Without Regret (Broken Roads Book 1)

by Cat Mason

  My heart sinks at the thought of Rachel losing her Dad. I know how important he is to her. Nodding my head, I swallow hard. “What do you need me to do, Sir?”

  “First off, none of this leaves this room,” he says adamantly. Pushing to his feet, he opens the lid of the box. “Inside this box are cards and letters for Cheryl, Kate, Alyssa, and Rachel. Each of them are marked for special occasions, holidays, and important moments in their lives that I am going to miss, but still want to be a part of.” Pulling out a folder, he slides it in front of me. “This is all of information for my funeral and the order I signed preventing any life saving measures to be taken in the event I become unresponsive. I refuse to be living off machines while they put their lives on hold to sit by my bedside and wait for me to die,” he says, shaking his head. “Cheryl has copies of all of this, but I know losing me is going to be hardest on her and would rather spare her from as much of this part as I can. There’s also plans for improvements to the house that I would like made to make life easier for them once I’m gone. I am putting my faith and trust in you to see that they are done.”

  “I don’t mean to interrupt you, Sir,” I say, stopping him. “Why are you trusting me with all this? Isn’t this a conversation you should be having with the girls?”

  “So they can spend every day wondering if it will be my last? Listen; that’s not the memories I want to make.” Closing the lid, he sits back down. Clasping his hands together like he is about to pray, he takes a deep breath. “You care about my daughter. About my granddaughter.”

  “Yes,” I answer honestly.

  “That wasn’t a question, son,” he replies with a laugh. “I know how you feel about my daughter. It’s a father’s job to know things like that. I also know that Rachel is going to need those strong shoulders of yours to help her carry this load. I can only hope that Zack will do that for Kate. This isn’t going to be an easy road for them and it fucking guts me that I’m the reason behind the hurt. I’d move heaven and earth to change this if I could. Let’s be real here, Ray. No one in their right mind wants to die. Just because I’ve come to terms with my fate, doesn’t mean that I’m happy about it.”

  “I couldn’t imagine,” I reply, truthfully.

  “I don’t expect you to.”

  Grant continues to talk, going into detail about some of the things that he wants to make sure are taken care of. Standing once again, he digs through the box, retrieving a white envelope. Meeting my eyes, he blows out a shaky breath. “This letter is different,” he says, handing it to me. “It’s for you to read after I’ve passed.”

  “For me?” I ask, confused.

  He nods. “It will all be clear soon enough, Son.” Checking his watch, he turns for the door. “I better get going. See you for dinner at five.”

  “Dinner?” I ask, confused.

  “Dinner,” he repeats, nodding his head. “Five o’clock.”

  “Okay,” I say, pushing to my feet. Tucking the envelope into the back pocket of my pants, I walk Grant out to the parking lot and say goodbye.

  Once he pulls away, I make my way back to my office. Sinking into my chair, I stare at the box, unable to believe what has just happened. My girlfriend’s father just laid some heavy shit on me. Every bit of it, he has asked for me to keep between he and I.

  The problem with that is can I live with the guilt of keeping something this important from Rachel? And am I willing to risk losing her if she finds out I didn’t tell her?

  Chapter 12

  Rachel

  Waking in Ray’s bed, without him in it, was not what I had expected. However, the note saying he wanted us to rest was sweet. After feeding Alyssa, I realize it is already pushing eleven. Pulling the swing into the bedroom, I get her comfortable then quickly hop in the shower before I make myself some lunch.

  As soon as I jump out, and wrap a towel around me, the phone rings. Fumbling over to the nightstand, I debate letting the machine get it. This isn’t even my house. What if it was a girl calling him? Even worse! What if it was my sister calling me! Glancing at the caller ID, I spot the familiar name and answer.

  “Hello Zack.”

  His rich laughter fills my ear. “Well, well, well, Rachel. It sounds like smokin’ hot sex over there,’ he teases, causing my face to flame. “You’re blushing. Aren’t you, Rachel?”

  Damn it! How does he know?

  “Ray isn’t here, Zack,” I inform him. “But, of course, you already knew that, didn’t you?” I ask, rolling my eyes. “What do you want besides to be a pain in my ass?”

