He turned and walked toward the dock. Shakespeare followed him, but Chloe called him back. This time Dylan looked back once, just before he started the boat’s engine. She knew everything she felt for him was in her eyes, but there was nothing she could do about it. He turned the boat around and headed out of the bay.

  Feeling as though she carried five hundred pounds on her shoulders, she trudged back up the stairs to her house. She looked at the pale colors, the soft fabrics of the curtains, the flowered coffee cups in the sink. No wonder everyone thought she was tender and fragile. She fingered the strands of hair that used to be curls. Everything about her looked tender.

  She sank down on the cushions, hugging one to her chest. Maybe she was tender. She surely felt like a fragile piece of blown glass that was just about to hit the floor. With a meow, Gypsy curled up next to her.

  When she really felt vulnerable, she always thought of God. She closed her eyes. God, help me to be strong. Help me to accept Teddy’s death. And please, help Dylan, too.

  She drifted into an uneasy sleep and dreamed about Teddy.

  CHAPTER 20

  Chloe dreamed she was lying in the back yard in a patch of sunshine. The light was all shimmery and swirly like in the tunnel. A touch to her cheek woke her. Teddy was standing over her, his finger poised to touch her cheek again. He smiled, but he didn’t say anything, nor did he meet her eyes.

  She sat up, and he sat down in front of her. She held out her hand, and he mirrored the movement. Their palms touched, and he smiled again. He was beautiful, though he didn’t have curly hair like he did in the pictures. He stared at their joined hands as though it were some mystical event. His hand was so small. Then he raised his other hand and held it out toward her. She placed her palm against his, and they sat like that for a long time.

  Contentment glowed on his face, a face that looked nothing like Dylan. She tried to reach out to him, but he moved back. Let him advance, a voice said. She pulled her hand back and left it poised in the air. He placed his against hers.

  When she watched their hands, she could see him looking at her. As soon as she turned, he shifted his gaze away. She tried to remember what the doctor had said about autism. Communication was the problem. Connecting to other people. But Teddy was connecting to her at his own pace.

  She leaned forward so that her face was between their hands. After a few moments, he did the same. Their noses were nearly touching. She leaned just a fraction of an inch closer and grazed her nose against his, then moved back before he could object.

  He did the same. When he smiled, she felt her heart fill with joy.

  Then he got to his feet and started walking toward the dock. He turned to see if she was following.

  All right then, she’d follow. He teetered at the ed
ge of the dock. He stumbled backward. She tried to grab him, but he plunged into the murky brown water.

  Suddenly everyone was around her, even Dylan, saying how sorry they were, how sad that Teddy was gone. She could see Teddy beneath the water holding out his hand to her. She kept pointing to him, saying, “But he’s still alive. Don’t give up yet!” But no one could hear her.

  Chloe came awake to find that she was standing on the dock. She couldn’t see beneath the water because of the moon’s bright luminescence on the surface. Her heart was pounding from the dream. What did it mean?

  Was Teddy in that inky water? Is that what the dream was telling her? Was God trying to tell her something?

  She and Shakespeare climbed into her canoe, and she paddled as though her life depended on it. But it wasn’t her life; it was Teddy’s.

  That’s when she knew Teddy was still alive. It was just like before, the way she felt him. Teddy was out there somewhere. The police would never believe her, but maybe others would. She was going to have to do whatever she could to energize people to join her cause.

  “Teddy, can you hear me? I’m going to find you.”

  Every few minutes she called out in a soft voice. Between calls she listened. But he wouldn’t answer her, wasn’t that what Dr. Jacobs said?

  “Chloe, this has got to stop.”

  She blinked awake to find Stella hovering over her. Shakespeare jumped up, and her head banged down on the canoe seat.

  “Gypsy came over to tell me you’d fallen asleep in the canoe again. She’s worried. Rascal’s worried. We’re all worried!”

  Her cat sat at Stella’s feet, head tilted as though to confirm it. Chloe climbed out, feeling a bit groggy. It had to be early; the sun was fresh off the horizon. Then she remembered her dream, and the grogginess evaporated.

  “Teddy’s alive!”

  “What? I didn’t hear anything on the news.”

  “It’s not on the news.” She put a fist to her heart. “It’s here.”

  “Oh, no, Chloe.”

  She was half-way up the stairs when the tone of Stella’s voice stopped her. “What do you mean, ‘Oh, no’?”

  Stella put her palms to her chest. “Don’t you see? It’s your mother all over again. This is what Amelia did.”

  Chloe went cold for a moment. “But this is real.”

  Stella hesitated. “That’s what Amelia thought, too. She believed it.”

  “But this really is real. I’m not jealous of Lena’s psychic talents. I don’t even want to be psychic. There’s a little boy out there who needs my help. I met his mother in that place, and God let me come back to save him. Don’t you see? I’m the only one who’s still looking for him. But that’s going to change.” She ran up the remaining steps.

  Stella followed her up to Chloe’s bedroom. “What are you talking about?”

  Chloe turned on her shower and started rummaging through her clothes. Something respectable, no pastels and nothing tender. “I’m going to get people involved again. Anyone with a boat and a heart. We can find him if we’ve got enough people looking. That’s all we’ve ever needed, but no one thought he’d be on a boat.” Her eyes widened. “No one but me. I knew he was nearby, but I didn’t trust myself. I would never forgive myself if months later they find Teddy’s body, only to discover that he was alive now.”

  “But Chloe, he’s been out there for over a week and a half. Who knows when he fell off the boat. And they think the propeller hit him. If he was injured and in the water, there’s no way he could have survived. They said on the news–”

  “I don’t care what they said. He’s alive” Chloe stripped off her clothes and gave Stella her best bulldozer face. “And I’m going to find him.”

