Promise Me Always

by Kari March

  “Blake…”

  “No! It’s my fault! Every decision I make hurts her one way or another!” I closed my eyes tightly as I tried to keep my composure. “I can’t fucking win!”

  “For fuck sakes, it is not your fault!” she said as she grabbed me by the shoulders, spinning me around so I was face to face with her. “You saved her, Blake! If it weren’t for you, he would‘ve killed her! When are you going to stop blaming yourself for every little thing that happens?” I looked down at the tile floor, wishing it would just open up and pull me under. “Why can’t you see the amazing person that the rest of us see?” I looked up at her slowly, tears clouding my vision. I was speechless.

  “I mean it, Blake. You need to get over all of this doubt and shit because my fucking sister needs you right now.” A smile slowly crossed her face. “And, believe it or not,” she said, looking me straight in the eyes, “she does deserve you.”

  I closed my eyes, taking a deep, shaking breath as I forced back the fucking tears that were threatening to unleash. Palmer was right. I needed to get over this shit once and for all. I knew it wasn’t going to happen overnight, but I couldn’t keep putting myself through all of this pain. I had been pushing Tess away since the day I met her, too scared to let her in. I was so damn afraid that she would break the last piece of my heart—but it had to stop.

  I loved her more than anything and, even though I still believed she deserved more, I couldn’t stay away any longer. It’s unbelievable that it takes almost losing someone to make you realize just how important they really are.

  Opening my eyes again, I looked at Palmer, a small smile spreading across my face. I reached out and pulled her in for a hug. I needed to see Tess more than ever now. We had so much to talk about and it needed to start tonight. Palmer returned the hug, patting me on the back, making it clear she understood that I took her words to heart.

  With a new found determination, I turned around and stopped dead in my tracks when I saw Craig standing on the other end of the waiting room.

  “She’s right, you know?” he said carefully, making his way towards me. He apparently overheard what Palmer had said to me. “You’re an amazing man, Blake. I’ll never be able to repay you for what you did for my little girl tonight.” He reached his hand out to me. “You may not believe she deserves you, but I sure as hell do.” His voice broke a little, causing me to choke up. “She’s asking for you—room 423.” I took Craig’s hand to shake it, but he pulled me forward, wrapping his arm around my back. “Thank you,” he said, releasing me from his embrace. “Now get in there and take care of my daughter,” he winked at me. I headed off to find his daughter and my whole world.

  As elated as I was to see Tess, I was also as nervous as fuck. My nerves were shot as I walked down the hall to her room.

  I had no idea how she was going to react to seeing me. Yeah, she was asking for me, but maybe she just wanted to tell me to leave her alone. Maybe she didn’t want me anymore; maybe she was pissed for all the pain I caused her.

  Suddenly I felt sick—every instinct I had told me to turn around and fucking run so I wouldn’t get hurt again. But I couldn’t. I needed to hear her angelic laugh, feel the warmth of her touch, and stare into her strikingly, bright brown eyes. I needed all of that whether she wanted me or not. I had to see for myself that she was really okay. If she broke my heart—so be it. She would always hold it one way or another—either whole or in pieces, it would always belong to her.

  I stopped suddenly when I saw Elaine leaving Tess’ room. She locked eyes with me as she wiped away the tears that had fallen down her face. Never breaking her stare, she walked straight to me and embraced me, enveloping me in her arms.

  “I’ll never be able to repay you for what you did. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart,” she whispered softly said in my ear, her voice full of gratitude. She released me, kissed my cheek, and walked down the hall.

  I watched Elaine walk down the hallway. As soon as she was out of sight, I took a deep breath and walked into Tess’ room.

  The moment she came into view, she took my breath away—she looked like an angel. Her eyes were closed and she hadn’t heard me yet, so I took a second to look her over. Her right eye was badly bruised, she had a few scratches on her cheek and neck, but, other than that, she had never looked so beautiful.