  “I like you, Rachel,” he says, as something shuffles in the background. “You and I, we aren’t that different. Neither of us have time for bullshit.”

  “Funny,” I reply, rolling my eyes. “I feel like you live for bullshit.”

  “Anyway,” he says, ignoring my comment. “I’ll get to the point.” Taking a deep breath, he exhales roughly. “Do you think that Kate likes me?” he asks, sounding pained. “I mean like really likes me, you know?”

  Sitting on the edge of the bed, I smile at Alyssa. “No one likes you, Zack.”

  He chuckles nervously. “I’m trying to be serious. We’re good together. I mean, not like that, but I mean—”

  “Whoa!” I wince. “No sex details. Hanging up now.”

  “Sorry. Sorry. I promise that’s not what I mean,” he explains.

  Rolling my eyes, I sigh. “What do you want from me, Zack?” I ask, curiously. “Want me to pass her your note when the teacher isn’t looking?”

  Seriously, this is like the third grade all over again.

  “I know how stupid I sound, okay?” he shouts into the phone. “I’m turning into a chick or something. I mean, why the fuck do I give a shit what a chick thinks of me?” he asks. “I mean, other than if I’m bangable. Which I fucking am. Alright?”

  “For one,” I say, shaking my head. “You’re a pig. I’m also going to forget that you made it sound like being a chick was an insult. I’m going to level with you. She likes you,” I say, feeling a little bit like I have just given her up to the enemy on a silver platter.

  “I owe you, Rach,” he says, sounding relieved. “Owe you so big.”

  “Honey, don’t you even sweat it,” I laugh. “My baby puked on you. I think we can call it even.”

  “So, while we’re on the subject, how are you and lover boy? Still need some lessons?”

  “We weren’t on that subject,” I correct him. “And no, we don’t. You can wipe that shit eating grin off your face right now.”

  “Hey!” he shouts, sounding offended. “No bullshit, remember? I simply want to know he’s good, alright?” he asks, sounding more convincing. “He’s my cousin. I’ve got love for him, you know? I think you make him happy.”

  Looking up at the ceiling, I blow out a breath. “Yeah, He makes me happy too.”

  “That’s good to know,” he replies, sounding satisfied with my honest answer. “I bet you two are a pair of crazy fuckin’ wildcats. Bet the neighbors have a petition to soundproof Ray’s condo going around already. God Ray! Harder! Fuck me like the dirty girl I am,” he teases, howling through the phone. “That last one was Ray, in case you were wondering.”

  Blushing again, I swallow hard. “Well, Zack, it was lovely chatting. Gotta go now,” I mumble, hanging up and staring down at the phone in my hand in shock.

  “How many times were you having a normal conversation with me on the phone while wearing only a towel?” Ray asks, stepping through the doorway, carrying a bag.

  “Ah!” Losing my balance, I fall off the bed and onto the floor with a thud.

  “Holy shit,” he says, rounding the bed and helping me to my feet. “Are you okay?”

  “Yes,” I laugh, brushing him off. “I’m fine. You surprised me, that’s all.”

  “So…” Raising an eyebrow, Ray’s eyes dart from the phone now lying on the floor, to me. “That was Zack?”

  Nodding my head, I giggle. “He wanted to ask me if I th
ink Kate likes him.”

  “Oh!” he laughs, tossing his keys on the nightstand. “Is he planning to ask her to share a juice box at recess?”

  “You got it,” I laugh again, loving that we nearly thought the exact same thing. “I was about to get dressed and make some lunch, but I got distracted.”

  Ray’s eyes travel greedily to where the towel has fallen, nearly exposing my breast. His eyes darken. “Baby,” he purrs, bending down to press a kiss to my shoulder. “If you don’t get dressed, you’ll be lunch.” Handing me the bag, he winks. “This was left on the porch for you. Looks like someone thought you girls may need a change of clothes,” he says, adjusting the bulge behind his zipper. “How about you get dressed and let us handle lunch?” he asks, turning and lifting Alyssa from the swing. Without waiting for my response, he heads out of the room.

  Pulling on the purple sundress that was in the bag, I towel dry my hair as best I can and brush out all the tangles. Pulling a hair elastic from my bag, I French braid my hair in order to keep it out of my face. By the time I step into the kitchen, Ray has Alyssa set up in a bouncy seat, food on the table, and is waiting for me.

