Three Loving Words

by DC Renee

  Enzo’s short-lived smile fell off his face immediately. He pulled my hand out of the guy’s so forcefully, I was sure I would have stumbled back if Enzo hadn’t put his arm around my waist. “Flirting with your husband next to you?” he asked, his tone one of rage.

  “He was helping me out.”

  “He was eye fucking you,” Enzo spoke through his teeth.

  “He was not,” I retorted, not liking that he was ruining my perfectly fake evening.

  Enzo turned me to face him, his eyes shining brightly with irritation. “You are my wife, Paige. Do you understand? I will not have you making me look like a fool. You will only have eyes for me and act as if I am the Earth, moon, and sun all combined into one. Do you get that?” When I didn’t respond, he moved his face closer to mine. To an outsider, it probably looked like he was leaning in for a kiss, teasing me first while looking into my eyes. “I asked you a question and you will answer me. Do you fucking understand, Paige?”

  He was chipping away at the fantasy walls and I was painfully aware of how close the tears were to the surface of my eyes. I pushed them back and put the smile back on my face. He had already ruined too much in my life. He wasn’t going to ruin this, too. “I get it, Enzo. Tonight, I love you,” I mocked, the huge smile never leaving my face.

  “Yeah, well, I still hate you.”

  “Good, now let’s go enjoy our evening, husband.” I put my arm through his and he led me inside.

  It had been one of the best evenings of my life. Enzo had no choice but to act the part of a happy husband. He would put his hand on the small of my back when he led me places, and his touch caused a flurry of conflicting emotions to run through me. He brought me champagne and held out my chair; he did everything I imagined a husband would do. I, in turn, did the same. I laughed at his stupid jokes, batted my eyelashes at him, and I complimented him when people were listening. He even leaned down to whisper in my ear once. His breath tickled my neck as he said, “Keep up the good work.” It wasn’t romantic; it wasn’t even what I wanted to hear, but I didn’t let that get to me.

  It was only after the evening had concluded and we were back home that things returned to normal. I had just stepped through the door and pulled off my heels when Enzo turned to face me, his tie loose around his neck, his hair disheveled from the night, and a slight tinge of pink to his cheeks from the alcohol. He looked every bit the man I had hoped he would be – gorgeous, vulnerable, and mine. And then he opened his mouth. “My parents were impressed with our little pretense.”

  And just like that, the clock struck midnight and the ruse was over.

  Please don’t remind me it’s fake, I pleaded internally.

  “They even asked when we’ll have kids.” He laughed, and I cringed. His eyes narrowed at my reaction, and his voice turned hard. “I told them it would be a cold day in hell before I ever touched you, so no grandkids for them.” His words made me flinch. Why did he have to be so cruel? My eyes glistened with unshed tears, and although I didn’t want him to see that, I was pretty sure the light streaming in from the window only accentuated it. “You did good today, little girl.” He changed the subject. “We’ll have plenty more of these events, so make sure to continue on this path.”

  I nodded, not knowing what else to do.

  “Good, good,” he mused, more to himself than to me. “We’ll have to get together with our families as well, but we won’t have to pretend at those soirees.” I nodded once again, the realization that tonight wasn’t genuine making its way to the forefront of my mind. The bite of the pain was so overwhelming that I had to stop myself from doubling over in front of Enzo. I would never get my happily ever after. I would never get to live my one dream. “Well, I had fun tonight,” Enzo added, breaking through my thoughts. He had fun? Yeah, well, so did I … until he destroyed everything once again. I nodded one last time, not able to open my mouth for fear that a sob would escape.

  His eyes softened, and I wasn’t sure why or how to even take that. He looked at me for a beat longer before he whispered, “Good night, Paige,” and headed upstairs. I waited until I heard his door close before I made my way to my room and collapsed on the bed. I didn’t bother taking off my dress before curling up into a ball and allowing the tears to flow. I had cried all my life, disappointment following me wherever I went, but I seemed to be sobbing more and more now than I ever had before.

