Conflicted (Secrets and Lies)

by Koenig, M. M.

  "I'm fine. I'm sorry I overreacted."

  "It's okay. You had somewhat of a point."

  Ethan leaned forward sweeping his mouth along my lips. He kept the kiss tender so it was no surprise to me when he moaned loudly after I turned it into a much deeper kiss. I threw every ounce of myself into it. The pain and guilt disappeared with my body fixating on wanting to show him that he was at the precipice of getting every part of me. My insides sprang to life wanting to express how much I needed him. Ethan started moving us but our lips never parted. He set me on the island and I tangled my legs around his waist. His mouth broke from mine to go down my neck to my earlobe where he placed a soft kiss. Our breathing was heading towards an all too familiar place. I pulled his lips to mine for a kiss that left us breathless.

  "Wow," I whispered.

  "What?" Ethan panted.

  "I can go from one extreme emotion to the next in a matter of seconds around you."

  "What are you feeling right now?"

  "You know exactly what I'm feeling," I husked, running my nails down his back.

  "Yes, I do," he groaned, laying me on the island as he got rid of our clothes.

  ~

  We were lounging in his living room and I was lying on his lap. The TV was on but I hadn't been paying any attention to it. My fingers were outlining his tattoos. I was more alive since meeting Ethan than I had been throughout my entire life. Even lying here doing nothing my entire body hummed on a current that made every touch and sound that much more noticeable as I absorbed them. He brought out the best and the worst in me but I was more at peace with him than anyone. My fingers lowered to his hand and I brought it to my lips for a light peck.

  Ethan beamed. "What was that for?"

  "No reason. Just couldn't help myself," I confessed.

  "What are you thinking about?"

  "I'm thinking about how much you consume me. We were supposed to try to get out today but we couldn't go without getting hot and sweaty long enough to make a decision."

  "That's not my fault. You started an argument with me that I tried to end nobly. You're the one that took that kiss to a different level. You can't push my buttons like that and expect that I'm not going to take you."

  "Here I was thinking that you were trying to see how many places you could have me," I teased.

  Ethan had a wicked grin upon his face as moved his hands with dexterity across my body. My insides started to melt with his touch. I paused his fingers to keep him from traveling any further south of my stomach. He settled them along my thighs with a gleam in his eye. "Do you still want to go out today? I'm sure we could add a few more places to that list."

  "No, I think I'd rather stay right here with you. The real world will be there in a few hours."

  He tensed. "Are you saying what is happening here isn't real?"

  Here we go. I can feel the fight coming on already.

  I shuffled out of his lap and over to the side of him. "No. Why do you assume the worst?"

  "I can never tell with you Mia. It's how you word things," he shot back.

  "Ethan, this is real. It's going to be complicated but it's definitely real," I reassured.

  My stomach knotted at his doubt and the rigid look in his eyes did nothing to ease it.

  "Why do you keep referring to everything outside of my apartment as the real world?"

  "What do you want me to say? You don't want to talk about work or tomorrow but that's part of the real world," I defended.

  He gave a flippant wave of the hand. "Tomorrow will be fine. You seem more hung up on what is going to happen than me."

  His nostrils flared and his fists curled as he worked to keep his breaths even. My own temper was on the rise as everything within me constricted with my high level of irritation.

  "Bullshit. You believe I'm going to wake up tomorrow pretending like this weekend didn't happen. What do you want me to do to prove that I'm not going to act like that again?"

  "I don't know."

  His eyes darted away from but I caught a mixture of emotions behind them. His anger was present but there something else that I couldn't place. It made my frustration with him grow even more because he was holding something back.

  "Tell me this. How do you want me to act tomorrow? Because I have no clue," I snapped.

  "Act like you normally do around me," he said without concern.

  "Seriously! Have you thought about how you've been with me all weekend?"

  "Yes, of course. It's some of the best moments I've ever had with a woman," he said seductively, trying to steer me in a different direction.

