Without Regret (Broken Roads Book 1)

by Cat Mason

  Reaching out, Kate grabs my arm, “Sorry to cut this short, Mom. There’s no time to argue the positive aspects to using the f-bomb in the presence of a man pre-panty rip. I’ve got steamy details to beat out of my sister,” she tosses out, shoving me toward the den.

  Chapter 5

  The next afternoon, everyone is sitting in the den watching television when the phone rings. “Hello,”

  “Hi,” Ray’s voice pours into my ear.

  “Hi Ray,” I reply looking up at my parents and Kate who are all watching me like hawks.

  “I had a great time yesterday,” he says, sounding a little nervous. “When can I see you again?”

  “Um.” I look away from my family, too uncomfortable to make eye contact with them while they openly eavesdrop on my conversation. “Everything’s pretty hectic around here. I just don’t know how much time I’ll have, you know?”

  “I understand,” he says, disappointment in his tone. “Well, I guess I’ll see you at the auctions then? We can talk?”

  “Yeah,” I reply, feeling a little guilty for brushing him off. “Of course.”

  “Okay, I’m sure you’ve got your hands full. I’ll let you go. Talk soon, Rachel.”

  Hanging up the phone, I turn to face three sets of wide eyes. “Are you high, Rach?” Kate rages, pushing to her feet. “I can’t believe you just shot him down like that!”

  “I’m going to take Alyssa for a walk,” I toss out ignoring my sister’s outburst.

  Handing the remote to my mother, Dad pushes to his feet. “I’ve got some shit to take care of in the garage, Cheryl.”

  “You can’t hide behind what’s going on, Rachel,” Mom scolds, when both Dad and Kate leave the room, clearly unimpressed with me. “Everything isn’t a burden for you to carry.”

  “I’m not hiding, Mom. I’m busy,” I defend. Standing, I lift the baby into my arms and head upstairs.

  After feeding and changing Alyssa, we head outside. Just as I strap her into the stroller, Ray pulls into the driveway. “Ray? What are you doing here?” I ask, a bit defensively since I just spoke to him.

  “Your Dad called right after I talked to you,” he says closing his door. “He asked if I’d stop by and give him a hand with something.”

  “Mitchell,” Dad says, stepping out of the garage. “Thanks for swinging by.”

  “Oh hey, Grant,” Ray replies with a wave. “No problem.”

  “You two enjoy your walk,” Dad says, turning toward the garage.

  “What?” I ask in confusion. “I thought you asked him to come help you with something.”

  “I did,” he replies matter of fact. “I asked him to come take a walk with my daughter and granddaughter. Dinner should be ready in an hour, have a nice time.”

  I look to Ray, dumbfounded. “I’m sorry, I had no idea.”

  Ray grins. “I think your Dad isn’t very happy with you blowin’ me off.”

  “I wasn’t… I mean… Okay,” I stutter then blow out a breath. “I totally blew you off and I’m sorry,” I reply, as we start up the street.

  “You don’t have to be,” he says sincerely. “I get you’ve been through a lot. Sure, I don’t know everything, but I’ve only known you three days. Trust and honesty go a long way, Rachel, and I want the chance to earn that. One day, I hope you’ll trust me enough to tell me about some of the shit you keep bottled up in that beautiful head of yours.”

  “My Dad and Kate haven’t given you my life’s story, huh?” I ask, finding it hard to believe they haven’t painted the whole picture for him.

  “Nope. I told Kate, just as I would anyone else, it’s your story to tell. When you’re ready, that is.”

  His patience and sincerity has already begun chipping away at my stone wall. It’s no secret that Dad hated Tim; he all but came out and said it every time they visited. The look on his face when he looked at the father of my child was one I had never seen on him in my life. Disgust. I always chalked it up to me being his little girl, and figured that no one would be good enough. Now, I am starting to wonder if my father may have seen something I was too blinded in the beginning to notice.

  “Just like now,” Ray says brushing the hair off my shoulder, pulling me from my racing thoughts. “Your mind is spinning faster than an outboard motor.”

  “Hindsight is a nasty bitch,” I reply as we turn the corner of the cul-de-sac. “It’s like I’ve just stepped out of the fog and everything is so clear.”

