Shadow: Cerberus MC Book 3

by Marie James

  “I’m so sorry,” Emmalyn says coming into the room with her hands full of bags.

  Khloe follows with a weak smile on her face. She looks as tired as I feel.

  “I should’ve guessed you were sleeping.” Emmalyn continues.

  I watch with wide eyes as she walks back out into the hallway only to return with even more bags.

  “What’s all this?” I ask sitting up in bed.

  Emmalyn smiles brightly as Khloe all but collapses into the chair in the corner of the room.

  “Baby stuff,” Emmalyn says as she begins to sift through the bags, looking for something specific.

  She pulls her hands from the bags, and I’ve never been happier to see a package of Always pads in my life. Tears bubble in my eyes, knowing that these women went out of their way to get me pads and things for Griffin.

  “Now, now,” she says walking toward the bed. “None of that.” She hands me the package of feminine products and goes back to the bags around Khloe’s feet. “Wal-Mart was the only thing open this late, so we’ll have to go back out tomorrow for more, but I did grab you some clothes that will actually fit you. No sense in forcing you to wear Shadow’s ill-fitting clothes.”

  “I don’t even know what to say.” I wipe at the tears that refuse to quit falling. She hands me a bag with a t-shirt, yoga pants, and a pack of cotton panties.

  “You don’t have to say anything Misty. Go get yourself cleaned up while Khloe and I change the bed sheets.” She helps me stand, and I begin to shuffle to the restroom.

  “I’ll need another shower,” I say quietly looking down at Griffin. He won’t be coming out of his milk coma anytime soon, but I still don’t like the idea of leaving him alone.

  “We got him, Misty. Snatch is putting together the bassinet. He should have it here by the time you get out.” I look back to see Khloe already holding Griffin while Emmalyn strips the bed.

  Hot showers have quickly become my happy place, but I rush through to get back out to the very generous women. I don’t want to seem ungrateful by taking all day; well, night. I have no idea what time it is.

  I didn’t wash my hair since I just washed it a few hours ago, so my time in the bathroom was even shorter. I walk back into the room finding Khloe and Emmalyn sorting through the bags and putting things away. A small cream colored bassinet is beside the bed. With a quick peek inside, I find Griffin sleeping peacefully.

  “I’ve got your clothes in here,” Khloe says pointing to the middle drawer. “I put Griffin’s things in the top drawer. Figured it would be easier for you not having to bend down so often since babies have to be changed so much.”

  “Thank you,” I say sitting on the end of the bed. “But I don’t know that I’ll be here for long.”

  Emmalyn’s eyes widen, and she cuts them to Khloe, who just stares at me. “Are you planning on leaving? Taking the baby?” Emmalyn finally asks.

  “No,” I say shocked at her reaction to my words. “I just don’t know how long I’ll be allowed to stay here.”

  “Allowed? What does that even mean?” Khloe asks crossing her arms in front of her chest.

  I shake my head, not wanting to voice my fears.

  “Come on,” Khloe urges. “Spit it out.”

  I raise an eyebrow at her forcefulness.

  “Don’t mind her,” Emmalyn says walking past Khloe and sitting beside me on the bed. “She gets cranky when she’s tired.”

  “Sorry,” Khloe says at Emmalyn’s indirect chastisement. She sits down on the floor at our feet. “I am tired.”

  “Why are you worried?” Emmalyn asks softly.

  “Shadow is pissed. He has every right to be. I don’t imagine he’s going to want some strange woman staying here.”

  Emmalyn laughs. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. You must not know him very well.” She snaps her jaw shut, cringing slightly at her own words.

  “Sorry,” she says quickly.

  “Don’t worry about it. It’s the truth.” I say quietly.

  “Listen,” Emmalyn says placing a delicate hand on my knee. “Griffin is family. We take care of family.”

  “But I’m not.”

  “You are by default,” Khloe says finally joining into the conversation.

  Emmalyn scowls at her. “Khloe, you need to go to bed. Clearly, you can’t control your brain to mouth filter right now.”