  I scowled. "Stop it. Think about what you did on Friday."

  "Are you saying that you don't think that you'll be able keep your hands off me?"

  He leaned closer and I pulled away. He was teasing me and I found no humor in it.

  "I'll be working alone with you for eight hours. It's been a challenge to go a few hours over the weekend. You know what you do to me and that is why you pulled that stunt. I was beyond furious with you. Can't you find someone else now that you have me?"

  I didn't want to fight with him but his strange attitude towards working together was pissing me off. He glared at me with harshness behind his eyes that stilled my anger for a second.

  "No."

  "You admitted that you did it to get me. News flash - you got me. Game over!"

  "I said no," Ethan shot back even more harshly.

  I tossed my hands in the air as my blood boiled over with fury. "Why?"

  His hands slammed against the side of the couch. "I'm not reversing the decision."

  "But," I argued.

  "No. End of discussion Mia!" Ethan shouted.

  His face was bright red with how furious he had become with me. His fists were curled so tight that his knuckles were white. Ethan rose from the couch and left the room in a huff. I sunk further into the couch. I laid on the armrest of the couch and turned over to see what he had on TV. It was some romantic comedy making me a little envious. Life was never as simple as what you read in a book or saw on TV. If my life were a movie, the end credits should've rolled with the happily ever after the second that Ethan and I got together. Deciding to be with him just made my life more complicated. I closed my eyes not wanting to think about it any longer.

  ~

  I rolled over to find myself back in Ethan's bed. He was lying on his side with his head propped up by his arm with his eyes on me. My hands rubbed my tired eyes awake.

  "Hey," I murmured.

  Ethan ran his hands through my hair in delicate strokes. It made my heart skip a beat when he was this tender with me. He paused to place his hand on my cheek with tiny grin on his face. "I'm sorry about earlier. I walked away because I was losing my temper. When I came back, you'd fallen asleep. Since you don't do that a lot, I didn't want to wake you."

  I sighed. "I was so mad at you."

  "I know. Our emotions have the potential of becoming cataclysmic. I realized that when I pinned you against the shelves in the conference room. I was so angry with you. At the same time, I wanted you so much so that I was having a hard time from not turning you around and taking you right there. Hearing you react to me the way you did only amplified all those urges. I don't always think rationally when I'm around you," Ethan revealed.

  "I knew I wasn't going to be able to deny you any longer in that moment," I admitted.

  I rested my head into the crook of his shoulder. His fingers fiddled with them of my shirt.

  "You did?" Ethan asked in wonderment.

  "Yes. I was so angry with you but it didn't stop me from wanting you. It was an overwhelming feeling," I confessed.

  Ethan exhaled heavily. "I don't like arguing with you."

  His hands started to wander underneath my shirt. It wreaked havoc on my focus with him.

  "I'm not fond of fighting with you either but it's bound to happen with us," I admitted as my heart began to flutter.

  "Do you really think so?"


  He removed my shirt and ran his hands along my sides. With every inch he passed upon me, my skin and everything deeper within me ignited with a heavy burn for him. My insides jumped to life insisting for more.

  "Yes, I do. We have so much to learn about each other that we're going to have arguments. The important thing is that we try to talk through them," I said, attempting to even my breathing.

  "I do like this part of each other that we share. At least when I hold you this close, I can feel your need for me and that eases my mind," he admitted, tugging my boxers down half way.

  "I like that too," I breathed, gliding my hands up to his neck and shoulders.

  "Will you give that to me now?" Ethan asked huskily as his hands found my hot spot.

  His fingers and thumbs worked their magic as he rolled me onto my back.

  "Yes," I moaned, yanking off his boxers as he slowly lowered over me.

  Ethan brought his hand up above my eye letting his fingers trace down my cheek before gently placing his hand behind my neck. He brought me closer to him resting our lips next to each other. Everything was moving at a very deliberate pace including his hands. I either needed him to pick up that pace down there or replace his fingers all together.

