Mermaid Hair and I Don’t Care: A romantic comedy about shoes, surf and second chances

by CJ Morrow

‘Argh. Look what you’ve done.’ Instead of the elegant maroon talons she now sported white fluffy paws.

  ‘Sorry. Oh God you’ve got those damn shoes on.’ He glowered at her feet. ‘You can’t wear them on the bike.’

  Lily breathed in slowly. ‘I’m not going on the bike. And neither are you.’

  Will glanced at her, opened his mouth to speak then changed his mind. He threw the scarf on the sofa and began unbuttoning his leathers.

  ‘Okay,’ he said. ‘You win.’ Then under his breath, ‘as usual.’ He was, at least, wearing a decent shirt and smart jeans under the leathers. ‘You’d better call a taxi,’ he said as he smoothed his jeans out over his biker boots. ‘Unless you want to drive.’

  ‘No.’ Lily said, envisaging champagne as she picked up her phone. She glanced at the fingernails and sighed.

  ‘Make it quick too; I had to grovel for the table and we can’t be late.’

  So there’d be no time to redo the nails then. Lily’s heart began to sink. Maybe Tess had been right about the shoes, maybe they did bring bad luck.

  They stood in line at the restaurant, waiting for the waiter to seat them. That was the trouble with Fabio’s, it was everyone’s favourite Italian at the moment and they were capitalising on it, turning people away, or making them wait out on the pavement. From her place in the queue she could see a table with an ice bucket, a bottle of champagne peaking from beneath a folded white cloth. She examined the smooth couple in front of them, her so slender and with perfect nails, him so suave and much older than his companion – it was definitely for them.

  ‘You have booked?’ the waiter asked in heavily accented English.

  Will leaned in and answered. Lily didn’t even try to hear what he said just watched mesmerised as the smooth couple were shown to their table, one that didn’t contain the champagne. Maybe Lily had been right; maybe Will had ordered champagne.

  ‘Er please. This way.’

  They followed the waiter.

  ‘For us?’ Lily said, realising that the champagne was for them. ‘You did this?’ She leaned over and kissed Will full on the lips.

  ‘Bellisimo,’ simpered the waiter as he pulled out Lily’s chair.

  Things were looking up.

  ‘I’m so glad you could make it tonight,’ Will began. ‘I know it was short notice and that we hadn’t planned on seeing each other tonight.’ That wasn’t strictly true; Will has said he was busy.

  ‘How could I refuse when you put urgent in your message?’ Lily beamed. ‘What’s the champagne for?’

  Will beamed back. ‘You. Me. Us.’ He laughed and nodded to the waiter to pour. ‘What are you having? I might go for the steak. I expect you’ll be choosing your favourite pasta.’

  Lily laughed. He knew her too well. She took a sip of champagne and felt the bubbles glide down her throat. Champagne. Will never bought champagne. It must be a special occasion; she could barely contain her excitement.

  ‘I love this restaurant,’ Lily said, after her second glass of bubbly on an empty stomach; it was already going to her head.

  ‘I know you do,’ Will smiled and Lily’s stomach did a quick little flip; he was so devastingly good looking, a gym-buff body and thick, dark hair. ‘That’s why I chose it.’ He winked.

  They shared oysters as a starter, Lily’s idea. Will didn’t particularly like oysters but he agreed without hesitation. That was a good sign, wasn’t it?

  ‘How was your day?’ Will asked. ‘How’s work?’

  ‘Not good. People are twitchy. Someone got made redundant today. Josh. Remember him? He was the fortune teller at the summer fete.’

  ‘Old chap? Dressed as a woman?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘He probably should have retired years ago.’

  ‘That’s not the point,’ Lily said as the waiter laid their main courses down in front of them.

  ‘Prego,’ the waiter said.

  ‘Thank you,’ Lily and Will chorused.

  ‘Prego,’ the waiter said again.

  ‘Thank you,’ Lily said again.

  ‘Prego.’

  This could go on all night. Lily watched Will scowl and the waiter melted away.

  Will was scrutinising his food, separating the vegetables from the meat, he didn’t like the two to touch. When Lily cooked for him at her place she served his food on a special large plate she’d bought at a flea market. That way there was never any chance of contamination. When he cooked for himself in his own home, he often served vegetables in a bowl, separate from the meat – if he bothered with the veg at all.

