Mermaid Hair and I Don’t Care: A romantic comedy about shoes, surf and second chances

by CJ Morrow

  ‘I think they might have been leather.’ Lily smiled at the memory.

  ‘Maybe, but still sticky.’

  ‘Urgh,’ they chorused together.

  ‘I remember that summer because at the beginning of it I was taller than you and by the end you had overtaken me.’

  ‘Oh yes, I remember.’ Tess smiled.

  ‘I also remember you saying I’d catch up, but I never did.’

  ‘No. Well, a bit.’

  ‘Not at all,’ Lily said, but didn’t laugh. ‘That’s why I wanted to wear your shoes last night; because Will is so much taller than me and I wanted to match up to him.’

  Tess smiled again but didn’t say anything.

  ‘Doesn’t matter now,’ Lily sighed. ‘I can’t believe that the last ten years meant so little to him. He hadn’t even realised it was our anniversary. I really thought he was going to make some sort of commitment; I’ve dropped enough hints. I told him last year I was looking for something more… permanent. He agreed it was a good idea then turned up with that bloody pet rat with its scary little hands and giant front teeth. Said it would be great company for me.’

  ‘Oh. So that’s where it came from. You never said.’

  ‘Would you? I was so horrified that he’d do that and too embarrassed to tell anyone.’

  ‘Well it went to a good home. My nephew, Rafe absolutely loves it, he’s taught it tricks and everything. They’re quite intelligent you know.’ Tess was doing her best to jolly Lily along.

  ‘At the very least I thought he would ask me to move in with him,’ Lily said, sick of even thinking about the rat. ‘He’s got that lovely big house.’

  ‘It’s not that lovely…’ Tess’s voice trailed away.

  ‘No. Well he’s got that big house that could be lovely.’ All it needed was a damn good sort out, redecorating and all the man-cave crap dumping. ‘Doesn’t matter now. It’s over. It’s finished. I’m not going to waste anymore of my life on him. Loser. Waster. Arsehole. He can swan around America on a bloody stupid motorbike in sweaty leathers, getting chafed thighs and a greasy neck. I don’t care. I don’t want him. I don’t need him. I’ll get over him. I’ve got better things to do. I’ve got my career.’

  Tess’s head, which had dropped a little during Lily’s ranting monologue perked up. ‘Have you heard something?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘I’m sure you’ll get it. You’re brilliant at your job. They’d be stupid not to give it to you.’

  ‘Bit of big step up though, ‘head of’ to ‘director’. I think my age might go against me.’

  ‘No, no. You said that about the ‘head of’ job.’

  ‘I want it more than ever now. I want to prove to myself, and that bloody bastard, that I don’t need him. Rumour has it only two were interviewed – me and an external.’

  ‘You’re a shoo-in. They always give it to the internal candidate.’

  Lily sighed. ‘I hope you’re right, it would take my mind of this Will rubbish.’

  ‘What you need is a holiday romance.’

  ‘Urgh, no.’ Lily’s nose went up as her mouth went down. ‘I’m off men. Completely.’

  ‘There’s nothing like a rebound to perk you up. A holiday romance is perfect. No strings. No chance of bumping into them in the middle of Sainsbury’s on a Saturday morning when you’ve just popped in for a pint of milk and you’ve come from the gym and you’re still in your gym gear and you reek a bit.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘No chance of them being your mum’s best friend’s cousin.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Well, you know what I mean.’

  But Lily didn’t. Was Tess speaking from experience? It sounded like it.

  ‘I don’t know what to take with me. What are you taking?’ Lily screwed up her eyes. ‘What’s the weather like there?’

  Tess laughed. ‘Same as here probably – all weathers. Take warm clothes and cool clothes and swimming gear. We can go in the sea.’

  ‘Yeah, I have always wanted to learn to surf. Sort of had the chance that week in Cornwall with Will, but he worries about the pollution in the sea so won’t go in the water. He wouldn’t, so I couldn’t. The sea will be freezing though.’

  ‘No. It’s summer.’ Tess laughed as she picked up her handbag. ‘I need to get off now. All this talk about clothes has made me realise I might have to do some emergency tumble-drying and now I think about it, emergency waxing too. Oh God.’

