by L. L. Crane
Troll and I were grinning like fools, Lily lounging between us, when there was a rapping on the front door.
Lily barked, a deep growl, and Troll patted my leg. “I’ll get it. You rest.” He treated me like royalty, and I didn’t know if it was because I had a higher family placement than he did or if it was because I was pregnant. Maybe it was both. He and Lily bounded off the bed together to check who was at the door.
I hadn’t told Troll about Orion or Ice. I knew I should have, but whenever I tried to tell him, the words would stick in my throat like I had swallowed a jar of peanut butter in one gulp. On the flip side, I hadn’t seen Orion since that first horrible day in the conference center, so it was easier to just put him out of my mind as much as I could, like the months when he had disappeared without a trace.
I furrowed my brow, guilt overtaking me. I wanted to see Ice, but definitely not Orion. I had put it all on the back burner, waiting for the time to be right. So far, that time hadn’t come. I felt like a terrible sister. Ice needed me, yet every day passed without an attempt to see him, Orion the huge wall that separated us. An expert by now, I pushed Orion out of my mind.
I languished in bed, waiting for Troll to return. I breathed in the fresh, rainy air of the Asters, so happy to be there, to be free, that I thought my heart might actually burst.
In the Asters, everybody had to work and everybody had to fight. That was the rule of the Blue Spectrum band, and I would have been expected to do so as well, but I was pregnant, and that alone had turned me into their Lordess. I was pampered like I never had been before, the women coming to bathe me and tend to me every morning. I finally asked Jade, the one with blonde hair, why they didn’t wear any mutant fingers around their necks.
“Without fingers, you are immediately claimed by a man. Your man is your master,” she explained. Then she hesitated, cocking her head to the side. “We are lucky, though. We could be Outcasts.” It sounded more like a chant or a prayer than an answer, and chills traveled up my spine at the thought of being an Outcast.
If not for Troll, I would probably be an Outcast or worse. Smiling, I thought of Troll. I had him to thank for that, for so many things. Who knew? Maybe we could fall in love in time.
Time, I sighed. Sweet time.
What was time, anyway? I spewed out air that had been lodged in the center of my chest for way too long. Two faces blurred in my mind. One was Orion’s. The other Troll’s. I had to let Orion go before I could let Troll in, which was proving to be harder than I thought.
Troll entered the bedroom, Lily trotting beside him, and hurriedly pulled on his work clothes. Just like Spice had said, he was assigned to hunting, which pleased him very much. He was quick and agile, perfect for hunting the odd assortment of game they had in the Asters. Lily loved going with him and was proving to be an asset with her amazing aptitude for flushing out game.
Troll was chewing on some jerky as he pulled his boots on. His shirt was open at the front, and I couldn’t help but gawk at the muscles that were forming on his firm stomach.
As usual, he talked between bites of food, like he might never get the chance to eat again. “Emergency council meeting for you.” His blue eyes pierced mine as he lifted his eyebrows. “You gonna be okay?” He pulled a chunk of jerky off and tossed it to Lily. She caught it with her huge jaws, contentedly chewing it. Troll’s eyes burned into mine with concern and care.
I hadn’t been to a council meeting since that first one…where I saw Orion and Ice. Of course Troll would have hesitations about me going. I had come home an emotional wreck and he had no answers as to why.
I wondered if Orion was going to be there, and I furrowed my brow at the thought. Of course he would. He was the leader of the Blue Spectrum. My breath came in ragged chunks just thinking about it.
“Yeah, I’ll be okay,” I muttered, not really believing it was true. The last person on the face of the earth that I wanted to see was Orion 267-J. It was a lifetime ago that we fell for each other, I told myself, wiggling uncomfortably in the soft bed.
Troll was placing weapons in his belt, distracted. “You can take Lily if you want.”
“No,” I answered. “She likes to hunt.”
