Natasha's Hope

by Heather Greenis

  “I’m concerned Alex and Johnny are growing too close. They are almost inseparable. Should we consider separating them?”

  “No. I don’t believe that is wise. I made friends with the children when I was young. When Johnny is adopted, Alex will accept it and be happy for his friend. Support the friendship, Hope. Both boys are happy.”

  Hope nodded. She looked at the paperwork in front of Adam. “Leave the rest of those applications for Tom. He knows you dislike that particular job.”

  “I think I will. I need a break,” he admitted.

  Adam stood and followed her to the play room.

  * * *

  The sun broke the horizon, waking Stewart. Leaving Izabella sleeping, he crawled out of bed, got dressed for the day, and went down to the main level. A short time later, Hope entered the dining area with Alex and Rose. The boy was dressed for school, but Rose, like her momma, was still in her dressing gown. Izabella wandered down the private staircase, her hair combed and dressed for the day. She yawned.

  “Good morning, sleepyhead,” Stewart greeted loudly. “Look who decided to grace us with her presence.”

  Both Alex and Rose giggled. Hope came in from the kitchen and put a plate of toast in front of each of her children. Izabella kissed Rose’s head, wandered around the table, kissed Alex on his head, and then took her seat beside the young man. Moments later Izabella dashed toward the parlour.

  What in heavens name is wrong? Stewart jumped from his seat and rushed after her. Izabella stood by the window, struggling to push the pain of glass up.

  “Fresh air,” she gasped.

  Stewart pushed the window open, securing it with a piece of wood. He couldn’t step back fast enough before Izabella leaned out the window and took a deep breath.

  “Are you ill?”

  Izabella remained silent for a moment. She closed her eyes and then took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. Turning her head, she looked at him.

  “I fear I may be with child.”

  His eyes bulged as his jaw dropped. No. You can’t be. That’s impossible. We’re too old. Izabella. With Child? Feeling faint, Stewart reached for the nearby chair and slumped into it. He couldn’t respond, or look at Izabella. Staring at the floor, he attempted to comprehend the meaning of her words. Not having any desire to become a poppa, he was in his mid-fifties for heaven’s sake. I'm long past the nonsense of raising another child.

  “How long have you known?” he asked.

  Izabella turned her head, avoiding looking at him.

  “A few weeks.”

  “Weeks?” he repeated, shocked and upset with her response. “Yet you have not spoken of it?”

  Izabella turned her head and glared at him. Tears sprang up in her eyes. “Would your reaction have been different three weeks ago?”

  Heartbroken, he had disappointed her. He sat up straight in the chair, looking up at her.

  “Oh God. You want this baby,” he stated in disbelief. “Why didn’t you speak of your desire years ago?”

  Movement at the door to the dining room caught his attention. Adam entered the room holding Rose’s hand with Alex beside him. His son-in-law took one look at Stewart, bent down and whispered to Alex, scooped Rose into his arms, and departed. Alone again, Izabella turned and regarded him.

  “We spoke years ago. I distinctly recall hearing you say you were not interested in having another child. Hope was no longer three,” she reminded him bluntly.

  The heavy sensation in his heart intensified. The vivid conversation consumed his mind.

  “Life isn’t fair, Stewart,” she continued. “We both wanted, needed to take our relationship slowly, and we did. I harbour no regrets, but the clock did not stop while we fell in love.”

  A child was the last thing he wanted. His mind began jumping in a multitude of directions. My God. Why now after all this time? I can’t believe I’m capable of creating a child at my age. He had assumed as he aged the possibility would decrease. There had been so many empty years without intimacy. Now, in the autumn of his life, he would be a father again. Doc was concerned given Vicki’s age. Izabella is older.

  “If I am with child,” she continued, “and I pray to God I am, I do not expect you to support me. I’m independent financially and capable of raising a child on my own.” Izabella turned and walked toward the door. “I need some time alone,” she mumbled. She stepped outside.