  Lily smiled secretly to herself; she’d soon get into the swing of these cute little quirks when they lived together, or maybe train him out of them.

  ‘What was so urgent that you had to message me at six this morning?’ she asked, feeling excited. It was the first time she’d felt brave enough and mellow enough to ask; the furry nail varnish didn’t matter now.

  ‘Ah, yes. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.’ Will gave a nervous little smile.

  Bless him. Lily beamed encouragement back at him. He cut a piece of steak and popped it into his mouth. Lily watched and waited as he chewed and chewed. Finally he swallowed.

  He opened his mouth to speak, ‘Well…’ he said but was cut short by three men bursting into Fabio’s. A murmur went through the restaurant as first Will’s, then Lily’s, attention was caught by the trio.

  They had violins.

  They were pushing their way in between the tables and heading straight for Lily and Will.

  Lily put her hand to her mouth.

  How romantic. How thoughtful of Will.

  She couldn’t wait to tell her friends. She couldn’t wait to tell her parents. She pictured the drive up to see them, Will at her side and the whole family planning for the future.

  The violin trio reached Lily and Will’s table. Lily let out a little contented sigh as they paused and readied themselves to play.

  The music struck up, Lily didn’t know what it was, some cheesy romantica song. It didn’t matter; it was the thought that counted.

  Then they walked past Lily, past Will and stopped at the smooth couple’s table. The man nodded and the trio focused their attention on his lucky companion.

  The song went on for ages. Lily felt sick. Every note stung. She wanted to stand up, call them back, tell them they had got the wrong table, the wrong couple.

  Will cut in to his steak; Lily watched him pop another chunk into his mouth. He caught her eye and winked.

  Oh well, all wasn’t completely lost. It didn’t matter; it was still their special night.

  ‘I wonder how much that cost?’ Will rolled his eyes and began chasing peas around his plate carefully manoeuvring them away from the steak.

  Lily shrugged and stabbed at a pasta shell; she really wasn’t hungry anymore.

  When the music stopped all the diners clapped. Lily joined in. Will stuffed another chunk of steak into his mouth and carried on chewing.

  ‘Oh,’ Lily said as she watched the man get down on one knee. She heard the words, “will you marry me”.

  From across the table Will grimaced at Lily.

  After the new fiancée had said yes, the diners clapped again. Even Will stopped eating and put his hands together, rolling his eyes again. The violin trio started playing ‘Congratulations’, people sang along.

  ‘That was a bit much,’ Will whispered, when it was over.

  ‘Shush,’ Lily said, as the violin trio left and everything returned to normal. ‘It was romantic.’

  ‘Bit too showy for me,’ he said.

  ‘Really. How would you do it?’

  He shrugged and laughed, pushed his empty plate away and called the waiter over. ‘Can I get a beer?’ He raised his eyebrows in question at Lily; she shook her head; the champagne was more than enough alcohol for her.

  ‘So what was it that was so urgent?’ she said, giving him another opportunity.

  ‘Oh yeah, about that.’ He
looked shy and bashful, embarrassed even.

  Lily leaned forward and smiled encouragement.

  ‘I wanted to ask you…,’ he stalled.

  How sweet. Lily felt warm and soft.

  ‘I wanted to ask you…Well it’s about our holiday….’ His voice trailed away again.

  Bless him.

  ‘We’re not having a holiday,’ Lily said, helping him out.

  ‘Yeah, that’s what we agreed, but…’

  Oh my God. Oh my God. He’d booked a surprise holiday. Had he? A surprise holiday to celebrate their ten year anniversary. Could that be possible? Lily’s little heart fluttered in her chest.

  Calm down, he hadn’t said anything of the sort.

  Yet.

  ‘I just need to use the facilities,’ he said, standing up.

  ‘But…’ Lily said to his retreating back. Had he actually said anything about a holiday? Had Lily got so excited, so carried away that she’d missed what he was saying?

  She tapped her furry nails on the table as she waited for him to come back. He was gone an awful long time.

  ‘Sorry about that,’ Will said, sitting back down. He belched loudly. Lily could smell it. She turned away. ‘Sorry,’ he said and then sniggered.

  Lily jumped straight in. ‘You were saying about our holiday, or rather, our time off work.’

