Everything Is Figureoutable

by Marie Forleo

  If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.

  Gospel of Thomas

  Consider all the things that have brought you value, joy, or growth throughout your lifetime. Every song that’s made your head bop. Every movie that’s made you laugh, cry, or expand your point of view. Every athlete or artist who’s inspired you to reach for more. Every invention that’s made your life easier. Every restaurant that’s served a dish that made you moan with delight. Every book that’s opened your eyes to a different world. Every teacher, mentor, neighbor, or friend whose words or actions or leadership has guided you. Any bit of technology (e.g., electricity, Wi-Fi, cameras) that’s somehow enhanced your life.

  Imagine if all those beautiful people never followed the call of their soul—never “figured out” their dreams and created and contributed and shared. I say this at the end of every MarieTV episode and I’ll say it to you now:

  The world needs that special gift that only you have.

  It’s true and you know it. You’ve known this since you were little. You’ve sensed that there’s something special inside of you, something distinct and extraordinary that you, and only you, came here to create and express. Trust that feeling. It’s your life force. Your genius. Your destiny screaming to be realized.

  Uncovering, developing, and sharing your gifts—that’s the whole reason you’re here on earth. I believe that’s the whole reason any of us are here! To create and contribute to one another.

  To be clear, your gifts don’t have to be grand in scale or epic in their reach. All contributions are necessary and valuable. Right now, your gift may be the nourishing meals you cook for friends and family. The compassion and understanding you bring to tough conversations. Your gifts may involve wood sculptures, paintings, plumbing, activism, fighting fires, making comics, producing plays, doing research, rehabilitating animals, designing eco-friendly urban spaces, designing jewelry, or coaching your daughter’s Little League team.

  Your gifts might be expressed through volunteer work, or through the attention, respect, and caring you show every person you meet—from your bank teller to a stranger on the street. Your gift may be the way your garden inspires hope and wonder in your neighborhood. You likely have many gifts, and those gifts will develop and evolve over the course of your life, just as you do.

  “But, Marie—really—I have nothing unique to offer. It’s ALL been done before.”

  Imagine your favorite coffee shop or clothing store (any source of joy or value—it can be a sex toy company for all I care). Now imagine the creator having the same limiting thought that you’re having. Imagine her throwing her hands up in the air before she even started—“Why even bother?!? Everyone already beat me to it. The world has enough damn caffeine/T-shirts/dildos!”

  That would suck, right? I think about this as it relates to Italian food. One of my go-to spots is a little mom-and-pop joint called Pepe Rosso. They have one of the best eggplant parms in lower Manhattan. Imagine if the founders of Pepe Rosso, when thinking about opening their restaurant, threw their hands in the air and said, “You know what? There’s already a thousand Italian restaurants in NYC. And another thing, there’s already way TOO MUCH eggplant parm in the world—fuhgeddaboudit!!!” (The thought of never having Pepe Rosso’s eggplant parm again is giving me heart palpitations.)

  Keep going with any area of art, science, sports, or culture. All of the musicians in the world didn’t stop Beyoncé or Lady Gaga or Stevie Nicks or Kendrick Lamar from adding their voices to the mix. The popularity of Phil Donahue didn’t stop Oprah. Margaret Cho’s comedic ingenuity didn’t stop Ali Wong from expressing hers. Just imagine how much we would have missed out on if any of those brilliant beings stopped at the thought that their contribution was unnecessary because it had already been done. As Fred Rogers said, “If you could only sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to people you may never dream of.”

  Yes, there are millions of books and songs and plays and businesses and hot sauce makers and knitting clubs. But if you haven’t done your version yet, then no—it has not all been done before. Because it hasn’t yet been expressed by the once-in-a-lifetime miracle that is you.

  OVERCOME THE FRAUD FACTOR

  What do J.Lo, Jodie Foster, and Maya Angelou have in common? It’s not the fact that they’re all award-winning cultural icons, it’s that they’ve all felt like impostors. Total fakes and frauds.

  Even though I had sold 70 million albums, there I was feeling like “I’m no good at this.”

  Jennifer Lopez

  When I won the Oscar, I thought it was a fluke. I thought everybody would find out, and they’d take it back. Excuse me, we meant to give that to someone else. That was going to Meryl Streep.

  Jodie Foster

  I have written eleven books, but each time I think, “Uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.”

  Maya Angelou

  If you ever feel like a fraud—like any accomplishment is a fluke or mistake and someday people are going to find out—you’re clearly in good company. According to research, impostor syndrome affects a whopping 70 percent of us.1

  While feeling like a fraud is universal among humans, it tends to hit women the hardest. Why? Because as women, and members of other traditionally underrepresented groups, it’s easy to look around and feel like we don’t belong. Socially, we’ve been conditioned to self-deprecate and downplay our abilities, which leads to low self-esteem and self-sabotage that adversely affects every sphere of our lives. When we internalize that message—that we’re not the real deal—we suffer major consequences. Not just emotionally or creatively, but financially. I’m talking smaller careers and smaller bank accounts.