  Enzo had been right, though; we had plenty of events like that to attend over the time we’d be together, and they were always the same. He’d be the best husband I could ask for, and I played the part of the best wife in the world. I would live in a bubble of happiness for a few hours followed by a crying jag. And he was right about the family events. They were far and few between and mostly, I just hung out with his parents or he supposedly visited his, but when that happened, we stayed on opposite sides of the room, pretending the other didn’t exist. That had become my life. I went to bed plenty of nights and wished for my old life back. Being second to Nora’s spotlight was better than being first in the devil’s arms.

  *****

  I had been an excellent student when I was in high school. I had been accepted to several schools and received academic scholarships in addition to the financial aid I had qualified for. I decided to attend school out of state like Nora had, but our reasons had been different. She wanted to experience life in another city while still going to a prestigious university. I didn’t really even care if the school was great; I just wanted to start over, away from disapproving and pitying eyes, away from Nora’s limelight.

  When I found out I was marrying Enzo, all those dreams disappeared. I couldn’t fulfill my obligations to Gerry if I were out of state. I couldn’t go back in time and apply to one of the many schools around my new home. And honestly, I didn’t even think about school during that summer before I married Enzo. It was only after Nora had snapped me out of my funk that I started trying to figure out my life.

  I wanted to start right away, but I had to wait for the spring semester since I couldn’t very well start halfway through even if I were to apply, get accepted, and find the money I needed to go to school. After I had started working, I figured worst-case scenario was that I could save up enough for a community college and then hope to get into a four-year college in the fall semester when I could apply for scholarships.

  I had told this to Nora, to which she replied, “Why are you automatically assuming the worst? Why not aim for the stars? It’s not like you can fall from where you stand.”

  Not many colleges accepted spring admits, but I was willing to try a few in the area. The problem was financial aid. I no longer qualified for it because of my marital status to Mr. Wealthy. Getting an academic scholarship was also pretty nonexistent since most of them had already been disbursed.

  One of the best days of my life was followed shortly by one of the worst days of my life. I had been calling my top choice college every day to find out if I got in. It was a small, private college, but it was close to work, and I had enjoyed the tour I had taken on one of my lunch breaks. They didn’t normally accept spring admits, but they had special cases in which you could apply. I might have exaggerated a bit when I told them I had undergone a family emergency that prevented me from applying for the fall.

  The woman in the registrar’s office knew me by my voice by the time I finally got the news. “Congrats, Paige, you’re in. Your official letter will be going out today. You should receive it shortly with all the information.”

  I had squealed with delight and jumped up and down in front of my desk. My co-workers were thrilled for me and took me out to lunch that day. My boss even informed me that if I needed to have flexible work hours, that would be okay, too. I was so excited that I called Nora right away and I even told my parents. They were as excited as I was and I could hear the enthusiasm in both their voices. I even somehow managed to avoid Enzo that evening. If he saw the megawatt smile I was sporting, he would find some way to kill my mood. S
o yep, that was one of the best days in a while.

  One of the worst days came about three days later. I had been optimistic in my quest to get in, so I had been looking into avenues to pay for school. My meager salary was good for everyday necessities and my small savings would be good for books and other things I might need, but not for the tuition I knew I’d have to pay.

  I found a scholarship based on both merit and need. I had no problem providing transcripts, but it was the “need” part that had me biting my fingers. After much thought, I decided to lie; tell them I wasn’t married and provide some pay stubs and my account balances. All I needed to do was pass the interview and all would be good.

  The scholarship came from a private company based out of town. They had flown in the gentleman in charge of fulfilling the scholarship applications. They wanted me to “feel comfortable,” which, according to them, made applicants more willing to divulge information necessary to determine need and merit. Therefore, we met for lunch at a restaurant near his hotel. Aside from worrying that I had food stuck in my teeth, the concept of a lunch meeting was actually a great idea. It made things more casual, so that when he asked questions, it felt more like a conversation than an interrogation.

