Conflicted (Secrets and Lies)

by Koenig, M. M.

I separated my body from his a fraction of an inch. I stared wide-eyed before my body did all the talking as it nodded. His lips crushed against mine. Every side of me that I suppressed all day hit me at full speed. When we connected with each other this way, my body surged at a higher level. I opened my mouth allowing him to take whatever part of me he desired. We remained frozen in time kissing each other with such intensity that we pulled away breathless. I lingered along his lips sucking on the bottom one. He stroked his tongue where my lips dawdled. Before leaving his office, I gave him a parting smile. Ethan looked back at me unhappily. I wanted nothing more than to stay with him but I also needed the separation.

  ~

  When pulling into our driveway, I noticed that just Trey's Camaro was home. I was hoping that there would be a buffer for us. I got out of my car making my way towards the house at a snail's pace. I dropped my stuff at the door preparing myself for what would be nothing short of a colorful conversation. I knew coming clean with Trey would make him so angry that he'd want to punch something. I reveled in my gender and sat down on the couch across from him. I preferred having the coffee table between us. It was the closest thing to a buffer that I was going to get. His was rigid which was fitting. It matched the fury in his eyes.

  "Where is everyone else?"

  "Class. Don't even bother with small talk Mia. Who is Ethan? Where are you working?"

  I sighed. "Before I tell you, I need to backtrack to my meeting from a while ago."

  "I knew you weren't telling me everything that day," Trey snapped.

  "The meeting wasn't just with my advisor. The owner of Inside Out was there too. His name is Harrison Reynolds. My advisor had given him some of my work. Long story short, Harrison asked me to help him with a major piece he's been putting together for quite some time. He made me an offer I couldn't refuse."

  Trey pierced his eyes to me. "I'm missing the punch line. Get to the point."

  I inhaled deeply. "The way I'm helping him is by being an inside source. I'm gathering information that will validate what he has put together so that he can take it to print."

  Trey rolled his fingers. "Again, move it along Mia."

  I took another long breath and prayed that Trey didn't blow a gasket. "I'm working at F. F. Sweeney to get that information for Harrison and that is how I met Ethan," I said rapidly.

  "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND?"

  Trey lunged across the coffee table slamming his fists against it. His face went from white to bright red. Since he was inches from me, I leaned away from his heavy breathing.

  "Trey, please calm down. I'm getting myself out of it," I answered quietly.

  "Calm down. You want me to calm down. The owners of that company are tied to the mob! How could you agree to cross them? Do you have any idea how much danger you're in?"

  He brought up his fist as if to crash it through the table but stopped before impact.

  "I'm trying to get out of it without drawing any attention to myself."

  Trey stepped away and clasped his hands behind his neck. He started pacing around the room for a few minutes. He returned his attention to me with rage still burning in his eyes.

  "This is because of the guy. You're backing out because of him aren't you?"

  "Yes and no."

  My body became anxious as Ethan flowed through my head. My heart fluttered as my stomach squelched knowing that it was because of him that I was finally able to see the situation for what it was. Part of it was about him but most of it was about me. I wanted to be better and involvement with Harrison wasn't going to help me improve on all my shortcomings.

  "That's not an answer. Tell me the fucking truth," Trey seethed.

  "It's sort of both. After I got involved with him, it made me see that what I was doing had the potential of hurting more than just me. I started thinking about you guys and if something happened to you I'd never forgive myself."

  Trey scowled. "And the guy?"

  "It's because of him too. I don't want to betray him anymore than I already have up to this point. If I stand a shot with Ethan, I need to come clean," I whispered, avoiding his eyes.

  "What do you know about him? What's his involvement with the company?"

  His eyes told me that his mind was moving a mile a minute. He brought his fists up on more than one occasion as if he was about to punch a wall or anything in sight. Somehow, he refrained from following through with it. Trey stopped pacing and sat back on the couch again. He remained livid but he had loosened his fists as his breathing evened out.

  "I don't know a lot about him but I'm hoping to have a chance to learn everything about him. I don't know if he is as bad as the owners of the company. My gut tells me that he's not."

  "You're gut. You're going off your damn gut. I swear to God Mia!" Trey barked.

  "I'm sorry Trey. I know I've messed up badly," I breathed.

  I fought back the tears that were on the rise. This was why talking to your girlfriends was easier than talking to your guy friends. The tone in his voice was separating me. It screamed at every corner how horribly I fucked up.

  "I don't like him Mia. You shouldn't be considering anything with him."

  "What happened between you two? You looked like you were ready to kill each other."

  Trey frowned. "I knew he was a bad guy and I questioned letting you leave with him. I should've gone with my instincts and kicked his ass so that he stayed away from you."

  "I know that you look out for me Trey. You're like a brother to me. I know you won't let anyone hurt me but you can't keep me from following my heart. I want to be with Ethan regardless of the things I don't know about him," I whispered, swiping away a tear that slipped down my cheek.

  "You shouldn't trust Ethan. He's going to hurt you. How can you not see what's right in front of you? He's invested in a bad company. There is no way he's not well aware of the operations that go on underneath the surface. How are you okay with being with him?"