  “Me?” she asks incredulously with a finger pointed at herself. “You,” she says turning her finger toward Emmalyn, “just told her she didn’t know her baby daddy.”

  I laugh. This whole thing is becoming ridiculous.

  “Baby daddy? Seriously, Khloe?” Emmalyn shakes her head but can’t hide the smile creeping up on her face. “I told you college was going to get you to come out of that shell you’ve been hiding in.”

  Khloe flips her the bird playfully.

  “Anyways,” Emmalyn says pulling her attention away from Khloe and putting it back on me. “Diego will make Shadow leave before he forces you and that baby out on the street. He owes you for your help with Josie.”

  I shake my head. “He doesn’t owe me anything. I just did the right thing.”

  “Well, you doing the right thing has put you in his favor. You have nothing to worry about.” She slaps her hands on her knees and stands from the bed. “Let me show you what we got, and then I have to get this cranky child to bed.”

  Khloe stands up and sticks her tongue out at Emmalyn. I laugh at their playfulness with each other. I haven’t had a friend in what seems like forever. Other than Macy at the Maternity House, every other woman there wanted to be left alone. It was an every person for themselves sort of situation. I’d love to find friendship while I’m here, but I won’t force myself on them. I’m still some stranger that showed up with a baby to them.

  “Like I said,” Emmalyn says walking toward a shelf covered in baby things. “We’ll get some nicer things tomorrow.”

  “We also got you a few things to snack on,” she says handing me a box of crackers. “I know you’re not hungry right now, but if you get hungry later, you won’t have to leave the room for a snack.”

  I look over at the shelf and see toys, diapers, and even a baby bath. “You didn’t have to get all of these things,” I say thankfully.

  “Shadow had us get this stuff,” Emmalyn says with a wink as she turns around to face me.

  He doesn’t want to spend a minute alone with me, but he’s going to make sure we have what we need. My heart clenches when I realize that he may not be throwing us out of here after all.

  Chapter 16

  I forced myself to leave the room when Misty began nursing Griffin. She busted me smiling down at her. I couldn’t handle the look on her face when I wouldn’t explain my smile. What was I supposed to say when I realized how happy my son was at her breast? The truth ‘I’d be happy sucking on those perfect tits, too’ really didn’t seem like the appropriate thing to say, given the situation.

  I stand in the hall for a few minutes while Itchy, Ace, and Kid carry the last of his things out of Kid’s old room. He’s been in the room with Khloe for months, so I don’t feel bad for taking over this one. I’m still mad at Misty for not telling me about getting pregnant, but I know I can’t handle staying in the same room with her. That decision has more to do with the urgency I feel to touch her, rather than the anger I can’t seem to keep a handle on.

  My anger feels justified to me. I know Griffin is only four days old, but I’ve missed so much already. No doctor’s visits, no seeing his little body grow in sonogram pictures. I missed his birth and his first cry. She’s stolen all of that away from me. I’ve missed out on things I never knew I wanted until I realized they’re already gone.

  “You don’t have to do that, Rose,” I say walking into the room that is now mine. “I can make my own bed.”

  “It’s done,” she says fluffing the final pillow and placing it at the top of the bed. “You’ve had a long day.” She grips my shoulder wi
th her small hand. “Get some rest.”

  Rose leaves the room, and I pace the floor. I want to check on them one more time before finally calling it a night, but I know if I sit down I won’t be able to get back up.

  A shadow darkens the open door. I look and find Emmalyn standing just outside.

  “We got a little of everything, but he’s going to need some more clothes. She’s going to need some things also. I don’t know how soon she’s going to be up for going shopping.” She hands me back my credit card.

  “Thanks, Em. I really appreciate it.”

  She holds up what looks like two walkie-talkies in plastic packaging. “This may be out of line, and she seems like a really nice girl, but from the sound of things you don’t know her very well.” I take the package from her. “It’s a baby monitor, just in case you want to hear what’s going on in the other room.”

