Without Regret (Broken Roads Book 1)

by Cat Mason

  Eyeing me skeptically, he ignores my denial. “I heard what happened with Tim. Not that I liked him; but I’m sorry because I know it hurts. Can’t say that I’m too sorry, though; I didn’t like two of my girls being too far away to wrap my arms around whenever I missed them. Here,” he says, placing my cup of coffee in my hands. “Now, tell me about Ray.”

  “I fell on my ass,” I groan, taking a drink. “It was so embarrassing. I wanted to crawl inside the cooler and stay there for the rest of the night,” I begin, spilling my guts about everything that happened. “But, when asked me out, Kate answered for me before I could get a word out.”

  “That’s Kate alright,” he chuckles. “What time is he coming? I need time to clean all my guns and change into something that shows all my prison tattoos.”

  “Feeling the need to give the whole ‘son, I’m not afraid to go back to prison’ speech?”

  “I’d gladly kill for all my girls,” he assures me with a wink before his face turns serious. “Rachel, do me a favor, will ya?”

  “Sure,” I reply, taking another sip from my cup. “Anything you need.”

  “Don’t tell your mother about the coffee. She read through some shit on the internet about dialysis and liquid restrictions for kidney patients and swears it isn’t good for me. Something about phosphorous or something, I don’t know.” Shaking his head, he continues. “Anyway, I don’t want her getting upset. There is really no reason to worry about it anyway. Once the doctor runs this last round of testing at my next visit, I’ll more than likely quit taking the treatments all together. No point in wasting time there when I could be here instead.”

  I gape at him, unable to process what just came out of his mouth. This feels like betrayal to me, as if he is giving up and taking the easy way out. Why wouldn’t he fight to stay here as long as he can with us, with Mom?

  “What Rachel?” he asks, studying my eyes. “Just say it.”

  “What?” I laugh, sarcastically. Unable to stand still, I push to my feet and pace the room. “I hear you nearly crying last night about leaving Alyssa and how you’re going to miss so much. We’re all a damn wreck and here you are basically telling us that you’ve given up. I can’t believe this shit!” I know I should stop yelling at him, but I can’t. I’m so angry. Not just at my father, but at life in general. “I want you at my wedding. You need to be here to see Alyssa grow up. Instead of fighting to stay here with us for as long as possible, you’re taking the easy way out!” Yanking my hands through my hair, I tug the strands to the point of pain. “Fuck!” I scream, storming from the room.

  “Rach!” he shouts, pleading for me to come back. I can’t though. I am far too upset now. The last thing I want to do is fight with him and possibly say something I will regret later.

  So much for being sympathetic and making happy memories, genius!

  I screwed up. After promising to be strong, here I am crumbling and yelling at him because of a cup of coffee. I just don’t understand how he is okay with dying. So okay with it, as a matter of fact, that he is quitting his treatments. Who the fuck does that?

  “That went well,” Kate says as I stomp into my room. Looking down at Alyssa in her arms, she grins. “I guess it’s a good thing Mommy isn’t a hostage negotiator. Huh, kid?”

  “He’s leaving for treatment soon,” I reply, ignoring her smartass comments. “Once I feed her, will you take her while I shower and get ready for my date you agreed to?”

  “Don’t be such a drama queen. It’s a date, not the draft,” she teases, smiling brightly. “And yes, I’ll watch my niece. Make sure you use that pumpy-thingy. I’ll need to feed her while you’re gone.”

  “It’s not like falling off a horse, okay? How can I even think about being with someone else this soon?”

  “You don’t think, you jump. You never know what will happen until you do. There’s no set timeframe,” she informs me as if it were just that simple.

  Rolling my eyes, I take the baby and settle us in the rocker. “Good Morning, baby girl. How about we get you fed, huh?” I rock in the chair as she blows her gassy bubbles at me. “Your Auntie Kate is crazy as hell. Yes she is,” I coo to her sweetly, earning me a toothless grin.

  After I feed the baby, I shower and get ready for the day. Kate insists that she curls my long brown hair, and pins the front back out of my eyes. I am basically her very own, life-sized, brunette Barbie. Once my hair is done, she dresses me in a light green sundress and brown flats, before we have a half hour argument over make-up. I lose miserably. It brings back memories of us growing up, making me realize how much I have missed this with her.

