by Marie James
“My sister is going to come spend some time here,” I tell her placing a hand on her arm. “If you want to work, that’s fine. I hope you’ll reconsider leaving, though.”
She nods her head and walks out.
I fall back into my desk chair. Every conversation, every interaction I have with her turns to shit. I know I have time. Well, I hope I have time. I’ve checked into her financials. I know she has some money in the bank. Not near enough to set out on her own and support a child, but what I am learning is she’s impulsive. That is a very dangerous thing, especially when she’s unhappy.
Chapter 19
I’ve been at the Cerberus Motorcycle clubhouse for almost six weeks now. Shadow and I have managed to somehow co-parent Griffin without another argument. The first week that I was here was horrible, both physically and emotionally exhausting.
He backed off of the petty arguments after I expressed the need to get out on my own. I don’t know if I scared him or if he just decided fighting me to stay here wasn’t worth it. We haven’t discussed it since. It’s still always in the back of my mind. I’ve never felt like such a parasite in my life. Living with your parents is one thing; living off of a man who got you pregnant after being lied to is another.
Brighton showed up when Shadow and several of the others were called out for a job two weeks after I arrived. I’m not exactly sure what they do, but the sight of them carrying big black duffle bags out of here made me worry about his safety every second that he was gone.
He spent every second of the first couple days he was back with Griffin. It was clear that he’d missed him while he was gone. I know Brighton spoke with him several times while he was gone, getting updates on his son. Not once did she pass the phone to me. It hurts, but I’ve accepted it. Any small hope I’d had before arriving here of being a family was smashed within hours of my arrival.
“When is your first shift at Jake’s?” Khloe asks finally taking a break from her homework.
“Day after tomorrow,” I answer.
Jake’s is a small bar in town that hired me on the spot when Snatch took me there to apply. Not being required to fill out an application was weird, but Emmalyn told me she was hired there exactly like that last year. Then she smiled a weird little smile as if she knew some secret she couldn’t tell me.
I didn’t question it. I was just happy to have found a job so fast. I know Brighton is here to help with the baby, but I doubted her abilities to watch Griffin while I worked when I caught her putting chocolate syrup in a bottle of pumped breast milk. She claimed ‘all kids love chocolate milk.’
I explained it to Shadow, and he agreed that even though she’s one of the best real-estate agents in Tennessee, kids weren’t her strongest forte. I was relieved when he didn’t force my hand. I got the job at Jake’s because I can work evenings, and Khloe and Em have agreed to keep an eye on Griffin since all of their college classes are in the morning.
I offered to pay them, but both refused, saying it’s ridiculous to pay people to watch a baby they love.
Bri sighs when her cell phone chimes a text, again. She’s always getting texts. At first, I thought it must be work. She told me she has a pretty flexible schedule, and it’s no big deal for her to be away from home for weeks at a time. Em, however, let it slip one day in the kitchen that her boyfriend back home is giving her trouble. I should say ex-boyfriend. She told him to pack his things and leave when she came to New Mexico, but apparently he hasn’t heeded the eviction notice.
“You’ll like working at Jake’s,” Em says as she runs her finger over Griffin’s dark hair. “Tips are nice.”
“I’m not so much worried about tips. I’m just grateful to get out of the clubhouse, away from broody men,” I add when Shadow walks past us and out the front door without so much as a nod in our direction.
Khloe and Em laugh at the same time.
“What?” I ask looking between the two.
“Oh,” Khloe says with a wicked grin on her face. “You won’t be getting rid of the men.”
I narrow my eyes at her, but it’s Emmalyn who speaks up.
“If it’s anything like when I worked there, club members will be there every second of every shift you work.” She turns her attention back to Griffin, who’s cooing up at her.
“Seriously?” I ask Khloe.
She laughs. “Yep.”
“Why? Do they think we need to be supervised while working? That’s absurd.” I cross my arms over my chest and sit back further on the couch.
