Shadow: Cerberus MC Book 3

by Marie James

  The other side of that is Josie was pregnant when I left also. She was no longer working at the school at that point, but we maintained some contact. I allowed bitterness to creep into my soul after finding out I was pregnant with Griffin. Josie had it all, the beautiful house, the man who’d die for her.

  Kaleb, from what Josie said, was ecstatic about the news of her unplanned pregnancy. Josie had the life I felt like I deserved but would never have. It’s difficult to be around people who have everything they could ever wish for when you have nothing to call your own. Not one of my finest moments, but the feelings were there nonetheless.

  “I haven’t talked to Josie in a while,” I say with no other explanation.

  I lower my gaze to Griffin, unable to face the questioning eyes of three women I don’t know. They seem nice enough, but they can also have been sent here to get information out of me. If that’s the case, I wish they’d just ask already. I have nothing to hide, but the last thing I need is people pretending to be nice to me when they really don’t want to be.

  I look up into each of their eyes, trying to determine if Shadow sent them here. I’m saddened at the thought.

  “I’m Rose,” the older woman says sitting down in the chair across the room where I woke to find Shadow at earlier.

  “And I’m Khloe,” the younger one says.

  “Are you her daughter?” I ask Khloe indicating Rose across the room.

  Rose barks a laugh. “You better quit with that shit,” she says playfully.

  “I’m Kid’s,” Khloe says as if it explains everything in the world.

  She takes in my confused look and explains further. “I’m Kid’s girlfriend. He’s one of the club members.”

  I nod my head in understanding.

  Emmalyn chimes in. “You know I’m with Diego,” she says. I assume Diego is Kincaid. She points to Rose. “She’s married to Doc.”

  “You all live here?” I ask gently rocking Griffin, who’s beginning to wiggle in my arms.

  “I don’t,” Rose says. “Doc and I have a house in town, but we’re here practically every day.”

  “Khloe and I live here,” Emmalyn says. “Are you hungry? I can make you a sandwich.” She sees my nose scrunch up. “Or some soup maybe?”

  “No thank you.” Just the thought of food right now makes my stomach turn.

  Before anyone else can speak, there’s a soft knock on the door. Khloe stands and opens it. Shadow walks in glancing at Griffin first; then his eyes meet mine. The look on his face is inscrutable, masked with no emotion. He can hide all he wants, but I can see the exhaustion in his eyes, making his usually vibrant blue eyes seem dull.

  He steps aside, and an older man followed by a woman walk into the room.

  The man steps forward, holding his hand out to me. “Good to see you awake, Misty.” I shake his proffered hand. “I’m Dr. Davison, and this is my wife, Angelica.”

  I look past him into the kind, dark eyes of his wife. She’s beautiful, matching the handsomeness of her equally formidable husband.

  “Hi,” I say unsure of what’s going on. My eyes seek out Shadow’s for an explanation, but he’s standing in the doorway speaking with the women that started shuffling out of the room when the trio walked in.

  I hold Griffin tighter to my chest.

  “Shadow called me when you fainted earlier.” He points to the IV still in the back of my hand. “I gave you antibiotics and some pain meds. I’m just here to follow up.”

  I try to read his face, looking for deception and finding none.

  “Angelica is a pediatric nurse at the hospital. I brought her along to give the baby a quick look.” I hold him even tighter. “I presume he’s not been looked at since leaving the hospital?”

  I shake my head. A pediatrician came in and checked him at the hospital, giving me a card for an appointment I had no intentions of keeping. Looking at the doctor now, I realize that was a stupid mistake.

  Shadow is glaring at me from across the room. “His appointment isn’t for another couple of days,” I say more to Shadow than the doctor.

  “You’ve traveled all the way from Denver with him?” I nod. “Traveling puts a lot of stress on a newborn. Let Angelica give him a good once over while I check your incision.”

