A Family By Design

by Olivia Rytwinski

  We crawled into my tent, Max zipped it up, and shut out the chilly evening air. Without speaking, we zipped our sleeping bags together. Any remaining daylight had vanished. A full moon had risen, and a share of its luminosity shone through the tent walls and allowed us subtle glimpses and silhouettes as we unhurriedly undressed one another. Our fingers touched and caressed at every movement. His breathing quickened as his hands moved softly upwards over my stomach and ribs, and sent flickers of desire shooting through me. He rested his hands over the curve of my breasts, holding their fullness, and traced his fingers over my nipples which stiffened with anticipation at his touch. I trembled, and my whole body burned and ached with a hunger I had never experienced before. Max was lean and muscular, wiry, and I ran my hands over his shoulders and down through his soft, curly chest hair.

  He didn’t hide his desire. “Katriina, you’re blowing my mind,” Max said, breathless. “I’m not sure we should…you know, go all the way, though you know I want to.” He inhaled slowly. “You’re incredible Katriina and you don’t even know it.” He grabbed a handful of my hair and we kissed slowly, his tongue feeling, probing.

  I traced my fingers up his back and neck and through his silky hair.

  Eventually, he drew back and looked at me, then took a few strands of hair that had fallen across my face, and coiled them between his fingers. “Sweet Jesus,” he whispered, “you don’t give much away with your clothes, but you’ve the body of an angel, you know?”

  “You have too,” I said, hardly daring to speak. His words echoed around my head, soft, like the lure of a whisper, and I felt sensations in my abdomen reach down through my thighs. I was charged with hunger.

  We kissed again and the touch of his fingers as they moved down my spine and the curve of my buttocks, felt like falling silk. He lowered his mouth to my breasts, kissing, exploring, his breath hot and urgent. He slipped his hand between my thighs and I gasped.

  “I want it to be as incredible as I know it will be if we can wait, just a bit. Let’s get to know one another properly,” he murmured, and then grinned at me.

  I felt pleasantly surprised. Although in my current state I would have given my all to him in an instant. “You’re right,” I said. “Besides, we should take precautions.” I laughed softly, and recalled my paranoia with previous boyfriends, but tonight hadn’t even entered my head.

  He took hold of my hand, lifted it to his lips and planted the most delicate kisses on the inside of my wrist and palm. It felt as though a beautiful butterfly fluttered across my skin. We fell, intertwined onto the sleeping bags and began to discover who each of us were and what we could be together, our bodies connecting, our lives starting to bind and link.

  That night we proved safe sex didn’t mean holding back, and we discovered the depth of our feelings and the power of our mutual desire. Max was tender and knew intuitively how to please me, and I relished every delicious moment and pinnacle. We drifted into sleep for an hour or so until at some point we awoke. We kissed and touched and aroused our senses once more.

  The first watery wisp of daybreak crept cross the loch, then overhead and in-between the scattered tents. We lay naked and held one another, blissfully fulfilled, having all but forgotten our experiences of the day before.

  We packed away our camping gear in the stark, honest daylight, and we remembered and talked.

  “I don’t know what else would have helped him. And it’s not like you or I have any medical experience is it?” I said.

  “Exactly,” agreed Max. “And it was pure chance we found him. The others just kept their heads down in the storm.”

  I took his hand and in return he gave me a lingering kiss.

  “The only positive is that he didn’t die alone. Thanks to you Max.”

  “Come on you two,” Georgina called over. “Only twelve miles to get through today.”

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Siblings

  Lochinver Police Station

  The ticking of the clock seemed louder, yet the passage of time remained hidden as we anxiously awaited news. Every so often Inspector Keir came in to update us on the search plans, but there had been no worthy news. I felt as though I was sinking ever deeper into a dark emptiness as the shock of the situation tightened its cruel clasp on me.

  Once again Inspector Keir walked through the door. Her radio buzzed into life, and I watched her turn it down as she sat opposite me.

