Natasha's Hope

by Heather Greenis

  “I’ll leave you for now, but do not hide your emotions from me, please.”

  Izabella ate her noon and evening meals in the privacy of her room. That night when Stewart entered their bedroom, Izabella lay tucked under the covers with her back to him. After changing into his sleeping attire he crawled under the covers and placed his arm around her.

  “Don’t touch me,” she whispered, her voice lacking any form of emotion.

  “I can’t recall an evening falling asleep without you in my arms. Allow me to hold you,” he begged.

  “I cannot,” she replied woodenly.

  Rolling over to the far side of the bed, Stewart did not sleep well.

  * * *

  Two days later, Izabella joined the family for meals, but wouldn’t take part in the conversation. She never left the property, shunning any company. She avoided the nursery completely.

  Izabella had always enjoyed her time with the children. At his wits end, Stewart telephoned his sister, asking her to come for a visit.

  When Vicki arrived, Adam led her and Hope into the parlour for a private discussion. An hour later, Adam joined Stewart and his children in the playroom.

  “Vicki and Hope are going to sit with Izabella,” Adam whispered to him.

  “I pray they can get through to her. We cannot go on like this.”

  Adam gave him a reassuring pat on the back. Stewart carried a large tray of food and drinks up the steps, tapped on the door, and walked off. “I pray you are making progress,” he mumbled. He returned to the main floor.

  Three long hours later, Stewart stood in the office doorway, speaking with Adam. Out the window, he noticed the women walk to Vicki’s buggy. Vicki embraced both Hope and Izabella. At least they have persuaded Izabella to go outside. Hope came into the office.

  “It is pleasing to see a small smile on her face,” Stewart acknowledged.

  “We spoke openly about many things,” Hope admitted, keeping her voice lowered. She walked behind the desk and placed her hands on Adam’s shoulders. “As Adam suggested, we spoke of the love in our lives, but also of the disappointments. We spoke of inner strength and appreciation. I have always seen Izabella’s strength, but today she showed me a vulnerable, compassionate woman. I saw Momma in Izabella.”

  “They are similar, yet so different,” Stewart agreed.

  “The difference in our ages was apparent as Aunt Vicki spoke. I found myself embarrassed,” Hope admitted. She chuckled. “Aunt Vicki and Izabella spoke openly regarding intimacy. I blushed.” She placed her hands on her flushed cheeks. “My gosh, I’m blushing again.”

  Stewart smiled, feeling the heat penetrate his body. “I’m blushing as I listen to you,” he confessed, placing his fingertips on his own cheeks. “I’m glad to hear your aunt and uncle still find enjoyment in each other’s company.”

  “Indeed they do, and Izabella loves you. I never questioned her devotion, but today, discovered how sincere that love is. Izabella was no more capable of terminating a pregnancy than I was when I conceived Alex and Rose. In her mind, she fears she could lose you.”

  “Fears she could lose me?” he repeated. “That is preposterous. I must speak with her. Does she wish to see me?”

  “Indeed, she does. In private. She walked into the play area.”

  Leaving his daughter and son-in-law, Stewart hurried into the room and led Izabella outside. Walking over to a large tree, they sat in the shade. He took her hands in his.

  “We need to talk.”

  “My humble apologies,” she began. “I would never intentionally hurt you.”

  “I may not always say the right things but I do try to understand. Please allow me to comfort you.”

  “It was obvious by your initial response you were less than pleased with the idea of becoming a father. I love you. I wasn’t going to force you to raise a child you clearly didn’t want. I was willing to commit my life to a child. I would never force you, or anyone, to make that sacrifice.”

  “You never spoke of wanting children.”

  “Nay, and that was wrong. In my heart, I felt if God were willing, I would become pregnant. That didn’t occur, but there was always hope. When Doc gave me the news, I needed time to grieve. Perhaps I’m too independent, too guarded with my emotions.”

