Conflicted (Secrets and Lies)

by Koenig, M. M.

  "If I horribly suck at this, you can't bring it up again - like ever," I muttered.

  Ethan chuckled but agreed. He went to the back of boat to grab my board. Watching him, a fact hit me that hadn't when I got into the boat. I cleared my throat to get his attention. He glanced over to see my smug smirk. Ethan gave me a crooked grin.

  If you weren't so busy frothing at the mouth in the pro shop, you would've put that together earlier. Would you get it together already?

  Fuck off! The inside of my head was a schizophrenic mess. I shook off the voice in my head and focused on enjoying my break from reality. Ethan was waiting for me to elaborate.

  "I see two boards in your hand which means I get to drive the boat after all," I commented.

  "Is that the reason behind your smart ass grin?"

  "Yes it is."

  Ethan shook his head. "Let's take one thing at a time. First thing is to teach you how to board. If you're successful at boarding, we'll move on to teaching you how to drive the boat."

  "I can manage a throttle and wheel," I retorted.

  He cocked an eyebrow. "Are you ready to fall in love with wakeboarding?"

  I shrugged. "I don't love things easily. Let's shoot for me liking it."

  "I can help you get your board on in here or you can strap yourself in out on the water. I'll admit that you want to be in the water when strap yourself into the board."

  "You just want to laugh your ass off when I get in the freezing cold water," I sneered.

  "It's one perk to that option but that's not the reason. When you're in the water, it's easier to slide on the board," Ethan stated.

  "Fine, I might as well go for the easier route."

  "I'll get in with you. I'll show you how to secure the board and cover the basics of boarding with you," Ethan said, tossing me a lifejacket.

  I slipped off the hoodie and replaced it with the lifejacket. I hesitated gazing at the water below. Before I had time to prevent it, Ethan shoved me into the lake. I got soaked from head to toe. I regained my bearings and saw him curled over himself laughing hysterically. If looks could kill, he'd be dead. He stood up after he took in my expression and bit his bottom lip to keep from laughing any further. Ethan put on his lifejacket and took the end of the rope as he hopped on the back of the boat. He jumped in feet first. It allowed him to keep his head above water. I scowled and pulled the hair tie from my wrist twisting my hair into a ponytail.

  Ethan swam out to me and started to tread water next to me. He smiled sexily as I tied my hair back. He placed the board horizontal with the back of the boots hitting the top of the water in front of me. While I was busy with the boots, his hand approached my face. I turned as he grabbed a piece of lose hair tenderly tucking it behind my ear. Ethan slid his hand down my cheek before putting it back in the water. My face tingled and my heart double-timed as I stared at him. The intensity in his eyes had my body heating up.

  Heating up in freezing cold water. How that is possible is beyond me.

  "So teach. How do I do this? The board is on and I'm leaning back here feeling a little like an idiot and you aren't giving me any pointers on what comes next," I remarked.

  Ethan smiled and explained what I needed to do. He covered the technique to bring myself up and stay up then moved on to going from side to side successfully. The last thing he went over was the hand signals for the speed of the boat. When I had it all down, I grabbed the rope. He swam back to the boat. Before he hopped in, he turned back to me.

  "Mia, whatever you do, don't try to jump the wake. If you get a feel for this, you're going to want to but don't do it," he commanded.

  I rolled my eyes as anxiety prickled across the rest of me. I wasn't entirely sure about this whole idea. He climbed into the boat and made his way to the driver's seat. As the engine roared to life, I went from somewhat nervous to a whole hell a lot of nervous. Ethan pulled out slowly before picking up enough speed to extract tension in the rope. As the tension grew, I knew it was now or never. I closed my eyes to remember everything he told me as the water rushed around me. I opened my eyes and leaned back. I kept the board horizontal until just enough resistance was there for me to swing it forward. My feet took over steering it in front of me and I was upright on the board flying across the water.

  Holy shit, this is amazing.

  The adrenaline rush was awesome. I put up my right hand to let him know that the speed was good. After going for a while on one side, I leisurely made my way over to the other. Another rush of adrenaline ran through me after making it to the other side without falling. I went back and forth enjoying every second of it. It was perfect because I didn't have a care in the world. I had no idea how long I was out there but my arms started to become weaker. My hands released the rope and I sunk into the water. While waiting for Ethan, I slipped the board off to use it as a buoy.

  Ethan slowed down next to me with a huge grin on his face. It sent another round of heat all over inside of me. I smiled and swam towards the boat. Once close enough to the boat, I glided the board across the water to him. He set it in the boat. Ethan extended his hand to help me up. Unaware of how drained my body actually was, I tripped over the back and fell right into his chest. Ethan steadied me by gently grabbing my arms. My heart sped up as he held me. I should be cold with the breeze lightly blowing across my face but I was ablaze with my desire for him. His breath faltered as he held me tightly. His eyes contained the same amount of passion that was flooding through my body. I wiggled out of his grasp before things went further between us.

  "So what did you think?" Ethan asked hoarsely.

  "That was fucking awesome!" I exclaimed.

  "I figured you'd like it. Why did you drop the rope?"

