Conflicted (Secrets and Lies)

by Koenig, M. M.

  I hated this man with every fiber of my being. My hate for myself was a close second. It was beyond stupid to think that something as shady as spying from the inside would benefit me. Apparently, I sucked at it more than I thought. I missed the fact that someone else was snooping around too.

  "Just make sure you're at this meeting," he barked.

  I sat stock still staring at the artful asshole trying to understand his motives. Harrison was up to something and his overly cocky stature backed up my thoughts. There was something that I was missing. I clenched my jaw and grabbed my purse. I wasn't about to get any more answers so getting out of this corner of hell was my last lucid thought.

  "Goodbye Harrison."

  "Always a pleasure Mia."

  I opened his door looking back at the evil bastard with so much hate for myself that I could barely breathe. I hit the hallway and started running straight to the bathrooms. My sweaty hands barely managed to open the door. I dropped my purse as my knees crashed to the floor. I lost my entire stomach contents in a matter of seconds. My entire body was shaking as sweat trickled across my brow. The hollowness in my chest squeezed tight. It made each breath that came out a painful reminder of the severity of my poor decisions. I rested my head against the cool porcelain as the pain coursed through every vein slicing me apart. My body trembled as the terror for the people I loved slashed through my chest following the same path as the pain.

  I made another deal with the devil. What have I done? This isn't part of the plan.

  ~

  I was standing in front of yet another door staring at it. I brought my hand up and down several times but refrained from knocking on it. I started pacing back and forth in front of the closed door. I tried to find the will within myself to act normal around Ethan so that he didn't see that anything was wrong. I stopped pacing and let my head lightly fall against his door. I fought the nausea creeping inside of me along with the self-disgust that grew stronger by the minute. As I forced my hand into a fist to knock, a flash of heat spread across my back.

  Ethan shuffled us inside. Shutting the door, he pulled me into him. He made no move to kiss me and it surprised me considering the precocious approach to entering his office. He brought his forehead to mine staring deeply into my eyes. I wrapped my arms tight around his waist needing his comfort. The sickening feelings started to recede. The disgust I had in myself was still strong but it moved to another part of my brain as a soothing feeling coursed throughout me. The smooth pads of his fingers continued to move along my back in light strokes as his eyes sucked me into every part of him. It made me want so much more from him.

  "Hey," Ethan whispered.

  "Hi," I answered.

  I rested my head against his chest listening to his heart as everything inside of me started to burn at a hotter temperature.

  "Why were you pacing outside my door?"

  "I'm a little scatterbrained this morning."

  Ethan continued to gaze at me with doubt in his eyes. I wanted to wipe away any confusion about us from his thoughts. As his eyes pierced me searching for what was troubling my aching soul, every part of me ran rampant with sensation and desire in demand for him. My mouth attacked his with a powerful force and demanded for him to meet every lick I executed upon his lips. Ethan stepped away but I took a step closer. I needed him just to make it to the next cataclysmic event that was about to unfold around us.

  I traced my tongue along his luscious lips. After what seemed like forever, he parted his lips granting me further access. I took every part of him into my mouth while reaching for his tie to unfasten it. Bringing my hands back to his chest, my nails began to outline every inch of his chest before running down to his waistline. I tugged at his shirt so I could feel his skin on mine. I yearned for the heady current inside of me to grow and take away everything else. Ethan moaned biting down against my bottom lip. Listening to his soft moans sent an intense burn between my legs.

  With each swipe and nip, my breath shortened as my heart fluttered a mile a minute. I ran my hands up his neck to his hair. I let my fingers appreciate every part of his hair before yanking it increasing the heat that begged for more of him. Ethan hissed stepping away. He looked confused but shrugged it off. He slowly moved us further into his office. He brought his lips back to mine with an intensity that matched the force I was using with him. He sauntered us over to a section of the bookshelves on the right side of his office. His mouth never left mine as his hand parted from my side and went up to pull down a book. The section of the wall separated from the rest of the bookshelf and opened to an empty hallway. He picked me up and I wrapped my legs around him. The door closed behind us and he dragged his lips down to my neck. He nibbled at every exposed spot he could find. I leaned my head against the door and banged it as every part of me begged to be inside of him.

