Without Regret (Broken Roads Book 1)

by Cat Mason

  “Looks like you’re not immune to my cock-blocking skills after all,” Kate says, stepping through the door. “O-liminator?” she asks, jabbing Ray in the chest. “Really? I helped you out and that’s the thanks I get?”

  “Fine,” Ray says, sighing in defeat. “Point taken. How about you two stay for dinner?” he shrugs, looking at my sister. “It can be a peace offering.”

  “It’s a good start,” she says with a nod. Pushing passed the guys, her eyes widen. “Wow, looks like somebody went shopping.”

  Turning, Zack winces. “Aw, dammit, man. Why’d you go and ruin the bachelor pad? Everything was great and now that you’ve decided to go and get an actual girlfriend, you’re fuckin’ changin’ everything up. With all this baby shit everywhere, no one will be gettin’ any.” Walking over, Zack grabs the remote control from the coffee table and flops onto the couch. “If you canceled the porn channels, I’m moving out.”

  “Great. I never agreed to let you hijack my guest room,” Ray says, shaking his head. “Feel free to book a hotel for your future booty calls.”

  “Somebody call a lifeguard. Ray’s drownin’ in that pussy whip.” Zack laughs. Sitting down on his legs, Kate giggles.

  “Whatever. I want Rachel and Alyssa to feel at home when they’re here. Since I don’t hear either of them complaining, I’m good,” Ray shrugs, winking at me. “The food should be ready. The sooner I feed you,” he teases, heading my way. “The sooner you leave and I get my girls all to myself again.”

  Chapter 10

  Sitting at the table, I barely touch my food. My head is spinning as I try to process a million thoughts at once. Everything is moving so fast with Ray that my head and my heart are nowhere near prepared to handle all of this. I am afraid to allow myself to expect too much. I don’t want to let myself feel things, or invest in something with someone, only to end up hurt again. In the end, it is not just me that would be hurt here. I have a baby to think about too.

  Pushing away from the table, I excuse myself, claiming that I need to check on the Alyssa. Once I get into the living room, I lift her up into my arms and sit down in the rocker by the window. I need a little space, hoping that it will help me get a handle on my emotions.

  As much as I know I shouldn’t, I am starting to have feelings for Ray. Strong ones, that are becoming harder to deny. He has fought hard at every turn to win me over, and earn my trust, only asking for time with me in return.

  “Your Momma has lost her mind,” I say, looking down at my beautiful baby girl. “I’m sitting here over-analyzing everything when I—”

  “Should be talking to me?” Ray’s voice sounds from the doorway, making me jump.

  Looking up, I meet his eyes. “I didn’t see you come in here.”

  “I noticed.” Walking over, her snatches up Alyssa and quickly leaves the room.

  Shaking my head, I push to my feet, wondering what the hell he is doing. I don’t have to wait long. Storming back into the room like a man on a mission, Ray grabs my hand and tugs me down the hallway toward his bedroom.

  “What are you doing?” I ask when he closes the door and locks it behind us.

  “Kate and Zack are watching Alyssa,” he informs me. “You are going to tell me what is going through that beautiful mind of yours.”

  Sitting down on the bed, my eyes drops to my feet. Breathing deep, I shake my head. “It’s nothing. Let’s just go back out there and forget about it, okay?”

  Kneeling in front of me, he sighs. “This isn’t going to work if you can’t talk to me. You haven’t been the same since you told me about Tim.” Squeezing my hands, he meets my eyes. “Now, we are going to sit here like this until you tell me what is going on so that we can figure out how to deal with it and move on to enjoying the rest of our night.”

  Pushing away from him, I stand and pace the room. “Why are you pushing this?” I huff in frustration. “Everything’s fine.”

  Looking up, he laughs at me. Stopping mid-pace, I gape at him. I would love nothing more than to slap the grin off of his gorgeous face right now. “Are you laughing at me?” I bite out, stepping in front of him as he stands to his feet. “Here I am at your house. You are so incredibly sweet. You buy Alyssa things. Cook for me. You say such sweet things. You’re making these huge changes to your life all of a sudden. All because of me? Damn it!” Throwing my hands up, I shove at his chest. “You make me feel things that I don’t want to feel. Then you fucking laugh at me while I feel like I am about to have some kind of emotional breakdown. I feel so damn ridiculous.”