  Numb from the conversation, Stewart watched her leave, assuming she would take a short stroll around the building and return within a few minutes.

  * * *

  Hope smoothed the sheet on their bed. Adam entered the bedroom with both children. “Stewart and Izabella are in the parlour, I’ve never experienced such tension in a room,” he admitted quietly.

  Hope went to Alex’s room, retrieved his books, and led her son and daughter down the private staircase. Entering the room, her father was sitting on the sofa, alone. He didn’t hear them enter.

  “Papa,” Alex squealed. He ran toward his grandfather.

  “Where’s Izabella?” Hope asked.

  “She stepped outside for air,” he replied, grinning at his grandson.

  Hope nodded. If she and Adam had quarrelled, she would appreciate some time as well. The door leading to the adjoining dining area opened and Adam entered the room.

  “Alex, we must depart for school. Kiss Momma and Papa,” Adam instructed. “I’ll take Rose with me,” he informed them.

  With the children gone, and after some probing on Hope’s part, her father began to speak of his discussion with Izabella.

  “Obviously you’re not pleased with this news. I beg of you, please tell me you responded differently when Izabella told you,” she pleaded.

  “I’m a grandfather. A papa to two young children,” he replied angrily, defending his reaction. “It was not my intent to begin another family.”

  Discovering she was with child with both Alex and Rose hadn’t pleased Adam, yet she never questioned his support or love. Izabella was excited by the possibility, as she should be. Hope was excited for Izabella. After all these years, she would have a brother or sister. Izabella would be a wonderful, loving mother. She adored Alex and Rose and all the children. “Izabella must be devastated.” Hope cringed. “She is expecting her first child and you’re not supporting her, at all. Her heart must be breaking. I cannot fathom her emotions, especially after confiding to you.”

  “We’re not young, Hope. At this stage in our lives, a pregnancy is risky.”

  “Speaking from experience, it’s worth the risk,” she responded bluntly. She placed her hands on her hips. “I gave birth to two beautiful children when I was advised to terminate. In my mind, that was not an option. It would not be an option today. I would carry another child.”

  Her father lowered his head and stared at the floor.

  “I must speak with Izabella and offer my support. Adam and I will assist in any way with that child,” she declared.

  Disappointed in her father, Hope walked out of the building. History was repeating itself. Her poppa handled the situation poorly when her momma confessed the truth about her family. Now, he had hurt Izabella. She needed to speak with her chum. She searched the property and then looked in the barn. There was no sign of her. Hope ran back to the house.

  “Izabella’s horse and buggy are gone,” Hope shrieked. “She isn’t on the property.”

  * * *

  Stewart’s heart pounded, vibrating into his ears. Izabella’s voice rang in his head. ‘I’m independent financially and capable of raising a child on my own.’ After waiting a lifetime to open his heart and fall in love again, he couldn’t imagine a life without her and didn’t want to continue his life without her.

  “What have I done?” he cried. “I must find her.”

  He ran outside, leaving the door swinging. Racing into the horse pasture, he went to his favourite mare and jumped onto her back. He rode toward Vicki’s hoping Izabella had gone to visit his sister.


  “Help me find the words, Natasha,” he prayed. “I beg of you, help me.”

  He slowed his horse when he saw his sister hanging clothes on the line.

  “Have you seen Izabella?” he yelled.

  “Not today,” Vicki responded.

  With no time to waste, Stewart turned the horse and galloped toward Izabella’s brother’s. The lump in his throat grew as he rode. Not wishing to speak with her family, he approached the two-storey stone home, rode directly to the barn and looked for Izabella’s horse and buggy. Not seeing any signs of her presence, he turned and continued his search.

  Izabella left in a rush. She wasn’t dressed for work, but she could be in her office reviewing paperwork. With that thought in mind, he headed to the boutique. Upon arrival, he entered the store. Two employees were assisting clients. He nodded to greet them and continued to Izabella’s office. He knocked on the closed door but got no response. He worked his way back to the retail area.

