A Family By Design

by Olivia Rytwinski

  Back at the flat, Rosie was in high spirits, having just been offered a graduate job with a top marketing agency in Edinburgh. She was in the process of packing her things into suitcases and bin liners and the living room looked like a massive jumble sale with clothes piled high on the sofa and chairs.

  “Good grief. I didn’t realise you had so many clothes,” I said, picking up a slinky dress.

  “And I’ll be needing a whole new wardrobe now I’m going to be hanging out with some swanky business types.”

  She was deadly serious too.

  “I’m having a sort out if you see anything you fancy. Got to downsize to make room,” she said, and launched a full bin liner into the hallway.

  I put down the dress and suddenly felt miserable. I flopped onto a bit of free sofa. “Don’t go Rosie. What’ll I do without you? Who will I share my problems with?”

  She stepped into a pair of glittery sandals, then tottered over and hugged me. “What problems?” she said. “Anyway, you won’t be on your own when you and Max get a place.” She picked up a pink jumper, sniffed it and wrinkled her nose before she stuffed it into a bin liner. “I’m surprised he’s been paying his own rent - he’s here most of the time.”

  She was being flippant, but I knew she would miss me as much as I’d miss her. “But I’ll have problems if you’re not around to share your words of wisdom. I’m going to miss you. We have to meet up…a lot.”

  “Stop, please. I was feeling grown up, my first proper job, a flat.” Her eyes welled with tears.

  I took her hand. “We’ll just have to take it in turns to visit. Your place first for the housewarming party.”

  Rosie was the sort of girl who appeared to have it all - intelligence, beauty, self-assurance, plus wealthy parents who’d paid for her private education. It gave her a certain poise and confidence.

  “I knew you’d get a first Rosie. Didn’t I tell you?” I said. “Guess you worked hard too.”

  “There’s no guessing about it. I was down on my knees and wrung out like a wet rag after those finals,” she said, and lightly pinched my arm.

  I was pleased with my 2.1. But I hadn’t managed to get a graduate job in the environment sector, where I wanted to work, and I thought perhaps a first might have smoothed the way. I possessed little patience. But Max had been the other reason I hadn’t found a job. The few applications I’d completed were for roles in and around Glasgow as I wasn’t sure where Max wanted to live and we hadn’t yet had that conversation. I knew it was the wrong way to launch my career, but I couldn’t risk him not upping sticks and coming with me if I found a job further afield. Although we talked about so many things, we were becoming experts at skirting around the things that mattered.

  That evening at the Cow and Calf, I found Max at the bar talking to the barman, drinks at the ready.

  “I hope you haven’t cheated. You need to eat your money’s worth tonight at, drum roll please,” he slapped his thighs. “Sebastian’s.”

  “Seriously? What will that cost?”

  “Don’t think about the cost. It’s called celebrating.” Max replied.

  “Have you got a job then?” I jumped up and down like an excited child and played the game like an expert.

  He handed me a glass of chilled white wine. “No clues and no guessing.”

  Sebastian’s – a Michelin Star restaurant that students rarely visited unless their wealthy parents were in town, and owned by TV chef Sebastian Mackay – was always fully booked for weeks, if not months in advance. I found out because Rosie’s parents had treated her after graduation and they’d booked their table months ago.

  After the waiter had taken our dinner plates away, I took Max’s hand and kissed him lightly. “I could get used to this, my love.” We sat in a cosy alcove with ambient lighting. Enya’s voice serenaded us. I picked up a dessert menu and wondered if I had room.

  “Kat,” he said, and coughed.

  I found his eyes with a sharp look.

  “You know I love you, far more than is good for me. And now we’re officially full-blown adults, I want to make this, us, permanent.”

  He delved into his jacket pocket and produced a small black box. He opened it, placed it reverently in my hand and said, “Please Katriina, marry me?”

  I leaned over, kissed him once and said, “Oh Max. Of course I will.”