  He reaches for the baby and hands him gently to his wife. She carries him across the room and begins to examine him on the dresser. Shadow stands close to her. I can tell that they're speaking softly, but I’m unable to hear what they’re saying

  “I see you took a shower,” Dr. Davison says pulling my attention back to him. “Did you use the sterile drapes to dry off?”

  “Yes.”

  “Lie back,” he says patting the pillow with his hand. I try to see what’s going on with the baby, but from this angle, Dr. Davison is blocking my view. “You got most of the IV antibiotics,” he says pulling on latex gloves. “But the infection is bad enough you’ll need some oral ones as well.” I wince when he touches the irritated area of my incision. “I’ve given Shadow some pain meds for you as well.”

  I close my eyes against the pain.

  “Did the hospital give you pain meds?”

  I nod my head.

  “And you’ve taken them all already?” I can hear the slight judgment in his voice.

  “They made me sleepy,” I explain. “I couldn’t function enough to take care of Griffin when I took them.”

  He smiles at me. “You need something for the pain, Misty.”

  I shake my head. “I have to take care of the baby. He needs me.”

  I look up and see Shadow standing at the end of the bed. “He needs you healthy,” Shadow says. “There are people here who will help you until you’re better.”

  People. It doesn’t go unnoticed that he didn’t use the word I.

  I close my eyes and fight against the sting of tears, losing the battle as one rolls down my cheek. I remind myself that I’m doing what’s best for my son, even if his father hates me. This is only temporary I remind myself as the doctor finishes his exam. I only hope my heart can withstand the pain it will go through being around Shadow.

  “The incision is still angry and inflamed, but it’s only been a few hours since I was here last,” the doctor explains. “But you seem to be feeling a little better, so that’s a positive.”

  Angelica is still looking at Griffin, so I turn my attention back to Dr. Davison.

  He reaches into his bag. “Are you nursing?”

  “Yes.”

  “Here are the antibiotics,” he says handing me a nondescript pill bottle. “These won’t affect the baby in any way. They’re completely safe. Also,” he says handing me another bottle of pills. “These are prenatal vitamins. You need to take them daily for as long as you’re nursing.”

  “Thank you,” I tell him holding the bottles in my hands.

  I look at him in earnest for the first time since he arrived. He seems well put together, not like some back alley doctor. I wonder what kind of motorcycle club this is that would have, what I assume is a prestigious doctor, on their payroll, one that makes house calls.

  “I can treat your infection here, but there are tests and shots and such for the baby that need to be done at the doctor’s office,” he says closing his doctor’s bag. “We have some very respectable pediatricians in our community,” he continues. “I’ll have Angelica write down the information, but you need to make an appointment first thing tomorrow. He needs to be seen at a week old.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  He pats my knee on top of the cover. “I’ll check on you in a few days, Misty.”

  At this point, I can’t even guarantee I’ll be around in a few days. Shadow may force me out of here long before then.

  Chapter 14

  When I entered the room with the doctor and his wife, I wasn’t surprised to find the girls all hovering around Misty. Women seem to gravitate to babies, a trait I’ll never understand.

  I follow them out into the hallway and grab E
mmalyn’s arm gently to keep her from leaving with the other women.

  “I’m sorry,” I tell her softly.

  She looks at me with confusion marking her brow. “For what?”

  “I didn’t even consider what you’re going through before I shoved Griffin in your arms. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  She shakes her head softly. “I’m not upset, Shadow.” She places a comforting hand on my chest. “I love that there’s a baby in the house now.”

  My eyes dart between both of hers making sure she’s being honest and not just trying to placate me.

  She leans in conspiratorially. “It’s good practice for me.” She smiles brightly.

  I can’t help but laugh. Even through her and Kincaid’s struggles to get pregnant, she’s kept her positive attitude. A lesser woman would’ve already given up.

  “If you need any help at all, Shadow, I’m here.” She tilts her head down the hall. “The other girls are here to help as well,” she says sincerely.

  “Are you sure? Because I know I’m going to need help.” I scrub my hand down my beard.

  “I’m sure,” she says holding out her hand.

  I angle my head at her in confusion.

