by Iris Deorre
‘Take me to bed,’ she whispered against him.
‘With pleasure.’
He got to his feet and pulled a towel from the rail. He stood with it wide opened, and as she stepped out, he wrapped it around her. He lifted her and walked to the bed.
He laid her on the bed and took time to dry every inch of her body. From time to time he smiled at her, and Sahara smiled back. When he was certain her body was completely dry, he took the moisturiser and spread it all over her body.
‘The smell of this cream is amazing,’ he said as his hands ventured down the middle of her body.
‘Yes, it smells delicious.’ She enjoyed his soft touch. ‘I feel so amazing right now.’
‘Great! I’m so glad to hear that.’ He continued to explore her body.
She let out soft moans here and there. The more he touched her body, the deeper the relaxation. After a while she was certain she’d fall asleep. He smiled gently as he watched her eyes fall, but she tried to keep them open.
‘Don’t fight it. Just let go and sleep.’
‘I don’t want to leave you wanting.’
‘I want for nothing. Just seeing you relaxed is reward enough.’
He pulled back the bedcovers and helped her into bed.
‘Relax. Just be.’ His voice soothed her further.
He gently rubbed her back, and it brought a fizzle through her body. It reminded her of the times when she was a little girl and her mother used to rub her back, and she’d just fall asleep.
‘This feels really good,’ she said sleepily.
He gave her a gentle kiss on the side of her face and sure enough, her eyes shut. He smiled. He was glad he’d help her forget the impending news.
‘Good night my love.’ He whispered.
Chapter Three
The car pulled outside the hospital. Eugene took her hand and waited. She took a few deep breaths and tried to calm the raging nerves.
‘You ready?’ he asked.
‘Just give me a few more minutes.’
He nodded, and they sat in silence. Sahara had been down this path before. Even though she tried to convince herself that she was ready to fight, she knew how much strength she’d need to fight it. She wondered if she’d be able to do it. She shut her eyes, and tried to keep the tears from falling. This would be hard.
‘Okay, I’m ready.’ She nodded.
They stepped out together, his hand still holding onto hers. The walk through the familiar corridors sent a cold shiver down her spine.
‘You okay?’ he asked.
‘No, no I’m not.’
‘Okay.’ He stopped a moment, faced her and took her into a hug. ‘I’m here for you.’
‘I know.’ She leaned on him. She allowed him to carry that burden; she would need him every step of the way.
They continued to the reception. She was signed in and soon they were in the waiting room. It had all been done before. She watched the blurting television in the room, and shook her head at the pathetic shows that were playing.
‘People don’t know how blessed they are,’ she said.
‘What’s that honey?’
‘They’re fighting over trivial things. I mean honestly, who cares about the things they talk about.’
‘I know honey, it’s life I guess. We can’t make people see things they don’t want to see.’
‘True. I’m just taking it out on them, not that it matters really.’
‘I was thinking of maybe changing you to a private hospital.’
‘No, I want to stick with Doctor Cross. He’s who I know.’
‘Okay, it was just a thought.’
‘I know, but let me be here where I feel comfortable.’
He nodded. All he wanted was to offer the best healthcare money could buy, but he also had to be careful not to want what he wanted. This was about Sahara.
They were finally called into Doctor Cross’s office. He nodded for them to sit down.
‘How are you doing, Sahara?’ he asked.
‘You tell me, Doctor Cross.’
He sat back a moment and then back up again.
‘I think I already know what you’re about to say,’ she said.
He raised his eyebrows.
‘I’m sorry, Sahara,’ he said.
She bit back her lower lip, and looked toward the window. It was more painful than a physical wound. It hurt so much she didn’t know what to do with the pain.
‘What did you find?’ asked Eugene.
Doctor Cross looked over at Sahara and she nodded for him to go ahead.
‘The scans show that there are a couple of lumps on the bowel.’ He swallowed back hard. ‘Your blood tests show anaemia, and alleviated white blood cells.’