  ‘Yeah. That.’ Will picked up his beer and took a long swig before putting his glass back down on the table.

  Lily waited. The shoes were starting to pinch now; she’d forgotten how much they did that. She tried to flex her toes.

  ‘You know how we said we weren’t planning anything these two weeks, just being spontaneous, take it as it comes?’ He reached for his beer again.

  ‘Yes,’ Lily said. Did she sound too eager?

  ‘Well, bit of a change of plan.’

  ‘Yes.’ Lily leaned forward. She was definitely sounding too eager now.

  ‘You know Jed, my mate?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘You do. He’s Big Lee’s younger brother. You know Big Lee.’

  ‘Yeah.’ Will worked with Big Lee and Lily began to wonder what his younger brother had to do with their surprise romantic holiday.

  ‘Well, he’s booked a holiday biking across America, right across from New York to LA, through all the states in between. Sounds cool, doesn’t it?’

  ‘That would take ages.’

  ‘Yeah, about four weeks. With stops. Of course.’

  ‘Yeah. I can imagine.’ Could she? Did she really care?

  ‘Jed is going with a bunch of mates, four of them. Only one of them broke his leg last week playing football – how stupid is that? Means he can’t go. So Jed’s invited me along instead. Everything is booked and planned. Now I just turn up and go. How cool is that?’

  Lily’s heart sunk. ‘But it’s our ten year anniversary.’

  ‘What is?’

  ‘Tonight. It’s ten years since we got together.’

  ‘Is it? But we haven’t been together for all those ten years, have we? More like two. It’s not like a real anniversary is it?’

  ‘Apparently not.’ Lily sighed. Underneath the table she kicked the shoes hard enough until they came off; no point in suffering the pinching now.

  ‘When is it?’

  ‘What?’ Will finished his beer and plonked the empty glass on the table.

  ‘This biking thing?’

  ‘Tomorrow.’

  ‘What? Tomorrow, tomorrow?’

  ‘Yeah. That’s why it was so urgent.’

  ‘But you said you wanted to ask me something?’

  ‘Did I?’

  ‘Yes.’ Lily pulled her phone from her bag and flicked through her messages. ‘Here,’ she said, flashing the phone in Will’s face. ‘I’ll read it out, shall I? URGENT, URGENT. Booked a table at Fabio’s. Something important to ask you. So what did you want to ask me?’ There was still a chance Will could redeem himself. There was still time. Wasn’t there?

  But Will’s blank expression told Lily that there wasn’t. ‘Um,’ he said. ‘I suppose I just wanted to check it was okay with you.’

  ‘Why? Why bother with all this?’ Lily waved her arms around her head. ‘All this wining and dining. Why bother? You’re going anyway aren’t you?’

  Will didn’t answer, just looked into his empty glass. ‘Do you want another drink?’ he asked.

  ‘No. I. Bloody. Don’t.’ Lily said, grabbing her handbag and feeling for the shoes under the table with her feet. She found one and pushed her foot into it – the pinching was worse then ever; she shouldn’t have taken them off. She found the other shoe just as Will shuffled in his seat which meant he moved his feet which sent the shoe flying across the restaurant floor, skittering along the gap between the tables.

  ‘Idiot,’ Lily hissed, getting up with as much dignity as she could, given that she had one foot several inches higher than the other. She limped between the tables, stooped to pick up the shoe and stomped out.

  She stood in the street inhaling deeply, holding back tears of frustration and anger. She flicked through her phone for a taxi number.

  ‘What was that about?’ Will’s voice said from behind her.

  ‘Are you joking?’

  ‘Look, I’m sorry I spoiled our holiday, but we didn’t have anything booked, so it’s not like we’ve lost any money or anything, is it? No real harm done. You could go and do that spa thing you suggested we did. You’ll have plenty of time for all that now. You know, hair and nails and all that stuff. You’ll enjoy it more without me.’

  Lily glared at him. Glanced down at the nails he had spoiled, realised that he hadn’t even commented on her super smooth blow dry, never mind admired it. ‘I can’t spend two weeks doing that. When I suggested it for us it was for one day, a couples’ day. You know, massages, that sort of thing.’ She sniffed hard, fighting back the tears.

  ‘What?’ he said. ‘What now?’

