Yours Forever

by Bella Winters

  Much as it might have seemed that way on the surface, I didn’t ever come to America with a death wish in mind. I didn’t step up onto this stage tonight thinking I was going to get shot. A part of me thinks that maybe Tia thought that, but it was never on the agenda. I didn’t expect this to happen. I didn’t actually want to die as I pretended to be my brother. I just wanted closure, it’s all I’ve ever wanted, and justice too. My brother doesn’t deserve to be an unsolved mystery, a murder that doesn’t put anyone behind bars, he was too good a person for that. That’s why I fought so hard to make all of this happen.

  Save me, Stephen, I think frantically in my pain addled mind. I don’t want to die. Our parents don’t deserve to lose two sons, Tia doesn’t deserve to lose two men, you know this as well as I do. Please save me.

  But nothing happens. Nothing good anyway. I blink my eyes frantically a few times trying to regain my vision but it just keeps getting worse. In fact now it’s blackening. The red hot pain is filling up my veins, consuming all of me, threatening to eat me alive and I can feel myself succumbing to it because I don’t know what else to do. My vision is pin holing, I can see less and less with every passing second and I’m also filled with the sickening sense that I’m falling. I’m tumbling, cascading backwards, I don’t know where I’m going to land but I know I can’t remain upwards anymore. The sheer agony is too much. I’m a strong person but I can’t keep fighting it, I just can’t.

  Tia, I’m so sorry, Tia, I think desperately as I fall backwards. I’m so sorry. I just wanted to make this right. I never wanted to die, I didn’t want to make you suffer this again. Maybe if I’d spent more time looking for a gun and less time focusing on putting on such an amazing show…

  ‘Maybe if’, ‘what if’, is that what my whole life comes down to? A whole load of unanswered questions? I should have lived better, I should have been fiercer, I should have done everything very different. But then again, I suppose I never thought that I’d be dying so young with all these regrets. The Jones twins, taken much too soon. That’s probably what they’ll say about us when, if, anyone speaks about us in the future.

  Then my head hits something hard, my back slams into the ground, and everything finally goes black.

  ***

  “Kian.” I hear something bursting through the crowd surrounding me, one person trying to infiltrate my brain. I want to answer it, I want to feel it, but I don’t know how to find it. Everything around me is too black. “Kian, it’s me, it’s Tia.”

  Tia. That is a name I want to hear. I try even harder to force my eyes open but they just won’t do it. It’s as if they’ve been stuck together with super glue, leaving me in a state. Keep talking to me, Tia. I want to hear from you.

  “Kian, I don’t know if you can hear me but I’m here. I’m holding your hand.” I wish I could feel that but I can’t. “Erm, I don’t know if you know but you’ve been shot. The cops have the guy so that’s good, but I’m not concerned about that right now. I guess I’ll sort that out later.” At least the cops have the guy. I don’t know what the fuck is going on with me but at least I know that the guy has been caught. I can almost feel a massive weight being pulled off my chest. “The ambulance is on the way, so someone will be here soon enough to take care of you. I just need you to hang on until then.”

  Of course I will, I think as if it’s absolutely obvious. For you, Tia, I will do anything.

  She continues to talk as if she thinks her voice is the only thing pinning me to the Earth. Maybe she is, maybe if it weren’t for her I’d fall the hell apart so I focus on her words and I drink them in as if they’re my nectar.

  “You did a really good show, you know before the whole shooting thing. I think your brother would have been proud of you. The erm, the crowd really loved you. I think you could be really successful if that’s what you want.” I hear an emotional crack in her voice. I wish it wasn’t there, I hate that she’s sad. “You just… you need to stay alive, alright? That’s all I can ask of you… oh thank God, the ambulance is here, Kian. The paramedics are here to help you. You’ll be okay soon enough. I promise, okay?”

  Her voice fades along with my consciousness, without Tia by my side it’s hard to keep going but I know I have to do it for her. She needs me, that’s all that matters to me.

