Conflicted (Secrets and Lies)

by Koenig, M. M.

  Mia,

  If you're reading this now, then you know I'm gone. Baby, I'm so sorry. If there was any other way, I'd be right there next to you doing everything I could to take away the pain. You have to believe me when I say that this is the only choice I had. I love you so much so this is tearing me up inside.

  I swear that if I could have stopped what happened I would have but these people used you against me. I thought when I became involved with them that it would be business as usual. I was wrong because it was you that they wanted all along. When the only choices were your life or getting you kicked out of school, I chose your life. I don't know why they wanted to do that to you but I'm going to get to the bottom of it. I won't return until I know exactly what is going on. I have given them what they needed so they won't hurt you. It also buys me more time to figure everything out.

  I can't take you with me to find out this information and I can't explain it all either. It needs to seem like I left you without a second thought. I've already led them to believe that was the case so I could go off on this lead. I know you have the strength in your heart to walk away from what has happened and I need you more than you need your career. You are my everything.

  I'm so sorry for hurting you Mia. I'll never forgive myself. I know this doesn't make sense now but it will and I promise I will come back to explain it all. It hurts me more than you'll ever know to leave you. You have to remember that I love you more than anything in this world. I have to do this because I can't lose you. You are and will always be the only person I ever love...

  I crumpled up the rest of the letter and tossed it aside. The pain had become intolerable. I had jumped to the conclusion that he had a hand in getting me expelled but now there was proof of it. Tears streamed down my face against my will. My head was a mess of confusion. What was he involved with that would leave him with the choices of keeping me alive or destroying me? What people did he get mixed up with this time? It made absolutely no sense. I should've known that somewhere along the line that his involvement in the various drug circles would come back to haunt me.

  The old saying is true - love is blind - or stupid - take your pick.

  As I laid lost in thought, footsteps and voices echoed down the hall. Trey and Bri were home for the night. I figured that they would head into his room for their nightly romp so it surprised me when there was a light tap on my door. I sat up wiping my eyes.

  "Come in," I sniffed.

  Bri opened the door popping her head around the corner without looking at me. "Hey, I missed out on talking with you yesterday. How did you survive work after being up all night drinking with us?"

  Coming into the room, she had a bright smile only to have it vanish when she saw my tear streaks. I tried to ease her worry by forcing a grin but it was a half-hearted attempt.

  "What's wrong?" she questioned full of concern.

  "Bri, it's fine. It's a good thing I'm this miserable."

  She climbed in next to me and settled her shoulder next to mine. "Mia, there is nothing good about seeing you like this. What's going on?" she asked, bringing a hand to my cheek to swipe away a straggling tear.

  I sniveled. "I'm getting a little too comfortable working there so I gave myself a reminder."

  "Why are you crying? You're not making sense."

  "I read Micah's letter. Well, I read part of it," I whispered.

  Bri linked her arm with mine giving it a tight squeeze as she watched another tear cascade down. She pinched the bridge of her nose with her free hand. Her eyes skimmed to me harboring a weight of concern.

  "Mia, I wish you would've waited until I was home. You shouldn't have read it by yourself. Where is it now?" she inquired.

  I pointed towards my trashcan and shut my eyes. Bri untangled her arm with mine going over to grab it. While she read the letter, I picked up the picture and started ripping it into tiny squares. I had read the first fourth of it so the majority of it remained unread. She muttered curse words under her breath at certain parts and scrunched her eyebrows at others. At one point, her face flushed a deep red glaring at the letter as if it would combust behind the fire in her eyes. When she finished, she did the same thing I did by crinkling it up and tossing it towards the garbage before settling with me on the bed.

  "I'm sorry. I'm not sure how he thought telling you how much he loves you would make anything he did acceptable," Bri said heavily.

  "I know - Right?"

  She sighed. "I can see why you stopped reading it. You didn't miss much at the end. It was more of the same with a mysterious warning that made no absolutely sense."

