Without Regret (Broken Roads Book 1)

by Cat Mason

  Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and blow it out slowly. Ray comes up behind me, his warmth surrounding me as his arms circle my waist. “Are you okay?” he whispers, leaning into my ear.

  Opening my eyes, I am met with Kate’s intense stare. “The fuck was that?” she mouths, holding Alyssa close.

  “Yeah,” I breathe, my fingers gripping his arms as I ask myself the same question that has Kate’s eyes filling with anger. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

  Chapter 18

  Not having any time to wrap my head around Tim showing up, I move outside so that we can follow the hearses to the cemetery. Dealing with whatever the hell he wants is going to have to wait until later.

  Too emotional to handle watching as our parents are lowered into the ground, Kate refuses to attend the graveside service. With tears streaming down her face, she apologizes to me before Zack takes her home. Though I understand the pain she feels in the finality, part of me simply wishes we could be there for each other instead of her shutting down.

  Surrounded by Ray and his parents, I cry silently as we follow behind the pallbearers carrying my parents through the cemetery toward their final resting place. Ray takes his seat beside me beneath the burgundy funeral tent, while Lila sits between Bob and me, holding a sleeping Alyssa in her arms.

  Closing his bible, the pastor tucks it under his arm and clears his throat. “There are no tears of sadness in heaven, only rejoicing. The lives of Grant and Cheryl Davidson are meant to be celebrated, not mourned.”

  Shaking my head, I keep my focus on the closed caskets draped in my mother’s favorite flowers. The yellow roses and white lilies pop against the gray of the caskets and the dark clouds now filling the sky. “If you ask me, someone didn’t get that memo,” I mutter quietly. “Looks like the heavens are about to make a liar out of you and do some serious crying.”

  “That’s all for the graveside service,” the pastor continues. “Before I dismiss us in a word of prayer, I’d like to extend invitation. The ladies of our congregation have prepared a meal of fried chicken and sides in memory of Cheryl and Grant. We would like all who are able and willing to attend. May God be with you all.”

  Lighting flashes, stretching across the sky as he prays. The caskets jolt as they begin to lower into the ground. The breath lodges in my chest, my fingers squeezing Ray’s hand while thunder rumbles in the distance.

  After a quick ‘Amen’ from the preacher, people begin heading for their cars, but I sit unmoving, stewing on the joke sermon he gave here while nearly everyone else heads off to chow down at the church banquet hall in memory of my parents. “That’s it?” I breathe in irritation. The ability for people to sit here and shed a few tears in the meaning of sympathy, only to head off to some church sponsored chicken dinner with smiles on their faces as soon as the service is over, has me angry as hell. “How is a few nice words and a bucket of chicken celebrating their lives?” I ask, standing to my feet and stepping out from the cover of the tent.

  Taking my hand, Ray stands and steps in front of me. Pulling me into his chest, he nuzzles my hair, his lips brushing my ear. “Celebrating their lives isn’t something that will end here, Baby. You do every day that by living yours. By loving that sweet little girl and making her feel every bit as loved as they have loved you. There’s also this,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to my neck.

  Swaying us softly side to side he begins singing as the rain starts to fall. “Mom and Dad danced to this song at their wedding,” I whisper, tears filling my eyes as he sings the chorus of Brown-eyed Girl.

  Ray nods his head, but continues to sing the words in my ear. I am sure people are staring at us, wondering what the hell two crazy people are doing dancing in the middle of a cemetery during a storm, but I don’t care. I want this moment to last forever.

  Thunder claps around us loudly. In the pouring rain, with my heart completely overwhelmed with emotions, I wrap my arms around his neck and meet his eyes. The softness there, the complete adoration I realize I see staring back at me every time he looks at me, has me starting to cry for a totally different reason. Licking my lips, I take a deep breath. “I love you.”

  Ray stops singing. Cupping my face with both hands, he searches my eyes. After a minute, he leans in, pressing his forehead to mine, and sighs contently. “I was prepared to wait forever to hear you say those three words.” His lips brush over mine. “Falling in love with you has been the most effortless thing I’ve ever done,” he says against my lips.

  “I haven't made anything easy for you,” I reply with a laugh.