  “That’s the thing about life. A lot of it can only be understood backwards, but we have to keep moving forward.”

  “Yeah, I guess. It’s just hard to believe this is the way everything is playing out, you know?” I ask, no longer referring to Tim.

  “Fate is just what we are given, Rachel. I don’t believe those people who say every choice we make in life is predetermined already. That’s bullshit.” Stopping beside me, he turns my chin with his hand, forcing me to meet his eyes. “Destiny is what you make with what you’re given. Whatever you do with what fate hands you is your choice. The only requirement is that you go for whatever makes you happy. No regrets.”

  “Words to live by,” I nod.

  The rest of the walk, Ray and I talk about normal things; the weather, the auction, I even talk about college, and living in North Carolina. “I loved the people, the weather, but Spring Break at the beach was by far the best part. God, it was like being in paradise every day.”

  “I’ve never been,” he admits, as we start up the driveway.

  “One night, we saw wild horses run right along the beach. It was breathtaking to watch them run over the sand and down into the surf. They’re so beautiful and carefree. It makes you want to run with them.”

  “I’ll bet. The only thing better is watching you describe it,” Ray replies, making me stop at the steps. “Your entire face lights up when you smile.”

  My face flushes as his smile warms. Stepping closer, Ray brushes my hair over my shoulder again. “Should be a crime to ever hide your smile from the world.” His thumb runs along my jaw, caressing my skin. It’s been so long since I initiated a kiss, but right now, all I can think about is how his lips felt on mine. Parting my lips, my eyes drop to his mouth.

  The front door swings open, making me jump. “Finally!” Kate huffs. “Shame on you two assholes for being baby hogs,” she scolds, pulling a now sleeping Alyssa from the stroller. “The nerve of some people.” Turning her back to us, she walks into the house before disappearing up the stairs.

  “Time to eat, you two,” Dad shouts from the kitchen. “Did you enjoy your walk?” he asks smugly, trying not to smile.

  “Yes, we did,” I reply, kissing his jaw. “Well played, Dad, well played.” I take the seat between him and Ray while Mom settles in on the other side of Dad.

  “I thought so too,” Mom says grinning at my father. “The old man still has a few surprises left in him.”

  “I’m not old,” Dad corrects her while cutting into his chicken. “I’m weathered and well-seasoned.”

  “And smooth as hell,” Ray says with a chuckle.

  Looking up at Ray, my Dad nods in agreement. “That I am, son.”

  “Is Kate not eating?” I ask Mom, shocked that my sister is not in here enjoying this herself.

  “Nope, she’s barricading herself in her bedroom with the baby. After she came back down and found you gone, she was furious,” Mom laughs.

  “Said something about giving birth to the kid doesn’t give you the right to hog her all the time,” Dad adds with a chuckle.

  “God forbid she ever has to spend a night away from her any time soon,” Mom adds, rolling her eyes.

  The rest of the meal, we talk and laugh. Dad and Ray talk about sports. The moment Ray mentions being a die-hard Cardinals fan, Dad has found a new best friend. “I always wanted the basement turned into a sort of television room for me to watch games,” Dad explains to Ray, “Wet bar, giant flat screen, big recliners; all the works.”

  “A Man
-Cave?” I ask. “Dad, are you serious?”

  Dad’s eyes meet mine, his brow furrowed. “I would never joke about something like that. I can’t imagine a better way to spend my Sundays than in front of a wall sized screen, cheering my ass off when the Bears go to the Super Bowl this year.”

  “Hate to break it to you, Dad, that won’t happen in the next five years,” I deadpan, only to have the conversation sting like a bitch. Chances are he probably won’t even make it to the next Super Bowl.

  “Rachel?” Dad asks, squeezing my hand. “Are you okay? You’re pale as a ghost.”

  Pushing to my feet, I nod. “I’m fine, I’ll be right back.” I can’t get out of the room fast enough. Running out the front door, I drop to my ass on the steps. Dragging air into my lungs, I stare out at the sun as it sets. I know that no one lives forever, but I am not ready to live in a world without my father in it. I don’t think that there is a way to ever prepare for something like that.

