Yours Forever

by Bella Winters

  I love you, I think with a wonderful heat racing through my body. I love you, Tia.

  “Do you need anything?” she asks while wrapping her arms around my neck. “Can I get you anything? Oh my God, I don’t know what to do. I’m just so happy right now.”

  I can’t speak, I don’t know how to answer her, but it doesn’t matter. Having her here is the best thing in the world to me right now…

  ***

  The next time I wake up everything is much clearer. The fog surrounding my mind has cleared slightly which allows me to process everything much easier. I am in a hospital, which is probably a good thing since I’m pretty sure I was shot, and I can already feel Tia’s hand still snaked into mine. I don’t know how long she’s been here, but I’m glad that she is. She’s been my rock, and that just makes me love her even more.

  “Oh my goodness, Kian.” This time I’m positive that it’s my mom which is very unexpected. I didn’t even tell her that I was leaving New Zealand so I don’t know how she’s managed to end up in America with me. “Me and your father came as soon as we heard.” I can hear the emotion cracking in her voice. “We didn’t know that you were in America on this foolish mission. You foolish boy.” She tuts loudly, but it’s in a way that makes me want to laugh. I feel like a teenager being scolded by my mommy. “I’m just so glad that you’re okay. God I’m glad. After everything… I couldn’t lose you too.”

  I turn my aching neck to see her and as I see my mom, my dad, and Tia all in the same room staring down at me, I feel incredible. This is utterly amazing. I have to be the luckiest son of a bitch alive. I don’t know how any of this happened but I’m so glad that it did. I wanted to make this introduction in a much slower, more careful way, but it seems I don’t need to now. They all look content in one another’s company.

  “Now, Kian.” Mom turns all business which doesn’t surprise me at all. She’s always been this way, which I suppose she’s had to be with two boys to raise. “I am not happy about the risk you put yourself in, but now isn’t the time for me to have a conversation with you about. But I do want to discuss this wonderful girl with you.” I can’t say anything as she wraps her arms around Tia. That’s the best sight in the world. “She is amazing and I cannot believe you kept her from me. I know why you did, believe me, I’ve heard the whole story, but at the same time I love her. I can’t wait until you both come back home so I can get to know her so much better.” She looks at Tia and smiles. “She’s just great for you.”

  I part my lips and rasp, wishing I could get some words out. There’s so much I want to say but I can’t. I’m too sick, too ill. I mean, I’m obviously better than I was, but I’m not perfect. There seems to be still a whole lot of healing to do. But at least I’m here with my family surrounding me. Right now that’s all I care about.

  “Now, Kian, I’m sure that Tia has a lot to say to you.” Mom stands up and moves away from the bed. I see her shoot my dad a look which makes him leap up in his seat. He’s always done just what he’s told, probably for an easy life. “So we’re going to go and let you two get reacquainted. Or whatever.” She waves her hand dismissively. “Okay, see you in a bit.”

  As my parents go I feel my head swim. This is still pretty hard to accept, it’s still very weird that they’re here. I must have missed a whole lot and I want to know what.

  “I have a lot to tell you,” Tia tells me quietly. “But first, how are you? Are you okay?” I nod as much as I can and wait for her to continue. “Good,” she breathes out deeply. “I’m glad. I’ve been very worried about you, it’s been a week of hell.”

  A week? I can’t believe that I’ve been out for a week. That’s absolutely insane. I’ve missed a whole damn week of my life. Still, I suppose it could have been longer. I need to look on the bright side. At least I’m awake.

  “So, I suppose you want to know what happened at the concert?” Her shoulders hunch forward, I can see that there’s a whole ball of stress on her shoulders. “They caught the man who shot you, the man who killed Stephen”. She gasps. She looks like she’s struggling to get air into her lungs which worries me. I hope this is over now, I don’t want there to be more. “His name is Adrian Walker… and he’s the business partner of my dad.”