  That’s why it’s vital to not only acknowledge this phenomenon, but take active steps to ensure that “fraud feeling” doesn’t prevent you from sharing your gifts and reaching the heights you’re capable of. Here are a few steps to stop impostor syndrome before it stops you.

  1. SHARE THE SHAME

  Most high achievers struggle with feeling like a fake, but never talk about it. It’s like a dirty little secret everyone’s afraid to admit. I’ll tell you right now—I still feel this way at times and I’ve been doing this work for almost two decades. Brené Brown says, “As a shame researcher, I know that the very best thing to do in the midst of a shame attack is totally counterintuitive: Practice courage and reach out!”2

  Brené is on point. You know why? Because shame always shrivels when you share it out loud. It simply cannot exist when brought into the light. To take this idea even further, I recommend you put one or two trusted souls on speed dial for when that fraud festival comes to town. These folks are your new Fraud Squad—people you can connect with and say, “Hey, I’m feeling like I suck right now. Can you remind me why I don’t?”

  Naturally, you must return the favor. It feels good to be the person who lifts others up and reminds them of their intrinsic worth, especially when they can’t see it themselves. Our world has more than enough critics. Be an encourager instead.

  2. START A HYPE FILE

  A hype file is a place where you stockpile compliments, thank-yous, accolades, and any comments from people who’ve said you’ve positively impacted them. Maybe it was a text from a friend, a note from a colleague, or a voicemail from a client. No kind word or display of appreciation is too small for your hype file. You can even add your accomplishments, too. Collect them in a central location and review as often as needed. Remember, where attention goes energy flows. A hype file can combat the negative effects of imposter syndrome and reground you in the reality that, yes, you are, in fact, the real deal.

  3. SHINE YOUR LIGHT OUT, NOT IN

  Think of your attention—your men
tal, emotional, and spiritual energy—as a flashlight that can only shine in one direction. In any given moment, your flashlight is either shining in on you and how much you feel like a fake OR it’s shining out on others—what they need, want, and how you can help them.

  When your flashlight is shining out, you’re giving zero attention to your fraud feelings. Without attention, those feelings can’t survive.

  Shining your light on others doesn’t need to be time-consuming or overly complicated, any act of kindness can do the trick. Maybe you send your boss a thank-you note detailing something specific that made a difference to you. Perhaps you offer support to a neighbor in need. You could even visit a local elderly home and find out who hasn’t had any visitors lately and go make their day. Look around. There’s no shortage of people hungry for a moment of connection. There’s always someone who could use a little assistance. A little attention. A little comfort. A little love.

  Next time you catch yourself feeling like a fraud, check yourself. Chances are, you’re shining your flashlight on yourself rather than directing it where it can make its greatest impact—caring for others.

  For more tips to combat the fraud feeling, search MarieTV + imposter syndrome online to watch the episode on this topic. If you’re still not convinced that you have a right to share your special gifts, this next part should help.

  LIFE-CHANGING ADVICE FROM THE DEAD

  Whatever you want to do, do it now. There are only so many tomorrows.

  Attributed to Michael Landon

  Bronnie Ware is a former nurse who spent years working in palliative care, caring for hundreds of patients during the last weeks of their lives. The level of frustration among some of her patients inspired her to write a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying. There’s one specific regret I’d like us to focus on—the biggest, most common regret of them all.*

  “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

  Oof. Gets you in the gut, right?

  What Bronnie discovered is that at the time of their death, most people had not honored even half of their dreams. HALF! The point here isn’t to lament other people’s mistakes, but to avoid making your own.

  Tell the truth. How often do you bite your tongue instead of saying or doing what you really feel? What have you denied yourself the pleasure of exploring or expressing because you don’t want to be judged or criticized? What are you still doing, even though you can’t stand it, because you’re terrified to attempt your secret dreams? How much of your life exists to gain the approval of your parents, spouse, family, children, friends, or (most tragically) strangers on the internet?

  The fact that you’re reading these words right now indicates you have one big advantage: you’re still here, which means you still have time to change. Please, for the love of all things holy, do what you dream of now so you’ll never regret not having tried. Otherwise, you might end up uttering four of the worst words any human can ever say:

  “I wish I had . . .”

  Those four damn words.

  I wish I had . . .

  Look.

  Whether you realize it or not, we’re all on the same cosmic train, heading to the same destination. Death. None of us knows when our stop is coming. We have no idea when the train will slow down, when the conductor will tap our shoulder and say, “This is your stop, little lady. Time to go.”