  The next morning, I stood on the doorstep in my silk kimono and kissed Max goodbye. I remained there, watched him and hugged my arms. From behind, Max was almost as gorgeous – tight little buttocks in Levi jeans, slightly bowed long legs, fine-knit jumper that revealed broad shoulders and a golden head of wavy hair tousled by the breeze.

  Even the way he walked gave me little butterflies that quivered deep within me. At each step, he’d spring ever so slightly off the balls of his feet. He reached the corner, turned around and waved before he disappeared.

  Back in the kitchen I sat down opposite Rosie and nonchalantly rested my chin in my left hand.

  She looked up from her newspaper and it took her all of three seconds to notice the ring.

  “Are you frigging kidding me? Oh my God!”

  She took my hand and touched the ring. “That’s one valuable ring.” She was still admiring it, her eyes wide.

  “Oh, the value isn’t important. It’s probably only a copy or something,” I said.

  “That’s no fake. It’s pure genuine diamond and a bloody big one at that. It must have cost Max five grand,” she said, speaking as though she were an experienced diamond dealer.

  I laughed and said, “He doesn’t have that sort of money. I know that for a fact.”

  “Are you sure, because that’s one expensive diamond? Maybe he’s taken a loan out, or his parents subbed him. That or he’s won the lottery.” She let go of my hand. “Oh, and by the way I’m happy for you, in case I didn’t say.” She walked around and kissed me. “You’re amazing together, and I’m completely green with envy.”

  I knew Rosie was pleased for me, but she hadn’t been able to hide her shock at the value of the ring on my finger.

  Max came over that evening, and I knew I should have asked how he’d paid for such a valuable ring. But it was one of those things, those things that despite being important, too significant to ignore, was in fact expertly overlooked by both of us. I convinced myself he must have saved up for it and that it wasn’t anywhere near as expensive as Rosie had made out.

  We began to plan our future together and broached the subject of where we could live. I suggested Edinburgh as my second favourite City and by no coincidence, where Rosie had relocated to.

  “I dunno, Kat,” said Max. “I’d prefer somewhere more out of the way.”

  I decided to leave it to chance for a bit, wait until one of us could find a job, and take things from there.

  A couple of weeks later as we sat in Max’s living room, drinking tea and listening to the breakfast news, Max rolled out some drawings onto the coffee table.

  “Will you take a look at these and tell me what you think?” he asked. He lifted his mug and flattened the edges of the paper.

  I saw they were designs of a sizeable five-bedroom upside down house. There was a vast amount of external glazing, an enormous arched roof and a section in the middle that looked like an open hallway.

  “Are the bedrooms downstairs?” I asked, pointing to a large bedroom with an en-suite.

  He nodded. “They are. It means the living areas upstairs can take advantage of the views.”

  “That’s going to make someone a beautiful home, Max. Is it a commission?” I said, and picked up a different drawing to take a closer look.

  “Yes, kind of. Do you want to know who’s going to be living in it?” Max put down his mug, leaned back on the sofa and linked his hands behind his head.

  “Someone with plenty of money I imagine. It’s enormous.” I pictured what it would look like when completed. It had a fair number of sustainable energy features; solar roof panels, a wind tu
rbine, water collection tanks and a grass roof.

  “Why don’t we take a drive up north and find the perfect plot of land to build this house, or should I say our house.”

  I stared at him, and the drawing fell from my hands.

  “A house we might live in?” I said. It hadn’t entered my head it could be for us. How could it? I didn’t have a job, and neither did Max. Between us, we had no money.

  I racked my brains for the right thing to say. “It’s amazing to think we might own something like that one day. But you can’t mean we could build it now? Where would the money come from?”

  “Don’t you want to live somewhere beautiful? All you need to know is I’ve come into my not insignificant inheritance, left by my generous, but sadly deceased Uncle Sean.” Max took my hand. “Which means I … we, can afford to build our dream home and I can build my business.” He plucked a pencil from behind his ear and wrote on one of the drawings. “A house like this will be one heck of a showpiece for prospective clients.”

