Three Loving Words

by DC Renee

  Nora swore she had no clue how it happened and that it was all me, but I knew she had pulled some magic. She had more than proved she could be a fantastic sister. I was just sorry it took us so long to get to that point. And the best part of it all? When I finally started going to school a few weeks later, Enzo didn’t say a word.

  The day I found out I’d get to go to college had been the absolute best one yet.

  *****

  College wasn’t like high school. In some aspects, it was easier, while in others, it was considerably harder. You didn’t have the strict regimen that you had in high school. If you didn’t go to class, that was on you. No one was going to baby you or call your parents to complain. You were an adult now, and it was all up to you. Not sure if that was quite the easier or harder part. Some of the classes felt like a joke, but I guess that did mirror high school a bit. Most of the classes, though, were at a level you never anticipated.

  It was halfway through my first semester when I learned this the hard way. You’d think I’d have plenty of time to study and ensure I could keep up with my coursework considering I had given up having a life other than work when I married Enzo. I didn’t know where the time went, but between said work, attending classes at awkward times to continue to work as many possible hours, and avoiding Enzo at all costs, I didn’t have much time to truly study the way I had done before. My first midterm grade was a C. Yes, sure, that was passing, and yes, sure, that was not bad for many students, but that was horrible for me.

  That was how I found myself studying with Luke. There were no assigned seats in college, but students tended to pick a seat they liked and sat there for the entire semester. I ended up sitting one seat over from Luke. I took him to be a “surfer dude” the first time I saw him. From his sandy blond hair, broad shoulders, and killer abs—I might have snuck a peek at when he lifted his arms and his shirt rode up—to his carefree attitude when the instructor went over the course syllabus, he screamed beach bum. Turned out, I was completely wrong. He was a science geek who loved sci-fi movies and had been to the beach only twice in his life. He came from a small town in Tennessee where he and his girlfriend had decided to go to school together.

  The best part about him? He wasn’t one of those cliché guys who followed a girl to school only to either party it up and dump her or get dumped. He and his girlfriend, Chandra, had been friends since they were in diapers. They didn’t start dating until the summer before school, having originally planned to go to school as best friends. They had their fair share of other “romances” in high school, and after three semesters here, they were still going strong and didn’t have eyes for anyone but each other. To say I was jealous of what they had was an understatement. It wasn’t the exact love story I pictured for myself, but it was fan-freaking-tastic, and I wanted it for myself. I didn’t get it and never would. It didn’t stop me from becoming friends with Luke and Chandra; it just probably made me look like a weirdo when I’d get a dreamy expression on my face watching them be all adorable with each other.

  Luke and I became friendly the second day of class when I heard him snickering at his phone. “Sorry.” He smiled unapologetically. “My girlfriend is a character,” he added as he leaned over and showed me some silly picture she had texted him. He did this the next few classes as well. We ended up chatting here and there while waiting for class to start or as we walked out together.

  “Hey, I’m meeting my girlfriend right now; you want to join us for a bite to eat?”

  I didn’t want to intrude and told him so, but Luke was persistent. I was pretty sure he had seen how lonely I looked and was just trying to be nice. We only hung out a handful of times before the big C midterm fiasco. It was after that both Luke and Chandra became true friends.

  “Hey, no sweat,” Luke told me after I nearly cried in class after looking at my C grade. “I’ll help you out.” Did I mention Luke was a genius, too?

  “Are you sure?” I sniveled.

  “Yeah. Besides, it will help me prepare for the class, too.”

  I thanked him and then we went to meet up with Chandra. That’s when I found out Luke had a weird thing about studying in libraries or coffee shops or any other typical place to study. He wanted to study at home so it didn’t “feel like studying.”

  “Where do you live?” he asked. “Chandra and I have a small studio, so not sure how convenient it’s going to be for us to get together there.”

  It was then that I had to fill them in on my situation. I didn’t give them all the details, just that I had married Enzo in a marriage of convenience for our families; it was loveless and we were hardly ever civil with each other, but I was stuck.

  They were a little more than shocked, but after Chandra had picked her jaw up off the floor, she came around and hugged me tightly. Luke joined in shortly after. That was how they ended up being my best friends.

  *****

  I had warned Luke that my “home” was lavish, probably more than anything he was used to, but when he walked in for our first study session, he whistled like they do on TV. He actually whistled. “Holy shit, you weren’t kidding.”

  “Nope.” I hung my head in shame.