  ‘I’m covered on that,’ Lily said with a bitter laugh. ‘Spent quite a bit of time last night defuzzing. Waste of time as it turned out.’

  ‘Well now it won’t be; you’re beach ready. I’ll pick you up about eight.’

  ‘Eight? That’s early. It’s Sunday. I usually have a lie in.’

  ‘Plenty of time for that on holiday. We’ve got two whole weeks, and I want to miss the traffic.’ Tess gave Lily a quick hug. ‘Eight. Okay.’

  Lily stood on the doorstep and watched Tess drive away and eyed the ugly wheelie-bin. She really needed to drag it round to the back garden, especially if she was going to be away for two weeks. She grabbed it and began to trundle it down the side of the house. Then she remembered Will’s leathers and helmets.

  She stopped, lifted the lid and peered in. They were gone. The bastard had been round and retrieved them and not even knocked on the door, not even put a note through the letterbox. If she’d been in any doubt, or having any regrets about dumping him, she wasn’t now.

  On the plus side they must have stunk to high heaven; that bin had never been cleaned out and the stench made her gag.

  Last night’s dress and the infamous, ill-fated shoes were still on her bedroom floor. She dropped the dress in the laundry basket then fished it out and wondered if she would need it in Devon. She sniffed it, the aroma of Italian restaurant – lovely when you’re there, not so lovely when you’re not – drifted up her nose. Maybe not. She dropped it back in the laundry and kicked the shoes under her bed. She’d never wear them again.

  Two hours later Lily lay on her bed exhausted from the effort of thinking about packing, actually packing, and kneeling on the suitcase and fighting with the zip to get it done up. She thought about Tess’s car, which wasn’t big, realised that her suitcase wouldn’t fit in the boot and decided it would have to go on the backseat. But that was okay; Tess would probably bring enough luggage to fill the boot anyway.

  After tidying up and showering, Lily set the alarm on her phone – seven am, urgh – and climbed into bed. Will’s face drifted into her consciousness, his beautiful brown eyes, his thick wavy hair that was always in his eyes, always being swiped aside. He had the most infectious smile, he laughed easily. What a shame the outside didn’t match the inside – selfish, immature Will.

  She closed her eyes and waited for sleep to come and when it didn’t she picked up her phone. Why? Why? There it was, a message from Will: Just to let you know I arrived safe and sound. Suffering a bit from jet lag but okay otherwise. Hope we can still be friends?

  Friends? Friends? Was he mad? What a stupid question. Of course he was mad. Mad, selfish and stupid. She deleted the message then flicked through all of his messages intent on deleting them too. What a fatal mistake; she’d never realised how many photos he sent her. Endless selfies of the pair of them together. There must have been ten of them taken on the London Eye.

  She remembered that day with fondness – her birthday – a special treat he’d arranged in secret. It had been followed by dinner and a show – Les Miserables, her favourite. Even though Will hated musicals, and that one especially, he’d sat through it and almost enjoyed it, just for her. She remembered them running down platform three at Paddington Station just managing to get the last train home, him berating himself for not booking a hotel, her telling him she preferred her own bed anyway. And they’d spent most of the next day in it too.

  Maybe he wasn’t so selfish.

  Not all the time anyway.

  She fell asleep and
dreamt of Will. In the dream he asked her to marry him and in the dream she said no. There was no likelihood of either ever happening now.

  The alarm went off and shocked her awake. Was it really seven already? She allowed herself a little doze and woke again thirty minutes later, it was all hell let loose then to make sure she was ready when Tess arrived. Tess didn’t do late, didn’t understand late and had no tolerance for those who embraced tardiness, even if she did smile sweetly to cover her exasperation.

  But this time it was Tess who was late, by a whole ten minutes. She arrived breathless and pink-faced at Lily’s door.

  ‘Hi.’ Lily cast her eyes over Tess’s face looking for a sign. ‘Everything okay?’

  ‘Kind of. Sorry about being late. Not my fault. My God is that your case? What have you got in it?’ Tess’s eyes dropped to Lily’s bulging luggage. ‘It won’t fit in the boot.’

  ‘Yeah, really wasn’t sure what to bring. It can go on the back seat, can’t it?’

  ‘Umm. Yeah. Err…’

  ‘What? It’s not dirty or anything. Or have you already filled the back seat up with your stuff?’