  “I’m looking for Izabella,” he informed Dorothy.

  “I haven’t seen her. We aren’t expecting her today.”

  “If she arrives, please inform her I was here.”

  “Certainly, Mr. Donovan.”

  She isn’t at Vicki’s, her brother’s, or the boutique. Where are you?

  Taking advantage of the solitude of the journey, Stewart contemplated a new little person entering their lives. With memories of Hope’s youth vivid in his mind, he was surprised to find himself looking forward to a child. The first few years with Hope had been difficult. They had been in hiding, always on edge, concerned Natasha’s father would find them. Heaven knew what would have happened to Hope. He cherished every moment with Hope, but this child would be different. He would be relaxed and could enjoy every moment with the little one he and Izabella had created. He wanted this child and perhaps another. A little playmate.

  Chapter Fourteen

  After frantically searching the countryside for more than two hours, Stewart stopped his horse and stared up at the sky. Think. Where would I go?

  He always found solace at Natasha’s grave. Simply staring at her gravestone and speaking to her never failed to calm his turmoil. Stewart nudged the horse forward and headed for the cemetery, hoping with all his heart Izabella had gone to be close to Charles.

  The horse picked its way past the Donovan headstones, toward the Herrmann plot. A wave of relief swept through him at the sight of Izabella kneeling beside Charles’s grave marker fussing with the flowers. His relief was tempered by the terrifying thought that he might have lost her.

  “Please, help me find the words,” he prayed. “I fear I shall cause more damage. She must know how deeply I love her.”

  Izabella glanced up. Their eyes locked for a moment before she dropped her gaze.

  “Charles was an intelligent man,” he declared, confident she could hear him. “He has probably told you I’m a fool. An ass for reacting as I did.”

  “I need some time alone,” she responded without looking up.

  She already had time alone—too much of it in his opinion. Somehow he had to make her listen to him. He had no idea what to say, but she must hear him out. Stewart dismounted and crouched down beside her. Her eyes remained fixed on the flowers.

  “Once we speak, I will grant you the space you have requested.”

  “Stewart, please,” she begged, her voice cracking. “Not now.”

  He placed his forefinger under her chin and tilted her head toward his. He gazed into her red and puffy eyes. His heart twisted in his chest at the pained expression on her face.

  “I’ve hurt you, and I’m terrified I’ll lose you over this. But, I’ve had time to think. Please, I beg of you. Open your heart and listen.”

  “You’re not pleased with the situation. I’m thrilled and excited at the thought of being a mother. I’m carrying your baby. Ideally, this would have occurred years ago, but it happened now and I love this child already. You have my word, I will never force you to see the baby or become acquainted with this child.”

  His eyes almost bulged out of his head for a second time that day.

  “Do not contemplate such a notion. You caught me off guard. I had no idea you wanted a child. You never said anything. I admit I reacted poorly, but promise I shall be a loving parent to this child until the day I die. This child will be raised a Donovan. My fingers are crossed hoping for a son to inherit the engineering business that bears my name, but I will be thrilled if you give birth to a daughter,” he assured her. “My little girl is a grown woman. This child will become Poppa’s little girl.”

  “Stewart, it is not necessary—”

  “With a few minor renovations,” he continued, “your sitting room can be converted into a nursery and later a second bedroom. If you wish for this child to have a sibling….”

  Izabella looked at him. Her lips curled into a slight smile.

  “Stewart, given my age—”

  “There are other options. We could speak with Adam and adopt a child. Perhaps give our child an older brother or sister.”

  Her smile grew. Thrilled, the weight in his chest vanished. Stewart took her hands in his. He glanced down at the ring he put on her finger years earlier and used his thumb to turn the diamond upright.

  “Perhaps we should move this ring to your other hand. I’d be happy to replace it with a ring that will be an official engagement ring.” He looked into her eyes. “It’s time you speak with your lawyers and find a way to make changes to some legal documents. Izabella Herrmann. Would you do me the honour of becoming my wife?”

