A Secret to Die For

by Lisa Harris

  “Chocolate pudding?” Gracie laughed. “You remembered my chocolate obsession.”

  “Has it changed?”

  “Not at all.”

  Nate pulled off the lid, stuck in a plastic spoon, and handed the pudding to her. “I remember a lot of things, including your sweet tooth.”

  She took a spoonful, then smiled. “You must also have known that I’m hungry. They brought me some soup, but I’m still starving.”

  “An appetite sounds like a good sign. I’m sure I could scrounge up something more substantial than chocolate pudding, if you’d like. Or there’s always a fast-food place close by that’s open twenty-four hours.”

  “No. This is perfect, as long as you promise me that second one is for me as well.”

  He laughed. “It’s all yours.”

  She took another spoonful of pudding. “Have you found out anything about who hit us?”

  “Nothing yet. I went back to the crash scene, but the crime scene unit hadn’t found anything significant by the time I left to come here.”

  “What about Macbain?”

  “He’s going to be okay. They discharged him about an hour ago. The department put a detail outside his hotel, just in case.” He caught the shadow that shifted in front of her eyes. “How do you feel? Physically, I mean.”

  “Honestly?” She tugged the blanket up around her. “Like I was hit by a bus. Lots of aches and pains I can’t even explain.”

  He’d felt the same way after the bombing. He’d found bruises and cuts he didn’t remember getting, and his entire body ached as if he’d been in a car accident. According to his shrink, it was all a normal part of the trauma he’d gone through and the wearing off of the adrenaline.

  He shook off the memories.

  “I just keep telling myself that it could have been so much worse,” she said.

  The thought was sobering. If whoever tried to run them off the road had fully succeeded in their plan, neither of them would be sitting here right now.

  “You’re okay,” he said, “and that’s all that matters. I’m trying not to think about what could have happened.”

  “I think the reality is hitting.” She stuck her spoon into her pudding. “I can’t stop reliving the accident. The moment the car hit the water. Feeling the coldness that took my breath away, and the terrifying feeling of not being able to breathe. The moment I realized I had no idea where you were.”

  He wished he could erase the past forty-eight hours for her and make it all disappear. “I’m so sorry.”

  “I’m not blaming you, but you have to remember that while this is your job, I’m not exactly used to having my life in danger. I’ve never been so scared, Nate. I think it was even worse than the bank fiasco.”

  She dropped her empty pudding cup onto the bedside table, then pulled the blanket tighter around her.

  “Your part in it is over, Gracie. And I’m going to keep you safe, no matter what that takes.” He knew what it was like to be plagued by memories that haunted him, not only in his dreams, but while he was awake as well.

  “Do you have any idea at all who is behind this?” she asked.

  “Besides the fact that it has to be related to Stephen’s death? No.”

  “We don’t know who killed Stephen, who grabbed me at the bank, who’s behind trying to take down the grid, or what information they have.”

  “The FBI is now officially involved, and we’re going to find these people and put an end to this.” Because they had to. There was too much at stake not to.

  She pulled the lid off the second pudding. “I have to say, this is the best pudding I’ve ever had.”

  “I’m happy to be the one to bring it to you then.”

  “Kevin used to bring me boxes of chocolate when he traveled to Europe on business. He always claimed it was the best chocolate in the world, but I’m not sure.” She shot him a smile. “You just might have him beat with this.”

  “Did you know that I had planned to ask you out before you and Kevin started dating?” He asked the question before he thought about it, then quickly shifted his gaze to his hands.

  “Seriously?” She took another bite. “Did Kevin know that?”

  “Yes, but when I mentioned it at the time, he told me he’d already asked you out, so I dropped the idea.”

  “And started seeing Kara Whitmore, as I remember.”

  Nate chuckled. “Now that’s a memory I’d rather keep buried.”

  “She was . . . interesting.”

  “That’s one way to describe her, though I can think of other ways. Too loud, too clingy, too entitled.”

  “But still, somehow I’m surprised neither of you ever told me you’d thought of asking me out.”

  “I’m sorry. I probably shouldn’t have brought up Kevin.”

  She shook her head. “Please. You don’t have to tiptoe around the subject. I know the two of you were close. I loved Kevin, but that part of my life is over, and I’ve accepted it.”

  “When I found out how he felt about you, I decided to back off. We were best friends. I didn’t want a girl to come between us.”

  Gracie scraped out the last bit of pudding, then set the spoon and empty container on the bedside table beside the first one. “Hannah’s death came between us. When she died, I couldn’t find a way to reach him. He kept slipping away from me until I finally realized he was gone and not coming back.”

  He wasn’t sure how she’d managed to handle losing both her daughter and her husband without it crushing her spirit and her faith. But that was a conversation he’d leave for another day. For now, she needed her rest and he needed to leave.

  “Do you need anything before I go? A deck of cards? A book? Another pudding cup?”

  She laughed and shook her head. “I’m good. But thanks.”