  ‘No, no. It’s fine. Shall we go?’ Tess leaned in and grabbed Lily’s case and trundled it to the car while Lily locked up. When she reached the car she could see the suitcase already filling most of the rear seat and Tess was fiddling about in the boot. Lily headed for the front passenger seat, grabbed the door and yanked it open.

  ‘Oh!’ she screeched. ‘You nearly gave me a heart attack.’

  ‘You know Gemma, my sister-in-law.’ Tess was standing next to Lily with a pained look on her face. ‘Back in a minute Gem,’ she said and closed the car door, pulling Lily away. ‘Sorry about this. Bit of a family crisis. Kicked off last night. Gemma and Joe had a big fight so Gemma’s coming with us until things cool down. It could be make or break for their marriage and there’s my niece and nephew to consider. Anything we can do to help… well… you don’t mind, do you?’

  ‘Doesn’t sound like I’ve got a choice. But is there room? At the cottage, I mean?’

  ‘It’s okay. I’ve rung them. They’re going to put another bed in the bedroom. It’ll still be fun.’

  Lily shrugged and sighed. She already had misgivings about this holiday. ‘I’m guessing I’m in the back.’

  Tess nodded slowly and led her friend round to the driver’s side, opened the door, leaned in and pulled the driver’s seat forward so that Lily could clamber in behind it.

  ‘Hello Lily.’

  ‘Hi Gemma.’

  ‘I hope you don’t mind me gate-crashing your little holiday.’ She paused before continuing in a whisper, ‘need to get away.’

  ‘Course not,’ Lily said as Tess got into the car, pushed her seat back and rammed it into Lily’s legs. Between the front seat crushing her legs and her own suitcase pressing into her ribs and chin she felt as though she were in the coils of a boa constrictor.

  She winced silently.

  ‘Sorry I have to sit in the front but since I had to have that emergency caesarean with Pixie-Bella, I’ve never been right.’

  ‘Mmm,’ Lily said to the back of Gemma’s perfect blow-dry.

  ‘That and I get car sick; never was before I had that wretched epidural.’

  Lily didn’t respond. Pixie-Bella must be six years old by now and didn’t everyone use the car sick excuse to sit in the front. Gemma picked up a massimo Costa coffee and sipped it through her immaculate lipstick. The car filled with the aroma of coffee, it made Lily feel light-headed especially as she hadn’t had time for breakfast.

  This was going to be a long journey.

  Three

  ‘I hear you’ve finally dumped that loser Will,’ Gemma said, half turning to Lily.

  Lily watched Tess’s shoulders go up and tense.

  ‘I’d rather not talk about it and don’t call him that.’ Lily turned away and looked out of the window.

  ‘Take it from me; you’re better off without him,’ Gemma continued, undeterred. ‘Don’t get yourself saddled with a loser who tells you what to do then wants you to keep on having babies even though you nearly died with the last one.’

  ‘You didn’t nearly die,’ Tess said quietly.

  ‘Well. Felt like it at the time. They’re all pains in the arse, Lily. They can’t help themselves, it’s all part of being a man.’

  ‘Gem,’ Tess said, dragging out the word. ‘Lily doesn’t want to hear this.’

  ‘Why not? It’s the truth. You’re a bright girl Lily, you’ve got a good job, you concentrate on that and don’t rely on anyone; least of all a man.’ Gemma stopped to draw breath before continuing. ‘I hear he’s buggered off to America for a sad-sack jaunt on a motorbike.’

  Lily didn’t answer but Tess did. ‘That’s enough now, Gemma. Just leave it there.’

  Gemma clamped her mouth shut and even Lily could tell from the back that the effort not to speak was painful for her.

  For the next hour and a half, Lily sat in the back and seethed. More than once she considered asking Tess to turn around and take her home. The holiday was supposed to be about forgetting Will, not having him rammed down her throat. She laughed out loud at the irony of that thought.

  ‘That’s the spirit. Sod him,’ said Gemma taking her cue to start talking again.

  Lily threw Gemma a dirty look but it bounced back off her perfect, cast iron hairstyle. It was one hell of a bob, incredibly dense and not a hair out of place, sleek and blue-black it had a personality all of its own: defiant. Perhaps feeling Lily’s eyes on it, Gemma reached up with her perfectly manicured hand and smoothed it flat. Lily was sure she heard it crackle.