  My interviewer was a gentleman by the name of Anthony Marti in his mid-to-late thirties with a few gray hairs already peeking through his black hair. It made him seem more distinguished. He was more handsome than attractive, but a small dimple in his left cheek was very disarming. His best feature was his smile. It wasn’t a panty-dropping smile like Enzo had; it was a comforting smile, like an authority figure making sure you felt safe at a school event. I actually felt a little like I had a schoolgirl crush on my teacher when I spoke with Mr. Marti.

  The interview had been going well. I answered every question perfectly. I was on a high. Just a little longer and I was sure I’d be getting the scholarship and all my issues would be resolved. But fate hated me almost as much as Enzo did.

  “Hi, dear,” I heard the voice that made me gasp in panic. I was afraid to turn around; I was afraid to speak. Here I was, sitting with the only hope I had for going to college that semester, the one I had lied to, and it was about to be dashed.

  “Oh, uh, hi, Enzo,” I stammered. “Wha … what are you doing here?” I asked. I really didn’t know what Enzo did while he wasn’t around me, but what were the chances he’d be at the same restaurant where I was at the same time? Telling you, fate hated me.

  “I could ask you the same,” he spoke, his voice dripping with disdain, his eyes flipping back and forth between Mr. Marti and me. Please don’t give me away, I prayed silently.

  “Oh, how rude,” he said as he turned to Mr. Marti. “I’m Enzo Faust, Paige’s husband,” he emphasized “husband” as he put his hand out.

  Mr. Marti didn’t miss the word husband. I could tell as his eyes bugged out. He shook Enzo’s hand and told him his name, but he turned quickly toward me. “Husband?” he questioned. “I believe you may have left that part out.”

  I felt the tears spring to my eyes, but I couldn’t answer him. I nodded meekly before hanging my head in shame and pain.

  “Well, it was a pleasure meeting you, Paige,” he spoke as he stood up, indicating that the meeting was not only over, but his tone of voice said I was out.

  “You, too,” I whispered.

  “I wish you the best of luck. It was nice meeting you too, Mr. Faust.”

  “I’m sure it was,” Enzo answered like the cocky bastard that he was.

  Mr. Marti smiled tightly before he retreated. Enzo grabbed my arm after throwing down some twenties on the table. He squeezed too tightly, but I didn’t care at that point.

  “Just what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” he asked as he led me out of the restaurant as if I was some trespasser.

  I turned to him in the parking lot, not caring that anyone could walk by and witness my little meltdown. The tears were streaming down my cheeks as I yelled at Enzo, “You ruin everything you touch!”

  “What in the hell are you talking about? And I asked you a question. What the fuck do you think you were doing with that guy?”

  “That guy was my future!”

  “You think that cradle robbing asshole is your future?”

  “You don’t know anything about me or what I want in life. You don’t know my aspirations or what career path I want to take or even what I secretly dream about in life. So yeah, Enzo, that guy was my shot at a real future and you killed it.”

  “You are my wife, and you’ll act like it!” Enzo screamed.

  “Fake wife,” I mocked.

  “Fake, porcelain, marble … I don’t give a damn. You. Are. Mine.”

  “Never, Enzo … never,” I stated flatly before I turned and ran away. I got in my car before he could reach me, tears streaming down my face the entire way home.

  “You don’t get to walk away from me,” Enzo stated the minute he walked through the door just moments after I did.

  "Why does what I do matter to you? You ignore me most of the time. And when you’re not pretending like I don’t exist, you’re mad at me for something.”

  “I already told you. It matters because you’re my wife.”

  “And I told you that I was only your wife on paper. Real couples don’t scream at each other, don’t try to ruin each other’s lives, don’t hate each other. They want to help their partners reach their dreams.”