  Just as we make it down the stairs, the doorbell rings. “He’s here!” Kate exclaims shoving around me and running toward the door.

  Sighing, I follow behind her, coming up beside Mom just as she steps out of the kitchen. Ray walks through the door wearing faded jeans and a blue dress shirt, almost the color of his eyes. Wow. I freeze, staring rudely.

  “Hi Ray,” Mom says, when no one speaks. “I don’t think you’ve met my granddaughter, Alyssa.”

  I tense waiting for Ray to bolt. I am sure he would be nice about it. Politely make some excuse and haul ass away from the lady with the baby. Is that what happens? Nope. Ray, calm as a cucumber, walks over and takes my baby from me. I tense, resisting the urge to yank her back when she leaves my arms, but Alyssa settles against him like they were old friends.

  “You’re just as pretty as your Mommy,” he says sweetly, glancing up at me. “Are we taking her too?”

  “No, not this time,” Kate interrupts. “Alyssa and I are going to paint our toes and spend the afternoon vegged out in front of the television.”

  I try to act pissy about the idea of leaving my daughter behind again, but I can’t help smile at my sister’s special kind of crazy. “Mommy loves you, baby,” I whisper, softly kissing Alyssa on the forehead just before Kate snatches her from Ray. “Don’t let Auntie Kate corrupt you too much.” Taking Ray’s arm, I let him lead me out of the house, and down the driveway toward his car.

  After settling me in the car, he walks around and climbs into the driver seat. “She’s beautiful.” Ray breaks the silence once we pull out onto the street.

  “Thank you.”

  “You thought I’d bail.” It’s not a question, but I meet his eyes and nod anyway.

  “Most guys would,” I reply. “I was kind of counting on it.”

  “I called this earlier while you were getting ready. Kate filled me in on some things. You left out a few details, huh?”

  “I did. I’m sorry,” I admit. “Things are very complicated in my life right now. Between coming home after being gone so long, and my Dad, my life is a mess.”

  “Yeah, Kate explained that too,” he adds, taking my hand in his. “I had no idea Grant’s condition was that serious, Rachel. I wish you had told me.” Pressing a kiss to my hand he places them both on the shifter between us. I don’t know why, but it’s comforting. I can’t remember the last time Tim did that.

  Okay, Tim never did that…

  “I was enjoying the conversation and I didn’t want to drop that on you,” I confess, “I never thought you’d ask me out. As for my baby, I know I should’ve told you last night. I was just enjoying actually having a conversation that wasn’t one-sided or ended in an argument. We don’t have to do this if you—” I start, figuring he wants out, but his chuckle stops me mid-sentence.

  “If you think that because you have a baby, I would run in the other direction, you’re wrong. I would’ve been fine bringing her along. Next time we will,” he states matter of fact.

  I look at him in shock. I have to admit, he gets brownie points for that answer. “Next time?” I ask him. Ray nods with a smile.

  Uh, oh. Someone alert the media. The classic ‘I’m a mother’ excuse is officially worthless.

  We ride in comfortable silence until we reach the restaurant. A smiling hostess seats us at a table off by itself before taking our
drink orders. Instead of sitting across from me, Ray scoots into the booth right beside me.

  “It’s your turn to talk, Rachel. Seems like we spent more time talking about me last night. I want to know about you,” he says after the waitress places two teas in front of us.

  Taking a sip of my tea, I try to figure out what to say. “Well, you’ve met Alyssa and know my family, for the most part. I grew up here, then went off to college at UNC Charlotte. I stayed there after graduation, but moved back two days ago, for a few reasons, Dad being one of them.”

  Ray nods, his eyes softening sadly. “I really am sorry about your dad.”

  I blow out a shaky breath. “Thanks.”

  He smiles supportively, squeezing my hand like he did in the car making my whole body shiver. “Tell me about Alyssa.”

  Grateful for the change in subject I smile, thinking about my baby girl. “She’s my world, I love her so much.”

  He takes a drink of his tea. “What about her father?” Ray asks, eyeing me carefully. “Sorry, but I’m curious.”

  I nod, taking a deep breath. Tim’s name has the ability to spoil my mood. “His name is Tim and we were together three years. He’s in North Carolina.”