  “Give me your credit card,” she says.

  I reach for my wallet. “Why do you need my credit card?” I pull out the one Ace gave back to me after they went for formula and diapers.

  “You sent those two men out for baby stuff, and they came back with diapers, formula, a rubber duck, and a Tonka Truck. All of which I’m sure will get some use… eventually,” she says with a quick eye roll. “But she brought nothing with her. She needs clothes, and the baby needs a million things.”

  I want to hug her for thinking past tonight, for considering what they’ll need going forward.

  “What’s my spending limit?” she asks wiggling her eyebrows.

  I wave her off. “Knock yourself out.”

  She claps giddily and gives me a quick hug. “You better remember you said that!”

  I laugh again and watch her walk down the hall. “Hey, Em?” She turns back to me. “Take Snatch with you. That fucker loves to shop. Also, can you get with Kid and have him and a few of the other guys clear out his old room next door? I want to stay close to them.”

  She nods her head and makes her way back out front.

  I walk back into the room to find Dr. Davison explaining who he and his wife are. Misty is reluctant to hand over Griffin, and I become slightly agitated until it dawns on me that she’s only trying to protect him from people she doesn’t know. It makes my heart warm slightly.

  She finally consents to his exam. I follow Angelica to the dresser as Dr. Davison checks on her.

  “I have to have your name,” she says pulling a thick envelope from her bag. “’Shadow’ isn’t going to work for a paternity test.”

  “Morrison Griggs,” I say, and she writes my name on a smaller envelope. She pulls out a thick swab.

  “Run it inside your cheek.” I do as she says and hand it back to her. “And the baby’s name?”

  I look back at Misty. “Griffin Bowen.”

  She writes his name down on the envelope and swabs the inside of his mouth. She seals them up in the bigger envelope and puts the package back in her bag.

  “How long will it take?”

  “Usually seven to ten days, but I’ll put a rush on it and have it back in three or four,” she says unwrapping the blanket from around Griffin.

  I look down at the tiny baby and can’t help but smile.

  “He’s beautiful,” I say in awe, really looking at him for the first time.

  “He is,” Angelica says as she begins her exam.

  I turn away from her when I hear Misty explain the pain meds she was given at the hospital. She wouldn’t take them because she couldn’t take care of him. I once again feel like shit for snapping at her earlier. I tell her that we will help take care of him while she gets better. She closes her eyes, and I don’t miss the tear that rolls down her cheek. I hate to see her in pain, even if she’s hidden all of this from me.

  I turn back to the baby’s exam, unable to see her suffer. I want to go to her, hold her hand and promise her everything will be okay, but I don’t. I allow my bitterness to win out.

  “He’s very healthy,” Angelica says quietly. “His skin color is great. The umbilical stump is healing nicely. She, on the other hand,” she says tilting her head in Misty’s direction, “she looks like she’s had a really rough couple of days.”

  I ignore her statement and watch as she expertly changes his diaper before wrapping him back up in his blanket. I hope Em gets him a new one; this one just isn’t good enough.

  She hands him to me and joins her husband by Misty’s side.

  “He’s very healthy, Misty. You’ve done a great job taking care of him.”

  I see relief wash over Misty’s face at the news.

  “Here’s a card for the best pediatrician in town,” Angelica says handing a scrap of paper over to Misty. She looks over her shoulder at me before turning her eyes back to the frail looking woman in my bed. “I’m pretty certain Shadow is going to insist on the best for Griffin.”

  Misty nods her head, and I can see her eyes begin to flutter. She needs rest more than I do at this point.

  Dr. Davison stands from her bedside and walks toward the door. “She needs one of her pain pills. I’ll be in touch,” he says before leaving the room and closing the door quietly behind them.

  I walk closer to the bed. “You need to get some rest.”

  “He needs to nurse,” she says holding her hands out.

  “Get some rest,” I tell her. “I’ll wake you when he’s ready to eat.”

  Her eyes are pleading when they find mine. “I’m not taking him anywhere,” I assure her. “I’ll be over in the chair.”