  “Babe,” he says, pulling me into his arms. “Do you think that you’re the only one that feels things here? Yes, I made changes in my life. I did that because I want you in it. It isn’t me making room for you, it’s me getting rid of the shit in order to have more of what I need.” he asks, tipping my head up. “You,” he says, running his thumb over my bottom lip. “I know you’re scared, but I won’t break your heart.”

  Ray, don’t you know you can’t break what is already broken?

  I sniffle. “I… You…” Shaking my head, I lose the ability to form a sentence.

  Pulling me tight against him, Ray brushes his lips over mine quickly, before nuzzling my neck. “I promise,” he says, pressing a kiss to my shoulder. “Everything will be okay.”

  “I’m sorry, Ray. I’m overwhelmed, that’s all,” I explain.

  “Yo Ray!” Zack shouts, banging on the door. “If the neighbors can’t hear her screamin’ your name, you’re not doing it right!”

  Releasing me, Ray whips around and yanks the door open. “We’re busy, asshole.”

  Eyeing us both, Zack laughs. “You can’t fuck properly with clothes on,” he says, winking at me. Rubbing his hands together, he grins. “I can suit up if you need me to give you some pointers.”

  “Quit being an ass,” Ray growls, slapping him in the back of the head.

  “Alright, alright,” Zack shrugs, rubbing the back of his head. “I refuse to help you out if you’re going to abuse me. I don’t take the rough stuff. I only give.”

  “We good here?” Ray asks when Zack heads back up the hall toward the living room.

  “Yes,” I reply, nodding my head. “We should probably go check on Alyssa. Who knows what Kate and Zack have been teaching her.”

  His eyes widen in mock horror. “God only knows. Clubbing, strip clubs, drinking games. I bet they’re in there right now teaching her to dip her finger in the peanut butter jar and drink straight from the milk carton,” he teases.

  “Very funny,” I deadpan, slapping his shoulder.

  “Shit!” Zack screams. “What the hell, Kate?”

  Alyssa’s screams mix with Kate’s laughter as both Ray and I haul ass toward the living room. The view has us stopping dead in the doorway. Zack’s face is ashen as he stares down at his puke covered t-shirt. Holding Lys out away from his body, he doesn’t move a muscle, as if she were some ticking time bomb that could go off again at any second.

  Darting around Ray, I grab my baby. “Oh, you poor thing,” I coo to her, pulling her close. “Ssh, it’s okay.”

  “You can’t be serious,” Zack huffs, pressing his lips into a hard line. “All I did was walk in here and Kate basically throws the kid at me. Poor thing my happy ass. She hurled all over me like a cheap prom date. I’m the victim here.”

  “Oh, don’t worry.” Clutching her stomach, Kate tries to tone down her laughing fit. “I’ll make it up to you later, hot stuff.” Holding her nose, she presses a kiss to his cheek. “After you shower.”

  Moving toward us, Ray rubs a hand over Alyssa’s back as I soothe her. “There’s stuff in my bathroom closet for her, if you want to get her cleaned up. I’ll bring her bag.”

  Nodding, I head back down to Ray’s bedroom and step into the master bath. Once I start the water, I open the closet and see an entire shelf just for Alyssa. He has bought a tub seat, bath soaps and lotions; even some things for me. “Once again, he’s thought of everything.”r />
  Once I have gotten Alyssa all cleaned up and dressed in a pair of pajamas that Lila picked out for her, I get her settled in her new swing. Ray and I curl up on the couch with a movie. Lying my head on his chest, my eyes drift to my dozing baby girl as Ray’s fingers run through my hair. His soothing touch relaxes me so much that it isn’t long before I feel my own eyes beginning to droop.

  The front door flies open and my heart nearly stops in my chest. Fumbling with the dishes, I attempt to get them all into the cupboard. “You can’t do anything right, can you?” he shouts. Shoving me out of his way, Tim grabs the loaded dishrack with both hands and flings it across the room. Plates and a coffee cup shatter, glass scattering across the tile floor I just spent thirty minutes scrubbing on my hands and knees. “Worthless fucking woman. I can’t believe I put up with you.”

  “I’m sorry,” I say, unable to meet his eyes.