  All we know is that with every passing moment, we’re getting closer. Day by day. Hour by hour. Minute by minute. That’s why now is the time to go after that dream of yours, no matter how wild, unreasonable, or seemingly “impossible” it is. Now is the time to figure it all out. Everything you think and say and do from this moment on is a declaration of your commitment to that dream.

  You have the power within you. You already have everything you need to answer the call of your soul. So please. Get your ass moving. Keep going. Don’t steal your gifts from us.

  The world really does need you. It needs your boldest, bravest, most honest and loving expression, and it needs it now. If you haven’t noticed, the human race is yearning for change. You can feel it in the air. In our schools, our homes, our businesses, our sports arenas, and throughout every facet of society, people are waiting for someone to stand up and show them the way. For someone to lead with heart and with the highest vision of what we’re capable of.

  I believe you are that someone. I believe you are someone who can awaken a new possibility in your circle of influence, in your family, in your community, and in the world at large. I believe you have what it takes to figure anything out.

  In doing so, you’ll be an inspiration for every life you touch.

  That’s the opportunity. For you and for me and for the entire human race.

  What we need now, more than anything else, is people like you who believe in what’s possible and who live as though everything is figureoutable. From the environment to our food system to education to health care to inequality and injustice on every level, there are so many important things to figure out.

  Throughout history, there are people who ask, “Does it really have to be this way?” or “How can we do things differently?” Even when facing social constructs that have been entrenched for centuries, the dreams of one individual have sparked change across all of society.

  When we approach our personal problems and our collective challenges in this way—that everything really is figureoutable—it will all start to change. We’ll go from feeling defeated and overwhelmed and broken to courageous and capable and full of hope.

  We must teach this to ourselves and to each other and to our children and to our children’s children. Because there will be moments in your life when an opportunity presents itself for you to do something, or say something, or change something.

  Promise yourself that from this moment forward, you won’t waste one more minute of one more day saying, “I don’t know how to do that.” Or “I don’t know if I have what it takes to become that.”

  Because we both know in our heart of hearts that, yes, you do. You are divinely blessed and infinitely capable. There is no circumstance or fate or situation that can hinder the unstoppable power of your human soul.

  Hopefully, we’ll bump into each other on that cosmic train someday. If I’m still riding, I’ll be waiting for you in the bar car. Sipping an Aperol spritz, eager to hear how it went.

  INSIGHT TO ACTION CHALLENGE

  In the long run, we shape our lives and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And, the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.

  Eleanor Roosevelt

  What holds you back from going for your biggest dream or aspiration? Ask yourself if what worries you now will still worry you in twenty, forty, or sixty years. Will that concern still matter?

  Imagine death is imminent. Finish the following sentence at least twenty times (more if needed). Don’t overthink. Just keep writing.

  I wish I had . . .

  I wish I had . . .

  I wish I had . . .

  If you believed to your core that everything really is figureoutable, what would you now do? What would you create or heal or transform or transcend? Who would you become?

  Please complete this last challenge by hand. Grab a journal. Turn off all electronic notifications. Find a space where you will not be disturbed. Light a candle if that helps get you into a quiet, contemplative mood. Set an alarm for fifteen minutes. You’re going to do automatic writing, which is a practice of inviting your intuition to communicate with you on the page.

  Your Future Self (the one-hundred-plus-year-old you) is going to write a letter to the current-day you.

  Before you begin, repeat the following statement three times. “I am now receiving what is for my highest good from the highest source.” W
rite a letter from the future you to current-day you, beginning with this prompt.

  Dearest [Your First Name],

  I would love you to know that . . .

  Allow your hand to move. Remember, you’re inviting the one-hundred-year-old you to share wisdom with current-day you. Even if it’s gibberish, keep the pen on the page. Do your best not to judge, edit, or even consciously think. Write whatever comes through and pay no attention to grammar, spelling, or punctuation. Just keep scribbling. If you get stuck, start a new line and experiment with these prompts:

  I’d love you to let go of . . .

  I’d love you to start . . .

  I’d love you to remember . . .

  This is for your eyes only. Keep writing until the timer hits fifteen minutes. This future-self exercise helps you access deep truths that you know intuitively, but are likely not living or practicing consistently—yet. Set your writing aside for at least an hour before you read it.

  Well done. Before our time together comes to an end, just one last thing . . .

  EPILOGUE

  The Real Secret to Lasting Success

  Alone we can do so little. Together we can do so much.

  Helen Keller

  A few years ago, I hired a film crew to record our big three-day conference in New York. We’d been planning this for nearly a year. Speakers came from across the country, and hundreds of students flew in from all over the world. Immediately after the conference, our film crew went directly to the airport. They were heading to Europe to interview a half dozen B-School grads for a series of case studies. The logistics and money required to record a three-day conference, followed by a week of international filming, would make your head spin.