  She settles at my words, and I’m certain she’s asleep before I even sit down.

  I hold Griffin on my lap, letting my eyes graze over every inch of him. He has Misty’s beautifully dark hair and her soft pouty lips, but I don’t see myself in him at all. I swallow roughly, once again doubting her story.

  What does she have to gain by lying? Would she make herself suffer like she clearly has been if she was trying to finagle her way into my life? Does she just want money?

  I’m a damn fine judge of character, and she never let off that kind of vibe in Denver. I can spot those women a mile away. I’m lost in thought when Griffin begins to whimper in my arms.

  “Hey, baby,” I say down to him, hoping he’ll calm and give Misty a little more time to sleep.

  He blinks softly, his tiny eyes fluttering before they fully open. He looks up at me as I look down at him. Staring back at me through dark lashes are the most amazing pair of blue eyes, the same eyes I see every day in the mirror. Every ounce of doubt regarding his paternity washes away as I look down at the tiny piece of me. He’s my son. I’m a father.

  I clear my throat to attempt to push down the emotion that’s fighting its way up the back of my throat. Most people have time to prepare for this, nine months to be exact. I’ve known about him for a handful of hours, and only accepted the truth ten minutes ago, but the love I feel for this child is immediate. No doubt a very big part of my future. The one person I can honestly say after only a few hours of knowing him that I’d sacrifice my life to give him everything in the world.

  He looks up at me, and I pray for a smile, some understanding on his part that I’m his father, the man who will protect him from every foreseeable problem. That’s not what I get. What I get is one tiny whimper, and then he begins to wail as if I twisted one of his tiny little toes off.

  I stare down at him, wide-eyed and uncertain of what to do. I shuffle to my feet and make my way to Misty; seems she won’t be getting much of a nap after all.

  Chapter 15

  It seems like I’ve only had my eyes closed for seconds when Shadow’s frantic voice is urging me awake. I open my eyes to find hi
m standing beside the bed trying to comfort Griffin, who is not having any of it. I knew I should’ve fed him before I went to sleep, but I wanted Shadow to have some time with him.

  I struggle to sit up, the pain in my stomach still acute, but I eventually manage.

  “Can you bring me a diaper and the wipes?” I ask as he hands the screaming baby over to me.

  “Angelica just changed his diaper,” he says.

  I laugh. I can’t help it. This man knows less about babies than I did, and that’s saying something.

  “He has a tiny bladder, Shadow.” I unwrap him and show him the dark blue line on the front of the diaper. “Blue means wet.”

  He nods as if he’s committing it to memory and grabs the supplies I asked for. I change his diaper, cover myself with his tiny blanket, and begin to nurse him. He goes from screaming his head off to cooing softly against my breast.

  I look up and see Shadow smiling down at me. “What?” I ask because it’s out of character for how he’s been acting toward me since I got here.

  He clears his throat but doesn’t answer me. His smile fades, and I hate myself for even saying anything. His scowl is back. He runs his hands through his light brown hair causing it to fall in waves of golden sexiness. Even without sleep for who knows how long, he’s still ridiculously good looking. Here I sit in over-sized sweats on sheets I just remembered need to be changed, looking like a vagrant, and he’s beyond handsome. I return his scowl.

  Griffin wiggles against my body. I look down at him under the edge of his blanket. I look up after getting him situated to see Shadow’s back disappear on the other side of the door. He can’t even stand to be in the same room with me. I can’t say that I blame him; most days I wouldn’t want to be around me either.

  After Griffin is nursed, burped, and situated beside me in the bed, I finally allow myself to drift back to sleep. Shadow hasn’t said anything about my length of stay here, but I do know I need to get as much rest as possible. Sleep when the baby sleeps; isn’t that what everyone says?

  ***

  “Jesus,” I mumble when a knock at the door startles me awake. “Come in!” I know there’s agitation in my voice, but I can’t help it. This is almost as bad as the nursing staff coming in and out of the room while I was in the hospital.