  What? Her father? I know she hasn’t spoken too much about her family but this is insane. It makes my brain run wild when I try to work out the reasoning behind it.

  “It’s not because of me though, there was a part of me that thought it might be. My dad didn’t know there was a connection between me and Stephen at all. Or me and you. He knows nothing, he just… well, from what the police told me he saw a murder happening on the cruise ship just after he was with me, like we suspected and that… well because he was a witness they wanted him gone.”

  Sadness flicks through her eyes and I feel it too. Having the answers with what happened with Stephen is a part of the healing process but now I’m realizing that it isn’t all of it. The hurt is still there but so is the guilt. I guess that will just have to pass with time. At least his memory can be put to rest now, at least we still have all the answers. At least we know why. It doesn’t make it any less senseless, but still.

  “I have been staying with my mom,” Tia continues. “It hasn’t been easy, our relationship is still a bit fractured, but we need each other right now. She is really struggling without Dad, but at the same time I think she understands this is necessary. He has to go to jail, you know? He’s the mastermind behind a criminal organization. He can’t keep doing that forever. It had to end sometime.”

  I want to tell her that I love her, I want to finally get some words out my mouth and let her know but my vocal chords aren’t working at all. I’ve been rendered mute by the shooting.

  On that thought I try to feel the gun shot wound, but I can’t. It’s almost as if it didn’t happen. They must have me on some pretty hefty pain meds. Enough to have me woozy all over again even though I’ve just woken up. I don’t want my eyes to close, I want to stay awake to listen to Tia some more but the fog is back, the need to sleep is wrestling me down and I don’t have the strength to fight it. My eyes flicker closed despite my desperate need for them not to and I give in to the blackness once more…

  Chapter Twenty Two - Tia

  “Is everything okay?” Mom asks me as she wanders into the kitchen to see me with my back pressed against the counter as I wait for the kettle to boil. It’s weird being back at home, but since Mom opened the doors to me and Kian while he heals. “You look very tired, Tia.”

  I give her what I hope is a reassuring smile. I am tired, shattered actually, but that’s mostly because I can’t sleep. I’m too scared to rest while Kian does because although he’s had the all clear from the doctor, I’m still scared that he’ll slip away. I just can’t help myself.

  “I think I’m alright, Mom. Just keeping an eye on Kian. I need him to be okay.”

  It’s an awkward topic of conversation that me and Mom keep trying to scoot around. It’s hard to deal with because she’s still upset about Dad and I’m sure she thinks that I’m not. I am upset, but not about him. I’ve never been close to him, he’s never been a Dad to me. We were just always strangers living under the same roof. I never really realized it until I went to college. Of course she misses him, he was her husband and the man who supported her through their adult life. I understand her point of view completely, but he needs to pay for what he’s done. It isn’t right to have him out on the streets killing others. Whoever he is.

  No, I’m not sad about him at all, I’m just sad for Stephen. He didn’t need to die. His and Kian’s wonderful parents, Mary and Bob, didn’t need to lose a son. There are so many reasons that none of this should have happened… but at least the perpetrator is now behind bars. He’s going to be locked away for a very long time. Both of them are.

  “Well you need to make sure that you get some rest yourself,” she continues while taking over the making of the drinks. “I understand why you feel so
responsible for Kian, but he wouldn’t want you to work yourself into the ground. You know that.”

  “No, no, I know that.” I stifle a yawn, wishing I could be a bit stronger. “It’s okay. I’m good.” I narrow my eyes as I can almost see thoughts racing through Mom’s brain. She’s never been one for subtlety. “What is it, Mom? I feel like you have something to say.”

  Her eyes well up with tears, I see a show of emotion that I don’t think I’ve ever seen from her before. “I guess I just want to know what your plans are once Kian is better. I know that you’ve been in New Zealand for a while, but you do know that you always have a place to live here. The both of you.”