  “Love is an emotion that requires no work, Rachel. That’s why they call it falling. Relationships are where the work comes in,” he says, shrugging his shoulders. “And I’d work every day, for the rest of my life, if all I ever got was those three words from your lips.”

  “You really are too good to be true, Ray.”

  “No,” he argues, shaking his head. “I’m just a man that is in love with an incredible woman. She makes me strive to be a better man,” Ray says, tucking me into his side. “We should get out of the rain.”

  Making our way down to the road, I spot Lila and Bob sitting inside Ray’s car with Alyssa. “We thought you two needed a few minutes,” Bob says, opening the door and climbing out. “Figured we’d get Lil’ Bit out of the weather.”

  “Thank you,” I reply as he wraps his thick arms around me. “For everything.”

  “You don’t have to thank us,” Lila says walking around the car, hugging me tight as soon as Bob releases me. “We adore you girls. Bob and I are just a phone call away if you need anything.”

  By the time we get home from the cemetery, Alyssa is wailing in the backseat. Not bothering with the carrier, I unbuckle her and hurry inside while Ray brings in her bag. Running up to my room, I quickly strip out of my wet clothes and yank on a red tank top and a pair of black sweatpants before settling in the rocking chair to feed her. Humming softly, I rock slowly as Alyssa calms down and latches on to my breast.

  Moments later, the door flies open and Kate storms into the room like hell on wheels. “What the fuck was he doing at our parents’ funeral?” she grounds out, her brown eyes filled with rage.

  “I have no idea,” I reply, honestly, shifting the baby in my arms. “I haven’t heard from him. Not one word in all the time I’ve been home. I’m not even sure how he knew, Kate.”

  “Well he did,” she fires back. “He wasn’t welcome there.”

  “I think he got that right about the time Ray told him to leave,” I reply, arching my brow.

  “Good riddance,” Kate huffs, crossing her arms over her chest.

  “He’s staying at a hotel,” I correct her. “Says he’s not going anywhere until we talk.”

  “He really expects us to believe he drove all that way for some chit chat?” Kate asks, rolling her eyes. “You’re not going to see him, are you?”

  “I’m going to call him,” I reply, lifting Alyssa onto my shoulder to burp her. “I may not know what Tim wants, or why he has waited so long, but I have to find out.”

  Kate’s eyes widen. “I don’t believe this shit. Why would he show up here, knowing that you broke it off before you even came back to St. Louis? The only thing I can think of is Alyssa,” she croaks, swallowing hard. “And that scares me.”

  “Me too,” I reply honestly. “He’s never been a father to her. I can’t see any reason why he’d want anything to do with her now.”

  “He’s her father,” Kate replies. “If he controls her, he controls you and he knows that.”

  “Your father thought it may come to that,” Ray interrupts, stepping into the room. Walking over, he places the diaper bag down beside me, meeting my eyes as he sits down on the bed. “I have something you need to see.” Ray places an opened envelope on the nightstand between us. “He gave this to me the same day he came to my office and told me his plans. Since he asked me not to open it until he passed, I waited until this morning to read it. I ha
d planned to show it to you after the funeral anyway, but you should have all the information before you make any decisions about Tim.”

  “Come here, munchkin,” Kate says, snatching up the diaper bag before lifting Alyssa into her arms. “I refuse to be any part of this insanity.” Turning on her heel, she leaves Ray and I alone.

  Fixing my shirt, I grab the letter. Unfolding it, I tear up as I begin to read the words my father wrote.

  Ray,

  First off, I lived a great life. Married a woman who was not perfect, by any means, but was completely perfect for me. Thank fuck for her ability to see good in a punk kid. At thirteen-years old, Cheryl Buxton agreed to go to the Valentine’s Day dance with me. I loved her from the moment I saw her coming down the stairs in that pink dress.

  The way I have looked at Cheryl, is how I have seen you looking at Rachel. I know the love you have for her. It’s the kind that mends the broken pieces, that builds a foundation that can withstand the storms life will throw at you. Hold onto each other and love with all you have. Tim Willis did a number on her heart. Damage like that takes time to heal and can easily be ripped back open given the opportunity. I have no doubt you will love her as fiercely as I have loved her mother, and will raise Alyssa like your own. I feel that with everything in me. My grandmother’s ring is in the lockbox I gave you when that time comes.