I pushed myself up out of the bed and started brushing my hair. It was growing out from the short bob that Sergio had given me, and I imagined it looked as shaggy and unkempt as everybody else’s. I reminded myself to ask for a mirror and scissors – if they even had any. Then I found my formal robe and headed toward one of the bedrooms to change.
Troll’s eyes were still on me, protectively penetrating me. “I’ll take the day off, you know. If you need me to.”
I laughed at him, at the sweetness and kindness of Troll. “No, I’ll be fine. You and Lily go hunt. You’re feeding for three now.”
We both laughed uncomfortably, and he gave me a quick peck on the cheek. I went to the bedroom, rapidly slipped the robe over my head, and ambled out to our kitchen, which was quite primitive. It had a cook stove that Troll had to feed with logs or any other burning substance that he gathered. As usual, Troll adapted quickly, and would find different things to fuel the stove. Logs, which were difficult to find, shrubs, sticks, trash.
He also became an expert at smoking meat. People were constantly bringing meat by for Troll to smoke, and I would help as much as I could, even though every time I did, someone would make me sit down and rest, Troll included.
Troll’s voice pulled me out of my reverie. “You’d better put your knife belt on before you go,” he called out from the other bedroom.
I wondered if the belt would even fit. My belly was getting so big. “Okay,” I called out to him, grabbing some jerky from the cupboard and taking a sip of juice. It tasted strange, like oranges only with a lime zest to it. The women brought it every morning – for the baby.
After I ate, I waddled back into the bedroom to retrieve my knife belt. After finding it, I stretched it low on my hips and tightened it.
Troll was watching intently. “I’ll make you a wider one tonight.”
“Okay,” I answered, pushing my robe back down. I had already become accustomed to letting Troll see me half naked.
“Be careful.”
“I will. Quit fussing.” I shoved him playfully, and he kissed me on the cheek again. I gave him a peck back. Then I gave Lily a pat on the head.
“See you tonight,” he called out to me.
“Yeah, happy hunting,” I replied as I struggled to put my shoes on. I smiled at him sweetly, loving him with all of my heart. But, after the door closed and I was alone in our spacious home, I wished that I could force my heart to fall in love with him.
Chapter 49
Attack
It was a crisp morning and the typical dewy rain was drizzling on me as I waddled across the crater to the council meeting.
My stomach was in knots of the worst kind, because there wasn’t much room for knots if your belly was full of a growing baby. For all of my pretending in front of Troll, I was anything but fine. Fear gripped my spine, which was constantly aching anyway, at the thought of seeing Orion. He was the last person I wanted to see.
Only I did want to see him. I flip flopped back and forth like that every moment of the day.
I was still mad at him, but I was afraid if we were alone again that I would give in to him. So far it had been fairly easy, but I fretted over the meeting, desperately forming a plan. I would go to the meeting and leave as soon as possible. My life with Troll was good. He would be a good father to the baby. I was lucky, and I knew that.
With effort, I opened the rounded door, and the room was in chaos. People were standing up and shouting, mostly at Orion, who was perched on the platform in the middle of the chairs, Ice sitting contentedly at his feet playing with some wooden blocks. I wondered what they were all upset about.
But as usual, I was struck immobile by the sheer beauty of Orion, his flaxen hair and firm jaw, his perfect nose, even though it looked like it had been broke
n since the last time I saw him.
I entered the crowded room, and his cobalt eyes moved straight to mine, and for just a brief second there was no noise, no other people in the room.
There was one universe and it held only two people in it. Orion. And me. My heart thumped against my chest and my huge stomach turned somersaults.
Gods, it was infuriating. I had spent the last couple months trying to cast him out of my life, and there I stood, like a stupid girl with her first crush. I broke eye contact first, remembering all he had put me through, erecting an invisible barrier around my heart, my growing body. My baby…his baby.
I deliberately turned to the right, not knowing what other direction I could go. I only knew that if I kept making eye contact with him I would weaken, would probably run as fast as I could up those steps and launch myself right into his arms.