  Chapter Twenty - Tia

  I want to go straight to the hospital, I want to be with Kian. I want to sit by his bedside and not move until I know that he’s okay but I can’t. The cops need me to make a statement and I really have to do it. Plus the paramedics have just told me that Kian needs emergency surgery as soon as he gets to hospital anyway so all I would be doing is pacing up and down the waiting room. I suppose it’s better that I spend that time doing something productive.

  A tear rolls down my cheek as I watch the ambulance pull away. When I heard that gun shot ringing out over the concert I felt sick to my stomach. I fell to the ground and screamed a bellowing sound that seemed to come right from the bottom of my stomach. All I could think about was losing Kian, and it killed me. It still kills me now that I could lose him. A stray bullet seemed to come from nowhere, no one saw it coming, and now it’s changed everything. Everything has fallen apart at the seams and I don’t know how to stich myself back up.

  I can’t lose Kian. I can’t lose someone else, I don’t think I’ll survive it again.

  I reach a hand out forward, wishing I could hold onto him once more. I hated letting him go, if it had been to anyone other than a medical professional then I don’t think I could have done it. If those people weren’t saving his life then I don’t know what I would have done.

  Please take care of him, I think desperately with a thick ball of emotion lodged in my throat. Please keep him alive. I need him, I need that man. He is my everything. I honestly don’t know what I would do without him.

  “Miss?” A police office grabs onto my shoulder and spins me around. He looks at me apologetically but I can hear a firmness. “We really need to take you down to the station now. We’ve waited for the ambulance like you requested but I can’t put it off any longer.”

  “Okay,” I say while whipping the wetness from my cheeks with my arm. He hands me a tissue and I take it willingly. I need this small bit of comfort right now. “Thank you.”

  He leads me through the crowd and takes me to his car, pulling me away from the scene of the crowd. Despite the fact that I know we have the guy and the plan has worked, I still feel helpless as I move. I haven’t had control over my life for a very long time, and now I really don’t have it. It’s gone, possibly forever more. Everything is a mess.

  My mother will probably hear about this, I think sadly with a shake of my head. And my father too. They will come looking for me now and my New Zealand dream will be over forever more. I’ll be forced back into the shitty life I desperately tried to escape.

  I slide into the back of the police car, feeling a little like a criminal, and I stare out the window to watch the city going by. I can’t really think about any of it, I’m not looking at all. I’m lost in my mind’s eye thinking only about Kian and all the blood all over his body. I don’t know how much blood loss kills people but I hope it’s much more than that.

  “I’m sorry I don’t have more to give you now,” the officer comments as if he thinks I need some idly chat right now. Can he not see the inner turmoil I’m suffering? “But they’ll be able to answer any questions you have once we’re down at the station.”

  “Right,” I whisper back, nodding as if I’m actually paying attention. “Thank you.”

  I twist my head back towards the window, tuning out his words. He’s still talking to me, I can hear him but I don’t know what he’s saying anymore. Maybe I’m being rude but I really don’t care. If any situation cries out for social niceties to be ignored then this is it. My boyfriend got shot up on stage while imitating his twin brother is already dead. If that isn’t the craziness, most ridiculous story that I’ve ever heard then I don’t know wha
t is. It’s crazy, and it’s my life.

  What a fucking mess.

  The tears start rolling again and this time I don’t bother to brush them away. I want to feel all of this emotion because it might be my one and only chance to do so. Once this car ride is over it’s time for me to be stronger than I’ve ever been before.

  ***

  The polystyrene cup of lukewarm coffee feels alien in my hands, as do the surroundings that I’m sitting in. Despite my family history I’ve never actually been on the inside of a police station before and it’s weird. The white walls, the mahogany desk, the big window that’s obviously a two way mirror… it’s set up to intimidate me and I really feel that way.

  Maybe I shouldn’t have come here, maybe I should have refused and gone to the hospital instead. Who knows what’s going on with Kian now…

  I push my chair back ready to stand and get the hell out but before I manage to get my butt off the course plastic underneath me the door swings open and a very fierce, official looking man enters the room. He has the sort of commanding presence that makes me zip my lips shut before I can even open them.