  I saw his face light up, and I didn’t want to dampen his fire with awkward questions or doubt his word.

  I didn’t know how to respond so I fell silent and studied the drawings as I considered what he’d told me. Enthused and oblivious to my unease, he showed me different features of the house. I thought we’d grown to know one another inside out. Max hadn’t once mentioned any inheritance even when we’d discussed paying off our overdrafts. I thought he must have only just found out and that would explain the obvious omission. Now we were engaged, I reasoned, we had our whole lives ahead of us to get to know and understand one another.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Home

  Making the televised appeal felt surreal and the moment it ended I felt strangely disconnected from everything, as though I had looked down on the whole proceedings from above. Furthermore, I couldn’t recall a single word of what either of us had said. I felt angry with Max, but why? My mind churned and nothing made sense.

  Inspector Keir led us through to the kitchen at the back of the hall, and explained that there was a door through which we could leave discretely.

  “You did so well. I know it’s difficult, but what you did out there is precisely what we need to get the nation looking for Lyssa. It’s also possible that whoever has taken her will see it and make contact.”

  She opened the door to the rear car park and turned back to me.

  “It might be wise for you to go home. He… or she may contact you tonight.”

  “And we can’t stay here all night.” Max turned to me and his brows pinched together.

  “But what if you find her?” I looked from Max to Inspector Keir.

  “If we hear anything,” she said, “and I mean anything, we will ring you.”

  An officer came through from the hall, his expression serious. “Excuse me, Inspector,” he said. “Can I have a word?” He gestured to the door.

  Inspector Keir glanced at me briefly before she disappeared into the hall. I grasped Max’s hand. My head whirled. He gave my hand a quick squeeze. Had the officer told her that Lyssa had been found alive or…? The room turned around me suddenly and I clutched Max’s arm for support. I couldn’t contemplate the other possibility.

  When Inspector Keir returned, her face gave nothing away until she had shut the door. “At last, news on the van. It was stolen yesterday from a warehouse near the port in Ullapool. We know it’s low on diesel, so it’s possible whoever took your car was worried about refuelling and wanted a car with fuel. We can only speculate. There are items for forensics to work on - hairs, cigarette butts, a can. With DNA we might have him.”

  But not Lyssa, I thought.

  I didn’t want to go home, but we couldn’t do any more here. I figured Inspector Keir was right to anticipate that her abductor could contact us in some way.

  If he’d only wanted the car, which was plausible, he might have let Lyssa go, and she’d soon be found safe. I had to think positively, or risk falling apart. I had to hold it together for my beautiful daughter and for Louis too. Max kept control of his emotions, although he’d distanced himself and withdrawn from me. He barely spoke to me unless I asked him something, and then he could hardly ignore me. Every time I looked at him - I’d see his eyes narrow in disgust before looking away. I had never needed Max more than I did right now, and yet I had never felt so alone.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Bridging the Divide

  As soon as I arrived home I checked the phone for messages and missed calls. There were messages from work and Lyssa’s school asking why we’d been absent. I paced the corridors, checked every room and shouted her name. I half expected to find her reading or drawing as she waited for us to arrive home.

  I returned to her room and sat on her unmade bed. I stared at the indented pillow where she had lain. Her favourite teddy bear lay nearby and forgotten on the floor. I lowered my head onto her pillow and breathed in little by little, and inhaled her scent. My eyes fell on one of Lyssa’s recent drawings of the four of us standing on a hillside. Lyssa held mine and Max’s hands and Louis stood to my other side. I’d admired this picture before, with the colourful clothes and outlandish hairstyles, set beneath a rare blue sky and radiant sun. It captured her joyful nature and made my heart ache even more. But I could see that something wasn’t right with Lyssa, her expression, and when I realised what it was, I gasped. Max, Louis and I had wide blue eyes and lipstick red smiles, but not only was Lyssa not smiling, she didn’t have eyes. I moved closer and smoothed a fingertip over the paper to see if they had been rubbed out, yet it was as if they had never been added.