  “Hey, you okay?” Ray asks, closing the front door behind him. Stepping to the edge of the stoop, he sits beside me, shifting our bodies so that we are face to face.

  “I’m fine,” I choke out, swiping at the tear that escaped.

  “No. You’re not,” he replies, reading my expression. “I also don’t expect you to be. I can’t imagine how you must feel.” His thumb brushes across my cheek, the more he does that tiny gesture, the more soothing it becomes. “It may not seem like it now, Rach, but it will be okay. I don’t know how, but it will,” he says, pulling me against him. Though part of me knows I should resist, I don’t. Everything screams for me to run, to make every excuse I can to stay away from Ray Mitchell and the smooth words and soft touches that he is very good at. But, right now, I need the comfort from another person. Instead of running, I let him hold me, though I don’t let him see me cry. The tears that escape my eyes are silent ones.

  The next afternoon, I ignore my phone and busy myself with rearranging the bedroom. I put as much of our things away as I can so that my bedroom is somewhat organized.

  “Oh, the agony! It’s the end of an era,” Kate sniffles, tossing one of the posters I had hanging on my wall into the trash. “Somewhere an angel weeps every time one of these shirtless boy band pics gets thrown away. Can’t we at least keep the one up where they’re all wet? I’d lick the rain right off every damn one of them. Mmmmm,” she groans, licking her lips. “No towel needed.”

  “You’re a whore,” I laugh, tossing a roll of paper towels at her. “Either help me finish or get out of my way. I want to take Alyssa around the block before dinner. If I wait too late it will be too chilly.”

  “You’re the boss,” she replies, saluting me with the towel roll. “I’ll take this box down to the garage.”

  Kate disappears down the stairs with the box I am going to store in the garage and a bag of trash to take out to the cans. Since Dad has the baby, I take the time alone to change clothes and brush out my hair before pulling it into a ponytail. Looking in the mirror, I am beginning to recognize the person in the reflection. She is not as tired, or empty. It hasn’t even been a week yet and I can already tell I made the right choice. Being home is helping too. Ray is right. I will be fine.

  Slipping on my sneakers, I head downstairs to find my baby when the doorbell rings. “Grab the door, honey. I’m putting dinner in the oven.” Mom shouts from the kitchen.

  Opening the door, I come face to face with Ray. “Hi,”

  “Dad ‘need help with something’?” I ask, arching a brow.

  “It’s possible,” he replies with a smirk. “Or maybe I wanted to see you.”

  “Actually,” I say as he steps into the house, “I was heading out to take the baby for a walk.”

  “Look who’s here, Alyssa,” Dad says, walking up the hall carrying the baby. “Don’t we love when Ray stops by?”

  Reaching out, Ray takes her from my father, his face lighting up the moment he gets his hands on her. “Hey there, sweet girl. How about I walk with you and Mommy again today?”

  “Suit yourself. I’m ready to go if you are,” I say, pulling the stroller from the corner. Looking to my Dad, I arch my eyebrow. “Not one word, old man.”

  He arches his brow right back at me while Ray buckles Alyssa into the seat. Popping the collar on his red polo shirt, Dad laughs. “Have a nice time.”

  “I can’t believe you just jump every time he calls,” I blurt when we reach the street. “I’m sure you have better things to do than follow me around the neighborhood every day.”

  Grabbing my hand, Ray stops us at the curb. “Let’s get something straight. Then, I never want to have this conversation again.” His eyes harden, but I can see something else there. I’ve hurt his feelings. “I’m not here because I jump every time your dad calls me. I’m here because I want to spend time with you, Rachel. It’s not out of pity for you over whatever you keep bottled up; the very same shit you cried over last night in my arms. I know you are keeping me at a distance to protect yourself. Hell, you have a baby to think about, I don’t blame you for being careful when it comes to who you get involved with. But you have to understand something about me. I’m not spending time with you for some easy fuck, or even because of how nicely you ask me to walk with you,” he bites our sarcastically. “We went out. I thought we had a good time, then you blew me off. I think there is something here. Something that I want to explore, So, if walking around the block for an hour every night is the only way I can get to know you, then that’s what I’ll do. You know why?”