  “And just what exactly are your dreams, little girl?” he asked haughtily.

  “I want to make something of myself! I don’t want to sit around the house depending on someone else.”

  “What does that have anything to do with that asshole you’re dating?” he asked, disdain dripping from his voice.

  “I’m not dating him!” I screamed. “I was interviewing for a scholarship!”

  “A scholarship?” he questioned, his voice echoing his confusion.

  “For college,” I admitted, my voice growing softer.

  “College?” he parroted, his eyebrows drawing closer together.

  “I was accepted,” I told him. “And I figured you wouldn’t fight me on this since having a ‘smart wife’ would make you look good,” I used air quotes when I said ‘smart wife.’ “But I’m not going because I can’t afford it.”

  “Look around, little girl,” he said as he waved his hand around the room. “You can afford it.”

  “I’m not taking your money,” I hissed

  “Why the hell not?” he asked, his tone part angry, part confused.

  “Because I’m not going to rely on anyone else! I’m not going to be dependent on you. I’m going to do this on my own!” I was yelling.

  “I don’t know who you think you are, but you can’t raise your voice to me,” he said so low his voice sounded deadly.

  I ignored him and continued, “I lied on the scholarship application, okay?” I said it as a question, but it was a statement. “I lied and said I wasn’t married so I could qualify. And that guy, the ‘asshole I’m dating,’ was the interviewer. I was this close to my future. I was this close to getting my dreams. And you showed up and took them away. You take everything away from me. You ruin everything, Enzo,” I said as I pushed past him and ran up the stairs to my room and slammed my door.

  I started sobbing and talking to myself, but I needed to talk to someone who would comfort me. I dialed Nora.

  “Don’t give up, P,” she urged.

  “I wanted love, Nora, and I’ll never get that. I’ve resigned myself to that. But I thought I could at least make something of myself. Go to college, build a career, do something that is mine and mine alone. It’s not fair! So I lied that I wasn’t married on the scholarship application. It’s not about marriage status; it’s about need. I really do need that money. I’m not taking any from Enzo or his family.”

  “There are other scholarships,” Nora tried.

  “Not like this one,” I cried. “The other ones won’t cover even half my tuition.” I paused
to catch my breath. “And even if I figure out how to pay for school, what if I’m wrong about Enzo being okay with me going to school? What if I’m hoping that having an educated wife is something he cares about?”

  “What could he do? Chain you up? Worst case, he’ll yell at you and make you miserable. Newsflash, P, he’s already doing that. So suck it up and go to school. He can’t stop you.”

  “He already did,” I replied, defeat apparent in my voice.

  “We’ll figure things out. You didn’t think you’d get this far and you already did.”

  “I’m going to have to tell them I can’t go to school after all.”

  “No!” Nora screamed. “Wait a little at least. I’ll look for ideas, too. You’re going to school if it’s the last thing you do.”

  “Maybe a community college.”

  “There is nothing wrong with community college, but you deserve to go to a four-year college right off the bat. I’m telling you, we’ll figure things out.”

  “How?” I cried again. “How can I afford schooling without financial assistance? And if you suggest Enzo or his family, I’ll hang up on you. I’m not taking their money.”

  “I already know, P. I wasn’t going to suggest it, but just don’t say anything to anyone yet.”

  “My deadline is next week. We need to come up with something by then.”

  “We will. Just don’t give up hope.”

  “I gave up hope a long time ago, Nora.”

  “We’ll bring it back. We’ll bring it back,” she repeated.

  We hung up and I binge watched sappy movies all evening, trying to find some hope. They seemed to lift my spirits a little. I applied for every single scholarship I could find, even minor ones. I would take whatever I could get. I didn’t know how Nora did it, but two days before my acceptance of admission was due, I received a letter that proved hope was real after all. I had received a scholarship that I wasn’t sure I even applied to, but my tuition had been paid in full and remaining funds would cover school necessities.