  "Oh God," I moaned loudly.

  Ethan raised a hand to cover my mouth. Every part of me was on fire with a need for him. I ran my hands down to his slacks unbuttoning the fly along with the buttons of his shirt. My tongue traced the marvelous tattoos that covered his chest. I outlined one of the patterns before grazing my teeth across his nipple. Ethan purred squeezing me tighter to him. His hardness pressed between my thighs and increased the throbbing that cried for us to shed our clothes.

  Ethan took several more steps into a nook that further dumped us into an empty room. He shut the door behind us and pressed me into the wall next to it. He brought his hand to the inside of my thigh and tore my panties from my body. His long fingers traced along the insides of my thighs until he hit my hot spot deftly sliding in and out.

  "Ethan," I moaned even louder than earlier.

  He quieted me with his hungry lips. His tongue commanded mine until I stopped groaning.

  "You have got to try to be quiet Mia," Ethan said between heated breaths.

  His fingers fell into a meticulous pace that had me close. His tongue swept across my neck to my earlobe. I brought my head down resting it in the crook of his neck tenderly biting down to keep from whimpering again. Needing to focus on keeping quiet, my hands travelled back to his fly. As I ran my fingers along him, my foggy brain remembered a comment from yesterday. I unwrapped from around him and dropped to my knees. I batted my eyelashes before pulling his pants all the way down. I gave him one last look before running my tongue along him until I reached his tip. I circled around it delicately before running it along his piercing.

  "Fuck that feels unbelievable," Ethan hissed.

  His hands went to my shoulders where he kept a firm grip. My tongue went to his tip and piercing each time to swirl and suck before resuming the same course again. Ethan dug into me as his breathing became raspy. I ran my tongue back to his tip one last time before wrapping my lips around him as far as they would go. I sucked and swirled until a loud moan growled from his chest. I sensed him getting close and passed back to his tip to lick the soft moisture. His hands reached under my shoulders. Ethan hauled me back up to his chest. His lips crushed mine as he swept me from the floor. He hiked my skirt up before he rocked inside of me.

  "Ah...Ethan," I cried.

  I brought my hand to my mouth to keep from screaming. My head slammed into the wall as he pumped into me roughly. His fingers squeezed the inside of my hips. My hands clasped around his shoulders. I licked away a trickle of sweat that was glistening along his neck.

  Every part of me wanted to find a sense of peace with him but I wasn't able to with my mind preoccupied with everything else from the morning. I was getting close but I wasn't able to let go. Ethan continued driving into me with such vigor that I banged my head against the wall in time with him trying to let go of everything. My conscious was alive and well. Ethan slowed to a still and held me as his eyes deepened with concern.

  "Mia, what is wrong?" he rasped.

  "It's nothing. Keep going," I whispered.

  All the unprovoked feelings I had for Ethan were there. I thrust my hips hard into his so that he would con
tinue. He twitched inside of me making the fire rise higher than before. I focused on it as every part of me began to rely on satisfying that need for him. I rocked against him again. He resumed the pace he was at before my actions brought us to a stop. He pumped harder and I let go to the moment. He moved towards the table that was in the room. He laid me gently on it and placed his elbows on each side of me.

  Ethan never stopped but he slowed his pace from the fast way we had been going to an unhurried one. He twisted his hips with each thrust. He discarded my shirt and ran his hands across my chest. Each thrust from him increased the pulsating inside of me. Ethan brought his mouth to my breasts where he began giving me light kisses.

  "Ah...," I groaned.

  I swung my hips into his hoping he'd bring us to a climax soon. Sweat prickled at my forehead as he slid at his precise pace. He dragged my hands to my side as continued to rock forward. My teeth gripped my bottom lip to hold back the scream that I wanted to let out as he went deeper. I arched my back to meet him as he started to go faster. I ran my nails up his back as he lowered his head to my chest.