  “I believe the sooner we make a televised appeal, the better. It’s the most effective way of alerting the public and to appeal to her abductor. It may open up communication with him.” She paused and her forehead wrinkled. “The sheer scale of the search is a challenge. It’s not the easiest environment to find someone who is determined to hide. If we have the public looking out it could make all the difference.”

  I didn’t need her to tell me why time was of the essence and I knew full well that the longer Lyssa was missing, the chances of finding her alive diminished.

  “What do you think?” said Inspector Keir. “Could you speak in front of a camera and journalists? I’ll be there to guide you.”

  “Yes, when?” I replied, without hesitation, grateful to have something, anything to do that could help.

  “A crew from BBC Scotland are en-route. They’ll be here in a couple of hours. Other press agencies will want to be present too. Have you got another recent photograph of Lyssa, it’s useful to have a couple?”

  “On my phone and in my purse, both in my car,” I said, with a sigh. “I’ve got a couple on Facebook, but they’re old, and she’s changed so much this past year.” I turned to Max. “You’ve got some.”

  Max flicked through his phone. He studied the screen before he handed it to me. “I took this in Northumberland at Easter.”

  Lyssa stood with Louis on the beach, with Bamburgh Castle up on the cliffs behind them. Their arms were linked and they were laughing. Hit by a rush of emotion, I stifled a moan.

  Inspector Keir leaned in. “That’s lovely. Is Lyssa wearing her hair loose today?”

  I nodded, unable to speak.

  Max’s phone pinged, but before I saw who it was he snatched it from my hand. Taken aback at this gesture, I watched him check his phone.

  “Sorry, it’s work.” He slotted it back into his pocket.

  “Max, are you going to send me the photo of Lyssa?” asked Inspector Keir, and eyed him keenly.

  “Oh yes.” He dug back in his pocket.

  “Email it straight away,” said Inspector Keir, and jotted down her email.

  “We’ve got a picture of your car model Katriina. Also,” she paused, “I’m sending Constable Pearce to fetch Louis.”

  I nodded. “Thank you.”

  When Louis walked into the room I jumped up and held him close. We cried, and reluctantly I drew away.

  “We will find her Louis, I promise you,” I said, to reassure him as well as myself.

  Louis sat beside me, took my hand and stroked it over and over. Fresh tears fell unchecked.

  Like most siblings, Louis and Lyssa were at times a complete nightmare together. They would argue and bicker over the slightest thing, and often drove me crazy with their incessant squabbles. However, in equal measure they were great mates. For a moment I recalled one of their pastimes when housebound due to bad weather. They would take it in turns to sit on Lyssa’s skateboard, propel one another at full speed down the long hallway and crash into a padded barricade of beanbags and cushions. They’d wear Lyssa’s floral helmet, which made the game all the more comical to watch. Louis was so at ease playing the big kid with Lyssa, and she adored him for it. Living where we did, we had little choice but to enjoy one another’s company, or we would go crazy from isolation and boredom, especially during the long winter months when the weather often kept us cocooned indoors.

  They scheduled the TV appeal for half-past five in the village hall next door, in time for the national and evening news. I noticed the small car parks at the front and r
ear of the station were virtually full. The sound of intermittent police sirens reminded me of the calling out of gulls that circled the fishing boats in the harbour from dawn until dusk.

  Again, I wondered why all of these vehicles weren’t out further afield searching for Lyssa.

  “We’re ready in the hall. The reporters may want to ask questions, but I’ll answer them. What we’re aiming for is to make an appeal to her abductor’s better nature to return her safely, to urge the public to be vigilant about anything they see or hear, and to share any information they might have.” Inspector Keir looked from Max to me. “I know this is going to be incredibly hard, but if you can try to remain calm, it’ll help you to get through it, and will give it more impact.”