  “Oh my baby. Where are you?” I sobbed, as terror clawed at my heart. I pulled the duvet over my face as dread overwhelmed me.

  “Lyssa,” I shouted. “Lyssa it’s Mummy.”

  She gazed out towards me but I could tell by her expression that she couldn’t see me. She was sitting on a bed and hugging her knees to warm herself. The bed rocked back and forth, as if it was afloat; an abandoned boat cast adrift on the ocean.

  “Wait!” I cried.

  A man stood nearby, but he faced out to the horizon.

  “Lyssa, don’t go.”

  As she retreated, her features faded until I was no longer sure that it was her.

  Someone called to me.

  “Mum.”

  I spun around.

  “Mum!”

  The voice drew nearer.

  “Mum, wake up.”

  I opened my eyes and saw Louis, standing over me, his face concerned.

  “Mum you need to get up.”

  As I sat up I felt dizzy and disoriented. I tried to rationalise what I’d seen. I might have been asleep, but it had been no dream.

  “The news is on any minute,” Louis said.

  I took his hand.

  Max stood at the living room window and nervously drummed his fingers against the window frame. The programme titles started, and Louis sat with me on the sofa, our hands still tightly gripped. Max came to sit on the footstool.

  The newsreader revealed what we already knew, delivered in a deeply solemn tone, as though she already knew it wasn’t going to end well. They showed the layby at Loch Dubh, and Inspector Keir appealed to the public for any information. Then Lyssa’s picture appeared, windswept curly hair, a carefree smile during happier times. An image of my car. Then the camera was on Max and me, with Inspector Keir.

  It zoomed in. I could still feel the same gut-wrenching pain scrabbling at my insides. I thought back to Inspector Keir’s advice, ‘try to keep calm.’ Some hope.

  In contrast, Max looked remarkably unruffled.

  “We need Lyssa home. I beg you, whoever you are, let her go.”

  Where was the emotion? His mouth opened then closed, and it was clear he didn’t know what to say. He turned to me, and so did the camera.

  I looked out across the hall. Cameras clicked and flashed. I nodded at someone or something, and braced myself.

  “L
isten to me. You’ve made a mistake, that’s it, a terrible mistake. You may not have meant to take Lyssa, that’s possible. But you have, and you can still make it all right. Lyssa is only eleven years old.” I spoke slowly. “We love her, and she loves us. She needs to be home - with us.”

  The camera panned across to Max, who stared at me. A deep frown had formed.

  I continued, and the camera zoomed back. “And Lyssa has asthma, and her inhaler is in her school bag, which is in the car. Please let her hold it. If you release her everything will be OK. Lyssa, remember we love you, and you’ll be home with us soon. We will find you.”

  There followed a telephone number to ring and an email address for anyone with information.

  The newsreader moved onto the next item, and I breathed again. Is that it, I thought, is that all Max could manage?

  Louis spoke first and cut through the silence.

  “If he hears it, it’ll make him stop and think about what he’s doing.”

  “Yes, it might.” Max eyed me briefly and got up.

  The house phone rang. We all froze and looked at one another.

  I leapt up and ran to the phone. “Hello, Katriina O’Donnell.”

  “Katriina my love, it’s Dad. We’re driving up tonight.”

  “Oh, Dad. I need you here.” I felt mortified. It hadn’t entered my head to ring my parents, such was my madness. It seemed the clearest sign yet that I had lost my mind.

  Louis took my hand again, and I watched his pale, frightened face. His expression mirrored my thoughts and I had a sudden moment of lucidity. I knew what I needed to do first thing in the morning. There would be no more sitting around waiting for bad news, I was going to help search for Lyssa.