  I think about Mary and Bob in New Zealand. I think about Ashley and all my other friends. My job too. My boss has been very understanding, I know I still have a job when I go back… but that isn’t a decision that I want to make now. Not here while Mom is so emotional. I would much rather wait until we’re all in a much better place.

  “I don’t know, Mom.” I say with a sigh taking the mugs from her. “I don’t want to think about that right now, I just want to take this one step at a time.”

  She parts her lips, ready to say something but she seems to think better of it at the last minute and she nods mutely instead. I can see that she still needs me and I want to be there for her, I really do, but she hasn’t ever been there for me. She abandoned me when I needed her most. I told her what I heard Dad saying and she basically shut me down and suggested that she didn’t care. That led to Stephen being killed. I don’t want to be just like her but at the same time now is the time of my life when I need to start thinking about me.

  “Right, I’m going to go and check on Kian,” I tell her with a small smile. “He’s still in bed, in a lot of pain today so I’ll go and see if he’s okay.”

  “Yes. Of course.” She takes a seat at the table and looks pleadingly at me. “You’re a good girl, Tia. Kian is very lucky to have you. I hope he knows that.”

  I smirk and turn. Hoping that he does too. I think he does, he’s been thanking me enough, but still it’s nice to hear it from someone else. Every moment I spend with him I find myself falling deeper and deeper in love with him. I just haven’t worked up the courage to say it yet. Kian is going through enough, I don’t want to pile on more pressure if he doesn’t feel the same way about me. I’ll just wait. It’ll be fine, I’m sure.

  I push the door open with my foot and see the adorable slightly pale expression of Kian in front of me. He curves his lips upright into a smile as he sees me which warms up my heart. “How are you doing, sweetie?” I murmur as I step inside.

  “Yeah, I’m okay,” he grumbles while pushing himself into a sitting position. “I’m looking forward to a coffee.”

  I hand him the mug and he takes a massive gulp while rolling his head back and groaning in sheer pleasure. Caffeine seems to be just about the only thing that’s keeping him going at the moment. I love that I can help him with all his pain, even if it’s only in a small way.

  “I’ve just been thinking everything through,” he continues to speak thoughtfully. “And it’s crazy isn’t it? It’s like a novel or a movie or something.” I nod slowly, barely paying too much attention to his words. “And I think it should be written down.” My head bobs up and down, but my ears aren’t really processing anything still. “Didn’t you used to write? Like, stories, I mean. Not just the newspaper stuff.”

  Okay that gets my attention. I flick my eyes up to him and examine him closely. I try to work out what he’s trying to tell me in a roundabout way. I have told him that I like writing fiction and that I started to do so but I never told him the details. Stephen inspired it and it was kind of steamy. There are many things I tell him but not that. It’s too embarrassing to share.

  “What I’m trying to tell you is that I think you should write the story of what happened to us.” He winces in pain but I hardly notice. His words have got the cogs in my brain absolutely flying. What we went through was like the plot of a book or something. I could use it to write something. It would be the perfect way to keep Stephen’s memory alive too which is something that I really want to do. “Don’t you think?”

  “I… I don’t know. Yeah, I think that maybe I could.” The plot begins forming, all the details I haven’t forgotten come to the forefront of my brain once more. There’s so much to write about, it could be an amazing story. “That’s a really good idea.”

  He takes my hand and stares up lovingly into my eyes. “I think you’ll do a really good job of it, you know. And I think it’s best for you to get back to writing. It’s something that you love, something you’re passionate about, something that deserves you to give it a chance. I want you to be happy, you know that?”

  “I do know that,” I reply thickly. “I do and it means so much to me that it makes me want to do more. But…” I bite down on my bottom lip, wondering if now might be the right time. I’m so filled with love right now that I can feel it running over. I can’t control it anymore, it needs to come out. “You are the one who makes me happy. I love you, Kian, I love you so damn much.”

  He’s silent for a beat too long, making me wonder if I’ve made a mistake. I’ve been so logical, I’ve tried to be so careful with my words, but his understanding of my true nature just made it explode from me. I didn’t mean it to happen, it just did.