  She opened the door, and we followed her out.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  University Bubble

  In the days and weeks that followed our return from Benn Arum, Max and I spent every spare moment together. Each incredible and dreamlike night that we lay in one another’s arms led me far beyond anything I could have believed possible. Sometimes, instead of making love, we held one another and talked. We got to know and understand one another better and to revel in our new feelings. The depth of Max’s love, and the intense workings of his mind made me so grateful that we had found one another, that I had found him. At odd moments, if I awoke in the small hours or was alone by myself at home, the all-consuming love I felt for him troubled me. Within a matter of days, our relationship had become such a huge part of me, and I was afraid something might happen to alter or end it. It wasn’t so much I was worried he would meet someone else, and I didn’t feel overly jealous when pretty girls flirted with him - which they often did - it was more that our relationship seemed so perfect that I wondered if it was too good to continue in the same intense way.

  One evening, as Max prepared for an exam at his flat, I voiced my concerns to Rosie.

  “Rosie, I know it will sound silly, but when you look at Max and me do you think our relationship looks strong enough to last?”

  She put down her textbook, came over and sat on the leather footstool. “It’s hard for me to say. My longest relationship was five months. You remember Christopher? I thought that was the real thing. You know, true love, mind-blowing sex - a lot of mind-blowing sex. He was attentive, blah, blah, blah. But that went pear-shaped when I started fancying Kahil.” She crossed her legs. “How long has it been with Max?”

  “Three months. And I haven’t fancied anyone else before you ask.”

  “I wasn’t going to. You and Max seem like the real thing. And I know the sex is good,” she said, and winked.

  I felt my face burn. “How do you know?”

  “Because there’s a squeaky spring in your bed that resonates through the walls each time you do it. Sometimes wakes me up. What was it, twice last night?”

  I thought for a moment. “Oh my god Rosie Dickens, you’re right. Fancy not saying anything.” I bit my lip and giggled. “I’m so sorry.”

  “I’ll admit to feeling a bit jealous when I’m on my own with only Paddington to cuddle up to. But mostly I think it’s nice for you. If you do ever fancy a night off though, send him through to me.”

  “Rosie! Anyway, I never fancy a night off.”

  After spending our nights together, Max and I went to our lectures, and I would count down the hours and minutes until we met for lunch, usually in the Union bar or the University gardens. At other times we studied in the library or pushed a trolley around the supermarket together. Sometimes, when we lay in bed for hours, I felt that I had deserted Rosie, but she proved just why she was my best mate. She’d been gracious that I’d fallen in love with Max and held no grudge. She even brought us cups of tea in bed, and only wandered around the flat in her underwear when she forgot Max was there.

  Occasionally, I felt guilty that we hadn’t hung out more with our friends. We’d become too self-contained and didn’t feel the need to be with other people. Rosie was our only exception, neither of us tired of her company. Max was reluctant to continue with the walking group, but as I insisted I was carrying on, he agreed to go, but I felt his reluctance. I asked him if it was because of the shock he’d experienced that first weekend, but he insisted it was because he preferred walking with me alone. Despite his hesitancy, everyone adored him; his energy and humour. Everyone that is, except David.

  Early one Sunday morning, a few weeks after the Benn Arum hike, we took a short minibus drive to Clyde Muirshiel for a charity sponsored walk. We all piled out of the bus and David finally realised I was ‘with’ Max, and couldn’t hide his feelings.

  He pulled me aside. “Do you know Kat, I believed you when you said there wasn’t anyone else. How naïve was I?” The bitterness in his voice was palpable. “No one even bothered to tell me.” He glared at the others.

  “But I only met Max last month. There was no one else. I just didn’t want to see you anymore,” I insisted, and felt annoyed by his petulance.

  “Is everything OK Kat?” Max marched up and positioned himself between David and me. “Who’s this then?”

  “I’m David, and I was with Kat well before you, matey. My sheets are practically still warm. Now, why don’t you bugger off back to Ireland, or wherever it is you’ve crawled out from?”

  “Come on Kat. I’m not having this bell-end speak to you or me like that. Just do one,” said Max, and thumped David hard in the chest.