  “Were?” he asks, interlacing our fingers. “I see. The other reason for coming home, then?” he asks, but the look on his face says he already knows the answer.

  “It was time to leave,” I reply with a nod, understanding filling his eyes.

  The waitress interrupts our conversation to take our orders. Using the interruption in our conversation to my advantage, I grab my cell phone from my bag and text my sister to check on the baby. My phone beeps instantly with a reply that has me rolling my eyes.

  She’s great. Fuck off.

  “How is she?” Ray asks, knowingly.

  Meeting his eyes, I blush. Busted. “Apparently, she’s great,” I reply, putting the phone back into my bag. “Sorry, it’s just that I don’t usually leave her.”

  His lips twitch with amusement. Ray cups my cheek, tilting my face up. Struggle is written all over his face before turning into resolution. His thumb runs across my bottom lip making me tremble. “Rachel, I’ve wanted to do this ever since I met you,” he whispers, before pressing his lips to mine.

  Chapter 4

  My eyes flutter closed. My hand flies up, covering his as his thumb runs along my cheek. Ray’s lips move against mine tenderly. Breaking the kiss, I pull back, opening my eyes to meet his. Taking stock of my senses, I touch my fingers to my still tingling lips.

  “Sorry. I couldn’t wait another minute to kiss you,” Ray explains. “It’s just that you’re sitting here with me, and you’re so damn beautiful.”

  “It’s okay. It was nice,” I admit. “Really nice. I just don’t think I am in the right frame of mind to be dating. I’ve been home two days, my Dad’s all but planned out his funeral, I—”

  “No one said anything about wedding rings and house hunting,” Ray says with an amused laugh. His face softens, concern filling his deep blue eyes. “Look, I’m not asking you to marry me, Rachel. I just want a chance to get to know you. Both of you. I know Alyssa is a part of the package and I’m fine with that. Hell, I like it.”

  The waitress places plates of pasta in front of us, giving me time to take a minute to think about everything Ray has said. Obviously sensing my indecision, he begins to eat, giving me time to work it out what is going through my head. Honestly, I feel like a total drama queen. All I have done, since I have been home, is go off like a loose cannon and overreact to every situation I have had to deal with. Now, here I am, overanalyzing a kiss and a lunch date. Ray is right, it is not like we are getting married after dessert.

  Once we finish our lunch, Ray pays the bill before heading back to the house. Stepping through the door, we are stopped dead in our tracks by my mother. Her mouth is an angry hard line and dangling from her fingers are two empty coffee cups. Shit. All of a sudden I am having visions of standing in front of a firing squad while praying for my stay of execution call to come in from the Governor. Yes, people, it’s that serious! “Rachel Ann Davidson, would you care to explain these?” she asks, her glare so icy sharp, it could cut through glass.

  “I must’ve left them on the piano when she was playing for me this morning, Darling. I was so surprised to hear her play, I must’ve forgotten.” My dad’s voice echoes as he moves up the hall toward us.

  Oh thank God for the Governor!

  Clearly fighting back her irritation, she exhales and forces a smile. “I wish I’d been home, it’s been so long,” she says turning her glare to Dad. “As for you, Darling, you know better than anyone not to have anything like this in there. I won’t even mention how you shouldn’t be drinking coffee in the first place,” she adds before walking into the kitchen.

  Dad winks at me before turning his glare to Ray. “Mitchell,” he greets with a nod.

  “Sir,” Ray replies politely.

  Dad heads into the kitchen after my mother, no doubt to listen to her reprimand him over the incident that will now be known as Coffee-gate. Thankfully, she never walked in on us jumping up and down on the furniture. She would have lost her mind. I giggle at the thought, causing Ray to raise an eyebrow at me. “Something funny?” he asks, following me as I make my way through the house.

  “There’s nothing funny about being caught messing up the front room,” I explain, “Dad took one for the team.”

  Walking into my bedroom, I see Kate and Alyssa cuddled up on my bed. Kate snoring softly. Walking over, I lift the baby into my arms causing my sister to stir and open her eyes. “Hey,” she yawns, stretching her arms. “Don’t take my sleepin’ buddy.” Her eyes glance behind me. “Oh! Hi Ray, you two have a good time?”