‘Again? After all these years? I don’t understand why this wasn’t picked up!’
‘I’m sorry. It seems aggressive, we have to work quickly.’
She was already in tears. How was this happening again!
‘This is unfair! How is this fair!!!’ She stood up and paced. ‘I can’t do this again! I just can’t!’ She collapsed onto the floor and burst into tears.
Eugene was by her side and tried to comfort her as best he could.
‘This isn’t fair. What have I done to deserve this?’ It hurt from the pit of her stomach. The pain felt like sharp knives stabbing at her throat. ‘Why, why?’
Eugene turned to the doctor helpless. He didn’t know what to do. Doctor Cross stood up and joined them on the floor.
‘Sahara, we can fight this again,’ he said. ‘We need to operate as soon as possible and fight this.’
She cried into Eugene’s arms. This wasn’t happening. She didn’t want to hear about all that, she didn’t want to go through chemo again. She didn’t want to loose her hair, and she definitely didn’t want Joy to see her ill.
‘You’re a fighter.’
‘For how long! How many times do I have to fight this?’
‘For however long it takes, you have too,’ said the doctor.
She sniffed and pulled away from Eugene. She nodded. There was no other choice.
‘Okay,’ she said. ‘Okay.’
Eugene helped her to her feet, they sat down and listened to what the doctor had to say. Even though she’d agreed, she really hadn’t let it sink in. It was so overwhelming, she wanted to run away and never come back. Doctor Cross’s voice droned on, but she hardly heard a word. The next thing she knew, Eugene had ushered her out of the hospital and into the car.
‘Honey?’
She looked at him and smiled. ‘Do you remember our first date?’ she asked.
‘Urm yes, I’ll never forget it.’
‘Take me there, I want to go there.’
‘The pub?’
‘Yes, I want you to act like it’s our first date.’
‘Honey, I don’t understand.’
‘You don’t have to, just take me there.’
He nodded, and instructed for the driver to take them to the Chequers Inn. They drove in silence. Eugene tried to draw her into conversation, but she was lost in her own head. She gazed out onto the streets as the car moved and watched life around them. The world kept spinning regardless. Life went on no matter what was happening in her life. It brought more tears to the surface.
‘Honey?’
‘When we get there, I’ll have an orange juice. I might even have something to eat. Are you hungry?’
He was hesitant, but instead nodded.
‘Good, then we’ll have some real pub food, and then we can do that walk again.’
Again he nodded. The news had hit him like an arrow through the heart. He was finding it difficult to breathe. Being strong in a moment of despair was proving difficult.
Upon arrival Sahara seemed to be in a jolly mood. It worried him. She wandered over to where they’d sat years before.
‘Our place, unoccupied.’ She beamed. ‘I’ll have that orange juice now and I’ll take a look at the menu.’
‘Ok
ay, I’ll be back in a minute.’ He headed for the bar to place the order.
She scanned the menu without a care in the world. Her heart was set on the fish and chips with mushy peas. It had been a while since she’d had one of those. He returned with the drinks, pulled off his jacket and sat down.
‘Like old times.’ She lifted her glass.
He clanged the glass against hers.
‘Are you okay, honey?’ He was really concerned.
‘I’m great. I think I’ll have the fish and chips with the mushy peas.’
‘Hmmm, sounds good to me.’ He looked at the menu. ‘I think I might have the same.’ He glanced at his watch; it had just gone past mid-day. ‘Are you going to call Alice, let her know you’re not coming in?’
‘Nah, she’ll be fine. She’s my manager, she can deal with it. If not she’ll call me.’
‘Okay.’ He took a sip of his diet coke. ‘I guess I better order.’ He left again.
Sahara watched her gorgeous husband walk back to the bar. Thoughts of their first date filtered through. She smiled fondly at the memory. It had been a good day, it had been the first time she’d really let love in. Her mind was a battlefield. Thoughts fought for space and time, but she wouldn’t give into any of it, not just yet.
‘It will be about fifteen minutes.’