  Izabella sniffed, brought his hands toward her face, and kissed them. Tears flowed down her cheeks.

  “I don’t wish to discuss this in haste. I have not received confirmation of my suspicion. If I am not carrying your child, then nothing has changed.”

  He closed his eyes for a moment. She’s a stubborn woman. Too stubborn. Stewart’s mind drifted back to his life with Natasha. To the day they discovered she was with child—a day of mixed emotions. Then the horrible vision of his wife lying lifeless on their bed flashed across his mind. Hope’s small hand in his. Thankfully, he was never alone and had help to raise Hope. Another child? He would need a lot of assistance at this point in his life. “Do not leave me to raise this child on my own,” he warned. “Vicki has her own family, and Hope is occupied with Alex, Rose, and the orphanage children. Heaven knows I had assistance while raising my daughter. Our child shall grow up knowing both parents.”

  A beautiful smile covered Izabella’s face. Joy surged through him. He felt the Donovan sparkle.

  “I love you, Izabella. I’ll take you to see Doc Leo tomorrow. I want to be with you when you receive the news.”

  Izabella nodded, but never attempted to rise.

  “I will give you a few more minutes with Charles while I visit Natasha and my parents. Come to me once you’re finished.”

  Stewart stood up and led the horse toward the Donovan family plot.

  A half hour later, Stewart tied his horse behind Izabella’s buggy and prepared to drive home. He saw Hope in the vegetable garden when they arrived. Stewart assisted Izabella from the buggy and watched as she went to the house. He led the horses into the barn, and then joined his daughter.

  “I’m happy to see you arrive together. I’ve been concerned the entire day,” Hope admitted.

  Stewart took the spade from her, squatted, and dug it into the ground.

  “It was a difficult day, but we shall persevere. I was a good poppa, was I not?”

  “The best,” she replied.

  The carrots appeared from beneath the earth.

  “Both Adam and I will help, you know.”

  Stewart raised his eyebrows. “Night feedings were manageable when I was younger. Today, I cherish my sleep. Assistance?” He winked at her. “We’ll set the bassinet in your room until the baby sleeps through the night.”

  “The poor child will starve and Izabella will be tender,” Hope joked, kee
ping the mood light.

  “Do not speak of this to Izabella. I’ll take her to see Doc tomorrow.”

  Stewart pushed the spade into the ground to loosen the earth around more carrots.

  Shortly after breakfast, Stewart prepared the buggy. He sat patiently in the doctor’s waiting room while Izabella was examined in the next room. He expected a huge smile on her face when the door opened. Instead, her face was strained. She bit her lip and fought back tears.

  He knew she had wanted a baby, but until this moment, he never realized how important it was to her. Leading her out of the office, Stewart assisted her onto the buggy and motioned for the horses to move off.

  “You must be relieved,” she remarked. “You never wanted a baby.”

  “I was selfish,” he admitted. “After waiting a lifetime to find you, I didn’t wish to share you with someone who would be so dependent on you. I know you’ll be a wonderful mother.”

  “It is too late,” she whispered.

  “Nay,” he assured her.

  Izabella sobbed quietly. “Not only am I barren, my monthly cycles are coming to an end. It’s impossible for me to conceive a child.”

  Hearing the sadness in her voice broke his heart. If only she had spoken of her desire to become a mother years ago. He would have given her anything she desired. A tear found its way down his cheek. He wiped it with his sleeve and then placed his arm around her. Izabella leaned into him and gave in to her sorrow.

  “Izabella, we can adopt.”

  “Nay,” she responded sadly.

  She sat up, turned her head, and stared straight ahead. She never uttered another sound. When Stewart stopped the horses, Izabella stepped down before he had time to assist her. She disappeared into the private entrance without a word. He followed her to their private quarters. Izabella sat on the chair and looked out the window.

  “Speak with me,” he begged, squatting in front of her.

  “I require some solitude,” she responded.