  “Let me know if you need anything else,” she says covering her yawn with the back of her hand before walking out. She stops at the door and turns back to me. “Shadow?” I look up from the baby monitor in my hands. “She’s terrified you’re just going to throw her and the baby out.”

  “I’d never…” I begin.

  She holds her hand up to stop me. “I know you wouldn’t, but she doesn’t know that.” She walks out and leaves me with that information.

  Without a second thought, I sit down and make sure the baby monitor is operational. I should feel like a jerk for putting this in her room, but I don’t. I will do anything to protect my son, even if that means spying on his mother to make sure he’s safe.

  Making sure I have the right half, I place it on the bedside table. I put the other part in my pocket. Before going back to Misty’s room, I take my phone out and look at the time. I really need to call Brighton and tell her what’s going on, but it’ll have to wait until morning time. Relaying this information to my sister will be tough, but it’s telling my parents that has my stomach in knots.

  It’s not for reasons most would think. They won’t be upset in the least when they hear about Griffin. My mom has been hounding me to settle down, find the right girl, and give her grandchildren for years. Of course that’s not exactly what’s going on now, but it’s as close as they may ever get. My older sister isn’t so much a spinster, but she’s never had any desire to have children. Carrying the family name has rested on my shoulders for as long as I can remember.

  I’m thirty-two, and Bri is four years older. I’m certain at this point my mother has resigned herself to having no grandchildren. I’m honestly afraid she’ll have a heart attack or stroke at my news. It will take a ton of convincing to keep both her and my dad off of a plane the second they find out. I can’t handle that stress right now, and I sure as fuck know Misty isn’t up for it either.

  I don’t even know what tomorrow holds, much less what a future as a father looks like. This isn’t traditional in the least. I grew up in a loving home with parents who married right out of high school. It’s all I’ve ever known. I don’t know how to be a dad without being a husband. In my life, the two went hand in hand. Misty will always be in my life, but I have no idea in what capacity. I’m too pissed right now to consider anything other than her being here because of her connection to Griffin.

  I head back into Misty’s room. I don’t knock since I’m hoping she’s asleep. Planting half of a baby monitor isn’t exactly a dangerous, covert mission, but getting caught would still suck. Just as I’d hoped, I find her sleeping, my huge bed all but swallowing her tiny frame up. Griffin is in the little baby bed, wrapped up snuggly in what I can see is a new blanket.

  I place the baby monitor behind the nightstand on the side of the bed she’s sleeping on. She shifts uncomfortably in her sleep. It dawns on me that she hasn’t had a pain pill since the IV was disconnected from her hand.

  I reach down and gently brush her dark hair from her face. “Misty,” Her face turns into my touch. “Damn,” I say softly looking at her beautiful face in repose. Even tired, swollen, and deceptive I know I’d still choose her over hundreds of other women.

  Her eyes flutter open, and she stiffens at my presence. “What’s wrong?” she asks shuffling away from my hand and looking over at the baby.

  “Nothing,” I say reaching into my pocket to grab the pills. I grab a quick glass of water from the bathroom and hold them both out to her. “You were fitful. You need to take this.”

  She looks from my hand to the baby, and back again. Finally, she reaches out and takes the medicine. “Thank you,” she says softly. “I won’t be able to hear him cry.”

  “I’m right next door,” I explain. I’m not going to tell her about the monitor, but I’m pretty sure I would be able to hear his strong lungs through the wall. “Do you want me to take him so you can rest?”

  “No!” she says quickly grabbing my arm as if I just threatened to take him forever.

  What kind of man does she think I am? Don’t get me wrong, if she gives me any reason to believe he’s in danger I won’t think twice about it, but we’re not to that point yet. Her reaction rubs me the wrong way.

  I take a step back, creating more distance between us. “Do you need anything else?” I ask, unable to hide the frustration in my voice. “Have you eaten?”

  “No,” she says shaking her head. “Emmalyn brought me some crackers, but I’m just not hungry.”