  "Ethan...I'm so close please don't let me do this alone," I mewled.

  He pushed harder than any other point thus far. The love behind his deep brown eyes absorbed me and I climaxed hard around him. Ethan groaned as he released into me. The room was filled with nothing but two hearts beating as one. He slid out and pulled up his pants. I was still trying to come back down to earth from the blissfulness.

  He rested his head right next to mine and blew a piece of hair away from my face. "You were dead against touching yesterday but today you come in wanting sex. I can never seem to keep up with you."

  I ran my fingers along his rigid jaw urging him to relax with each stroke. Ethan closed his eyes and took a deep breath. I was a walking contradiction to him. The exalted feelings I had moments ago left as the self-loathing returned. I sat up from the table and slid on my shirt. I rubbed my eyes trying to find clarity again. He left the table and grabbed his shirt and tie. I readjusted my skirt and looked around for my panties.

  "The rest of today will be interesting," I murmured, picking up the scraps.

  Ethan paused from securing his tie. I waved the scraps at him.

  "I don't always control my animalistic urges around you," he justified.

  I gave him a full blow grin. My hands took over to fasten his tie for him. I paused at his collar to wipe away the lipstick that was there and along his neck. My hand rested on his chest near his heart to take in ever beat.

  "I like that I bring out those urges in you. It evens the playing field for me," I teased.

  He rolled his eyes. "The things you do to me Mia. I've never had sex in my car or in this office and you've managed to cross those off the list in a matter of days."

  Before opening the door, Ethan paused for a tender kiss before dropping my hand. The pretenses were back as we returned to his office. I followed carefully behind him. He ran his fingers along the wall until he hit the latch for the door to swing open. He crossed over to his desk and sat down in his chair. I settled in across from him. Ethan shook his head with a cocky grin. I raised an eyebrow out of curiosity.

  "I was going to ask you how you wanted to start this morning but I guess that question isn't necessary."

  "Smart ass," I retorted. "What time is it?"

  "Quarter to ten," Ethan answered smugly.

  "Are you serious? Wow, I'm sorry Ethan. I didn't realize that we..."

  I let the sentence trail off as the heat in my cheeks flamed to a deep shade of red. He smiled so wide that his shiny teeth almost blinded me. At least he wasn't angry at the loss of hours.

  "We should get to work as most of the morning has slipped by us among other things."

  I brought up his proposal not bothering to look at him for any direction. His phone rang and he answered it on the fourth ring. Similar to the call yesterday, it was short and it left him agitated. I kept my eyes away not wanting to pry at whatever pissed him off that much.

  We worked in silence for the rest of the morning. I was sharpening the proposal when his fingers ran along the inside of my right hand pausing in the center. His fingers circled around the scar there and it made me cringe. I usually kept it covered up with a watch or a bracelet but must have forgot this morning. I placed my hand on top of his and forced him to stop.

  "Don't," I said bitterly.

  "I didn't mean to upset you but it caught my eye. What happened?" Ethan asked quietly.

  "I don't know. It's been there for as long as I can remember. I'm assuming it occurred when I was quite young but I have no memory of it or anyone to ask," I snapped.

  Ethan glanced at me not believing a word that I said by the starkness in his eyes. "How do you have no memory of something that distinct?"

  "I don't have any memory of it because I have absolutely no memory of my parents or my life whatsoever before I was brought here. Is that what you want to hear? I'm sure you think this is another thing that I'm holding back from you but I don't fucking know!" I yelled.

  I shouldn't be this angry with him for asking but everything in my life was such a mess that I couldn't contain it. I hated that scar. I had always wondered about it. The scar was very precise in creepy way. It was round with a center that seemed to resemble some sort of symbol or initial. It was too marred to make out to be sure one way or the other.