  I walked into the room further, stopping at the end of her bed, as she opened her eyes. I must have startled her a bit because she jumped a little at the sight of me. I felt bad for sneaking up on her when she winced in pain—I forgot her ribs were bruised.

  “Oh, shit, baby girl. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have scared you like that. Are you okay?” I asked concerned, rushing over to the side of her bed.

  “Yeah, just a little sore is all,” she replied, a weak smile on her face. I could tell it hurt worse than she was letting on.

  I pulled up a chair next her bed and took a seat. “Oh, my God, Blake! Your arm! I totally forgot about it. Does it hurt?” she asked shocked. I followed her gaze down to my stitches. I had completely forgotten all about my damn arm until now.

  I reached for the hand that was resting by her side. “It’s not bad,” I said, shrugging my shoulders. My hands shook a bit as I stroked her knuckles with my fingers. Staring right at her, I continued, “Honestly, I’ve been too worried about you to even care about my fucking arm.”

  Her face lit up as soon as the words came out of my mouth and I relaxed for just a second, hopeful that maybe she did want me back. My hopes soared until the tears started to pool in her eyes. So many emotions played across her face, I couldn’t tell if she was upset, angry, sad, or a mix of all of three.

  My nerves returned in full force when she finally blinked and two lonely streams of tears ran down her face. I knew instantly, deep down, that those tears were not because of what Jared did to her. No, those tears were reserved just for me.

  I felt vile and worthless. I was sick with regret for walking away from her and putting her in this mess. I knew I needed to make things right by telling her everything. I opened my mouth, trying to force the apology out, but nothing came—only silence. I took a deep breath, not ready to face her yet, and broke my stare as I rested my forehead on her hand that was now trembling just like mine.

  We were both silent for the longest time and I could hear her fighting back the sobs with each breath she took. I continued to slide my thumb over her knuckles as I gathered my thoughts and tried to come up with the words I knew she needed to hear.

  “I’m… I’m so sorry, baby girl. This is my fault. If I would have…”

  She cut me off before I could get the rest out. “This is not your fault, Blake, and you know it! You couldn’t control him and he would have found a way to get me eventually.” She sounded pissed. I snapped my head up, coming face to face with her, as her eyes softened and more tears spilled out.

  “If it weren’t for you, I’d probably be dead right now… so thank you.” She pulled her hand away from mine, resting it on her stomach, and her gaze followed. “I’m just sorry you got dragged into this mess. You could’ve been seriously hurt because of me.”

  I reached for her hand again, pulling it back to the side of the bed as I grasped it a bit tighter this time so she couldn’t pull away. I knew she was still hurt and upset with me, but I didn’t care. I longed for her touch and, since her body was beaten and sore, her hand was going to have to be good enough for now.

  “I would take a hundred cuts to the arm if it meant you were safe,” I said, brushing her hair out of her face. She smiled at me and I almost lost it. She was so beautiful. “What were you thinking, jumping on him like that, anyway? You do know he’s, like, twice your size?” I teased, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

  “Hey, now! I’m pretty sure if I hadn’t jumped on him, you would be in this bed instead of me. So maybe you should be thanking me instead of questioning my motives,” she shot back at me with her smart mouth.

  “Pft! Whatever,” I
said sarcastically, glaring at her with a playful smile. We both knew she was right, but I wasn’t going to elaborate on it. I let my guard down and if she hadn’t done what she did, who knows what would have happened.

  “Oh, did I bruise your massive ego, Mr. Bentley?” she mocked, flashing me an over exaggerated, fake frown. She let out a small giggle and my dick jumped in my pants.

  What the hell is wrong with me? She’s lying in a fucking hospital bed and one little sound sends my mind to the gutter.

  Trying to push the not-at-all-appropriate thoughts from my mind, she asked, “So, what happened, you know… after I blacked out?”

  I started to laugh a bit at her question. Did she really need to ask that? “I beat the shit out of that mother fucker!” I said proudly. “Lucky for him, the cops showed up about two minutes later and pulled me off of him—I had every intention of killing him.”