  "The part I read was fucked up enough so I don't really care how it ended. Let's just hope that he decides to stay away for good," I replied quietly.

  Bri viewed me with concern as she tried to judge my mood.

  "I'm fine. I'm not going to have a meltdown. I needed the reminder," I reassured.

  "You're getting attached aren't you?" she inquired.

  Bri stiffened her back as she ran her hands across her face. She titled her head with a look in her eyes demanding the truth. I picked at my cuticles before giving her a sheepish smile.

  "I like the people there and...well...there's this bizarre attraction to Ethan that is making everything more complicated. It's hard to keep him out of my thoughts for long," I admitted.

  Bri huffed. "I've told you that you can't consider anything with him. I take it that things are still intense."

  "Yea, that is one way of putting it," I agreed.

  "Why do you have to be drawn to the dangerous ones?" she griped.

  "I was wondering the same thing," I answered weakly.

  "I wish I could tell you that everything is going to be okay but I can't. Shit happens. I do know that whatever does happen that you will find a way through it. You're one of the strongest people I know," Bri said with a firm voice as she embraced me.

  It was a good wrap up to the evening. I'd spend the rest of the night ridding my body of the painful ache but my head was back in the game.

  "Thanks Bri. I'm glad we had a chance to talk tonight. I've missed our girl time," I said, allowing a full smile to cross my face.

  She perked up and scooted to the edge of the bed getting ready to leave. "I've missed you too Mia. I have some major catching up to do on my assignments. I know you don't mind either because your eyes are a dead giveaway that you've hit your sharing quota."

  I scoffed but she was spot on as usual. "How are classes going this semester?"

  I needed to get comfortable talking to them about school. It barely came up in conversation and they went out of their way to refrain from studying or talking about Eckman around me. It was annoying but I was over trying to change it. After how I handled my expulsion, I'd probably treat me like glass too. Bri grimaced tying her loose hair back into a messy ponytail. I knew that tick. She was gearing up for an all-nighter.

  "I was a moron for skipping yesterday. It's not a wise decision this semester," Bri stated.

  "Is this semester full of crappy classes?" I asked.

  She gripped the back of her neck before crossing the room to linger in the doorway. "This semester sucks because I elected to get my thesis out of the way so there is more pressure. I wasn't thinking about that when I enrolled in the sociology of criminal and juvenile law coupled with calculus and biology so it's a heavy load."

  I scrunched my nose at her intense class schedule. Woof. Bri gave me a crooked grin.

  "I just got a migraine from your classes. The only one I can even offer to help in is biology. The rest sound miserable."

  "I'd be lying if I said they're pleasant but I'm getting through it. My consumption of energy drinks has increased. It's the only way I can keep from falling asleep especially in the law classes. The material bores the crap out of me. I have a test in both of those classes on Friday so the next few days are going to suck ass. Let's do something fun this weekend as a reward," she proposed.

  "What mall do you want to hit?
" I inquired with a roll of the eyes.

  "All of them. I need my fall wardrobe," Bri deadpanned.

  ~

  After reading part of the letter and spending some quality time with Bri, I became more balanced with matters. We had a great time shopping over the weekend. We treated ourselves to manicures and pedicures. On a spur of the moment decision, I decided to give my hair a drastic change. It seemed appropriate with the new clothes and freshly groomed nails. The dirty blonde hair was now platinum with dark streaks of purple and black layered throughout it. Bri gushed that it looked fantastic.

  The weekend was over in a flash and now it was back to the nitty gritty of the workweek. The week went by somewhat fast with very little interaction with Ethan and that was precisely what I needed. He managed to slither into my thoughts enough as it was. When I saw or spoke with him, it only increased his presence in my brain. I was working overtime to prevent it from happening anymore.