  ‘Those ten years we’ve been together, or not, according to you,’ Lily said, her voice breaking, her head wobbling with fury. ‘Consider them over. Forever.’

  ‘Come on, babe, you don’t mean that.’

  ‘It’s finished. Enjoy your bloody biking holiday. I never, ever want to see you again. Do you understand?’ She didn’t wait for him to answer because the taxi arrived and she jumped straight into it, slammed the door behind her and told the driver to go. She didn’t look back, she didn’t wave.

  Will could go and rot in hell.

  Lily hobbled from the taxi to her front door, slammed it shut behind her and kicked off the cursed shoes – maybe Tess was right. She caught sight of herself in the hall mirror, her face streaked with tears, red-rimmed mascara panda eyes staring back at her. That’s what Will had done. Selfish toad.

  His biking leathers were still spread across the back of her sofa where he’d left them; his helmets took pride of place on her dining room table. She took everything outside, lifted the lid of her wheelie-bin and dropped them into it. They hit the rubbish festering in the bottom with a reassuring thud.

  Two

  ‘What you need is a holiday. Right now.’ Tess picked up Lily’s iPad and started searching for holidays.

  Lily felt numb. They were sitting among the debris of a takeaway pizza that Tess had brought with her and eaten most of – Lily seemed to have lost her appetite.

  ‘Where do you fancy?’

  ‘Nowhere on my own.’ Lily inhaled through her nose, filling her lungs, determined that she wasn’t going to cry anymore. ‘I can’t believe he’s done that to me. Just buggered off like that. He’s already gone. He messaged me from the airport. He’s even changed his WhatsApp photo to a map of the US.’

  ‘Yeah,’ Tess said her tone suggested that she didn’t mean yes at all. ‘Here’s one, Cornwall. Beautiful quaint village just five minutes walk from blue flag beach. That sounds nice.’

  ‘Will and I went to Cornwall once. It rained the whole time.’

  ‘Not Cornwall,’
Tess said, swiping the page away. ‘Devon. Ever been there?’

  ‘No.’ Lily shook her head slowly. ‘He must have booked extra annual leave; he only had two weeks booked and he’s away for four. But he said he only knew about it the day before.’

  ‘Never mind, sweetie,’ Tess muttered, stroking Lily’s hand and pushing the iPad at her. ‘Look at this one. It looks nice.’

  ‘Yeah. It does.’

  Tess grabbed the iPad back and began to read out the description. ‘Idyllic, one-bedroom character cottage, modern bathroom, country kitchen. Just ten minutes hike from excellent surfing beach. Available now due to cancellation. There’s a phone number. Sounds good. Shall I ring?’

  ‘I don’t really want to go away on my own,’ Lily whined.

  ‘You won’t be on your own. Weren’t you listening to me last night when you rung me at midnight? I said I’d get some time off and I have.’

  What a kind, loyal friend Tess was. Even after the long sobbing phone call she hadn’t even uttered one single ‘I told you so’. Not one. And she would have had every right to say it, because Tess had warned Lily not to expect too much from Will.

  ‘Oh. Okay. Yeah. Good. Thank you.’

  ‘So shall I ring them?’ Tess sounded as though she was irritated with Lily now, which wasn’t normal for sweet natured Tess.

  Lily supposed she’d even exhausted Tess’s patience. ‘Yes please,’ she said, pulling herself up on the sofa and straightening her shoulders. ‘Sod him.’

  Ten minutes later the deed was done, credit cards had been flashed and two weeks in Devon beckoned.

  ‘Better start packing,’ Tess said, laughing. ‘We’re going tomorrow. I’ll drive so you don’t even have to worry about that.’

  ‘Great. Thank you.’

  ‘Try to sound a bit more enthusiastic.’ Tess leaned over and patted her friend’s knee. ‘Come on, it’ll be fun. Just you and me, doing girly things like we used to. Remember that holiday we went on with your parents when we were thirteen? Remember the giggling after lights out?’

  ‘My parents were pretty strict, weren’t they? We had a nine pm curfew.’

  ‘I thought your parents were cool. If it had been my mum it would have been eight pm. Remember the pool and the water slides? That was great fun. And fish and chips most evenings and popcorn in that funny little cinema with the threadbare sticky seats.’