“They don’t want anything to happen,” Em says with a shrug but not taking her eyes off of my son. “And they like to drink beer. Two birds; one stone.”
“And you didn’t have a problem with Kincaid watching your every move?”
She finally looks up at me and shakes her head. “I loved it when I could feel Diego’s eyes on me all night.”
Ugh. Gag me.
“Shadow doesn’t look at me the way Kincaid looks at you.”
Bri laughs but doesn’t say anything when I look over at her. She turns her head back down to her phone.
“We’re thinking about fertility treatments,” Emmalyn says out of the blue.
I smile at her. I love being a mother. It’s one of the hardest, yet rewarding jobs I’ve ever done. I can tell by the way Emmalyn takes care of Griffin that she’ll be an excellent mother. If anyone deserves the privilege, it’s her and Kincaid.
I look over at Bri, who seems to be lost in her own thoughts.
“Bri, do you want kids?” I ask.
“Fuck no!” She says quickly. “No offense to you two.”
Emmalyn laughs. “No offense taken.”
“Can you imagine me with a kid?” Bri says.
“No,” Em and I say at the same time.
This gets a round of laughter out of all of us.
“So,” Khloe says leaning in like she’s sharing top secret information. “Darby just packed all of her clothes and left last night.”
“What?” Emmalyn says pulling her eyes from the baby. “She didn't.”
“She sure as hell did,” Khloe confirms. “I don’t know what happened, and she wouldn’t tell me when I asked.”
“Did she say if she was coming back?” Em asks.
“I didn’t ask. She seemed really upset.” Khloe says.
I haven’t really gotten to know any of the other women here. Bri, Khloe, Em, and I spend quite a bit of time together, but the other girls seem to keep their distance from me. Khloe warned me after a couple of weeks to watch out for Snapper, but I’ve never had an issue with her. They seem nice enough, just not people I can relate to.
“Hopefully, she’ll come back,” Emmalyn says. “I know Snatch and Itchy will miss her like crazy.”
Khloe settles back into her homework, and Bri keeps typing away on her phone. I watch Emmalyn as she fawns over Griffin.
“Misty,” Shadow’s voice calls from the open front door. I look over at him. “Can I have a minute?”
I get up from the sofa and walk to him, making sure to keep an appropriate distance from him, a hard thing to do when the breeze from outside sends the scent of his cologne right into my face. It’s delicious, and one of the main reasons I avoid him at all costs. I’ve trapped him into parenthood; sex with me is no longer a viable option for him.
“Do you need a ride to your doctor’s appointment tomorrow?” He asks taking another step toward me.
I take a small step back; it doesn’t go unnoticed.
“No. Emmalyn is going to give me a ride.” It’s time for my six weeks check up with an OB/GYN. The last thing I need is him hovering over me while the doctor checks me to make sure everything is okay since the birth. Plus, I plan on asking for birth control, which is also none of his business. I’m not saying I plan on having sex anytime soon, but I won’t put another man in the same situation I forced him into.
“You sure? I don’t mind.” That’s what his mouth says, but his actions or lack of concern for
me over the last month prove different.
“It’s fine. I think she wanted to go shopping afterward.”
“Do you need any money?” He asks reaching for his wallet in his back pocket.
I take another step back and hold up my palms facing him. “You’ve done enough, Shadow. I don’t want your money.”
I already feel like a complete mooch; the last thing I need is him handing over his damn credit card every time I leave the house.
“If you need anything,” he says.
“If I need anything, I’ll pay for it myself.”
He sighs and runs his hands through his hair. “Got it,” he says before turning around and walking back outside. I watch as he heads toward the garage. He spends a lot of his time out there. Emmalyn told me once he’s working on a motorcycle. It must be a complete piece of shit to require as much work as he puts into it.
Chapter 20
Three months.