  ‘Do you have extensions?’ The words popped out of Lily’s mouth before she could stop herself.

  ‘Certainly not.’ Gemma’s voice filled the car with indignation.

  ‘Oh.’ Lily sat back and thought, serves you right for sticking your conk in my business. ‘It’s just that your hair is so thick and so perfect.’

  ‘Yes. It just goes like this, so easily. I like to look groomed and while perfect grooming is never too much trouble, my hair is just so easy to manage.’

  ‘Lucky you,’ Lily said, pushing her own, now unruly mane back behind her ears.

  As they arrived at Taunton Dean services a dog ran out in front of the car, Tess executed a nifty swerve and an emergency stop.

  ‘Tess, don’t do that. Do you want me to be sick?’ Gemma waved her hand in front of her face, fanning herself.

  ‘Did you want me to kill the dog instead?’

  ‘Too late,’ Gemma said, fumbling in the foot-well until she found her discarded Costa cup. She peeled the lid back and vomited profusely into it.

  The stench of coffee flavoured vomit made Lily and Tess gag simultaneously. Tess wound the window down at the same time as manoeuvring into a parking space.

  ‘Sorry about that, but I did say, didn’t I? People are supposed to keep their dogs on a lead when they exercise here.’ Gemma huffed as she popped the lid back onto the Costa cup. She still looked immaculate, even her lipstick remained perfectly intact.

  Lily could hardly stand up and held onto the door after hauling herself out of the car. She wriggled her legs to get the circulation going.

  ‘That,’ said Gemma, pointing at Lily, ‘is what my legs were like after I had Pixie-Bella. Lasted weeks.’

  Lily sighed, Tess rolled her eyes and Gemma strutted off in search of the toilets carrying her vomit cup.

  When Lily and Tess caught up with her she was at the sinks, she whipped a toothbrush complete with case out of her capacious designer handbag, produced some toothpaste from a separate front pocket and cleaned her teeth. Lily spotted what looked like a teeth whitening gel in that pocket too.

  ‘That’s better,’ she said after the final rinse. ‘I cannot stand the taste of vomit. Tess, no more swerving.’

  Tess shook her head.

  ‘I’m starving; shall we get a little snackette?’ Gemma led the way to the res
taurant while Lily and Tess trotted obediently behind her.

  It didn’t take long for Gemma to nibble around the edges of a croissant before suggesting it was time to get back on the road.

  ‘I’ll have a word with her later,’ Tess said to Lily as they followed Gemma to the car. ‘She’s so used to being in charge and telling her children what to do; she forgets how to behave when she’s with adults.’

  Lily climbed into the back of the car and folded herself into the seat. Before the vomiting incident she had planned to ask Gemma to swap seats; that was out of the question now. She rearranged her suitcase, pushing it away from her and pressing into Gemma’s seat. Gemma twitched but had the good sense not to comment.

  They set off and had barely covered five miles when Gemma turned around and strained her neck.

  ‘What?’ Lily snapped.

  ‘Can you hear that noise?’

  ‘What noise?’ Tess said, alarmed.

  ‘A tapping and buzzing. Can’t you hear it?’

  ‘No,’ Lily said.

  ‘Don’t Gem, you know I’ve just got this car back from the garage.’

  ‘Sorry Tess, but I can definitely hear something. Turn the music off and listen.’ Gemma flicked the button on the radio and waited.

  ‘I can hear something now,’ Lily said, wearily. ‘Sorry Tess.’

  ‘I can’t,’ Tess said. ‘Are you sure? What is it?’

  ‘It is tapping and buzzing. But it’s only faint.’

  ‘Where’s it coming from?’

  ‘The back,’ Gemma said, sounding a bit too triumphant.

  ‘Oh no,’ Tess whined. ‘That’s the same noise the front axle thing made and that cost me a fortune. I hope it’s not the back one now.’ She began decelerating and indicated to pull over onto the hard shoulder.

  The car crawled along the gritty tarmac.

  ‘Can you still hear it?’

  ‘Yes. Sorry Tess, I can.’ Lily patted her friend on the shoulder as Tess switched the engine off and pulled the handbrake up.