  “Now, Tia, I have come to speak with you,” he says in a grave tone as he takes the chair opposite me. He places his elbows on the desk and twists his hands together, making me even more anxious. He wrinkles up his forehead which unnerves me and makes me squirm where I sit. “I know you have already given your statement and I’m sure that you’re keen to go, but before you do I just want to tell you what we have discovered. This is an… unusual situation, unprecedented, so I’m just going to go with it.”

  “R… right,” I stammer. “Okay sure.”

  My heart thumps in my mouth, I can feel it pounding underneath my tongue. Ice cold nerves swerve in and out of my veins, leaving me all messy inside. I don’t know what the man’s going to say next but I have a feeling that it isn’t going to be good.

  Of course it isn’t, it’s about the man who shot Kian, the man who killed Stephen.

  “We have the name of the shooter, which I’m sure you’re very interested in.” I nod slowly. “And also I just wanted to let you know that you and Kian were both right about one thing. All of this is connected to something much bigger. There’s a crime organization involved and now thanks to what you’ve given us, we can shut it down.”

  “Okay.” I can barely speak now, this is all too much. Is this really happening? Did me and Kian reveal a mafia like criminal organization? How the hell am I supposed to feel about that? Good? Nervous? Happy? I don’t know, I don’t really feel anything. Nothing but an endless numbness that seems to go on forever. “Tell me.”

  “The name of the shooter is Adrian Walker.”

  His words send a tsunami flowing through my brain. I actually feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach, that someone has winded me. I part my lips a couple of times trying to speak but no words come out. I think I’m afraid to actually speak in case I’m sick.

  Adrian Walker shot Kian… he probably killed Stephen too. My father’s business partner, the man I heard him talking about murder with.

  Were they plotting to kill Stephen then? Is that what I heard? It was after the cruise, when I just got home and they were discussing someone who had seen something. A witness that needed to be taken care of. I want to scream, I want to cry, I want to turn back time so I could do something about it sooner.

  Maybe I could have somehow saved Stephen’s life. Maybe this is all my fault.

  “I can tell by your reaction that this is a name you know.”

  “It is,” I rasp. There’s no point in denying that much. “He works with my father.”

  “Yes,” he drawls slowly. “I thought as much. So I guess it isn’t much of a surprise if I tell you that your father, Billy Daniels, is the man in charge of the operation that we now need to bring down. Does this sound like something you might know about?”

  “Yes,” I rasp. “I mean no.” I shake my head violently. “I don’t know anything about it. I mean, I guess I always suspected but I didn’t know for sure.”

  Maybe I could mention the conversation now, but I won’t. Telling the cops won’t bring Stephen back and they also don’t need it as evidence since they seem to have absolutely everything that they need already. Telling them would only implicate me and that’s the last thing I need.

  “Okay, well unfortunately Adrian Walker has told us everything and he’s given us evidence so we have officers out now arresting you father.” I nod acceptingly, knowing that it’s absolutely necessary. “So I suppose we don’t need anything else from you. I just wanted you to know.”

  “Does that mean I can go to the hospital now?” I ask while pushing myself into a standing position. “I need to check on Kian, to see how he is.”

  “You can,” he says while standing too. “But only if you think you’re up for it. If there’s someone that you need to talk to…”

  “No, there isn’t anyone.”

  I need to get out of here, that’s all I care about right now. I need to speak to Kian… and I also maybe need to speak to my mom too. I might be okay with all of this but she won’t be. It’ll kill her to know that Dad’s going to jail. She’ll be falling apart. She needs to know that I did it, not that I knew it was going to be him, and she needs to hear it from me. It will be the hardest phone conversation of my entire life, but I have to do it. I don’t owe the woman much but I do owe her that.

  “Okay well I guess…”

  I don’t wait for him to finish his sentence, I just go. I push out the door and stalk towards the front door with my feet on the ground. I don’t want anyone to make conversation with me, not now when I’m so near to my escape. The end goal is in mind, Kian is at the forefront of my brain, and that’s really all I need.