Three months since Misty showed up on the doorstep of the Cerberus clubhouse. It’s been three of the longest months of my life. Twelve weeks of seeing her every day. Twelve weeks of petty arguments. Twelve weeks of wanting to slam her against the wall every time I see her and fuck her senseless. Twelve weeks of coming on my shower walls because the thought of fucking someone other than her makes my stomach turn.
I haven’t made a move on her. We can’t seem to stay civil to each other long enough to even bring the subject up. I’m not helping the matter. It seems she wants to do the exact opposite of what I may suggest just to spite me. She does things purposely to piss me off.
Tonight is no different. She’s working her shift at Jake’s, so I find myself in the corner watching her flit around the room. I don’t think she’s had waitressing experience before this, but she’s a natural. She works the room like a professional, flirting just enough to make more in tips, but not so much that men think she’s available. She’s fast and capable, which rounds out the patrons experience perfectly.
None of that bothers me. What bothers me tonight is the skin tight jeans and a low-cut tank top. Don’t get me wrong, I’m more than enjoying the view, but so is every other asshole in this place. The tops of her luscious tits bounce with every step. Every man she walks past is mesmerized by the milky white skin showing above the top of her shirt. They drink faster and order more so they can interact with her more often.
The fucked up part? So am I. I’ve been throwing them back faster than usual, partly due to my anger, but also because I want to feel the heat of her body when she leans across the table for my empty bottle.
Several women in the bar tonight have been trying to get our attention. Kid’s not interested; his woman is at home waiting for his return. Ace looks like he’s trying to narrow down his selection, and more than likely will end up convincing at least two of the women eyeing him that a threesome is the way to go.
Me? I’m doing my best to ignore the blonde across the room that is all but sucking off her beer bottle, while trying to keep from beating the shit out of the men staring at my son’s food supply. I’m torn between a bar brawl, giving Misty my shirt, and fucking the blonde in a bathroom stall just to take the edge off.
I smirk at the blonde and tip my beer in her direction. She smiles from ear to ear, her night apparently made by my acknowledgment.
“What are you doing?” Kid asks from beside me.
“What are you talking about?” I ask not taking my eyes from the blonde. She’s not something I’d want to wake up next to, but those red lips of hers grow increasingly tempting by the minute.
“Why are you making eyes at the bar slut?” He hisses in my ear.
“Cock-block much?” I ask without looking in his direction.
“You’re making a mistake, Shadow. You always call me out on my shit. I feel it’s my duty to return the favor.” Kid sets his beer down heavily on the table forcing me to pull my eyes from Blondie.
“What are you jabbering about?” I tilt my beer back again.
“You and I both know the last person you want to fuck tonight is that skank over there.” Kid narrows his eyes at me. “You will regret it.”
“Fuck, man. My life is full of regrets. Why stop now?” I make to turn my eyes back to the woman across the bar, but Kid slaps his hands on the table.
“You have Misty. She’s ten feet away from your room. Don’t fuck this up by sticking it in some other chick. You told me you were sorry you got distracted when I first got back from Vegas. You felt like you had an obligation to keep me from doing something I’d regret, even when at the time I felt like it’s what I needed. I’m doing that now, man. I see you slipping, and you’re gonna fuck it all to hell.”
I can’t help but laugh at his seriousness. “This is not even close to being the same thing. You lost your memory; you were practically head over heels for Khloe. Misty and I… well, we aren’t you and Khloe.”
“Are you saying there’s nothing there?” Kid asks as Ace gets up from the table and makes his way across the bar. He walks out the front door with not two but three women hanging off of him. Now that shit looks like a good time.
“I’m saying,” I say turning in my chair and looking directly at him, “that she’s the mother of my child, and although that links us together, that’s all it is.”
“Bullshit,” he snarls. “You stayed in that fucking garage for months on end, pissed that she didn’t text you back. You moped like a fucking girl because of it. That was long before she ever told you about Griffin. If there were nothing there between the two of you, you wouldn’t have acted like a broken-hearted bitch.”