  "Oh God..." I groaned.

  I pushed my tongue past his lips eagerly wanting him to match the frantic beats of my heart with his mouth but he remained at his measured pace.

  "I want this time to be different Mia," Ethan breathed.

  He paused at my lips to bring his teeth along the bottom one gently grazing back and forth.

  "Ah...you are going to make me come if keep doing that," I moaned loudly.

  His lips left mine heading south to my breasts where he began licking and suckling. His mouth focused on one while his fingers did the same to the other. Both nipples were at full attention in a matter of seconds and I was burning everywhere. He successfully sensationalized every single part of me.

  "I want to leave you with a lasting impression of me," he whispered, nibbling under my ear.

  Ethan ran his tongue up my throat to my mouth and pushed inside as if he was on a mission. My hands found their way down to him where I began stroking at a much different pace than his. His breathing picked up but he made no move to go faster. Ethan restrained my hand from any further action. He kissed the top of it before placing it above my head. His lips went down my neck making a trail through the center of my breasts to my belly button until they settled between my legs. I didn't care what he did to me as long as he was going to get me to a release soon. His tongue slipped up and down in such an erotic rhythm that I couldn't stop the scream that built up in my chest.

  "Oh. My. God. Don't. You. Dare. Stop."

  He continued running his tongue along in a precise pattern while his hands did the same on my hip and breast. My head arched off the mattress as my hands clutched around the sheets. I was so very close with toxic sensations in so many places. He brought me to the precipice of my climax before changing to an entirely different tempo.

  "What are you doing?" I groaned loudly

  "You're so ready but wait," he whispered.

  God help me, he better mean that he was about to slide in me. I couldn't handle much more before I burst into flames.

  "Ethan, please I need you," I begged in a loud drawn out moan.

  "I need you too Mia," Ethan replied in a reverent tone.

  He rested his knee between my legs. His deep brown eyes mystified me. There was so much passion in them. It made my heart beat even faster knowing he was looking at me that way. Ethan shifted my legs apart and positioned his body over me. He situated his elbows on each side of my head. My hands grasped his neck and my fingers tugged at his hair with my desperate want for him. He obliged by sliding into me. I still wasn't sure if it was him, the piercing, or us together but the feeling was the most exotic thing I'd ever experienced.

  "Oh God..." I screamed.

  Ethan brought his lips to mine. His mouth silenced me as his hips set forth on a studied pace just like everything else he'd being doing to me. He switched it up with slow steady thrusts before bringing it to a slow to prevent me from letting go. Every time he started back up at a faster pace. The fire inside me came back stronger than before making each move he made so electrifying that I wasn't really sure if I was here with him anymore. My body moved on to an entirely different plane.

  "You always feel so good Mia," Ethan moaned loudly.

  My arms clutched around his back as he penetrated further deep. Ethan switched gears pushing harder and faster. I let out a long moan needing us to release soon. I held on tight and clenched my insides to him as he started to get close.

  "Fuck you drive me over the edge when you do that to me," he growled.

  He drove into me several more times and I screamed with the immense pleasure of each powerful thrust. It was the most mind-blowing orgasm ever. I continued squeezing around him until he let go as well. As he hit his climax, he moaned louder than I'd heard from him all weekend. He rested his head on my shoulder. Our skin slid against each other with the amount of sweat that we'd worked up. After a few minutes, Ethan slid out and rolled onto his back.

  "Wow," I panted.

  He grinned. "I told you it would be worth it."

  "Yes, it was worth it. I can't say I've ever experienced anything like that."

  "Good. That was the plan."

  "I need to get home soon."

  His face fell and he gazed away. I kept my palm on his check until he looked at me.

  "Hey, I had an amazing weekend with you. I'll see you tomorrow," I assured.

  He sighed. "I know that you need to go home. I just don't want you to go."

  "Ethan, I know you're worried but this weekend is so different from a day of playing hooky with you. This isn't the end of something; it's the beginning."