  My eyes travel up from our hands, to his face. “Why?” I choke out, barely able to meet his eyes.

  “Because I think you’re worth it,” he replies, simply. “You don’t have to hide behind that wall you’re putting up for everyone else. Not with me. You’ve been through hell, and now this with your dad,” he says, stopping to take a breath. “Your emotions are all over the place, I get it; but keeping it bottled up is going to make you sick. You have to let it out. Get mad. Scream, hit something, break shit, but stop bottling it up and letting it fester. I may not have any idea what it feels like to hurt that badly, but I want you to let me in. I have every intention of earning that.”

  “Okay,” I reply, my voice barely a whisper. “I’m sorry, Ray.”

  Leaning in, he presses his lips quickly to mine. “Don’t be sorry, baby. Your feelings deserve to be heard, to be validated. Never think, for one minute, you aren’t important. Knowing you less than a week doesn’t mean that I didn’t know that first night you’d be important to me. That much didn’t require a phone call from your father.”

  “What are we doing here, Ray,” I reply, his lips still lingering inches from mine.

  “I’m saying that you matter. Friend, girlfriend, or the beautiful girl walking down the street with the baby in the stroller— You. Are. Important. Whoever made you feel that you weren’t is a fucking idiot,” he says before his mouth covers mine.

  My free hand grips the handle of the stroller tightly as Ray cups my cheek, silently asking me to open to him. Parting my lips, our tongues meet, and my wall cracks further. His taste explodes in my mouth; and, even though I know I shouldn’t, I want more. I have never had someone say anything like that to me before and it was exactly what I needed to hear. Not that I want to sit and discuss everything, but knowing he would listen, that he wants to know the things I keep locked away in my head, means a lot.

  Breaking the kiss, Ray meets my eyes again, his soft, sweet blues gauging my reaction. “How about we finish that walk?” he asks, releasing me. Nodding, I push the stroller around the block, talking about my boring day, and Ray Mitchell listens to every word.

  Every day, for the next three weeks, right about the time Mom starts dinner, Ray pulls into the driveway. No one calls him, though; he shows up like clockwork. It is routine now and, I have to admit, I like it. Ray and I walk the baby around the block, he stays for dinner, and as of last night, he stays and helps put Alyssa to bed.

  Toda
y, there won’t be a walk. Kate and I are filling in at the auction again for Mom. Even though I’ll be seeing him there, I’m disappointed because it won’t be the same. Today, is a huge full day auction; Mom has already informed us that it will be extremely busy.

  Between Dad’s dialysis appointments and doctor visits, taking care of Alyssa, and time with Ray, the days start blending together. I have heard nothing from Tim, and honestly think of him less and less. Not that I actually expected him to call and check on his daughter. I am finding my way again. I am smiling, laughing, and even playing the piano again. Tim’s snide comments still run through my head, but I try and dismiss them as quickly as I can and move on. I get stronger with each passing day.

  Running around my bedroom like a crazy person, I dig through my clothes to find something to wear. As soon as the baby was fed and changed, my Dad snatched her away to take her out back to the fountain he swears she loves so much. Apparently, infants love fish; go figure.

  Throwing on a pair of jeans and a green blouse that hangs off the shoulder, I slip into a pair of Kate’s heeled sandals. I leave my hair down and decide to apply some make-up knowing Kate will have a coronary if I show up downstairs without gloss on my lips. Every day after lunch, Kate attacks me with lip gloss and eye shadow before Ray shows up. In my mind, I am simply avoiding the inevitable here.

  Dad’s laughter echoes through the house as I make my way down the stairs. I smile, then I hear Ray’s voice. Just like that my entire body becomes aware of his closeness. Ever since that night on the street, he continues to be here in any way he can. He tells me about his day, all while wondering about ours. It is not solely about me; he wants to know about Alyssa too.

  With Ray, these things all seem to come second nature to him. He does not come across as plotting with an ulterior motive behind the sweet things he does. It is simply who he is, and it is growing on me. My sister and Mom swoon over his affections toward Alyssa and me like they were watching a romance novel play out in front of them page by page. Forget a book hangover, they are in a Ray hangover for hours after he leaves.