  She laughed at the last words. “You wouldn’t have killed him, Blake, and you know it.”

  I stared at her, raising my eyebrows silently, challenging her statement. Her face went blank as she realized I meant what I said and her gaze shifted to our hands that were still entwined at her side.

  “I’m not kidding,” I said seriously. I lifted her chin with my finger so she was looking directly into my eyes as I continued, “I have never been so scared in all my life, Tess. Watching you fall to the ground, not knowing if you were alright—I snapped. I went there to protect you and when your body hit the floor, I knew I had let you down, again. I was scared for your life, infuriated with myself, and fucking furious that Jared was still breathing after what he had done.”

  My heart rate started to elevate at the memory and I had to close my eyes to calm myself down. “I charged him and all I remember after that was the sound of his bones breaking every time my fist connected with his face. My whole body was numb and it felt like I had been bashing in his skull for hours when I was tugged back to reality by three cops trying to pull me off of him.”

  When I opened my eyes, Tess leaned forward, resting her forehead on mine. Tears forming in her eyes again, she reached up and stroked the side of my face. “I was so afraid,” she whispered. “I knew what he planned on doing to me and I didn’t think anyone would make it in time to stop him.” She sobbed and I wiped the tears away from her face.

  “It’s okay, baby girl. It’s over now and I will never let anyone ever hurt you again.”

  “Promise Me?” she whispered.

  I couldn’t help myself when I heard the words. I pulled her face to mine and gently kissed her sweet, soft lips. She opened her mouth a little, allowing me access, and I took it. Deepening the kiss just slightly, I tilted her head back, slowly stroking her tongue with mine.

  I could taste the salt from her tears as I slid in and out of her mouth. Time stood still whenever our lips met and I knew this is where I belonged. All of my worries, fears, and self doubt melted away as I kissed her; I knew I would never leave her side again. Not wanting to push her any further, I slowly broke the kiss. After pulling away, I wiped one more tear away from her cheek and whispered, “Always.”

  Blake stayed by my side for next twenty four hours. Unfortunately, so did Palmer, Lexi and my parents. Blake and I hadn’t had one moment alone since right after I woke up and even that didn’t last long. Lexi couldn’t resist not seeing me for one second and she and Avery barged in on us right after Blake kissed me. When they came barreling through the door, Blake’s face twisted into sheer annoyance.

  Everyone took shifts, making sure I was never once left alone. Blake only left the room one time when my parents forced him to go down to the cafeteria to grab a bite to eat with them. When he left, Palmer and Lexi started up with the twenty questions. First, they wanted all the details I could possibly remember about everything that happened. They had tried asking me before when Blake was in the room, but his testosterone filled reactions made them quickly close their mouths. Once I got through all of the details that I could remember of Jared’s attack, they quickly moved on to the next hot topic.

  “So, are the two of you back together then?” Lexi asked, her voice giving away her excitement.

  “I don’t know,” I shrugged. “We didn’t really talk about it. We obviously have issues with communication in that department,” I replied jokingly.

  It was true, though. We never could just come straight out and say how we were feeling. As scary as it was, I was starting to think that needed to be our next conversation.

  “He kissed me though,” I said, my cheeks turning red as I remembered the sweetest, most romantic kiss he had ever given me.

  “You two are driving me crazy! Just tell the man how you feel already, Tess. You love him and he loves you… why is it so hard for you two to just say it!” Palmer interrupted, shaking her head at me. “Do we need to tattoo it on your fucking foreheads or what?”

  Palmer never had issues with expressing her feelings, no matter what they were. I could tell our holding back was irritating her. I just shook my head and laughed—I didn’t even know what to say. Why did she think Blake loved me? He wasn’t that type—never had been and never will be.

  “You guys really need to figure it out and stop torturing yourselves. You belong together,” Lexi said.

