“Hey, is that you, Thorpe?” The man turned his grin toward Alex. “Man, I have to say I’m surprised to see you anywhere near Connor after what he did to your sister.”
The sinking feeling in Connor’s stomach turned to a knot of dread as he saw Alex’s brows draw together. When Alex looked at Adrianne, so did Connor, not surprised to see that she had gone pale. Connor wished he knew how to stop the train wreck that was surely heading their way.
Then, as if it wasn’t all bad enough, the man must’ve realized who he and Alex had looked at.
17
“Adrianne? Wowee! You sure grew up into quite the beauty. I hope you made Connor work for it. He sure deserves to after what he said to you.” The man turned back to where Connor stood and clapped him on the shoulder. “So great to run into you, man. Let’s get together sometime. I’ll look you up on Facebook.”
Before Connor could say anything, the man gave them all a cheery wave and headed for the exit, totally oblivious to the damage his words had wreaked in such a short time. A stunned silence hung heavy over the table until Alex pushed back and rose to his feet.
“Let’s take this discussion back to the house, shall we?”
Though Alex’s words contained a question, his tone brooked no argument. Part of Connor wanted to balk at the command in Alex’s tone. He was a grown man—he didn’t need to be told what to do—but Connor knew that this was going to be the moment he answered for his actions as a young man. It had been a long time coming.
No one said anything as they all stood and began to walk toward the exit. Thankfully, Connor had brought his own vehicle. Though he was tempted to hit the nearest highway and just keep on driving, he knew he couldn’t leave Adrianne to face her brother’s questions alone. The time had come to get everything out in the open and deal with the consequences. He had a strange sense of relief at the prospect.
Back at the house, they all gathered silently in the living room. Connor was somewhat surprised to see Jordan was still there with them. He felt a pang of regret for what his nephew was going to learn about him. Of all the things he’d done in his life, that one incident with Adrianne was the one he regretted the most.
Alex stood with his hands on his hips, a frown on his face. Connor figured that Alex would demand answers from him, but instead, the man’s attention was on his sister.
“Do you want to tell me what that guy was talking about?” Alex asked as he stood facing Adrianne. Clearly, there was only one person he wanted to hear from.
Adrianne’s shoulders squared as she lifted her chin. “He was talking about something that happened between Connor and me when we were both in high school.”
“I’d figured that much out for myself, Annie,” Alex growled, frustration clear in his voice. “What I want to know is, what happened between the two of you?”
Connor knew she was trying to avoid giving details in order to keep peace between all of them, but something told him that Alex would settle for nothing less than the truth.
“It happened a long time ago, Alex,” Adrianne said with a sigh. “I’m not really sure that talking about it now will make any difference.”
While Connor agreed with Adrianne’s words, he also felt that he needed to confess what he’d done and take responsibility for it. Adrianne had done nothing wrong, but in not telling Alex what had happened, it appeared that they were both responsible for what had occurred.
Obviously realizing that his sister wasn’t going to say anything, Alex turned toward Connor. “Do you want to enlighten me as to what that guy was talking about? I wasn’t aware that you two even knew each other.”
Connor was careful to keep from looking at Adrianne, knowing that she would most likely try to prevent him from talking, but he felt it was important to get it out in the open. And he knew it would help explain to Alex and Rebecca why he and Adrianne weren’t terribly comfortable around each other.
“We didn’t really—except for through you. At least not for the first couple of years of high school. But at the start of the semester, she and I were assigned as partners in our English class we ended up taking together even though she was a junior and I was a senior. It was a project that would last the entire semester, so we started meeting after school or football practice a couple of days a week.” Connor glanced away from Alex as he prepared to make his first confession. “You wouldn’t have known that we were spending time together because I went out of my way to make sure that we met up in places where it was unlikely that anyone from the football team would see us.”
There was silence for a moment then Alex said, “Are you telling me that you were ashamed to be seen with my sister?”
The anger already present in Alex’s voice gave Connor pause, but then he pushed on through, knowing it was the only way to move past what had happened. “Yes. I felt that your sister wasn’t the right type of girl for me to be seen with given who I was. A jock. The starting quarterback. I felt like I had some sort of image to maintain.”
Connor watched as Alex’s hands clenched, wondering if he was going to feel the impact of one before this conversation was over. Alex was by no means a small man, but if the two of them engaged in some physical altercation, Connor was fairly certain that he could take Alex down . He wouldn’t do that, though. If Alex came at him, Connor would just let Alex beat on him as payment for what he’d done to Adrianne.
“So what was that guy talking about?” Alex demanded, his patience clearly coming to its end.