  “You need to eat more.” She just had a baby four days ago, and she’s tiny.

  “The pain pills make my stomach turn,” she says with an equally frustrated tone. “I’ll eat when I feel like it.”

  I look up at the ceiling, trying to keep from losing my shit. “How can you feed my son, if you don’t feed yourself?”

  I’m tired, extremely pissed, and for some fucked up reason, I’m taking it out on her.

  She hangs her head, attempting to hide the tears that begin to darken the sheets below her downturned face.

  “I’ll try harder tomorrow,” she says quietly.

  Fuck. And asshole of the year award goes to…

  I take a step closer to her, reaching out my hand to comfort her, but stop before I reach her. I just don’t have it in me tonight. I drop my hand to my side and turn to leave the room. “I’ll see you in the morning. I’ll wake you if he wakes up.”

  I close her door softly, leaning against it and hanging my own head. No matter what she’s been through, she didn’t deserve to be treated that way. I slowly make my way to my room and fall into my bed. I don’t even bother to pull my boots off.

  I lie there absolutely exhausted, but unable to go to sleep as I listen to her quiet sobs through the baby monitor.

  Chapter 17

  “Misty.” I feel a warm hand caress my face. “Wake up, Darlin’. He thinks he’s starving to death.”

  I smile at the sweetness of Shadow’s voice until I remember the horrible way he spoke to me last night. I blink my eyes open to see early morning sunshine billowing from the window. I feel more rested than I have in days, but my body still feels weak and tired.

  “What time is it?” I ask as I sit up on the bed. I cringe at the tightness in my lower stomach. Even when I’m careful, it feels as if I’m ripping my incision open.

  “Almost seven,” he says handing Griffin over to me.

  “Can you grab me a diaper?” I ask with a yawn.

  “I already changed him.” I look at him for the first time since waking up. He looks as tired as I feel.

  “You changed him?” I don’t mean to sound shocked, but I never took him for the diaper changing kind of man.

  “I’m perfectly capable of changing a damn diaper, Misty.” And there’s the man that’s been here since I showed up yesterday. “Sorry,” he says quickly. “I’m just tired as hell.”

  “Welcome to my world,” I say as I lay Griffin between my legs and fix the blue blanket around him.

  “How long did it take you to figure the diaper out?”

  He laughs quietly. “Let’s just say I’ve diffused
bombs faster.”

  I chuckle. I would’ve paid money I don’t have to have been a witness to that.

  He yawns loudly. “We need to talk,” he says rubbing his eyes.

  “Why don’t you lie down,” I say patting the empty bed beside me. “We can talk while I feed him.”

  I’m not looking forward to this at all, but I knew it was coming eventually. He walks around the end of the bed and lays down, hands behind his head. I turn my eyes away from the sliver of exposed abdomen, reminding myself he’s not mine to look at like that.

  “I hate taking those stupid pills,” I say absently. “They make me feel like a zombie.”

  He laughs softly. “It’s only temporary. You won’t be any use to him if you’re in the hospital.” I can’t tell if it’s another jab at my ability to take care of Griffin. He’s implied more than once already that he doesn’t think I’m capable.

  “I don’t know how to be a good mother to him. I don’t know how women do this on their own,” I confess.

  “I’m not going anywhere, Misty. I’ll always be here for him. You don’t have to do anything alone.” I look over at him to find his eyes closed.

  Him. Not both of us. I don’t know what I expected. I knew I wouldn’t just show up and fall into his welcoming arms. I wonder what’s tiring me more, the fact that I just had a baby or the emotional exhaustion from being here with Shadow. If anything, they’re at least tied for first place.

  “You hate me,” I say softly. Why prolong the inevitable. Might as well lay all the cards on the table and talk about the proverbial elephant in the room.

  “Did you trap me on purpose?” There it is. The question I’m sure he’s been wanting to ask me since I showed up.

  “No.”

  “You lied to me.”

  “I did.”

  “Why else would you tell me you were on birth control if it wasn’t to put yourself in this position?”