‘Great. So tell me about yourself,’ she said playfully.
He was about to utter that she already knew, but played along instead. She needed it.
‘What would you like to know?’ he smiled.
‘What do you do for a living?’
‘I buy and sell failing businesses. Build them up again and sell them on for a profit.’
‘I see, that sounds interesting.’ She giggled.
‘It is, but I’d rather talk about you than me.’ He winked.
‘Okay, what would you like to know?’
‘Why is a beautiful woman like you still single?’
‘Well, there are quite a few reasons, but the main one is because I have my eye on someone.’
‘You do?’
She bit back her lower lip playfully and nodded.
‘Then why are you here with me?’
‘Well.’ She tilted her head. ‘This guy I have my eye on, happens to be you.’ She acted shy.
‘Oh wow, okay.’ He smiled. ‘And why’s that?’
‘You’re the most attractive and caring man I’ve ever met.’
‘I didn’t realise we’d met.’ He teased.
‘Ahhh, I’m a crazy woman who makes stuff up in her head, and then convinces herself she’s having a relationship with a man she hasn’t met.’ She giggled.
He laughed, but then suddenly turned serious. ‘Honey, what are we doing?’
She stopped laughing a moment, but then her smile returned. ‘She thinks he’s kind and considerate.’ She giggled. ‘And she wants to spend the rest of her life with him.’
‘Honey.’
‘Don’t spoil it,’ she said suddenly. ‘Don’t take away the good days I have left.’ She bit back.
‘I’m not; I just want to know if you’re okay.’
‘After all these years, I thought you’d get it.’
‘I do honey, you’re scared.’
‘I don’t want to be scared today or tomorrow. I only want to be scared when I’m wheeled into theatre, that’s when I get scared, but right now. I want to enjoy my good days.’ She forced a smile.
‘Okay.’ He sighed. ‘Okay honey.’
‘So tell me, why me? What made you ask me out?’
‘Well, there was something magical about you that drew me in.’ He leaned forward and held out his hand.
She took it.
‘I just wanted to know you. And there is still that same pull within me now. I love you so much, Sahara.’ He couldn’t help, but come off script.
‘I love you too.’ She smiled.
The food arrived and Sahara enjoyed it! She knew that as soon as treatment started, that would be the end of the enjoyment of food. They spoke about fun things, and Eugene tried to stay as up beat as possible, even though deep down inside he was falling apart.
At the end of the meal, they took the walk through the footpath, like they’d done the first time they’d been on a date. She held onto his arm as they walked, took in the fresh air and the cool breeze. Life was as simple as the grass growing around them, and yet in a few days it would get complicated.
‘Can I ask you a question?’ he asked.
‘It depends.’
‘On what?’
‘Is this about the cancer?’ She allowed herself to say the word.
‘Yes, you could say that.’
She sighed.
‘Can I?’
She nodded.
‘Are you going to tell everyone?’
‘Yes I will. Their positive energy gets me through this.’
‘Okay.’
‘Let’s set up a nice Sunday lunch, invite everyone over, and then we can let them know.’
‘Okay, if that’s what you want.’
‘It is. Can we get back to today?’ she laughed lightly.
‘Sure, are you still my date or are you my wife?’
‘I’ll be anyone you want me to be, as long as it’s happy and free.’
Chapter Four
Elizabeth sat beside Joy at the dining table. Emily had to sit between Ben and Joy because they’d decided they couldn’t get along. Ben sat between his mother and father. Felicity sat beside Alice, and on the other side of the table sat Elodie, Nolan and his wife.
It had been nice to have the family and friends gathered at the table. Lawrence had cooked up a storm and after he’d finished, he too was invited to sit down with them.
‘This is lovely,’ said Elizabeth. ‘The food smells divine.’ She gazed at the roast.
‘Thanks all for coming, this is great to have everyone here again,’ said Sahara.
She sat at the head of the table and Eugene sat at the other end of the table. She wanted everyone to enjoy themselves, and later she would deliver the news and hope they’d all get through it.