“Adrianne and I actually found out that we had a few things in common. As we spent time together working on the project, I realized that I really enjoyed being around her. She was funny and liked some of the same stuff I did. Plus, she had a real knowledge of what we needed for the assignment.” Connor hazarded a glance in Adrianne’s direction. Her head was bent over her clasped hands. Connor hated that he was hurting her by revealing this all, but he really hoped that this would in some way excise the wound that lay between them. And maybe in doing that, they could rebuild the friendship they’d once had. “One day she came to talk to me while we were both still at school. She didn’t realize that my friends—Tony and a couple of other guys—were waiting around the corner for me, so when she invited me to go with her to the dance, I’d felt the need to keep up my image in front of them.” Connor took a deep breath then exhaled, bracing himself for what was the worst part of the story. “I laughed at her and told her that I wouldn’t go to the dance with her if she were the last woman on earth. That if I wanted to dance with someone, it wouldn’t be anyone who looked like her. I was determined to prove to my teammates that I understood and accepted the perks that came with being the quarterback of the football team.”
The silence that followed his confession was the loudest Connor had ever heard. He glanced at Rebecca, his heart sinking at the disappointment he saw on her face. A muffled sound drew his attention away from his sister in time to see Adrianne get to her feet, her arms wrapped tightly around her waist. She didn’t say anything, but Connor could hear her gulp for air as she passed him on her way out of the room. Finally, he allowed his gaze to meet Alex’s.
Connor prided himself on being able to read anyone in any situation, but at that moment, he was stumped on how to interpret the expression on Alex’s face. Instead of trying, Connor got to his feet and headed out of the room after Adrianne.
“Adrianne. Wait.” Connor hurried after her, a little bit surprised when she did, in fact, pause on the stairs. She kept her back to him for a moment, and Connor wondered if she’d ever look at him again. Finally, she turned around, and he could see the tears on her cheeks as her shoulders rose and fell in deep shuddering breaths. His heart hurt more than it ever had in his life. Even the first time around, he hadn’t hurt as badly as he did right then.
“You hurt me. I thought you were my friend, and you hurt me. And you did it in front of guys like Troy. They used to tease and taunt me about how I looked, but I thought you were different. Then you became
just like them, only worse. How could you do that? I thought we were friends.”
Connor’s hands clenched at his sides as he stared at Adrianne. She was a step up from him so they were almost eye level. He had a front row seat to the anguish in her eyes, and he struggled to take a breath against the crushing pressure in his chest.
He felt as if he’d been thrown back in time. The confrontation they should have had back then was finally happening. As devastating as this all was for them both, particularly Adrianne, Connor hoped that it would be a positive turning point for them.
“You were right. We were friends,” Connor tried to assure her. “Until I made a horrible mistake. I’m more sorry than you could ever know for what I said to you that day. You deserved better from me as your friend. I’m not going to ask you to forgive me, but I want you to know how sorry I am.”
Adrianne stared at him, her blue eyes swimming with tears, her breath still ragged as she struggled to draw breath into her lungs. “I think what hurts the most is that it took you all these years to express your regret. It was like our friendship over those few months meant nothing. You rejected me on so many levels with your words. If you’d come to me the next day or the next week or even the next month and told me that you were sorry and wanted to be my friend, I would’ve forgiven you. But instead, you wouldn’t even look at me.”
Before Connor could respond, Adrianne spun around, ran up the remaining stairs and quickly disappeared into her bedroom. Connor stood with one hand on the banister, staring up the empty staircase. He had wanted to go to her and apologize that very same day, but back then his cowardice had known no bounds. So instead of manning up and admitting he’d been wrong, he’d tried a more subtle approach. But apparently, it had been too subtle because she hadn’t even realized that it had been him.
Connor’s shoulders slumped as he turned away from the staircase. He had faced ruthless drug lords. Leaders of terrorist cells. Any number of situations that could have ended his life in a heartbeat. And yet it was the thought of facing his sister and Adrianne’s brother that filled him with the most apprehension. He would’ve rather had his cover blown on a mission than to go back into the living room and face them.
But he would no longer be the coward he had been all those years ago. He would face their judgment and deal with the ramifications. And then he would try and repair things with Adrianne—if she’d let him. It had seemed as if they’d slowly been finding their way back to the friendship they’d once had over the past few weeks, but he had no doubt that what had occurred today had ripped away any of the progress they’d made. Though it saddened him, Connor would willingly step out of Adrianne’s life if it meant that she could find some sort of peace with it all. He had been delusional to think that they could rebuild a friendship on the rubble of their past. Today had proven that, by not clearing away the rubble first, their friendship could not be sustained.
Connor sent up a prayer asking God for wisdom as he dealt with whatever Alex and Rebecca would have to say to him. Without Adrianne there, Connor had no doubt that they would unleash their wrath on him.
As he turned the corner into the living room, he glanced around. It seemed as if no one had moved since he and Adrianne had left. He looked first to Rebecca, needing to know if he had lost the respect of his sister. The sadness and disappointment on her face was like a punch to his gut. That was an expression he had never wanted to see when his sister looked at him.
Rebecca got to her feet and came toward him. Though he wished he could look away, Connor kept his gaze on his sister’s face. He needed her and Alex to know that he accepted their judgment of him. He knew he deserved it. And he knew that what had occurred earlier would alter his relationship with the most important people in his life.
“Oh, Connor, how could you speak to her like that?” Rebecca asked, the disappointment clear in the tone of her voice.