  Stewart took a deep breath and stared into the puffy clouds. “Natasha would not confide in me. Now I feel like history is repeating itself.” He looked into her eyes. “I fear I’ll wake and find you gone forever, leaving nothing but a memory. I cannot experience that emptiness again. I cannot bear the thought of losing you. You must tell me why you feel I’m unapproachable.”

  “You’re not,” she assured him. “I love you, Stewart. Vicki and Hope forced me to realize how deep my love is. It seems I am just very bad at showing you how deep my love for you is. I’m not going anywhere without you by my side.”

  A warm sensation filled his heart.

  “I’m eternally grateful to my sister and daughter. I love you, Izabella, and will do anything humanly possible to make you happy. I have something to show you. Come with me.” Stewart reached for Izabella’s hand and walked into the building, up the steps and to their private quarters. She sat on the sofa. Stewart walked to the nightstand and removed his journal.

  “I should have given you the opportunity to read this some time ago. I hope that by reading the words I have written, my thoughts, that it will confirm my love for you. My only request, I ask you to read my entries only and not Hope’s.”

  “Of course. I respect her privacy.”

  “I’m here for you, Izabella. Allow me to help your heart heal.”

  * * *

  “Wow. Poor Izabella. I feel for her,” Keeghan sympathized.

  “Why would she feel she could lose Stewart?” Will questioned. “He loves her. He would marry her in a heartbeat.”

  “She believes she can’t marry him. Izabella would be more than a little concerned that he will meet someone that will marry him. Stewart is such a sweetheart, the guy could have his pick of women. Don’t you dare split them, Alexander. I’ll be furious if you do. I like Izabella and Stewart.”

  * * *

  The friendship between Alex and Johnny deepened. In Hope’s mind, Alex and Johnny seemed more like brothers than friends. Perhaps for that reason, Hope felt a strong bond with the young boy, more so than with any other children within the orphanage.

  Entering the play room, she noticed Alex, Rose and Johnny playing independently with their wooden blocks. She leaned against the wall and watched. The three giggled, playing in harmony. Assuming her daughter simply wished to play with the same toy as the boys, she made a mental note to watch Johnny interact with her children during playtime.

  To Hope’s joy and amazement, Rose played with Alex and Johnny on a daily basis. In her heart, Johnny became her third child. Adam and I could adopt Johnny. We’ll convert a spare room into a bedroom for a young boy. The idea of another sibling for Alex and Rose brought a smile to her face and gave her a warm sensation in her heart. Contemplating the idea, she couldn’t sleep. I will speak with Adam and we’ll prepare the proper documents. Johnny will become our son.

  In bed reading when Adam entered, Hope finished her chapter as he changed and crawled in beside her. Once she extinguished the gas lantern, she snuggled into him.

  “If you are not too tired, there is a topic which is weighing on my mind and my heart.”

  “Speak to me.”

  “I’ve spent a great deal of time observing Alex as he plays with Johnny. Rose often joins them, and they all get along splendidly. I’d like to consider adopting Johnny.”

  “We cannot,” he responded.

  Adam did not take a moment to respond. Too quick, he never considered the idea. Determined to adopt the precious young boy, she just needed to convince Adam.

  “Rose never bothers with the other boys, but she enjoys playing with Johnny,” she added. “We’re capable of providing a good home. It would please Alex and
Rose—”

  “Hope. Please don’t—”

  “He will have a room beside Alex, attend school—”

  “Hope, please. Don’t continue. It would be nice to be able to adopt every child that arrives, but that’s impossible. The children in this building know Alex and Rose are our children. We cannot adopt a child from this building. Doing so would suggest we do not love the others all equally. The children feel the love within these walls and know there is a possibility loving parents will give them a home. We only provide a safe haven and a warm, loving environment until that occurs. We cannot risk the rapport we have built with the orphanage children.”

  “I understand your reasoning, but Johnny complements Alex and Rose. We always planned a large family, and I’d love to adopt him.”

  “If it’s your wish for another child, we will adopt the next healthy infant that’s born,” he responded. “The children will assume we’ve had another child.”