  "I got tired. I wanted to end the ride gracefully rather than falling on my ass," I said, grabbing a towel and blanket from the floor on my way to the front of the boat. I turned back to Ethan with a devilish grin. "Besides, I want to drive this boat."

  "You're way to eager. I'm not sure I should let you. Your eyes are dancing just at the prospect of it," he said, shaking his head.

  "Oh come on Ethan, you know you're dying to board too. Just show me how to drive. I promise I won't kill you by flipping it," I whined.

  He motioned for me to take the driver's seat. I scrambled over to it. Ethan approached from behind causing my breath to hitch as he settled in next to my shoulder. He went over how to drive the boat in detail. I nodded with each instruction but he still wasn't satisfied. We did a few test runs and that was nearly disastrous to my focus. He slid his hand over mine to help me adjust the speeds until I got the hang of it. It was becoming easier to have him touch me but the bad thing was that it made me want so much more than subtle brushes. I started to crave his hands all over me to satisfy the ache deep within me.

  Once he felt comfortable that I had it down, we stopped so he could hop in the water. I ended up being able to drive the boat with no issues. While Ethan boarded, I appreciated the water as it washed along sending waves off to the waiting shore. My mind was as clear as the cloudless sky above me. Occasionally, I stole a quick peek over my shoulder to watch Ethan. He had a grin on his face throughout his ride. It would grow wider after he landed one of the many tricks he had been doing. He was amazing out there. My face spread into a wide smile. It made me happy to see him so young and free. We spent the rest of the afternoon boarding and enjoying the serenity of being on the water.

  After a while, our stomachs got the better of us so we stopped to eat. We sat across from each other eating hoagies while sipping on sodas. In no hurry to get back to shore, we stayed out on the water. We talked about everything from our interests and hobbies to the types of movies, music, and books we preferred. Somehow, we managed to avoid anything too personal. The sun had begun its descent. Its sharp brightness had faded off to a smoldering blaze of red and pink.

  "We should get going before it gets too dark," I whispered.

  Ethan sighed but nodded. We packed up and
took our seats to head back to shore. Ethan took us across the water at a much slower pace than he did when we came out here. It was a silent ride back. He avoided looking at me and I did the same. A deep-rooted pain slashed through me that we had to go back to the real world. It sure was a fun day in the land of make believe. He was the best distraction. I shook my head knowing he was so much more than that today. Ethan was amazing. The one man that sparked something in me that I thought was all but dead and I couldn't be with him.

  Life really is a bitch sometimes.

  Once back on dry land, we went back to the shop to change. His buddy took the boat key from Ethan and directed us off to the back of the store where we could steal quick showers. I stood by my thoughts earlier. Ethan got the royal treatment. After quick showers, we were back in our clothes and ready to return to reality. I went to return my board but Ethan grabbed it.

  "This isn't a rental. It's yours."

  I sighed. "Ethan, this is too much. I need to pay for it."

  "Mia, you're not paying me anything so just drop it," he said defiantly.

  "What am I supposed to say when people ask me about my absence today? Because today was a hooky day that even Ferris Bueller would be proud of," I snapped.

  Ethan tried not to laugh at me by biting his lip. My anger paled as I watched his teeth travel along his lip line. I fought the urge to close the distance and kiss him. He wasn't very successful because he started chuckling halting my wayward urge.

  "You really do have a mouth on you," he pointed out.

  I smirked on my way out of the store. Ethan carried my board and bag of newly acquired items. We walked along the pier in silence. Before long, we were back at his car on our way back to the office. The ever-present sexual tension was still there but there was melancholy amongst us in the car as well. The music streaming through the car matched the mood.

  "Ethan?"

  He acknowledged with a slight nod of his head but never took his eyes from the road.

  "I need to know why you did this for me. I'm sure you don't do these things with many people. I can tell how personal it is to you."

  He took his eyes off the road to focus on me. The desire behind them shot right through me.

  "You seemed like you needed a break - a chance to heal whatever has been bothering you. It's been a look in your eyes that I'm familiar with so I took you to the place that helps me. I can tell from being with you today that it had the same effect on you that it has on me."

  My heart swelled at his response. Unbeknownst to me, my hand drifted from my lap over to his hand. This was the first time I initiated the contact between us. When our hands touched, it startled him. Ethan sucked in a quick breath. My body exploded at his reaction. After having a day of me squirming out of his embrace, Ethan secured his hand tightly to mine by lacing our fingers together. I relished every single second of having his hand in mine.

  How can something that feels so incredibly right be so wrong?

  We rolled up to my parked car in the empty parking lot. I started to drop my hand from his but he tightened his grip to pull me toward him. By the passion in his eyes, he was going to kiss me. I wanted that moment with him more than my next breath. His face was within inches of mine. The cool mint of his breath wafted across me. My heart started to beat in time with the butterflies going berserk in my stomach. I started to lean into him when my eyes caught the company logo. I halted my forward movement and closed my eyes for a second.

  Mia! You can't do this! You can't be with him! Don't even think about it.

  My very last ounce of sense beat down every wanton part of me. It squashed the butterflies. My heart slowed down but that had more to do with agony of having to push him away from me. I opened my eyes and inhaled a deep breath of air.