Connor gave a shake of his head. “Anything more I say will only sound like an excuse, and there is no excuse for what I did. I understand that I’ve let you down. I think it’s best if I find someplace else to live. Preferably somewhere that my presence won’t constantly be a reminder for Adrianne of a time she’d rather forget.”
“No.” The single word had Rebecca turning as Connor’s gaze went to where Alex stood just a few feet behind his wife. “I thought I sensed the tension between you and Adrianne when you first arrived, but I’d also noticed that over the past several weeks, the two of you had seemed to come to a point of friendship. Was I just imagining things?”
Connor shoved his hands into his pockets as he shook his head. “You’re not mistaken. Adrianne seemed willing to put the past in the past, though I have to say we never really talked at length about what happened back then. I apologized to her not long after I arrived, but aside from that, we didn’t discuss the past. I can see now that perhaps we should have.” Connor shrugged. “I guess I’m as much a coward now as I was then. It was a relief to me that she didn’t want to talk about what had happened, so I certainly wasn’t about to bring it up.”
Alex stared at him for a moment, his eyes so similar to those of his sister. Connor fought the urge to look away. He called on all his training to hold himself still under Alex’s gaze. If he ever hoped to regain this man’s respect, it had to start now. He had to prove to Alex that he had changed. That he was no longer the boy he’d been when he’d inflicted that hurt on Adrianne. He needed the man to know that if it were within Connor’s power, he would never ever hurt Alex’s sister again.
“Adrianne rarely confided in me about the boys she liked, so it’s no surprise that I didn’t know how she felt about you. Even if she had told me, I probably would have said that you were a decent guy.” Alex paused, his gaze going to Rebecca before returning to meet Connor’s. “I know all about making a bad decision and saying things you don’t mean. Who am I to judge you for what you did back then? Would I have preferred to know about this when you showed up here? Of course. However, the bottom line is that this is between you and Adrianne. Just like what happened between Rebecca and me—it was ultimately up to the two of us to decide if we were going to work through our past or not.
Alex rubbed a hand down his face. “Though this goes against my automatic response to someone hurting Adrianne, I’m going to leave it up to you two to figure out how to work through this and move forward in such a way that we can, hopefully, all be a family. Because regardless of the type of relationship that exists between you and Adrianne, that’s what we are.”
Rebecca moved to Alex’s side and wrapped her arms around his waist, her head resting on his shoulder.
Connor’s respect for his brother-in-law grew beyond what he’d already held for the man. At first, he wasn’t so sure he’d have been as generous if Alex had hurt Rebecca, but then he recalled the conversation he’d had with Rebecca, encouraging her to understand things from Alex’s perspective. “I don’t know where Adrianne and I will end up on the friendship scale, but I will do my best to work through this with her so that she is at least comfortable being around me. Until I’ve had a chance to talk with her more, that’s about all I can promise.”
“And that’s all I ask of you,” Alex said, his arms tightening around Rebecca. “I will give you some advice, however. Give Adrianne a little bit of space. This is a secret she’s kept for a very long time, and by all accounts, she wanted to keep it that way forever. Maybe I shouldn’t have pressed, but knowing all the details now, I think this was something that she needed to face with you. So while I’m grateful you chose to share what happened with us, I’m pretty sure she doesn’t feel the same way. Just give her a little time to come around. She’ll need to work through this at her own pace, but eventually, she’ll be ready to speak with you.”
Having seen the emotion on Adrianne’s face earlier, Connor wasn’t entirely sure that Alex was right. He may know his sister, but Connor wasn’t sure that Adrianne would ever truly forgive him for what had happened. Then or now. All he
could do in the meantime was to wait patiently and pray. Pray that when the opportunity presented itself, he would have the right words to say. That he would be willing to listen and not try to defend himself.
All he’d ever wanted for Adrianne was for her to find happiness in her life. It ate at his soul to think that for all these years, she still hadn’t found that—at least not where it involved having a husband and a family. Both of which he knew were important to her.
~*~
Why couldn’t Connor have left well enough alone? Hadn’t he realized that she’d been protecting him as much as herself by not telling Alex everything that had happened between them years ago? She couldn’t figure out why Connor had felt it necessary to share the details of that horrible day. Why, after all these years, had he felt the need to rip off the bandage and expose her wounded heart?
Adrianne slumped down on her window seat and stared unseeing out the window. Now that the initial rush of emotion was gone, she felt exhausted even as she calmed down enough to look at the situation through less passionate eyes. Maybe the fact that there was still a wound to be laid bare was something she needed to think about. If she had truly worked through everything and had moved on from that day and from Connor, neither the man’s comments at the restaurant nor Connor’s revelations later would have upset her at all. Connor’s presence in her life wouldn’t have mattered.
Instead, all of the words had felt like salt on an open wound. And instead of being able to reassure Alex that it was all in the past, she’d had a meltdown. Clearly, none of it was in the past the way she had hoped it was. She’d relegated it there, but it was through sheer force of will, not because she’d worked through anything. Which was why, at that moment, all she wanted was to go down to the kitchen to find something sinfully sweet to eat. Surely that would make her feel better.
Beauty from Ashes: A Christian Romance (BlackThorpe Security Book 5) Page 22