  “Nay,” she grumbled. “My wish is not for another baby. I want to give Johnny a home with us, and our children love him already.”

  “I’m unable to grant you that wish.”

  Hope rolled away from Adam, keeping her back to him to hide her tears. He slid his arm over her waist and kissed the back of her head.

  “I’m so, so sorry,” he whispered. “But we can’t adopt Johnny. We cannot adopt an older child.”

  * * *

  Stewart ensured the symphony tickets were in his suit jacket pocket and walked down the main staircase. Izabella stood at the office door, speaking with Tom and Mr. and Mrs. Venderkemp. Alex charged down the steps. The little boy was dressed in his Sunday pants and a clean, pressed shirt. He ran to Adam’s parents. “My goodness, Alex. If you keep growing, you will be carrying Papa,” Adam’s father informed him.

  Hope and Adam descended the steps with Rose by their side. Stewart led the family to the awaiting buggy. They arrived at the theatre and took their regular seats. Rose began the evening on Hope’s lap but was transferred to Adam’s when she drifted off to sleep. Alex appeared mesmerized and intrigued by the music, keeping his attention focused on the instruments.

  “Rose is too young to enjoy this, but Alex is as captivated as I was,” Hope whispered to her father.

  “Yes. That was my hope. It’s pleasing to see him smile as he listens.”

  An hour later, the gas lanterns brightened, indicating the intermission was at hand. The applause woke Rose, briefly.

  “Adam and I are going for a drink,” Hope informed her father.

  We will remain in our seats,” Izabella replied.

  “I will hold Rose,” Stewart stated. “Allow her to sleep.”

  Alex gripped their hands and followed his parents out. With the performance ready to resume, Alex sat on Adam’s lap. Their little boy struggled to keep his eyes open but lost his battle and fell asleep during the second half. Neither Alex nor Rose woke when the audience erupted into applause.

  * * *

  A few weeks before the new school year was due to begin, Hope began looking through her children’s clothing. Deciding they were in need of some new items, she organized a shopping trip. The buggy was prepared and Hope, Rose, and Izabella rode off in the direction of the Carson homestead. They picked up Vicki and Tessa, and the five women spent a wonderful day shopping.

  On the eve of Rose’s first day at school, she was too excited to sleep. Hope found the situation traumatic. Adam entered their bedroom and crawled in beside her.

  “My baby is growing up too fast,” she admitted. “It only seems like yesterday I gave birth to our little girl but I know she’s six.”

  “Time is passing quickly.”

  “I recall Aunt Vicki saying the same thing when Matthew and Tessa began school.”

  Hope and Adam woke early the next morning and Rose danced into their room. Dressed for school, her voice bubbled with enthusiasm, eager for the opportunity to attend school. Adam and Hope walked their children to school and watched Rose run into the schoolhouse with her brother following behind.

  Stewart and Hope were at the school when their day ended. Alex ran out to greet them. Rose stood on the steps, chatting with a new acquaintance. Rose chatted all the way home.

  The following morning, Stewart was relaxing in his sitting room after breakfast.

  “Papa.”

  Stewart looked up from his novel.

  “Come in, Alex.”

  His grandson set his books on the end table, moved over to the wall, and studied the pictures of the family. Hope and Adam had pictures on the wall in their bedroom, but not as many. Portraits of Matthew and Tessa were framed on his bookcases along with portraits of Alex and Rose. On the wall, there were pictures of Vicki and Greg, his Uncle Marcus and Joshua with their families, and of Adam and Hope on their wedding day. There were pictures of him and Izabella, a few portraits of Stewart and Natasha, and a few with Hope as an infant.

  “Papa, who is this woman?” he asked, pointing.

  “That is your nana and I on our wedding day.”

  “Izabella is my Nana,” he insisted.

  Stewart and Hope had discussed the topic over the years, but had felt the children were too young for the conversation. Now that Alex initiated the conversation, he deserved an answer.