  I was twisting a piece of my hair between my fingers trying to decide if this pitch was finally complete. A course of heat ran through my entire body. I shook my head knowing Ethan was lurking around here somewhere. I peered over my shoulder and sure enough, there he was staring at me unashamed. My rational thoughts started to fall to the side as I soaked in every ounce of him. I took in his casual stance as his back rested against the wall with a leg kicked up.

  He was breathtaking and on display like a supermodel. His fitted jeans were hugging his body in all the right places. My eyes trailed up his sculpted chest. His white button up shirt had a black pattern that weaved its way up the right side. I wondered what was underneath that intricate design. I had seen glimpses of tattoos that started at his wrists stretching up to his elbows. My thoughts drifted past what his tattoos were to wanting to see his naked body. My pulse sped up as my stomach clenched tightly together when Ethan sauntered closer to my desk.

  Shit. I'm slipping. Why does he have to be so damn hot?

  His eyes smoldered as he surveyed my body. I raised an eyebrow and the grin that curled at the edge of his lips transformed into a cocky smile. Unable to stop the rising heat, I flushed embarrassingly. I turned around securing my purse to leave.

  "I'm going to call it a day if that is okay," I muttered, keeping my eyes to the floor.

  If I stared at him any longer, I'd have some serious problems. I'd fallen back on track with my purpose here and it was less difficult for me to separate it. I kept the guilt at bay and remained focused on getting more information for Harrison. Nothing new presented itself but I was at least in a mindset that made it easier for me to be here to try to dig deeper.

  I'd be back to square one if I had a conversation with Ethan. There was no way in hell I was letting that happen. It was bad enough that I had no ability to prevent the blushing when it occurred so keeping my eyes to the ground was the best idea for me. My cheeks would not be the only body part of me on fire if I stole another peek at him.

  "Yes, of course. I hope you have a great weekend." Ethan paused for a second before asking, "Anything fun planned for the evening?"

  Ethan pulled his hands out of his pockets and rested his thumbs through his belt loops. His long fingers trailed down his thighs. My mouth went dry and I blinked to stop myself from mentally undressing him. I chastised myself for making the mistake of looking at him again. It was game over for me. My body ignited everywhere and I fell deeper into his eyes. I wished they'd tell me more about him but they kept me in a trance more than anything else did.

  "I hope that my evening has nothing but a large glass of wine and my amazing whirlpool for a long bath," I stammered, trying to steady my erratic heartbeat.

  There goes the last bit of keeping yourself separate from this place. Great job.

  His breath quickened as he closed his eyes. His reaction to what I said cranked up the tingling in my body.

  "It sounds like a nice way to end the week," Ethan said, opening his eyes with a sexy grin.

  Apparently, little to no interaction with him only strengthened my hormones and idiocy around him. I stared at his mouth without bothering to cease the intoxicating desires running through me. I pondered what he'd be like in bed.

  Hmm...Ethan...naked...Gah, focus Mia.

  "Umm...yes, I hope it's relaxing. I'll see you Monday," I said with my voice cracking under the intensity between us

  Before leaving, I took a parting glance to see he had sat down on my desk with his eyes closed. He opened them to catch me staring at him. I shook my head at my lack of self-control and made my way towards the stairs.

  I got into my car and hit my head on the steering wheel. This had become my routine whenever I had intense exchanges like that with Ethan. Every effort I exerted to separate myself vanished. It intrigued me as well as pissed me off that this man derailed me this much.

  I grabbed my purse to call Harrison to give him an update - not that I had much of one. I had been doing everything he asked by getting well acquainted with everyone while trying to find anything possible. This company was like Fort Knox. Obtaining any substantial information was difficult to say the least. I dialed his number to provide a recap on the week.

  "Reynolds," he answered, irritated.

  "Hi Harrison, it's Mia."

  "Yes, Mia. How are things going?"

  His voice went from agitated to charming within an instant. It kept my distrust of him.

  "I'm still learning the ropes while building relationships with everyone. It's going well but they're a well-oiled machine around here so getting past the surface is tricky," I replied.

  "This isn't a homework assignment with a due date. I realize that this could take a significant amount of time," he assured.