  Once the cool air brushes my cheeks I pull my cell phone out my pocket and I hail down a cab with my spare hand. I don’t really want to give Mom this information over the phone, it definitely feels like more of a face to face conversation, but I don’t have time. The day she basically told me that she didn’t care what Dad did as long as he brought in money she lost the right to be my priority. Right now and forever more Kian will be my priority.

  I slide into a car seat of the first cab that stops and I pull up Mom’s name on my phone. I’m sure as hell not looking forward to it but I have to hit dial. It’s time to rip of the band aid and to deal with the consequences that lay underneath…

  Chapter Twenty One - Kian

  Tia, I think desperately inside my head now that she isn’t by my side anymore. Tia, where are you? I know that she told me there was an ambulance coming and that someone was going to look after me, but I don’t know how long ago that was. I don’t know what’s happened since. I need to open my eyes, I know desperately. That’s all I need to do, I need to open my eyes. It shouldn’t be so hard, I should be able to just do it, but for some reason I can’t seem to just make that happen. Something is keeping my vision black.

  I twitch my fingers, because I don’t know what else I can do. I don’t seem to have much control over my body but instinctually I know that I can do that.

  Almost the moment that decision is made, I hear a loud gasp flooding through the left hand side of my head. “Oh my gosh, did you see that? He moved. Kian, he moved.” The voice comes clearer, it’s almost as if it’s whispering directly into my ears now. “Kian, are you there? Kian, it’s me. It’s Tia. I’m here, I’ve always been here.”

  I feel the warmth of her kin curling around my hand which proves to me this isn’t a dream. Tia really is here, wherever she’s been she’s by my side now, and that’s all that matters. I really need to open my eyes now. The only thing that will make me feel better is seeing her beautiful face. Her eyes, her cheeks, her sweet, gorgeous smile…

  “Do you think we need a nurse?” She sounds panicked now. “I think we should get a nurse. Is there a call button or something? How do we get someone in here?”

  “Tia, sweetheart, calm down.” The voic
e that follows Tia’s makes my blood run cold and my heart stop beating. That isn’t just any voice, it’s my mothers. Am I dreaming? It doesn’t make any sense that she would be here and she doesn’t even know Tia. I’ve made damn sure of that. “It’s okay. You wait here. I’ll go and get someone.”

  As a door squeaks and slams something changes and I just about manage to open slits of my eyes to let a pure white, bright light in. It’s too much, it’s blinding, my eyes snap back shut in an instant. I can’t stand it. How long have my eyes been closed for it to be that way?

  “Kian?” Tia’s soft tones soothe me and shut down just a little bit of my panic. “Kian, it’s me. It’s Tia.” She sighs loudly. “I don’t know if you just opened your eyes then or not, but I hope you did. I really want to see those eyes of your again. Boy, have I missed the gray flecks in among the green. That’s… well, it’s beautiful, you know.”

  I’m stunned. If I could talk right now I would be silenced. Tia has noticed the gray flecks in my eyes… no one notices that! They all just think I’m fully identical to Stephen and don’t notice the little differences. The fact that Tia has just warms up my chest and makes my heart open wide. This is why I love her, this is why we work. This is why I know she’s mine.

  I pry my eyes open again, this time holding them wide until water starts streaming from them. It’s painful., it hurts like hell, but I need to do it for Tia. She needs to see me. I need to see her. Soon the whiteness changes and I begin to see other colors. Not much variation, admittedly, which I assume means I’m in a hospital. If I can recall the sound of an ambulance then that makes a lot of sense.

  “Oh my God, Kian, I can see you,” Tia gasps gratefully. I can almost hear the tears in her voice. “Oh thank God. You’re okay. You’re okay. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

  Her face comes into view. It’s the only thing I can see in among the whiteness. Her beautiful, angelic looking face. Her eyes are rimmed red and she looks like she’s been crying for a long old time, but she’s the most gorgeous face in the world to me.