  “I want to be with him. I mean, I love him for Christ sakes! But I get the feeling he doesn’t feel the same way about me. I know he cares about me, but I don’t think he loves me,” I said, frowning. I didn’t really want to be thinking about this right now. My headache was finally starting to subside and I knew it would come back full force if I kept thinking about Blake. I lowered my head, trying to fight back my emotions.

  Palmer came over and sat down on the bed next to me. “I probably should just let you two work this out on your own, but if I don’t interject, then I don’t think you ever will. You’ll just keep pushing each other away,” she said as she took my hand in hers. “He loves you, Tess. I know it seems crazy because of everything that has happened, but he does. He told me he does.”

  “He told you he loves me?” My voice was laced with a mixture of excitement and confusion. Blake loves me?

  “Yeah, he did. But the thing is, Blake has some demons and, for some stupid reason, he thinks he doesn’t deserve you. He’s been pushing you away, thinking that’s what’s best for you.” I looked up and stared at Palmer, my mind racing.

  “Why? Why would he think that?” I asked, puzzled. My head starting to pound again as I tried to figure out why Blake would ever think he wasn’t good enough for me.

  “I don’t know, Tess, but haven’t you ever noticed how much he puts himself down or calls himself worthless?” As soon as Palmer said the word, I knew exactly what the problem was. His father.

  Tears came to my eyes and I felt nauseous as I thought about Blake as a young, adorable, dark haired, little boy. A boy, terrified of his own father, because of the abuse that was inflicted on him by the one man that was supposed to love him unconditionally.

  I couldn’t believe I had never thought about how much it affected him. Blake always said that he didn’t remember much because he was so young, but apparently he couldn’t see the permanent damage that his asshole father had already done. He imbedded evil in Blake’s mind, making him think that he was a piece of shit and always would be. No wonder he always kept people at arm’s length! He was too scared to let anyone in—fearing if he did, they would break him, just like his father had done all those years ago.

  A few minutes later, Blake and my parents returned. I noticed immediately that Blake was holding a single, red gerbera daisy in his hand and my heart soared. Still confused and upset about the conversation I had just sat through, I forced a weak smile at his gesture. He knew something was off when he saw Palmer by my side. Coupled with the look on my face and the tears in my eyes, it was a dead giveaway that something was wrong. He quickly came to my bed side and Palmer retreated after seeing the look of worry on his face.

  “Is everything okay, Tes
s?” he asked, concerned. He checked over all the machines that were still attached to me, looking for any signs of distress.

  “I’m fine. My head hurts a bit and I’m just ready to go home, that’s all,” I said as I wiped my eyes and tried to act normal. He sat down next to me and handed me the flower.

  “I saw it down stairs and I couldn’t resist,” he stated as he kissed my forehead. “I just wish they would have had a pink and yellow one, too.”

  It took everything I had not to pull him to me and devour him right there. I wanted so badly to tell him how much I loved him and how I never wanted to be without him, but I knew this wasn’t the place—we needed to be alone.

  The next morning I was released from the hospital with orders to take it easy for the next few weeks while my body and head recovered. A police officer had come to my room a few hours before I was released, questioning me about the events that took place. He also informed me that Jared would be transferred to the county jail once he was stable enough to be released from the hospital; they were charging him with attempted murder. He asked me if I would testify against him in court and I agreed, knowing that if I didn’t, he would more than likely get off and that was the last thing I wanted to deal with.

  After I returned home, I forced my parents to finally leave my side, assuring them that if I needed anything, they would be the first people I would call. I laid down, trying to get some rest after the horrible night in the hospital, but I couldn’t even shut my eyes. My mind was racing and the only thing I could think about was Blake. I desperately needed to talk to him and I still had almost six hours before I would get the chance.

  He had left the hospital early that morning because he was due for work and couldn’t find anyone to cover the front half of his twenty four hour shift. I begged him to go home and get some rest before he had to go on duty. After all, it wasn’t like I was going to be alone. My parents had confiscated the make shift pull out bed that was in my hospital room and, after arguing with Blake for almost an hour, he opted to sleep in the most uncomfortable chair I had ever seen.