If I could. It was becoming increasingly difficult just to move. I had no idea being pregnant could be so uncomfortable. There was also this little whispering voice inside my head telling me he might not want me anymore.
The shouting continued but I tuned it out, searching for an open seat, one as far away from Orion as possible. I shuffled through the crowd, which seemed to be bearing down on Orion, leaving open space in the back of the room. That was fine with me.
The yelling continued, and I could make out words of attack. War. Invasion. I had no idea what they were spouting on about, having been hiding out in my spacious home, Troll and the women providing me with anything I might need. Nobody had mentioned any threat of war to us.
At the back of the room I spotted an empty seat. I shuffled toward it, the crowd thinning out, since the people’s obvious choice was to be close to Orion. I went to sit down among the sea of blue when a flash of red caught my eye. I hadn’t learned many of the customs in the Blue Spectrum, but I knew one thing. We all wore blue. I narrowed my eyes.
Red.
Red.
Behind me was a man dressed in red. Red shirt. Red pants. Red belt. It didn’t seem right.
Red.
He was gigantic, bigger than Orion with jet black hair cut short, almost military style. Like Orion’s once was. Suddenly it kicked in why Garment had my hair cut short. The Red Spectrum must keep their hair cut short. I knew one thing at that moment. This man was from the Red Spectrum. I started to yell out a warning, but I knew it was futile with all of the shouting going on. Besides, the man was holding a large spear, and he was slowly lifting it up, pulling his elbow back and forming a perfect aim.
Straight at Orion.
Nobody else noticed because they were all shouting and arguing, still yelling about a raid and defending our territory. Orion was trying to calm everybody down. His hand was up, and he stood tall, I guessed trying to get their attention.
It took everything I had to take my eyes away from Orion and move them back to the man. He held the spear in perfect position and was flexing it forward. I was no expert, but Pan had taught me enough to know exactly where that spear would land.
Straight in Orion’s heart.
I didn’t think. Didn’t have time to. I reached under my robe and yanked one of the knives free. I took a deep breath, just like Pan had taught me, and I aimed at the man’s muted red chest. He was a little sideways to me, so it was going to be a difficult hit, but all I had to do was stop the spear from hitting Orion.
I let the knife sail, and it flew straight toward the man in red. I held my breath as I watched, my pulse quickening. Time stood still, even though in the back of my mind I registered the shouting of the people in our band. Movement toward Orion. Ice playing happily.
Gods, let the knife hit him. Please, I begged.
My knife soared through the air and right before the spear was launched, it hit the man in the arm. He barely faltered, but the spear fell from his hand, landing on the stone floor with a clank. Wasting no time, I reached under my robe and pulled out another knife.
I glanced around the room quickly. Nobody had noticed, not even Orion. But Ice was squealing, just letting out this huge piercing yell.
Orion was patting him on the back, and my mind flashed back to our discussion. How Orion told me he left me a note in the locket. Gods, I hadn’t even checked it out, I chided myself, fear moving through me. If Orion died and I didn’t even bother to check out his note, I didn’t think I could live with myself.
The huge man in red leaned down and picked the spear up again, blood leaking down his arm and mixing with his red sleeve, spilling out like brown ink on red fabric. He leaned back on his heels and pulled the spear back over his shoulder again, blood flowing from the knife that was still embedded in his arm, nothing more than a needle poking out of his muscular bicep. I took in a sharp breath, aimed my knife at him again, dreadfully hoping that this one would make its mark.
My heart raced, and my hands were shaking as the knife reeled from my hand, but I wasn’t sure about my aim. I looked toward Orion, and he had picked up Ice, who was still screaming. His eyes met mine again, and his eyebrows few up into gentle arcs. I knew him so well, knew that he was wondering why I had a look of panic on my face. Gods, he was about to get killed, and he was concerned about me.
I dropped my jaw as I turned back to the intruder. The spear had already left his hands and was zooming through the air before my knife could even begin to hit him.
Quickly, I darted my eyes back to Orion, to Ice.