  “Okay. Then I should go. I just wanted to check on you one last time before I went home and grabbed a few hours of sleep myself.”

  “Good. I’m glad you’re going home to sleep. I know you must be exhausted too.”

  “Fatigue comes with the territory.”

  “I hope not too often. At least not a day like today.” Her smile faded. “What do you think the driver of the pickup wanted? If he wanted us dead, it seems like there are dozens of easier ways than running us off the road.”

  “I don’t know, but what I don’t want you to do is worry. You’re safe here. We’ve got an officer on guard outside your room. And I’ll be back first thing in the morning to check on you.”

  She brushed her hand across his arm and looked up at him. “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For picking this week to come back into my life.”

  Her voice managed to feed a fire that had already been lit. He pulled away from her touch. How was it that her presence made him feel like running and yet at the same time more alive? This was supposed to be just another case. Another day back on the job, but then she showed up and somehow managed to change everything.

  “I would have thought you’d wished you never ran into me.”

  She shook her head. “No, though I’m already wishing I was in my own bed.”

  “You’re not going anywhere until the doctors release you.”

  “I know, but you need me—”

  “I need you to get better.”

  “I’m not exactly dying.” She let out a low laugh. “I’ve been wet before and survived. I’ve been cold before and survived.”

  “I just need you to be okay. I thought I lost you.”

  He leaned forward, taking in those big eyes of hers. Everything that had happened over the last couple days vanished and all he could see was her. And somehow, she’d found a way to start piecing back together the fractured segments of his heart.

  He tried to shake off the feeling.

  “I’m fine, Nate.”

  She was going to be fine. He was going to make sure of it.

  She lay back against the propped-up pillow, looking just the way he re
membered her.

  “Stop worrying,” she said. “You could lock me up at some safe house, but that would make it harder for me to help you. And I’m not ready to quit just because of what happened.”

  “And when this is over? What happens then?”

  “If the grid goes down, I’m going to wish I’d listened to my dad.”

  But he wasn’t talking about the grid going down, or anything about the case they were working on, for that matter. “I agree, but I was thinking about something else. Like taking some time to reacquaint myself with this old friend I reconnected with recently.”

  “You mean that?” She leaned forward, face still pale, lips red, mesmerizing.

  “I have this crazy feeling,” he continued, suddenly wanting to kiss her, “that even after all these years, the two of us still have a lot in common.”

  He’d already clearly gone off the deep end. What did he have to lose?

  “What would you say if I told you I wanted to kiss you?” he asked.

  He tried to read her expression, regretting the words the second they came out. But instead of backing away from him, she leaned forward and brushed her mouth across his. His heart pounded at the sweetness of her lips. Her hand cupped his chin.

  But was this really a good idea? They were both dealing with loss and grief. And this was going to take him to a place where he wasn’t sure there was any way to return.

  “Gracie . . . I’m sorry.” He pulled back. “I never should have crossed the line. The last thing I need to be doing is taking advantage of you.”

  “If your hesitation has anything to do with Kevin—”

  “It doesn’t, but . . .”

  What was he supposed to say? He knew this had nothing to do with Kevin. Instead, it had everything to do with himself. He’d lost people he loved, and the last thing he wanted was to lose again. And the only way not to let that happen was to guard his heart.

  She looked back at him, confusion registering in her eyes.

  “I need to go,” he said, standing up. “Someone will come by in the morning to take your statement, but after that, I don’t want you involved anymore.”

  “I’m already involved.”

  An awkward silence hovered between them. “Goodbye, Gracie.”

  Nate walked out of the room, then slipped into the elevator leading to the parking garage. What in the world had he been thinking? Gracie was an old friend, but that was it. Tonight’s accident should have been a reminder not to involve his heart. Not to put it out there on the line to have it shattered again.

  For a few moments, he’d been able to imagine what a future could hold for the two of them. No. How could he do that when he couldn’t even imagine what tomorrow might hold? He’d stepped into a place he never should have. Kevin had been his best friend, and even though he’d walked out on Gracie, that didn’t mean that now he had the right to take his place.

  It was only a kiss. Nothing more.

  But with it had come an unexpected yearning for more of her smile and her laughter and her company. As he stepped outside, the brisk wind seemed to suck the air from his lungs. It was more than that. He was trying to make up for the past. He’d lost Ashley. Tonight, he’d almost lost Gracie.

  He wasn’t going to let that happen again.

  21

  A loud voice booming across the intercom system jolted Grace awake at seven. She opened her eyes to the bright light from the window and tried to decipher why her brain felt like scrambled eggs. She was certain she hadn’t slept at all during what felt like a continuous barrage of vital checks and blood work throughout the night. But unfortunately, those disturbances hadn’t stopped the vivid dreams or kept her mind from racing in the moments she had been awake.

  She slowly sat up, then stumbled into the bathroom, thankful they’d taken out her IV at some point, unsure if she was ready to analyze her status. She looked into the mirror, surprised at how pale her skin was and how hollow her eyes looked. It was a face that was all too familiar to her.