  “Oh God, Tia,” he replies with a cracked, emotional voice. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to hear that.” Relief floods me as I realize this must mean that he feels the same way about me. The tight knot in my stomach uncoils and I feel my pulse rate return to normal. Well, almost normal, this is still a huge, life changing moment after all. “I love you too. I’ve loved you for a very long time. You’re just… you’re everything to me.”

  I press my lips against his, not too hard because I know that he’s still very fragile. I let the love flow from my lips to his, solidifying the union that we now share. I feel even more secure in what we have now. I feel like we actually will make this last forever. Maybe the way we met is a little crazy, but now none of that matters. Now we’re just us.

  “Well, I think I better get a little more sleep,” Kian grunts while lying back. “And you probably want to get to writing, don’t you? I can almost see the ideas floating behind your eyes already. Your brain is all busy.”

  I chuckle knowingly because he’s so right. I can feel an itch in the ends of my fingers, needing to get out. It’s a strong urge I’ve never felt before.

  “You’re correct,” I tell him happily. I lean forward to place a kiss on his forehead. “You get some sleep, sweetie, and I’ll see you when you wake up. Love you.” My chest warms, I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of saying those words.

  “I love you too.” Oh, it seems I won’t ever grow tired of hearing them either. They make me feel so damn special it hurts. “Night.”

  As Kian rests his head back on the pillow I step back from him and move over to my desk. When I moved to New Zealand in a hurry I left all my notebooks and writing equipment behind meaning that they’re still there now. The only good thing that my parents did was leaving my bedroom exactly as I left it. I don’t know how I would have felt coming back if that weren’t the case. With a pink notebook and a black biro, I sit at my desk and I let the pen flow without thinking about it. I don’t even consider the quality of the work. I know that the most important thing to do now is get the story out. Once it’s out there, on paper, I can edit it and make it so much better then. I might even change names and places then, to protect the real identities of people if they don’t want to be in it. Make it more of a fiction piece than fact, but for now, everything will be what it was:

  The Princess Cruise was supposed to change everything. I wanted it to kick start my brand new life. I expected to find something aboard that ship, something that would steer me in a new direction and change the course of my current, very boring, existence. As I stared up at the grand ship, I felt a burst of exci
tement as I got the sense that nothing would ever be the same again.

  It did change everything, but not in the way that I expected…

  Chapter Twenty Three - Kian

  I don’t know how to take Tia’s mom if I’m honest. I mean, she’s always been nice to me but I know from Tia that she hasn’t always been great. We have a stilted, slightly awkward relationship, but it’s okay for now. I’m polite because she’s let me stay in her house while I recover which is very good of her, but I know that she knew about her husband’s escapades and she did nothing about it. Stephen died because of that, which I cannot fully forgive.

  Hopefully it won’t be too much longer. I’m getting ready to leave this house now, to restart my life. I’m itching to leave the confines of these four walls and to be me again.

  “What are you doing?” I ask Tia while rubbing her shoulders. There’s a lot of tension there, she could use a good massage really. “You’ve been writing for hours now.”

  “Hmm?” She looks up at me, bleary eyed and a little confused. “Oh I’m sorry have I been neglecting you?” She smiles thinly, blinking far too rapidly. “I’m sorry I keep getting sucked into the story line and getting lost. It makes me forget all about the rest of the world.”

  “That’s good.” A bright, beaming proud smile spreads across my cheeks. I’ve never been so proud, it feels like Tia is finally flowing her dream at last and she’s really happy doing it. She’s only let me read snippets of the story at the moment, but it’s fantastic. She’s a true talent. I know she’s going to edit it to make it a mix of fact and fiction at the end to protect certain identities, but I think what he’s done is fantastic. It’s a real mood piece, a great way to remember Stephen. “I’m glad. That means it’ll be an amazing end product. You will have publishers and agents trying to snap your hand off.”