“Orion!” I screamed so loudly that my throat burned. “Move!” I yelled as I watched the spear hurdle straight toward Orion and Ice. Toward the boy I knew that I still loved and the brother I barely had the chance to get to know.
Orion picked his flaxen head up for a second, then he just hit the floor of the stage in one quick movement, covering Ice with his huge body. Ice stopped screaming.
I watched in horror as the spear sped across the stage as if it was rocket powered. Then I let out a cry of relief when the spear flew over them, hitting a man on the other side of the stage. He let out a howl of pain and I twisted my head around, hoping the man wasn’t dead. I scanned the other side of the stage, guilt parading through my body because I was relieved it was another man that was hit instead of Orion. Or Ice.
I let out a breath of air when I heard cursing. Stretching my neck, I could tell the man, our man, had only been hit in the leg. He would live.
Orion lifted his head slowly, making eye contact with me. Was it relief I saw? Love?
I didn’t care. Orion was alive. So was Ice.
By then there was an even bigger uproar in the room. My second knife had hit the strange man in the stomach, hardly even bothering him, although blood was gushing from his midsection. He must have realized that it was over for him, because he turned and started running out of the building, blood trailing behind him, a river of confessions and sins.
The crowd went crazy, chasing after him like heathens, barbarians ready to kill, wanting the taste of his blood in their mouths more than food or drink. They advanced on him, and I thought for sure that they would kill him on the spot, but they didn’t.
The men from the Blue Spectrum muscled him down and tied his hands together. They actually picked him up, some of the men carrying his feet and some carrying his arms, and they toted him out of the room, a bloody red trail staining the stone floor. I slumped down onto an empty chair, my hands still trembling and my heart beating like a humming bird was inside of my chest, fluttering violently like it wanted out.
The room was eerily silent.
Orion slowly uncovered himself from Ice, and I couldn’t take it anymore. It was the one thing that unhinged me, his protectiveness for Ice. He wasn’t even related to my brother, yet he had been caring for him while I wallowed in my misery and was treated like a princess.
I pressed myself out of the chair, which proved to be more difficult than I thought it would be and shuffled as quickly as I could through the crowd. I pushed bodies away from me, shouldered past people I had barely learned the names of. I ran as fast
as my pregnant body could take me with only one thing on my mind.
Chapter 50
Kiss
I reached the stage, but I couldn’t step up onto it. I was too big and clumsy. Orion lifted me easily, and we stood face to face. I cupped his face in my hands, breathing heavily. “I thought you were going to die.” I was panting, and Orion wrapped his thick arms around me, around Ice at the same time. I breathed in the scent of them both, the definitely masculine scent of Orion and the sweet odor of Ice. Orion gently set Ice down, and pulled me into him, holding me against his broad chest.
“I’ve been waiting so long for you,” he whispered in my ear.
I met his eyes. The only eyes that told stories I could understand. In an instant, his lips were on mine, kissing me with all of the sweetness and urgency that had built up between us. I kissed him back, remembering the power they had over me, how I turned to mush inside whenever he touched me.
“Orion,” I breathed out into the very lips that were kissing me.
“Rain,” he muttered impatiently. “Rain. I love you, Rain.” He kissed me again, and I kept kissing him, not caring about Ice or Troll or any of the people who might be watching us.
Then Orion stopped kissing me, and pulled me closer into his arms, my protruding belly pushing against him.
“Our baby?” he asked, a hitch in his voice. He knew the baby was his, but I knew what he was asking. If he could be the father.
I nodded, biting my lower lip. Then I just started crying, tears streaming down my face.
I had carried this baby by myself for too long. Troll had filled in for the past months, but it wasn’t the same.
It was Orion’s baby. Our baby.
I just didn’t know what Orion was going to do about it.
“I promise I’ll be a better father than mine,” he told me with the most serious expression on his face that I had ever seen.
Nodding, I continued to let the tears stream down my face, because even before I found out I was pregnant, I had already vowed to be a better mother than the one I had.