  When Hannah had died, the loss had been all-encompassing. Just getting up in the morning had taken more energy than she’d had most days. Coming back to life had been a long, slow journey filled with moments when she’d begged God to take her as well. And four years later, there were still days when she felt as if no time had really passed and she was starting all over again.

  Somehow, though, in the middle of feeling as if no one understood, she’d begun to discover there was One who did understand this journey of grief. Sometimes she’d hear God’s quiet voice in the wind. Feel his presence in the words of a song. She realized that he could feel her pain and that he understood the depth of her loss. Because he’d watched his own Son die as well.

  But even in the times when she could feel God’s peace and the scattering moments of joy, she’d never once imagined falling in love again. Not once.

  Until Nate.

  Somehow, he’d managed to sweep into her life in the middle of another tragedy and make her ask herself if maybe . . . just maybe . . . falling in love again could actually be a part of her future. He’d wanted to kiss her, and for a brief moment, she’d kissed him back. Wanted to kiss him back. His lips had felt like a healing salve that had washed over her and smoothed away some of the remaining ridges of pain and loss.

  But was he right? That wasn’t a place either of them needed to go right now. Had that moment been nothing more than an emotional reaction to a crisis situation? Had she wrongly interpreted his instinct to protect her as romantic feelings? As for herself, if she were honest, she didn’t want to go down that road. Not with him. Not with anyone. When Kevin walked out on her, she’d told herself she’d never allow her heart to become vulnerable again. And that was exactly what was going to happen if she opened up her heart. She hated that out-of-control feeling vulnerability brought with it.

  But while that might be true, a part of her was begging to explore what it might mean.

  “Gracie?”

  She drew in a deep breath and stepped back into the room.

  “Hey.” She shot Becca a smile. “I didn’t expect you so early.”

  “I had John take the kids to school so I could come here early. I didn’t know what time you were going to be able to leave, and I wanted to make sure you had clean clothes.”

  Becca set the bag on the end of the bed. “I have everything here from the list you gave me, but I threw in a few extras as well, just in case.”

  “You’re an angel.” Grace gathered her best friend into a hug and fought back the tears, tired of feeling so emotional. “Thank you so much.”

  Becca took a step back and caught her gaze. “You okay?”

  “I’m fine. Really. Just a bit tired.”

  “I might be an angel, but I’m worried, Grace. I didn’t want to upset you when I left, but I couldn’t sleep last night. John and I ended up talking for a couple hours in the middle of the night, and we’re both worried. I’ve barely seen you since the break-in, now you’re in the hospital, and all I know is that one of your clients was murdered. But I have no idea how you’re involved in all of this.”

  Grace hesitated, not sure how much she should actually tell Becca. “Stephen gave me proof of something he was involved in. Something that has the potential to hurt a lot of people.”

  “And now someone wants you dead?”

  Grace sat down on the edge of the bed and rubbed her hands together. She still hadn’t completely warmed up from last night, and trying to explain to Becca brought back that icy fear. “I don’t understand everything myself, Becca. Someone is trying to make sure their loose ends are wrapped up.”

  “And you’re a loose end?” Becca sat down beside her.

  “I’ll be fine. There’s the police officer standing outside my door.”

  “Which is what has me worried. This isn’t the plot to some movie where the good guys always catch the bad guys at the end of the show. This is your life we’re talking about.”

  “Which is why
I’ve given my statement and I’m finished helping.”

  But that didn’t mean this was all over. She couldn’t tell Becca just how high the stakes were. Or what was going to happen if the men who killed Stephen were able to implement their plan. The truth would terrify Becca. She knew what would happen if the grid went down.

  “Nate will make sure nothing happens to me.” She squeezed her friend’s hand. “I promise.”

  “I spoke with Nate for a few minutes yesterday.”

  Grace’s eyes widened. “About?”

  “He really cares about you. I can tell from his voice. And there’s something about the way he says your name. I don’t remember your mentioning him before.”

  “I knew him back in college. Before I met you. He was a friend of Kevin’s.”

  “I was just wondering if I’d seen a spark between the two of you, or if I just imagined it?”

  Grace pulled her gray sweater from the bag Becca had brought her, wanting to ignore the question. How could she even consider falling for someone she hadn’t seen for so many years? Someone whose life was completely different from hers? The idea was crazy. They’d both changed and weren’t at all the same people they’d been back in school. What had happened over the past two days wasn’t going to change any of that.

  “No . . . there’s nothing there. Not really.” She shook her head. How had their conversation switched to another topic she didn’t want to talk about? “Too much has happened over the past few days for me to even consider my heart. But . . . there is something about him. Maybe it’s because he makes me think about a time when things were less complicated. When I believed I could take on the world and actually make things better. We were invincible back then, but now . . .”

  That was before she lost her family.

  “Besides everything else that’s going on, I’m not ready to think about a relationship.”

  “When will you be ready, Grace? I mean, if you keep waiting for the perfect moment, you might miss what’s right in front of you.”