As they ate and joked around, Sahara took in all the surrounding faces. She was touched by how much love she felt. She studied the faces of the children, and the baby as she played with her food in the high chair. A smile spread across her face lightly. Everything was in its perfect place, captured like a picture, to be admired for years to come.
Later that afternoon there was entertainment on the Xbox. The men competed on the sports games and the women and children played dance central. Sahara hadn’t laughed so much in a long time that she didn’t want to give them the news. But just after three, when Lawrence offered tea and cakes, Sahara felt it was time to let everyone know.
‘Elodie, do you mind taking the kids upstairs,’ she asked.
The moment she’d said that, Emily sensed something was wrong. She gazed at Sahara, but Sahara refused to return the gaze. Instead she waited while Elodie took the children out.
‘I just want to thank everyone for coming today,’ she started.
‘Honey, what’s going on?’ Elizabeth caught on immediately.
Sahara shifted so she could take her mother’s hand in hers.
‘No…’ Elizabeth shook her head. ‘Please don’t say it.’
‘It’s okay mum.’ She swallowed back the tears. ‘It’s okay.’
Eugene dropped his head.
‘The cancer is back I’m afraid.’
‘Oh god!’ Elizabeth burst into tears.
‘Mum, please. Let’s try to stay positive. I’m exhausted by the news as it is. I don’t think I can take much more emotional breakdown.’
‘It’s just unfair, I don’t think I can take it either.’ She pulled her hand away, stood up and walked out of the room.
Eugene stood up and followed.
‘Oh honey.’ Emily took Sahara into her arms.
Felicity did the same, and they stayed in that position for a while.
&nbs
p; ‘Okay.’ Sahara pulled away. ‘Don’t make me cry. I can’t breakdown right now.’
‘Okay.’ Emily sniffed.
The men were as quiet as mice, they did not understand what do to or how to express their emotions. It was all too much for all of them.
Alice stood up and took Sahara into a big hug. ‘You’ll fight this, just like you always have.’
‘I don’t know Alice. I keep telling myself that, but just thinking about the whole process makes me exhausted.’
‘I know.’ She understood. ‘I’m really sorry this is happening to you again.’
‘Yeah, me too.’ She sat down.
‘So what happens next?’
‘I’ve been fast tracked to go into surgery. It seems like this one is aggressive. I’m not sure I understand it at all. I’m doomed to cancer.’
‘Don’t say that, this could be your last fight. After this, cancer will never come back,’ said Emily.
Sahara smiled and was grateful for her effort.
‘Let’s look at it this way. I’ve had the most amazing five years of my life. I have an amazing daughter and husband. Life has been good to me, and it will continue to do so. Please don’t cry, I’m not dead or dying.’ She joked. ‘I’ll get through this, we will get through this.’
‘Yes, you’ve done it before, you’ll do it again,’ said Felicity.
‘Thanks Fel.’
After they’d talked about it, Eugene and Elizabeth walked back into the living-room.
‘Are you okay mum?’ she asked.
‘Yes I’m fine baby.’ She gave her a hug. ‘I know you can beat this again.’
‘That’s what I like to hear. How about some tea and cakes?’ She laughed.
They tried to make light of the day, but the energy around the room had certainly changed. By the time Sahara was saying goodbye to her friends and family, it seemed everyone had been drained.
‘You okay?’ Eugene wrapped his arm around her waist.
‘I will be. But now we’ve got the hardest job.’ She looked up at him.
At first it didn’t trigger and then he said, ‘Joy?’
‘Yes, how do you tell a five year old that you’re sick?’
‘I honestly don’t know, but I’m here with you. We’re in this together. We’ll do this together.’
She nodded. They took bold steps towards Joy’s bedroom. When they stepped inside she was giving Elodie a lecture on how to tie her hair. Sahara smiled. Joy was certainly a strong personality that couldn’t be squished, nor did she want it. But she had to remind her to always be respectful of others.