  “You’re sorry?” he asks, kicking the oven. “Isn’t that the truth. What am I supposed to eat?” Flinging open the fridge, he jerks out the eggs and shoves them at me. I flinch, the carton slips from my shaking hands, dropping to the floor at my feet. The sound of cracking eggshells and the yolk oozing out onto the tile, only makes things worse. “Goddammit!” he roars, slamming the refrigerator door so hard that everything rattles inside. Grabbing my arms, he shakes me like a ragdoll. “Clean this shit up. Now!”

  Dropping to my knees, I scramble to rake up the broken glass and busted eggs. Tears stream down my face, blurring my vision. Alyssa begins to cry, only annoying Tim further. Pacing on the other side of the table, he groans. “You’re going to sit there while your baby is fucking crying like that?” he bites out, angrily. “Some fucking mother you are.”

  “She’s hungry,” I inform him, pushing to my feet quickly. Washing my hands quickly, I move through the kitchen.

  Grabbing my arms again, he stops me. Pulling me hard against him, he stares down at me. His eyes dark and frigid, chilling me to the bone. “My patience is wearing thin with you, woman. You think anyone else will want you? That another man would put up with your shit? Look at you,” he says, shaking his head in disgust. “You’re a fucking mess!”

  “Stop,” I plead, sobbing now. “Please.” Alyssa cries changes, becoming more insistent. “Something’s wrong,” I scream, struggling to get free of his grip. “I need to check on the baby. Let me go.”

  My eyes fly open as I jolt upright. Looking around the dark room, I exhale in relief when I realize it was only a dream. A shrill scream echoes from the other end of the house. Oh God.

  Alyssa!

  Fumbling to my feet, I scramble up the hallway finding Ray pacing the length of the living room. Worry and concern fill his features as he sways back and forth, humming softly to her as she wails. “I figured I could handle her,” he says, his eyes meeting mine. “I don’t know what’s wrong. Is she sick?”

  “No,” I reply, shaking my head. Walking over, I reach for her, needing to hold her in my arms. “Here, let me.”

  Reluctantly, Ray hands her over. Though I know he only wants to help, after my dream, I need the sense of calm that only holding her gives me. It would be nothing to tell him what to do and watch while he soothes her, but instead, I cuddle her to my chest and begin to sing while swaying slowly back and forth. Looking down into her red-rimmed eyes, I brush the tears from her cheeks. Grasping my finger with her little hand, her cries soon quiet into soft whimpers. “That’s it, sweet girl. Mommy’s here,” I coo to her, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Everything’s alright.”

  “My kind of girl. She has a thing for the classics,” Ray says, coming up and wrapping an arm around me. “I called your dad after you fell asleep. Didn’t want him to worry,” he informs me. Brushing his fingers over Alyssa’s cheek, he smiles.

  “It’s getting late,” I say, looking up at the clock.

  “Yeah,” he agrees. “Probably best you girls stay here tonight.”

  “I have a feeling that this was your plan all along,” I tease, bumping him with my hip. Moving toward the playpen, I press a kiss to Alyssa’s forehead and lie her down. My eyes linger on her a few moments, making sure that she doesn’t wake back up.

  Turning, I am instantly met by Ray. “You’re damned right it was,” he replies, his eyes completely serious. Cupping my face in his hands, he runs his nose along mine. “The best part of today was holding you in my arms while you slept. I can’t think of anything better than waking up in the middle of the night and being able to reach out and find you there beside me.”

  “You’re making it very hard to say no to that,” I reply, running my hands up his forearms.

  Kissing me softly, he smiles against my lips. “Good.”

  “Take me to bed, Ray,” I whisper against his lips.

  Scooping me up in his arms, he stops in the doorway, looking back to where Alyssa lies sleeping. “Will she be okay in here? I should’ve gotten that baby monitor.”

  Unable to hide my amusement, my lips quirk up. “I don’t want to risk waking her to move the playpen. She’ll let us know if she needs anything. I promise.”

  Nodding, he takes my mouth with his as he carries me down the hall to his bedroom. By the time we fall onto the bed, our clothes are thrown across the room in every direction. When Ray slowly slides inside me, my eyes flutter closed. Pleasure spreads through my body, bringing every nerve ending to life. “No, baby,” he pleads, breathlessly. “Let me see you.”