  My heart stutters in my chest as tears splash onto my cheeks. Leaning forward, Ray kneels in the floor and places his hand on my knee, giving it a squeeze. Blinking away the tears, I continue to read.

  Now to my point. This part of the letter is not easy for me to write. However, the truth is the truth. It’s time for me to share the secret I took to my grave with the only man who can do shit about what I know is coming. As much as I wish Tim Willis had fallen off the face of the earth and broken every bone in his body in the fall to hell, he hasn’t. One afternoon, while she was out walking the block with you, the calls started. I intercepted and threatened the bastard, then blocked and deleted every North Carolina number from her contacts. I have kept this from everyone with good reason. Until now. A man like that doesn’t change. He wants power and control over my daughter and will go to any means necessary to get it. I refuse to give him the opportunity to damage my girls further. Once you meet the asshole, you’ll understand why I had to do what I had to do. It’s your job now to protect them, son. One that I know you’ll take as seriously as I have.

  Grant

  Closing my eyes, I drop the letter to my lap “The hits keep coming today,” I breathe, shaking my head. “I don’t understand why he felt that he had to keep that from me. It’s not like I’d go back to Tim.”

  “He was protecting you, Baby,” Ray replies. “I meant what I said at the funeral service. I have no doubt in my mind that everything your father did, he did it believing he was acting with your best interests at heart. As for you going back to Tim,” he says, taking my hands in his. “I know you’d never do that, Rach. You’re not that person anymore. I’ve watched the woman who has made me fall hopelessly in love with her, fall apart countless times in the last few days, only to pick herself back up every single time. Tim sees the same strength that I see in those beautiful eyes. While there is nothing I love more than to watch it thrive and grow, Tim wants to squash it because he sees it as a threat.” Releasing one of my hands, he brushes the backs of his fingers over my cheek. “I’ll protect you and Alyssa with my last breath, if I have to; without question. Whether you meet with him or not, I want you to remember something. In the letter, your dad said that Tim wants power over you. However, he doesn’t have it.”

  “I love you, Ray,” I breathe, wrapping my arms around his neck.

  His lips twitch up in a crooked smile. “I love you, beautiful girl.”

  Leaning forward, I capture his mouth with mine. Ray groans low in his throat when my tongue finds his. His hands run up my thighs, moving around my waist as he pulls me to the edge of the seat, but doesn’t take control to deepen the kiss. Pulling back, he presses his forehead to mine. “As much as I want to show you how much I love you, baby, that should probably wait until later.”

  “Right,” I breathe, resting my hands on his shoulders. “I have a phone call to make.”

  Making my way downstairs, I grab the cordless phone from the kitchen and dial Tim’s cellphone number. On the third ring, he answers. “Yeah?”

  “Tim?”

  “Glad you remembered that I don’t like to be kept waiting,” he replies smugly.

  “What do you want, Tim?” I ask, wanting to retain control of the conversation. Walking around the table, I pull out a chair and take a seat. Ray steps into the kitchen. Leaning back against the wall, he watches me intently, but says nothing.

  “No chit chat, huh?” he asks with an amused chuckle. “Okay, then. Straight to the point it is I want to talk. But not like this. I need to see you face to face while I speak to you. That’s how this is going to go.”

  “Fine,” I bite out. “But, you’ll come here.”

  “Is that so?” he asks, sounding irritated. “And if I demand you come to me instead?”

  “You can make all the damned demands you want, Tim,” I reply calmly. “It doesn’t mean that you’ll get your way. I’m offering a compromise. You want to see us, you can come here. I’m assuming, since you know my parents passed, you know where we live.”

  “As you wish,” he laughs again. “I’m on my way,”

  With my hands shaking in anger, I hang up the phone and place it on the table. Bracing my elbows on the table, I bend my arms and prop my forehead up with my palms. Closing my eyes, I blow out a breath. “Smug bastard,” I mutter.