  When Chloe came downstairs twenty minutes later, she was surprised to find Lena sitting on the couch. Her red hair was loose around her shoulders, making her look so much like those old photographs of her mother.

  Chloe felt a bittersweet ache in her heart, and a small sense of hope. She knelt at Lena’s feet, took some of the fabric of her long, gauzy dress, and wrapped it around her.

  “Lena,” Chloe said, “How are you?”

  For a moment, a wistful smile came over her face as she looked down at Chloe’s position. “You’ve done that since you were a little girl.”

  “It’s always made me feel … I don’t know. Secure, I guess.”

  Lena looked away. “It’s nice to have security. We all take it on our own terms.”

  Chloe tilted her head, not sure if she understood. “Have you come to help me? Did you have a vision?”

  “No.” Lena didn’t have a helping expression on her face. It was more troubled than ever. “Stella told me about your bulldozer face.” She studied Chloe’s expression, then shook her head. “I can’t let you do this. It’s your mother all over again, and I won’t sit by and watch you destroy yourself.”

  “Then don’t sit by. Help me.”

  “No. I cannot get involved, I can’t.”

  “What about Mac? You saw the skull. You were right about that.”

  Lena wasn’t looking at Chloe now, but out the windows. “You don’t know what I went through to suppress the visions. That one slipped through, and I let it because I felt I owed you. For concealing the truth about your mother and all,” she added. “But I couldn’t even get that right. There are no more visions. Ever again.”

  “Forget the visions.” Chloe stood. “You have eyes, don’t you? All I’m asking is that you look for him.”

  “Chloe, don’t do this to yourself.”

  “Who are you trying to protect? Me? Or yourself?”

  Lena stood too, her face pink with anger. “Destroy yourself if you want. But you’re going to destroy us as well. Look what you’ve already done. The press is all over the place, poking fun at us, asking questions. Do you want to alienate everyone in Lilithdale? The poor boy’s dead, Chloe. You just don’t want to believe it. It’s become an obsession, the boy and his father.”

  Chloe felt a stabbing pain at Lena’s words. Did she know that Teddy was dead? No, Chloe wouldn’t believe it. “If saving someone’s life is an unhealthy obsession, then I admit it. Yes, I’m guilty.” You are only talking about Teddy, aren’t you? She gathered up her canvas purse and her keys, then turned back to Lena. “A little boy’s life is at stake. If I have to lose everything to save him, I’ll do it. I’m sorry you don’t believe in me. I’m sorry that I’ve brought you unwanted attention. But I can’t let this go until I find him.”

  Lena’s fingers squeezed Chloe’s arm. “It’s not just Lilithdale or myself I’m worried about.”

  Chloe wished she could hug Lena. It hurt to hold back the need. “I know. You’re worried that I’m too fragile to handle this. But I’m not my mother. I’ve learned to be strong, just like you and Stella.”

  A shadow crossed Lena’s eyes. “I’m not strong. I thought I was, and that’s what fooled me.”

  Chloe’s heart tightened as she watched pain cross her aunt’s expression and shadow her blue eyes. “You are strong.”

  Lena shook her head. “Even if I’d found the girl in time, your mother … she would have still done what she’d done. She caused a lot of pain for those parents and everyone involved in the search. Then she couldn’t live with herself. And I … I couldn’t either. I couldn’t live with failing that girl’s family, and then failing Amelia.”

  Chloe’s throat tightened now. “What are you saying?”

  Lena took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I tried to take my life, too.”

  “Oh, my God,” Chloe said, giving in to her impulse to put her arms around Lena.

  Lena returned the hug briefly, then pulled away. “I thought I was strong, Chloe. I was stronger than you are. No matter what you say — what you want to believe — you’re not strong enough to handle this. Some people think suicidal tendencies run in families. You could be genetically predisposed to take your life. I know well, all it takes is one event to tip the
balance. You’re tender, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Let this go.”

  “I can’t,” Chloe whispered. “Thank you for trying to protect me. But I couldn’t live with myself if I let it go. I’m going into this with my eyes wide open. There’s something deep inside driving me to look for Teddy. I’m connected to him somehow. I have to find him.”

  Chloe couldn’t take the pain in Lena’s eyes any longer. The warning loomed on the horizon; the threat of a despair so deep it might consume her. But she had no choice. She turned and walked out the door.

  Everything around her took on a new clarity. She noticed the sway of the palms, the patches of sunshine on the flagstones and the green moss that grew between those. The roses that were finally flourishing, and the briny scent of the bay. It all seemed so crystal clear.

  As though she weren’t going to be seeing it much longer.

  She felt the ache in her heart at that thought. She also knew that ache would be even bigger if she went on with her life and put Teddy out of her mind.

  Chloe got into her T-Bird and pulled out of her driveway. First she had to see Dylan. If she could spare him, she would. Hope, that double-edged sword. But if her plan worked, he was going to find out anyway. Better that he heard it from her. And maybe, just maybe, he would join her. On his own volition this time.

  She could already feel the sting of the sword.

  Dylan tried to bury himself in the Kraft Theater plans. He tried to remember the triumph of outbidding Wahlberg for the project and the excitement of reaching a pinnacle in his career. All he felt was empty. The board was only interested in having the “top gun” work on the project, but Dylan’s heart was no longer in it. Out of fairness to the Kraft family and the board, he called Ross.

  “I’m off the Kraft project. I’ll work with Dave Wahlberg to assure a smooth transition.”

  “What? Are you nuts? Do you remember how hard you worked to win it away from him? And now you can actually work on it.”