  I sighed. "I know. I just wish I would have had more by now."

  "It's fine Mia. Keep doing what you're doing. It's going to be more about the relationships you build. Have you spent any more time with the executives?" Harrison inquired suspiciously.

  I bit the inside of my cheek knowing I spent more than enough time with one of them.

  "Ah...no...Not really," I lied.

  "I know your shift ended an hour ago so I assume that you're going above and beyond to get something for me. I look forward to your next update. Anything major to report, I want you to arrange a meeting with me rather than telling me over the phone," he said sternly.

  "Umm...okay, I will."

  "Have a nice weekend Mia."

  "Bye Harrison."

  CHAPTER TEN

  I wanted a quiet evening but had one stop before that happened for me. I caved in to Bri by giving into a roommate dinner to celebrate my birthday. I tried to say no but she whined for a ridiculous amount of time. She said that she had already made reservations at one of the swankiest restaurants downtown. Since it was just dinner and not a party, I agreed to it.

  We were going to meet at the house before heading downtown. I noticed their vehicles parked between the driveway and the street but the house was dark. I pulled up parking behind Jackson's Range Rover. As I climbed the porch stairs, my anxiety grew. I prayed Bri didn't lie to me. I inhaled deeply before opening the front door.

  "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

  I nearly jumped out of my skin in shock. The house was full of people that I hadn't seen in months. I continued to gaze past everyone trying to find the four faces that were responsible for this fiasco. It was impossible through the countless red and black balloons that covered pretty much everything. I spotted Bri's face. Her eyes were hopeful that I wasn't going to go ballistic. She dropped Trey's hand to make her way to where I stood frozen to the floor.

  "Are you surprised?" she asked.

  "Umm...Surprised...Overwhelmed...I thought this was going to be a quiet evening. When did the memo change?"

  "Come on Mia! It's your twenty-second birthday. You didn't really think that we'd go out to dinner and that would be the end of it," Bri whined.

  "Yes, I did. I was hoping for that outcome," I hissed.

  Bri tugged me into the li
ving room. "Well, too bad. Mia, there are plenty of people that want to celebrate with you. I tried to tell the guys that you wanted to have a low-key evening but they weren't having of it."

  My jaw dropped in disbelief. "I figured you were the mastermind behind it."

  Bri shook her head letting a smile curl at the edge of her mouth. "Nope, this was the boys. They said that you need to be reminded of just how many people adore you."

  My unease fell to the wayside. I couldn't be upset with a party knowing that these four people were family to me. They had a long year of dealing with my bullshit so they deserved a celebration for getting me to another year. If this was what they wanted for the evening, who was I to say no.

  "Every one of those boys loves you. They will do anything for you. I think this is their way of making up for the things they can't control like Micah for example."

  Bri bit her lip after her last comment slipped out. I shrugged not giving it a second thought knowing that there was truth in what she said.

  "I don't deserve you guys. You're way too good to me," I admitted with a wide smile.

  She rolled her eyes securing my arm on our way over to the boys. I let out a breath of relief that I went with black hi-low tank dress. The guests were not in formal wear but it was more than casual attire. Bri turned heads with most of the guys that we passed not that it shocked me. She had on a dress that cut so low that it creased into her chest line. It didn't help that she drew even more eyes to that area with a diamond choker to match the dangling diamonds in her ears. The rest of her dress was sleeveless with the same dip in the back. The part that had jaws dropping was it flared well above the knees. Between the different cuts of the dress, her skin had little coverage. It astonished me that Trey even let wear it. Then again, those two lived to tease each other with their bodies.

  The boys dressed the part too. I wanted to whistle because they looked sharp. All of them had on dark washed jeans but it was their upper body wear that had me beaming. Jackson styled his long locks into spikes since he was without his baseball cap. He had on a fitted button down in midnight blue with a black tie. He rolled the sleeves to the elbows exposing his tattoos.