  “We did,” he replies, his smile widening.

  Kate looks up at me with a grin. “So, Ray, how about you take my niece downstairs and see what my parents are up to?” she asks, waggling her brows at him. “That way you aren’t listening to us while we talk about you.”

  “Nosy bitch,” I bite out in a whisper. “I don’t want to talk to you.”

  “Thanks Ray. You’re a total sweetheart.” Kate stands, completely ignoring me, and takes Alyssa from me. “If she gets fussy, just tell my mother to warm up the bottle in the fridge.”

  “Sounds good.” Ray smiles sweetly before taking Alyssa into his arms and leaving the room. Immediately, I glare at Kate. “What the hell are you doing? I’ve known him two days!”

  “Givin’ you a push so you’ll stop acting like such a martyr. You’ve suffered enough by the sound of it,” she shrugs. “Do you really think he would hurt you or Alyssa?”

  “Should I have asked him if he was a serial killer on the first date?” I ask, rolling my eyes. “You’ll have to refresh my memory on dating protocol. Is that usually discussed before or after the appetizer?”

  “You’re an asshole,” she deadpans. “Mom has known him and his father for years.” I just look at her, realizing that she has no intention of understanding where I am coming from. Exhaling roughly, she slaps my arm. “My God, Rach. Every man is not Tim Willis and it’s about fucking time you learn that. I really hope Ray is man enough to sort through the damage that bastard did.”

  “I don’t need someone to sort through my shit, Kate. I’m fine.”

  Kate sighs, “We all need someone, babe. Watching Mom and Dad together, especially the last few days, drives that home in spades for me. Neither can function without the other.” Her eyes fill with sadness, no doubt mirroring mine. “I’m sorry; that’s the last thing we need to be thinking about right now. I only say that because I don’t want you missing out on something that could be good for you. Ray Mitchell would be so good for you, even if it doesn’t last.”

  “I’m being cold about this, I know,” I admit. “After he kissed me, he said—”

  “He kissed you!” she exclaims, grabbing my arms and shaking me like a damn ragdoll. “Why the fuck didn’t you lead off with that?” A
smile spreads across her face. “Tell. Me. Everything.”

  “No,” I reply, shaking my head. Shoving her away, I head for the door. “I’m going down to check on my baby.”

  “You really are an asshole Why would you torture me like this?” she huffs just as Alyssa starts to cry. “I want all the details as soon as his fine ass leaves the house.”

  Racing to the bottom of the stairs, I see Mom standing in the entry way to the den smiling. Chuckling, she motions to Ray, who is swaying while he feeds Alyssa her bottle. “He’s a natural.”

  “Hey,” he coos, barely loud enough for me to hear. “Now, that’s much better.” Mom and I watch as they stare each other down. “Since we’re buddies now, Alyssa, I need a favor. I need you to put in a good word with Mommy for me. Tell her I’m a good guy, okay? She can trust me. You both can.” I look at my mom, who is now misty-eyed, and walk into the room as Ray turns to face me. “Hey,” he whispers, nodding to a nearly sleeping Alyssa.

  “Looks like you won her over, Ray.”

  His eyes soften, a grin spreading across his face as he looks down at her. “Oh yeah? One down, one to go; that’s pretty good odds,” he replies, running his hand up my arm. “I better go. Can I call you tomorrow?” Nodding my reply, I walk with him to the door. Leaning down, Ray presses a kiss to my cheek. “I’ll talk to you soon, Rachel.”

  “Bye, Ray,” I reply before he closes the door behind him.

  “Not only is he a stone cold fox, but a total sweetheart too,” Kate gushes, peeking around the corner. “Oh! You owe me so fucking big, Babe. Just sayin’.”

  “Watch your mouth, Katelyn!” Mom scolds from the kitchen doorway.

  “A hot man appreciates a filthy mouth! Especially a woman who says the word fuck,” Kate fires back, puckering her lips. “There’s nothing sexy about beggin’ him to put his pee-pee in your no-no.”

  Mom shakes her head, unable to hide her amusement. “There’s a time and a place for a mouth like that, Katelyn Marie. A woman always knows when to be classy and when the time comes to unleash her inner slut.”