  “This is nice,” I say, sitting down across from him. “You didn’t tell me that you come home for lunch.”

  “I don’t,” he informs me. Grabbing his soda, he pops the tab and takes a drink. Placing the can back down on the table, he meets my eyes. “I came home because I needed to talk to you. I figured we’d eat first.”

  “Oh.” Instantly, my mind begins to race. What could be so urgent that it could not be discussed over the phone, or waited until he usually left work for the day? “Lunch can wait. I’d rather you tell me what’s wrong.”

  “Last night, I told you that this wouldn’t work between us if we didn’t communicate,” he begins. “I meant every word, Rach. That’s why I feel that I can’t keep a secret from you. Especially one that I know will cause damage between us if I kept it from you.”

  “What’s going on?” I ask, pushing my plate away.

  Standing, Ray moves his chair closer before sitting back down. “Your dad came to see me at work this morning.”

  “He what?” I ask.

  Frowning, he nods his head slowly. He looks so torn, so conflicted. This is definitely not good news. “I wasn’t supposed to say anything to any of you girls. He was very clear on that, but I can’t keep things like this from you. It isn’t fair.” Taking a deep breath, he takes my hands. “Grant showed up at my office with a box of paperwork. He informed me that, as of today, he has officially quit his dialysis treatments. He’s even signed paperwork with the hospital so that he doesn’t end up on a ventilator or something. Rach?” he asks, squeezing my hands. “Please say something.”

  Shoving to my feet, I begin pacing the length of the kitchen. How could my father make these decisions without talking to any of us? How dare he go confide in Ray and then tell him to keep this shit from me. “Ugh!” I shout, my fists balling at my sides. The hurt I feel is nothing compared to the anger boiling in my veins.

  I love my Dad more than anything. But, right now, I want to throttle him.

  “He was never planning to tell us,” I say, shaking my head. “Was he, Ray?”

  “I wish I had the answers for you,” he says, sincerely. Stepping in front of me, Ray runs his hands up and down my arms as he stares down at me. “He’s put a lot of energy into hiding as much of the situation as he could. I can only assume he was planning to keep it going for as long as he was able.”

  “I need to go.” Pushing away from him, I start around the table toward Alyssa. “Someone has to talk some sense into him,” I choke out, my emotions gripping me by the throat. “I can’t just let him—.” Tears blur my vision as I kneel down beside the baby.

  “Babe,” Ray says coming up behind me. “What are you planning to say that you haven’t already?” he asks, kneeling down beside me and covering my hand with his. “Is there really anything you can say or do at this point that would possibly change his diagnosis? I know if there was something, he’d have done it. Without question. Your dad has spent a lot of time thinking this through. He’s carefully weighed all the options. He told me so himself, Rach.”

  “So, that’s it then?” I ask, yanking my hand away. “I should just pat him on the back and be okay with this shit?”

  “No one’s saying that,” he assures me. “I only know that as hard as this is on you, it’s nothing compared to how he must feel. You’ve got to put yourself in his shoes for a minute before you go charging in and say shit you’re only going to regret later.” Ray takes my hands in his and this time I don’t pull away. “Could you imagine having to say goodbye to Alyssa? If hours and hours of treatments and procedures weren’t working, and you knew you had precious little time left, would you want to spend any of it away from her? Or would you make every second you had left count?”

  My heart aches at the thought. Everything my father has said about his final wishes in the last few weeks runs through my head. All the discussions I have stubbornly shut out because I didn’t want to admit what was happening become painfully loud and present in my mind.

  “I know that I’m selfish,” I admit, sliding to my ass on the tile floor. “But, I want to know why he won’t fight harder. I need to understand how he can give up.”

  “You’re not selfish, Rachel,” Ray says, giving my hands a quick squeeze before releasing them. “You’re hurting. And, baby, I hurt for you. Believe me.” Brushing the fallen strands of hair from my face, he meets my eyes. “You have to know that this is hurting him too. Don’t spend the rest of the time you have with your dad being upset with him, baby.”

  “What do I do?” I ask, feeling helpless.