Completely out of line with what he just said, a smile graces his face as he looks up.
“Another round?” I hear Misty say just as I feel her warm body lean in to get our empty bottles off the table.
“Not for me,” Kid says. “I’m driving.”
“Whiskey,” I say with a gruff tone.
She nods and walks away. Her scent stays behind, torturing every one of my senses. I groan and rub my face with my hands.
“You going to throw that away?”
This fucker just doesn’t know when to quit. “There’s nothing to throw away, Kid. Just stay out of it. You don’t know anything about it.”
“I know the signs of the impending train wreck you’re fixing to end up in. I know what devastation feels like when you hurt the woman you care for. Believe me, Shadow. You don’t want any part of that shit.”
I mull over what he said. I’m not wanting to start something with that bar slut. I just want a few hours where my brain stops analyzing every second of my day. I want a reprieve from listening to Misty sleep through the baby monitor. I want to stop feeling like a creeper each time we ‘mysteriously’ end up in the kitchen at the same time.
I can’t have any of that. She decided a long time ago I wasn’t worthy of her. I treated her exactly the same way I want to treat that blonde chick. There’s no going back from that.
I watch the bounce of Misty’s perfect fucking tits and the sway of her magnificent hips as she brings me a tumbler of whiskey.
“Thanks, Darlin’.”
She winks at me and walks away.
“See,” Kid says nudging my shoulder. “There’s something there.”
“She may want to fuck, Kid. Believe me, I’m down for that, but then we still have to live right next door to each other. Shit’s already volatile enough.”
It’s his turn to laugh as if I’ve said something stupid.
“You think fucking some bar slut isn’t going to make things volatile at the clubhouse? There will be epic fallout from that shit.”
He has a very good point, but the beer I’ve been pounding back and the glass of whiskey I just swallowed in one gulp doesn’t really give a shit at this point.
We sit in silence for a while. I make a point to keep my eye on Blondie, and Kid peels the label off of his long ago emptied beer bottle.
Misty makes her way back over to us. She sets down a
nother whiskey on the table in front of me and passes a small black insulated lunch box type thing to Kid.
“What’s this?” he asks as she hands it over.
“Pumped breast milk,” she says. I laugh when Kid goes from holding it close to letting it dangle from the strap on only one finger. “Khloe called and said Griffin has drank everything else out of the fridge.”
“Why don’t you make Shadow take care of this shit?” Kid says with a scrunched up face.
“Well,” she says with no inflection in her voice. “Shadow will be balls deep in that blonde over there before the night’s over with, and I don’t want it to go bad.”
Kid laughs; I sneer at her.
“Says the woman with half her tits hanging out for every man in here to stare at.” She glares at me like she can’t believe I just called her out. What does she expect after doing the exact same thing to me?
“I’ll take it to her now,” Kid says standing from the table. “I’m taking care of the milk; you grab my tab,” he says slapping me on the back. “I’ll send one of the guys back at closing to pick you up, Misty.”
I watch her walk away pissed enough to spit nails.
“You coming with me?”
I shake my head no.
“You leaving with her?” he asks angling his head toward the blonde.
“Haven’t decided.”
He shakes his head not even trying to hide the disappointment on his face. “Okay, then asshole; see you back at the clubhouse.”
Chapter 21
Shadow and the guys being at the bar is nothing new; there is always someone from the club here each night I work. Tonight was different, though. Most nights he sits at the same table he was at tonight and just has a couple beers and shoots the shit with the others at the table with him. Tonight he eye-fucked Violet, the very well-known bar slut for hours.
I don’t own him, but watching him with the same look in his eyes he used more than once on me back in Denver hurt. I shouldn’t have said what I did, and especially not in front of Kid, but I couldn’t help myself. I would never do something like that right in front of his face; it’s disrespectful. At least I’m clear where I stand with him; that’s very good information to have.