  David staggered, fell and landed on his backside. He leaped up, face coloured with humiliation and squared up ready to repay Max. “Can’t we be mature about this guys?” I said, and stepped in-between them. “I’m perfectly capable of choosing who I want to be with without you locking horns like rutting stags for Christ’s sake.”

  Furious with the ridiculous display of machismo, I turned away and left them there, speechless. I marched over to Georgina who discreetly stood a few feet away, but was nonetheless listening in to the confab.

  “I knew David would be upset when he found out. Hope there isn’t a full on fight,” she said, excitedly. Her eyes literally shone with anticipation.

  To Georgina’s disappointment, there was no fight, and the two men maintained a civilised distance for the rest of the day. David skulked moodily at the rear, and slagged off Max and I to anyone who was prepared to listen. But it became David’s final walk with the group and I felt relieved when he also failed to turn up to the social events.

  As we neared our finals, Max and I hibernated together for days on end in my flat, books strewn across the dining table. Life with Max was blissful, and I worried what would happen once we relinquished our sheltered, student lives. I’d seen many relationships quickly disintegrate after University if one-half of the couple had moved elsewhere for work. It made it impossible to maintain the relationship, or that glistening University bubble just seemed to burst and there was nothing left to hold the relationship together.

  On graduation day, my parents drove up from Oban, and I felt excited when I introduced Max to them. From the outset, I could see in Mum’s eyes how much she liked him, and they chatted together effortlessly, and laughed at funny anecdotes from my childhood that Mum shared. Following the graduation ceremony, we went to the drinks reception in the Union Bar.

  “I expect you’d like to hear about Katriina and the boating lake, wouldn’t you, Max?” Mum asked with a smile, and the dimples in her cheeks deepened.

  “Yeah, I reckon so.” Max looked at me and raised a brow in question.

  “I don’t spose I have a say in the matter do I?”

  Mum drew a breath and continued regardless. “We were on the lake with Katriina, Alannah, and her Uncle Pat. Katriina, about six at the time, decided she should do the rowing. After going round and round in circles for what seemed like forever, and Katriina getting more and more frustrated, Uncle Pat insisted he was taking over. Well, Katriina was not happy, and the resulting tantrum was something Beelzebub himself would have been proud of.”

  �
��Hey! Earth calling Mum. I am here you know,” I said, and waved my arms. “What Mum hasn’t told you, Max, is I might’ve only been six, but I distinctly remember it was Uncle Pat throwing the wobbler when I took the oars. Mature, eh Mum?”

  “You might be right, but Uncle Pat isn’t here, is he?”

  That evening the four of us went for dinner at Guy’s Bistro, and I regretted that Max’s parents hadn’t made it over from Dublin for his graduation. I hadn’t met them, and Max hadn’t told me a great deal about his family. I meant to rectify that soon one way or another.

  I noticed that Max was a touch too well-mannered towards Dad – he insisted on buying the drinks, hinted that we’d never slept together and virtually tipped his graduation cap at him. It was as if he wanted to win Dad’s approval, or perhaps I had read too much into it.

  I took Max’s hand and whispered, “Relax, they think you’re great.”

  He smiled and afterwards did seem to relax. In truth, I had found it reassuring and sweet. Even though University had ended, he didn’t think our relationship was over and any worries I might have harboured soon disappeared when we waved goodbye to my parents the next morning.

  “We’re going out tonight, my angel, so put on your poshest dress and meet me at the Cow and Calf at seven.”

  “Where’re we going?” I sidled up to him and tried to wheedle it out of him with him a lingering kiss.

  “It’s a surprise, so don’t think you can be charming it out of me.” He kissed me on the lips and squeezed my bottom before we went our separate ways.

  I was intrigued. These past nine months I was always money conscious. ‘Tight’ Max called it, and whenever he suggested we go to a nice restaurant, I argued that I couldn’t afford it, and I wouldn’t allow him to spend his grant on me. Consequently, we rarely ate out unless we went for a cheap curry at one of the many cheap curry houses around campus.