  I caught Chase looking at it over the years and it led me to believe that he probably knew the truth behind it but we never talked about it. Any time I asked about my past, he shot me down completely. My entire body shook with the ire running through me. I slid the chair back. I needed distance from Ethan. I was close to wrath mode. I got up crossing the room to even my breathing. There were so many things running through me and the last thing I wanted to think about was that particular part of my past. I gave up figuring out those answers a long time ago.

  Ethan rounded his desk and hauled me into him. "Let's go," he commanded.

  I stepped away from his embrace. He switched gears on me. He was the picture of ease not showing an ounce of the distrust he exhibited a moment ago.

  Fuck he confuses me! I wish just once I could follow his train of thought.

  "What?" I asked, flustered.

  "You need a break. I could use some food so let's go."

  I nodded. He rested his forehead against mine while running his lips across the corner of my mouth. It was exactly what I needed to still everything inside of me.

  We strode in an unhurried pace to the front of the building. Ethan veered off to the receptionist desk while I kept walking towards the door. I stopped dead in my tracks when a familiar face caught my eye. Needing confirmation, I leaned against the glass wall behind me and squinted to get a better look. My stomach churned when I realized it was Ian O'Connor. My mind raced trying to piece together if I'd seen him at all since I started. The only thing I recalled was his family's unexplained presence at our house a few weeks ago. If he was at my birthday party, it was more than a coincidence that he showed up and it had nothing to do with a damn tweet. I tried to determine if there was any connection to what Harrison was saying this morning but had nothing conclusive.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  I rested my elbow against the window keeping my head clear for the drive. What was usually a long drive at this time of day ended up going rather quick and I was in the heart of downtown. With my car parked in the ramp, I exited to the street on my way to the address Ethan had directed me to meet him at for lunch. As the bustle of the city went on around me, I stared upwards and took in the huge skyscraper above me that appeared to be my destination.

  "Do you want to eat or would rather stand out here on the sidewalk staring?"

  Ethan's voice rang above the other noise flooding my ears. He was leaning against the building while watching me.

  "Let's eat," I said, closing the distance between us.

  He entwined our hands together on our way to the elevators. We boa
rded an empty one and Ethan selected a floor near the top. As the floors passed by us, I felt his eyes on me but kept facing forward. I'd already given into that side of me once today. It didn't seem to stop my body from radiating waves of heat that were building within me. His fingers stroked the inside of my hand urging me to give in to what he does to me.

  The elevator rescued me from succumbing to his tantalizing ways when it stopped and the door opened. Ethan directed me towards a small cafe. The entire cafe contained windows all around. Any seat within it gave the beholder an amazing viewpoint of the city. The view in the evening had to be magnificent when the lights from all the buildings downtown sprang to life to keep their skyscrapers a known presence throughout the night.

  "Two," a scratchy voice said breaking my reverie.

  "Yes," Ethan answered, pulling me forward.

  We sat in a corner section of the cafe. I continued to stare out the window. I was watching the vehicles travel below. They appeared like tiny Matchbox cars. The pedestrians on the street complimented the cars by looking like ants. I gazed to my right to follow the view as it sprawled across larger buildings before fading into the suburbs. I absorbed every angle with the soft music coming from the cafe's speakers being the only other thing within my mind. Ethan's voice brought me out of my daze.

  "You haven't picked up your menu."

  I brought my attention back to the table. I took in the look on his face. His dimpled smile graced his beautiful face but his eyes gave way to his thoughts. My behavior this morning was at the forefront of his mind.

  I flashed him a smile and opened my menu. "Do you have any recommendations?"

  "I'm partial to the Ravioli a mezzaluna or the Stracci. The Gnocchi isn't bad either and you can never go wrong with Spaghetti. It's hard to screw up spaghetti" he recommended.

  I raised my eyebrow at his many suggestions. I scanned the menu once more before closing it with my meal selected. I avoided his curious stares by looking out the window again.

  "You're awfully quiet," Ethan murmured.