  His words have me choking back a sob. My eyes open, meeting his gaze. His eyes burn into mine, the look in the deep blues, so intense that it almost makes me want to close them again. The way he looks at me it is like he can see all the way through to everything I keep buried. I feel stripped bare, in every way.

  My body tightens, building toward release. Forcing myself to keep my eyes locked on him, I dig my nails into his hips, urging him on. My body responds to every touch, every kiss, like a puppet on a string. Kissing me deeply, Ray’s hand runs along my thigh, silently urging me to wrap my legs around his waist. “Mmm, Ray,” I moan against his mouth.

  “So sweet,” he moans, tugging at my nipple. “Come for me, Baby.”

  My hands drop to the mattress, fisting the sheets as my orgasm rips through me. “That’s my girl,” Ray purrs, trailing his lips down my neck. “You feel so good wrapped around me. Sweet. Fuckin’. Heaven,” he says, thrusting deep inside me with each word.

  Stilling inside me, his mouth finds mine again, his kiss consuming me. A low growl rumbles up from his chest as our tongues tangle. Rolling us to our sides, Ray slips from my body, softly pressing one last kiss to my lips before pulling back. “You’re incredible,” he whispers, brushing the hair from my face.

  “Funny,” I say, running my fingertips along his jaw. “That’s exactly how I would describe you.”

  After a quick run to the bathroom to clean up and wash what is left of my makeup from my face, I sneak down to check on Alyssa. She sleeps peacefully, as if she wasn’t just screaming the house down almost an hour ago. Sliding back into bed with Ray, I settle against his body. His eyes are closed, but the light shining in from the hallway illuminates his satisfied smile. Wrapping his arms around me, he pulls me against his chest and tugs the comforter over our bodies. “I was wrong before,” he whispers, stroking my hair. “This is fucking heaven.”

  Smiling against his skin, I sigh contently and fall asleep in his arms.

  Chapter 11

  Ray

  Waking up in my bed this morning, I am unable to stop the smile from spreading across my face. I could have spent hours running my hands over Rachel’s body and pressing my lips to her soft skin as she sleeps beside Alyssa and the mound of pillows that I piled along the edge of the bed when the baby woke us in the night to eat.

  Instead of calling out, like I would rather do, I forced myself from the bed and got ready for work. Not wanting to wake them so early, I leave a quick note before heading out the door.

  Walking into my office, I immedi
ately start going through the mound of paperwork on my desk so that every shipping slip gets signed on time and filed properly. Separating the piles by date and time of arrival, I initial and get them back out to the guys who handle the yard before performing my usual Monday safety inspections of the equipment.

  Running the shipping yard my grandfather left Zack and I when he died has not been easy. Though we spent plenty of time here growing up, neither of us were prepared for everything that goes into running this place. The last eight years have been filled with ups and downs while I handle the bulk of everything so that Zack can finish college before he permanently takes the office beside mine. Though it has not been a cake walk, carrying on what he poured his blood, sweat, and tears into for over forty years was important to us. Mitchell Docks is a legacy, and we refused to let it die with him.

  Just as I finish making my rounds of the yard, I see Grant step around the side of the building carrying a steel file box. Scanning the yard, his eyes land on me. “Mitchell,” he greets. “Have some time to talk?”

  “I do, Sir,” I reply, waving him towards the double doors. “Is everything okay?” I ask, wondering why he drove all the way out here to my work to see me.

  “Everyone’s fine.” Yanking open the door, I gesture for him to step inside. “Needed to talk to you alone. Since my daughter’s car is still parked outside your house, I figure that’s best done here.”

  Leading him down the hall to my office, I close the door behind us. Grant places the box on my desk, then takes a seat. “I’ve decided to stop my dialysis. I’ve just come from talking to my doctor.”

  “So, right to the point then,” I say, dropping into my chair.

  “The doctors, along with my renal health care team, and I have talked about all the options until I am blue in the face.” Grant swallows hard, his eyes filled with sadness. “Despite their efforts, my kidney function is tanking fast. My body isn’t responding how we had hoped and there’s not much more they can do. Time is running out for me, Ray. It’s best we all face that.”