  Ethan beamed. "You certainly have a way with words when you want to Mia." He placed a sweet kiss on my forehead. "If I have to take you home, then I'm showering with you."

  "I'm never getting home tonight," I teased.

  Ethan picked me up and swatted me on the ass as he carried me to the bathroom. I couldn't admit it to him but I was terrified of leaving him too. I knew without a doubt that he was my choice. I needed him in my life. I just had no idea how I was going to finagle my way out of everything without hurting him or anyone else.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  By the time we finished with our shower, the sun had nearly set. Since I'd been wearing nothing but Ethan's clothes all weekend, I continued the trend with a pair of his sweatpants and T-shirt. With his apartment behind us, we were in the hall on our way to the elevator. Ethan was as young looking as I'd ever seen him. He was in a pair of khaki cargo shorts and olive green muscle shirt. His tattoos flamed up his arms and legs made him absolutely delectable.

  Christ Mia, you're leaving! Don't even think about it!

  Ethan hauled me into his chest. "You really can't help yourself can you. I've always enjoyed catching you in a stare. It was how I realized that you felt something for me too. Well, that and the blushing. I noticed the blushing the first day. It was hard to miss."

  Ethan paused to place his hand over my bright red cheek. I grabbed his hand and brought it down to my side as the elevator arrived. As boarded, I gave his hand a tight squeeze. We shuffled to the back of the elevator and leaned against the railing facing each other.

  "If I had any control over how any part of my body reacts around you, I would've exercised it a long time ago."

  "I hope it never stops."

  He brought his lips so close to me that his heated breath drifted across my neck sending sparks everywhere. My breath hitched as my body hummed to life.

  "Don't. The parking lot was a one-time thing Ethan," I said hoarsely.

  "I'm not doing anything," he disputed.

  He ran his nose along my neck with soft brushes of his lips ever few seconds. My stomach clenched along with everything south of me demand
ing more.

  "Yes, you are and you know it. So stop."

  The elevator reached the garage and I departed as fast as possible. Ethan chuckled but kept pace with me. We walked with our hands together until we got to his car. Before he opened the passenger side, he pressed his body against mine before bringing his hands to my face and lowering his mouth. We stood there exploring each other's mouths until Ethan ran his hand down to open the door. I was ready to repeat everything we just finished doing in his bedroom.

  The bastard turned me on again.

  "Sometimes I can't help myself," he declared, helping me into the car.

  We made our way back to the suburbs. He slowed to a stop as we hit my driveway. Ethan shifted the car in park and left it running with our hands laced together. I started to untangle my hand from his but he stopped me by gripping it even tighter. He looked over with heartache in his eyes that crushed my insides.

  "I'll see you tomorrow," I whispered, bringing my lips to his for a goodbye kiss.

  I drove my lips heartily into his taking in every part of him. We did what we do so well with each other and lost ourselves in the moment. As our heated breaths rose, I pulled away and grabbed the handle to open it. Ethan sighed but let me go. I leaned over for one last kiss to savor his wintergreen taste.

  "Bye for now babe."

  "Bye love."

  I grinned getting out. I tapped the window before walking around the car. Ethan waited until I was at the door. To my surprise, it opened causing me to stumble through it. It dumbfounded me at first but I came to my senses fast when my eyes caught sight of Bri behind the door. She was glaring at me with a fiery wrath in her eyes.

  "It's about fucking time you came home," Bri shouted.

  "And hello to you too."

  "I'm so not in the mood right now Mia." She stopped moving us forward and took in my attire. "What the hell happened to your clothes and shoes?"

  "They're at Ethan's place."

  "Unbelievable."

  She yanked me from the safety of the doorway and stormed into the living room. I wasn't sure about going any further with her with the ire that surrounded her mood. The fire in her eyes stood a chance at incinerating me if I kept focus with them for too long. I loosened the death grip she had on my arm and settled into the recliner. Bri huffed as she sat down on the couch.