  “Talk to him,” Ray replies encouragingly. “Tell him how you feel. Then, you also have to listen to what he has to say. After you both lay it all out, you leave it there and enjoy him for as long as you can.”

  “I’m not ready to lose him,” I choke out, breaking down.

  “I know.” Sitting beside me, Ray wraps his arms around me and pulls me into his lap. I go willingly, burying my face in his chest, needing the comfort he offers more than anything right now. “I know. And I’m here for you. Whatever you need. Whether it’s to listen, to talk and get your mind off what’s going on, or to sit here in the middle of my kitchen floor and hold you while you soak the front of my shirt.”

  Pulling back, a laugh escapes my lips when I look down at his now wet shirt. “Sorry,” I say, touching my fingers to his chest.

  “Don’t be,” he says, covering my hand with his. “I want this.”

  “Want what?” I ask, shaking my head in disbelief. “For the girl you’re dating to fall apart like some unstable basket case every time you turn around?”

  “No,” he replies, brushing his thumb over my cheek, catching a stray tear. “I want the girl that I’m pretty sure I’m falling in love with, to trust that I’ll be here to hold the pieces together when she does fall apart.”

  As soon as the words leave Ray’s lips, it feels like my heart rolls in my chest. The man is dropping bombs like some kind of special military task force. Shell-shocked, and unsure what to say, I nod my head. This has been one hell of day already, and it is far from over.

  Chapter 13

  “I’m home,” I call, stepping through the door, with Ray right behind me.

  Zack dives out of the kitchen, aiming a large, bright green and orange Nerf gun right at us. “Fire in the fucking hole, bitches!” he shouts, firing off two darts.

  The darts fly wide, one sticking to the wall on the opposite side of the staircase, the other hitting Ray in the chest. “Missed me!” Kate shouts from the front room.

  “Unarmed civilians are off-limits,” Dad grumbles, stepping into view and slapping him in the back of the head. Meeting my eyes, Dad smiles. “Hi, Hun. Mom’s in the kitchen. Drop off the baby and pick your weapon.”

  “Wait,” I say, completely confused. “What is this?”
>
  “Making memories,” Dad replies with a wink.

  “Actually, I was hoping we could talk about some things before dinner.” Dropping my purse by the door, I turn to where Ray is holding Alyssa’s carrier. Unbuckling her harness, I carefully lift her into my arms.

  “Whatever it is,” Dad laughs just as a dart hits me in the back. “It can wait. This is more important.”

  “Hey!” Zack barks, glaring at dad. “What happened to ‘unarmed civilians are off-limits’?”

  “Rules changed.” Aiming at Zack, my dad grins. Firing, he hits Zack square in the forehead. “Kitchen and bathroom are the only safe zones. Any altered weapons or ammo are subject to final approval by the always fair and impartial judge.”

  “Who’s the judge?” Zack asks, his brows knitting together.

  Dad’s smile grows. “Me,” he replies, tapping himself on the chest with the barrel of his Nerf gun.

  “Always fair and impartial, huh?” I ask, arching a brow.

  “Oops,” Dad shrugs. “Did I say fair and impartial? What I meant to say was,” cocking his gun, he aims it at Zack again and narrows his eyes as the smile completely fades from his face. “Run.”

  Zack’s eyes widen. Bolting towards us, he leaps over Alyssa’s now empty car seat in the floor. “Kate! Your dad’s playin’ for keeps!” he shouts, diving into the front room. “Duck and cover that fine ass of yours!”

  Pressing a kiss to Dad’s cheek as I pass him, I make my way into the kitchen. The island countertop in the center of the room is covered with various sizes and types of bright colored Nerf guns and darts. “How many of these damn things did he buy?” I ask, shaking my head. “He’s officially lost his mind.”

  “He cleared the entire shelf at the toy store,” Mom says, stepping out of the pantry. Rolling her eyes, she shakes her head. “You should’ve seen his face when Zack and Kate walked in the door. He was like a kid on Christmas.” Holding out her hands, a smile spreads across her face. “Come to Grandma, little girl. You two,” she says, taking the baby into her arms then looking to Ray and I. “Arm yourselves and have at it. Dinner will be ready in twenty.”