  "Ethan, I'm so grateful for what you did for me today. We can't cross any more lines. My life is complicated enough without adding something like this happening," I pleaded.

  The pained expression in his eyes ripped me apart. He held my hand for a few more minutes and then let out a heavy sigh before releasing it. I gathered my things and got out.

  He rolled down the window and asked, "What about your board?"

  "Why don't you hang on to it for me? It'll give me a reason to bug you to take me out there again," I suggested with a half-hearted smile.

  Christ, what is wrong with me? I just said I don't want to complicate things any further and then throw out a line asking for another outing like today. I need help.

  I turned away from him to find my keys. I unlocked the door with an eagerness to leave before I said or did anything else idiotic. With my stuff secured behind me, I straightened in my seat to close my door when his hands stopped it. Ethan opened the door and leaned towards me as his eyes scorched mine. My brain stopped working with that look. I didn't realize that he had pulled me out of my car and pressed me up against it. He gripped my neck with his other hand before delicately placing his lips over mine. Ethan ran his lips across every part of my mouth before he deepened the kiss.

  My lips ignited the second his were around them. It was raw and passionate at first but he pulled back to appreciate every aspect of them. He brought my bottom lip down ever so slightly. Ethan caressed it with his tongue before doing the same thing to my top lip. I gave him full access to lick and stroke the rest of my mouth. My body had been yearning for him for so long that I threw myself into the kiss as much he had when he initiated it. My hands found their way into his hair as our lips savored every inch of each other. He pulled me so close that I felt his heart beating just as fast as mine as we continued to get lost in each other's mouths.

  I had no idea if it was seconds or minutes that we explored each other's lips and bodies. My body burned with desire as he ran his hands down my back before settling in the lower part of it. His lips gently kissed the lines of my jaw. A small moan escaped as he continued kissing along my throat. Each lick of the tongue from him was hungrier for more. My hands slid down his sides to find his hips. My body went from burning to a dead ache for him.

  I tried to get my brain to start working again. I didn't have much longer before giving him every part of me. With my eyes closed, I released my grip on his hips. His lips stopped moving when I tilted my head to the side. I opened my eyes to face the disappointment that I knew would be in his. I placed one last tender kiss on his bottom lip before whispering I had to go. Ethan nodded and let me get back in my car. His parting gaze smoldered every part of me.

  As I pulled out of the parking lot, tears started to stem in my eyes. From the moment I met Ethan, he awakened feelings inside of me that I'd never experienced and couldn't explain. I was more alive than any other moment in my life because of him. My hands banged against the steering wheel as the first tears fell. I never anticipated that I'd start falling for him and that was exactly what happened today. I thought it was lust but it was so much more. He made me forget about all the problems that life threw at us. It wasn't his appearance that brought my heart out of its slumber. It was simply Ethan. The part that hurt my heart the most was that he wanted me too. We wanted each other but it wasn't part of the plan. On that thought, the tears flowed freely. If I gave into a relationship with him, I'd be in way over my head without a chance of coming out of this deal unscathed.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  My drive went rather fast but that was due to the continuous tears. They streamed in time with a thousand different emotions that coursed through my exhausted body. Parking in our driveway, I hoped that everyone was either out or in their rooms.

  If only I could be so lucky.

  As I made my way through the front door, Bri and Trey were on the couch watching a movie. She lifted her head of Trey's chest and gave me a bright smile.

  "Hey Miii...aaa," Bri broke off after seeing my flustered face.

  I gave her a forced smile on my way upstairs. I reached the landing and kept a quick pace on my way to my bedroom. I tossed my stuff onto the floor before flopping onto the be
d. I brought my arm over my face and closed my eyes. Minutes later, Bri tapped on my doorframe.

  "Mia," she said softly. She entered my room and sat at the end of my desk after turning on the light. "Mia, what's wrong?" Bri asked.

  I kept my face out of her line of view. When I told her what was wrong, she would be disappointed in me.

  Hell, I'm disappointed in me. What the hell am I doing?

  "I really fucked up today," I breathed.

  Bri leapt off the desk and settled on the pillow next to me. She brought my arm down and held my hand tightly. The tears started to build in my eyes again. Bri was on her side waiting for me to answer. The unwavering concern in her eyes reminded me how very lucky I was to have her as a best friend. I was glad that she was my person that I could go to with anything without fear of losing her in my life. I loosened the grip that she had on my hand because in a minute she'd have her nails imbedded into my palms.

  "Well, you know how attracted to Ethan I am right?"

  "Oh Mia, please tell me you didn't sleep with him," Bri snapped.

  I caught her out of the corner of my eye. She narrowed her eyes insisting for denial or confirmation. I blinked allowing a deep breath to pass through me.

  "No, I didn't sleep with him but I may as well have. He kissed me and I kissed him back."

  "Wait. What? Why would let him kiss you? How is that even possible when you're at work? I thought you were staying away from him!" Bri shrieked.

  I bit the insides of my cheeks at her growing irritation with me. "Well, that's the thing. I spent the entire day with him out of the office."