  “Nay,” he replied in a soft tone, “but Papa loves Izabella.”

  “Where is Nana? Does she visit?”

  “No, Alex, Nana Natasha went to heaven many years ago.”

  “Momma’s Nana and Papa went to heaven. I want to visit them.”

  Stewart smiled. A child’s innocence. He pushed himself off his chair, went to Alex, and kneeled down, looking into the young boy’s blue eyes.

  “We can’t visit people once they go to live with God, nor can they visit us, but it is a wonderful, happy place.”

  “Don’t go to heaven, Papa. I’d miss you.”

  Stewart extended his arms and embraced Alex.

  “And I you.”

  The clearing of a throat captured his attention. Hope stood at the door.

  “We must leave or you’ll be late for school, Alex. I will walk with you and Rose,” he informed his grandson.

  * * *

  Hope entered from the kitchen and placed a large bowl of potatoes in front of Adam and took her place beside her daughter. Izabella carried in a platter of meat and set it in front of Stewart. She sat beside Alex. Hope took the bowl of peas, spooned some onto Rose’s plate and then hers.

  “Adam, a portion of fence at the far west corner of the property needs repaired,” Stewart stated.

  “At school, we learned about families,” Rose informed them, her voice bold. “Why don’t we call Bella, Nana?”

  Silence fell over the room.

  “I’m not your nana, Rose. Your nana was a beautiful, loving woman whom Papa loved many years ago. Long before we became acquainted.”

  “I want to meet Nana.”

  “Nana Natasha’s in heaven. She’s happy, but can’t visit,” Alex responded. He smiled, proud of himself.

  Flabbergasted, Hope’s jaw dropped. She glared at her son. “Alex, whom have you been speaking with?” she demanded.

  “Papa,” he responded.

  “Indeed, that is correct, Alex,” Stewart stated calmly. “Nana Natasha was a wonderful woman who would have loved you both as I do. After she went to heaven, I met Izabella and fell in love.”

  Alex looked toward his little sister with a big smile on his face.

  * * *

  The following week, Poppa and Izabella offered to walk the children to school. When they returned, Adam and Hope were in the office. Her father stood at the doorway, looking into the room.

  “Once Izabella changes, she plans to spend the day at the boutique. I plan to go to the cemetery.”

  Hope glanced at the papers in front of her and then up at him. “I need a moment before joining you, Poppa,” Hope responded. “Once I finish this document, I’ll be happy to accompany you.”

 
“That’s not necessary. Enjoy your day with Adam and the children. After the cemetery, I shall visit with Vicki.”

  “You will return in time for dinner?” she asked.

  “Indeed, I will. Enjoy your day.”

  Hope stood at the door and waved as her father rode off, then closed the door, and returned to her desk.

  “I’m concerned,” she admitted. “I’m not accustomed to seeing Poppa leave unless he’s planning to work.”

  “Your father is a grown man,” Adam teased. “After ten years spent watching our children, he has earned some privacy without a little boy behind him like a shadow. He deserves some peace and tranquillity.”

  * * *

  After returning from playtime in the yard with the children, Hope entered the lobby and saw Adam at the office doorway. Hope went to her husband’s side.

  “I have something I wish to give you,” she informed him, keeping her face expressionless.

  Hope reached for his hand and led Adam out the front door and toward the back of the building. Hope stopped at the spot he first kissed her. Adam’s lips curled. He chuckled.

  “Shh,” she ordered. “You’re not to laugh.”

  Glancing around to ensure they were alone, Hope stretched up and kissed him. Breathless when they parted, Hope looked into Adam’s eyes. “Everyone is gone and we’re alone. I can think of better places to continue what we’ve started.” Grinning, Adam accepted her hand, and they walked toward the private entrance.

  “We haven’t been intimate in the middle of the day in years,” she reminded him.

  “We’ll pretend we just got engaged,” he informed her. “It’s a Saturday evening, but we are not going to the pond.”

  Hope locked their bedroom door.