  Trey focused his eyes on mine with such vehemence that I couldn't prevent the shiver that ran up my spine. I looked away while taking a deep breath. "I have to follow my heart on this one. You should understand what that means."

  Trey did a double take. "What?"

  "What are you doing with Bri? You were an ass to her at the club. She's your girlfriend so you should trust her. You got pissed at her for living a little. What was that all about?"

  "We aren't talking about Bri and me," he dismissed.

  "We're done talking about me. You have a good thing going with her. Don't be an idiot by throwing it all away because you're scared to admit how you feel about her. If you're going to have her in your life, you have to let her all the way into your heart and trust her," I shot back.

  His eyes grew wide with warning. I tilted my chin not phased in the least.

  "You need to call this Harrison clown and get yourself out of this mess."

  My temper started to flare. I was about over his pushiness. I had so many things to figure out before making that call. "Trey, I will call Harrison. I'm not going to do it right now. I need more time."

  His face flushed as his anger came back in full force. "You are fucking making excuses Mia. You have no clue what you're doing. The longer you let it go; the worse it's going to become. Cut the cord and be done with it. There's going to be fallout one way or another so you might as well just get it over with already."

  My shoulders sagged in defeat. There were times I'd let my stubbornness carry on for hours but he was right. I needed to accept that there would be a price to pay. "Fine, I'll call him and ask to set up a meeting," I relented.

  "Whatever. Make the fucking call already," Trey bit back.

  I got up from the couch and searched through my purse to grab my phone. I dialed Harrison's number and faced Trey with my other hand on my hip. We stared at each with the same amount of frustration in our eyes. The line rang several times before dumping me into his voicemail. I left him a message letting him know that we needed
to set up a meeting. Harrison was timely with getting back to me. I tossed my phone in my purse and glanced over at Trey. He was far from calm yet. I slowly walked towards him and sat down next to him.

  "Did Bri know what you have been up to?" Trey asked angrily.

  "Yes, but I made her promise not to tell you or anyone else about it. I'm sorry for keeping this from you. I hope that someday you'll be able to forgive me."

  After a few minutes, Trey pulled me into his arms and gave me a tight hug. Tears streamed down my face as he held me close.

  "I'm still really fucking pissed at you Mia. I'm going to need a little time on this one but I'll always be there for you," he whispered.

  I knew he would be there for me through the good times and the bad times. This happened to be one of the crappier times. All the guilt flooded out of me as we sat there not saying a word but saying so much at the same time. Eventually, he released me and left the room. I laid down and closed my eyes. I wanted to be anywhere other than my life.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  I woke up in my bed several hours later. I rolled to my side to see Bri lying next to me. She was sound asleep so I didn't want to wake her. I crawled out of bed slipping into shorts before digging along my desk to find Ethan's shirt. I yearned for his scent. There was something about the way he smelled that aroused me as much as his appearance did. There was a subtle smell of cologne. For the most part, it was a cross of the lake on a hot summer's day and a fresh spring breeze. The combination with his natural masculinity was toxic. I found his shirt and tossed it on. I took a moment to inhale the smells of him that lingered in it.

  I tiptoed from my room to go downstairs to find my phone. With my phone in hand, I walked back upstairs checking my call log and texts. Ethan called and sent a text. I also had a missed call from Harrison with a new voicemail. He instructed to stop in for a meeting first thing in the morning. My stomach twisted at what the following days would bring for me. I redirected my thoughts to savoring every moment that I'd have with Ethan before bringing something upon on us that would either shatter us or strengthen us. I sunk to the floor in the hallway and scrolled to open his text message.

  Hey baby! I found something of yours in my car...

  Shit.

  I forgot all about that lost article of clothing. I could only imagine the dirty thoughts that ran through his mind. He wanted to be entertained until tomorrow night. I wondered how he'd do with teasing over the phone. I licked my lips at the prospect of poking at him.

  Hey babe :) Sorry I missed your call - fell asleep. How's your night?

  My phone vibrated instantly. I peeked in my room to see that Bri was still asleep. I didn't want to wake her so I crossed over to her room. I flipped on the light to a whirlwind of a mess. I had never seen so many clothes strewn all over. They covered every area of the floor as well as her bed and desk. No wonder she slept in Trey's room. She probably couldn't find enough room on her bed. I pushed aside a pile to lay at the foot of the bed.

  I wish you were here right now. I love having you in my bed.

  I love that too. Now about that finding, I'd like it back with my other clothes.

  I'll think about it ;)

  I laughed at his playfulness. I loved when this side of him surfaced.

  What's to think about? You can't keep them. I'll find ways to get them back!

  Oh do tell. Sounds salacious ;)

  There's this spot on your throat below your chin that I'd use to my benefit :)

  I know what spot you're referring to. Go on...

  I'd brush my tongue across it sweeping its way north or south...

  You didn't spend much time with your tongue south. Not that I'm complaining with what you did with it because I was more than satisfied.

  I blushed at what he inferred.

  You didn't give me much of a chance!

  True. Plenty of time for that baby. Patience :)

  I'm beginning to hate that word when it comes to you.

  So you keep telling me.