  “That was good.” I feel Ray come up behind me, his hands coming to rest on my shoulders. “Is he coming?”

  “He’s on his way here now,” I reply, leaning back into his touch.

  “I don’t blame you for wanting home field advantage,” Ray replies, flexing his fingers as he works some of the tension from my shoulders. “It’s smart and gives you the upper hand out the gate. As if you need it, baby.”

  “I figure I can control the situation better if he comes here. With the way he sounded, he’s looking for a fight. And,” I add, taking a deep breath. “If Tim Willis wants a battle, it’s happening on my terms.”

  Chapter 19

  Twenty-five minutes later, when the doorbell rings, my nerves shift into overdrive. Grabbing the handle, I meet Ray’s eyes and take a deep breath to ready myself. Swinging it open, I meet Tim’s dark eyes and cool stare.

  “Nice house.” Stepping inside, he nods in approval. Glancing at Ray, Tim jerks his chin in greeting. “You’d think after three years and a kid, I’d have been invited here before tonight, huh, pal? They sure had no problem dropping in on us whenever the hell they wanted.”

  Ray shrugs. Coming up behind me, Ray slides his hand around my waist as he meets Tim’s stare. “I’m sure Rachel had her reasons.”

  “Oh, that’s right,” Tim replies, tapping his temple with his index and middle fingers. “You’re the replacement. Enjoying my sloppy seconds?”

  My eyes drop to my feet. Instantly, his venomous fucking words make me feel insignificant and unworthy. Ray goes rigid beside me, his fingers tightening their hold on my hip. Closing my eyes quickly, I take a deep breath and remember the words Ray said to me upstairs.

  Tim wants power over you. He doesn’t have it.

  Digging deep, I exhale and open my eyes to meet Tim’s stare head on. Squaring my shoulders, I take a step forward, almost losing Ray’s hand. “I didn’t replace you, Tim,” I reply, finding my voice. “I upgraded.”

  “I see,” Tim says through gritted teeth. “Did you leave your manners back in our apartment in North Carolina with most of your shit, or are you plannin’ to offer me a drink?”

  “Let’s go into the kitchen,” Ray says, releasing me and gesturing for me to lead the way.

  Pouring coffee, I place a mug down in front of Tim before sitt
ing across from him. “Why are you here?” I ask before taking a sip from my own cup as Ray takes the seat next to me.

  Tim’s eyes shift between Ray and I. Lifting his mug to his lips, he sips thoughtfully before sitting it down again. He clears his throat. “I came to get what’s mine. You came back here to take care of your dad.” he shrugs nonchalantly. “Now that’s done. Playtime is over. ‘Bout time shit gets back to normal.”

  “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Ray blurts, taking the words right out of my mouth.

  “I don’t joke. I also didn’t ask for your opinion, Pal,” Tim deadpans. Reaching into his front pocket, he pulls out a small red velvet box. “Here.” Tossing the box across the table, he winks at me. “That should fix your sour attitude. We can hit the courthouse once we get home.”

  The box bounces across the table, bumping into my hand. My eyes widen. “Put that away, Tim. I am home.” Shaking my head, I push the box back across the table. “I’m not going to marry you. Ray and I are in love.”

  Tim narrows his eyes at me, looking at me like I am a complete idiot. “Excuse me?” he asks, his tone hardening.

  Taking a breath, I square my shoulders. “I’m sorry if that’s what you drove all the way here for, Tim. You and I were toxic and it’s over.” Standing, I start for the doorway. “Been over a long time before I ever left. You should go.”

  “Fine,” he replies. The chair scrapes against the floor as he stands to his feet. “I’ll guess we can always get coffee after the custody hearing.”

  “What?” I shout, whipping around so fast that it makes me dizzy.

  “Oh yeah,” he replies smug as hell, swiping the box off the table and shoving it back in his pocket. “Paternal rights are just as important as Maternal. Equality is all the fucking rage. You see I did a little digging before I got in the truck for my little road trip. Turns out that you can’t refuse me the right to see that kid. Actually, by sharing custody long-distance, I could get as much as six months of the year until preschool, depending on the judge. Since my parents are living, I call dibs on Christmas. You can have Easter, though.”