  I cursed under my breath. He was unable to resist getting a rise out of me through any medium. As I went to text him back, my phone vibrated again.

  I know you are cussing me out - don't do it again.

  I didn't understand this connection with him. My stomach and heart pranced together as one just contemplating it.

  I'm not scared of your threats.

  You should be. I might have to remind you tomorrow night.

  I'm looking forward to it. I should get some sleep.

  I'll agree to that. You're going to need your rest. Night love x

  Good night babe x

  I got up from Bri's bed and switched off the light on my way out. I opened my door and plugged in my phone. I crawled under the covers hoping not to disturb her. I was unsure why she was in my room but she seemed exhausted. I lay unmoving for over an hour attempting to shake my nerves about tomorrow. Just as I was about to fall asleep, Bri shifted before talking in her sleep.

  "Please don't let it be true," she mumbled.

  Please don't let what be true. Oh Bri, what are you hiding?

  Now wide-awake, I rolled to my side to face her. She was out but more restless than when I came in the room. I watched as she moved back and forth almost trembling at times. Her dark hair splayed across the pillow moving with her restlessness. Her eyelids twitched every so often but no more words passed through her lips. Her face contorted every so often as if she might say something but nothing ever came out. It was as if a horrible dream trapped her and she was unable to surface from it. Everything about her made me wonder even more what was going on with her. I skulked to the end of my bed to check the time on my phone. It was a little after midnight. I couldn't sleep or relax after listening to her slip of the lip. A rush of warmth spread through my heart as Ethan settled into my mind. I craved to hear his voice. I grabbed my phone and pressed call on my way into Bri's room. I situated myself at the end of her bed again.

  "I thought you were going to bed," he answered on the surprised side.

  "I wanted to hear your voice. I like hearing it before I fall asleep," I admitted.

  "It's shocking to hear you be so honest without having to pry it out of you," he noted.

  I sighed. "I'm trying Ethan."

  Silence filled the line as we listened to each other's slow breaths. Listening to him breathe made my heart spring to life at a sprint.

  "Have you ever heard of six for six?" I asked.

  "I can't say I have. Where are you going with this Mia?" he questioned warily.

  "We get six questions. Three of them can be about more serious aspects of our lives but the others need to be lighthearted," I suggested.

  My stomach fluttered hoping he'd agree. The only thing we knew for sure was that we were very drawn to each other with an insane compatibility in bed.

  "Is this your version of twenty questions?"

  "It's my way of trying to open up to you more," I responded quietly.

  "I assume you have rules so let's have them," Ethan replied after a minute.

  "We have the right to veto at least one question if we don't want to answer it."

  "I can live with that rule. Do I at least get to go first?"

  "Sure."

  Ethan paused and took several shallow breaths. I started nervously biting at my cuticles.

  "Where do you feel most euphoric?"

  I laid down on her bed letting a smile spread across my face. "It's a point within the old neighborhood that allows you to see all the suburbs as well as the city as the lake intersects its way through it all. I don't know what it is about that particular place but I always feel at peace."

  "It sounds wonderful," Ethan commented.

  "I'd ask you what your place is but you've already revealed it to me. What other companies do you own?"

  "Does that qualify as a serious question?"

  "Yes."

  "I have vested interests in quite a few different ventures. The club is one so is
the pro shop."

  "Seriously, you own that place too. No wonder you were so willing to cover the bill for everything!" I interjected.

  "Are you going to let me finish or are you hell bent on ranting?" Ethan retorted.

  I smirked. "Go on."

  "I have businesses between restaurants and personal interests. I've taken stock in other areas that I am passionate about that don't have anything to do with my father's company."

  His father's company...Interesting he doesn't refer to it as his company.

  "Have you ever gone skinny dipping?" he asked devilishly.

  I giggled. "You have such a dirty mind. Yes, I've gone skinny dipping."

  "You made it seem like the other night was the first time you ever did something that shameless in public," he replied, shocked.

  "Ethan, we were outside of a very crowded club where anyone could've seen us. God knows how many people heard it. It was a first for me. The times I've skinny dipped were in secluded areas."

  "Did you have sex any of those times?" he inquired.

  "Ha. I don't have to answer that one because it's my turn," I answered.

  I attempted to ignore the flashes of heat that tingled south of me. I wasn't going to let him seduce me into phone sex because his seductive tone implied that was exactly what he wanted.

  "What's your favorite fast food chain?" I asked.

  My mind had drifted to much dirtier thoughts. I focused on willing my body to purge the growing impulse to have hot and sweaty sex with him. Every part of my body was alive with a want for him. I tried even harder to stop those feelings before they turned into a dead ache. I never longed for sex like I did with him.

  "White Castle," he answered straightaway.

  I did little to withhold gagging which also helped desensitize my overly turned on body.

  "What's wrong with White Castle?"

  "It's right up there with peanut butter on your pancakes. I don't know if this is going to work Ethan. We have some serious food differences," I teased.

  "Your pallet for food is way too limited. I might need to fix that for you."

  "I think my likes and dislikes when it comes to food are just fine. If I feel the need to drop those standards, you'll be my first call," I snickered.