  “Hey, don’t do that. If I were you, I’d be using and abusing.”

  “Somehow, I doubt that.” Luke was an honest guy; a nice guy who worked hard for everything he got. He was so far from Enzo; I figured that if they were magnets, they would repel each other. If Luke had been single and not one of my only friends, I would have been crushing on him big time, but the way he treated me was brotherly, and I needed that more than I needed anything else.

  Luke was a miracle worker and within a few hours, I was actually starting to understand the material we covered.

  “You have to be a teacher, Luke,” I announced.

  “So I’ve been told. But I dream of other avenues.”

  “Like what?”

  He looked around the room as if he was making sure no one was around to listen. “Promise you won’t tell anyone?”

  “Promise,” I nodded.

  “I heard there is some team at Disney that is solely devoted to imagining and creating and all that awesomeness.”

  “Is that right?”

  “I’m going to be working there one day, you’ll see.”

  “Will you get me free tickets to the amusement park?”

  “Most definitely.”

  “All right, then, I approve.”

  We laughed and then called it a day. It was while I was walking Luke out that my dumb luck struck again.

  “Thank you so much, Luke.” I hugged him at the door. And as we embraced, the door swung open and in came Enzo. My eyes met his over Luke’s shoulder and I watched them go from bland to confused to angry in a matter of seconds.

  I had given Luke and Chandra the PG version of my life, okay, maybe the PG-13 version, but I hadn’t prepared Luke for the full frontal assault known as Enzo. I became instantly embarrassed and worried. I was afraid Enzo would scare Luke away and I was frightened of Enzo’s reaction as well. I pulled away from Luke.

  “Enzo,” I spoke his name calmly as I had done several times before when we passed each other in the house as two neighbors would.

  His lips twisted as he fought to contain himself, but this was Enzo; there was no containing him.

  “What the fuck is this?” He geared the question toward me but spun toward Luke immediately. “And who the fuck are you?”

  “I’m Luke,” he responded, his cheery disposition not wavering any.

  “I don’t give a fuck if you were the pope. What are you doing here?” Luke opened his mouth to reply, but Enzo swung back to me and spoke again. “You’re bringing your boyfriends to my house? To my house? I don’t keep track of your movements, I don’t keep you on a leash as I probably should, and this is how you repay me? You bring some fucking douchebag to my home for a daytime fuck session?” He was seething and I tried to interrupt to explain, to stop his tirade, but he was on a roll. �
�You,” he pointed at Luke, “get the fuck out of my house. I never want to see you here again.”

  “No,” I yelled over Enzo’s voice. “He’s my guest, and if he leaves or goes is our decision, not yours. I don’t tell you not to bring your whores around; you don’t tell me who I can invite here.”

  “This is my house!” Enzo roared and stepped into me. Luke moved closer as well. Enzo’s eyes swung toward him, and he eyed how closely Luke was standing next to me with contempt.

  “The deed says differently,” I retorted very calmly. I had gotten him there; I knew it, and by the way his eyes practically bugged out of his head, he knew it, too.

  “Fine, little girl. You want to be a slut in your own home, you go do that. See if I fucking care.” He got in Luke’s face and I could see Luke trying hard to keep it together. “You had better watch yourself.”

  He stormed past us after having the last word, bumping into us on purpose.

  “I … uh … I think you should get out of the house,” Luke responded calmly while rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. “I have no clue what the hell that was, but I think we both need some time to process. Let’s get out of here, yeah?”

  I nodded to keep from blurting out the truth about everything.

  “Right, well, let’s go to my place. I’m sure Chandra would love to hear about this.”

  I followed him to his place, and it was tiny like he had said, but it was cozy, homey even. I ended up hanging out a lot.

  After Luke had recalled the events to Chandra, and she gasped at appropriate times, I cried.

  “I’m so sorry!” I repeated. “I’m so sorry you had to witness that!”

  “Chandra used to make me watch her cheesy soaps all the time, Paige. This was nothing.” I laughed through my tears and then proceeded to explain all the details about Enzo and my relationship, minus the wedding night.

  “Interesting,” mused Chandra. “Sounds to me like someone was jealous,” she added.

  “No … well … hmm.” Enzo’s reaction did seem a bit like someone had a touch of the green-eyed monster. I knew it wasn’t because he wanted me and couldn’t have me; it was because he wasn’t the center of someone’s universe. It also probably had to do with the fact that he didn’t have that ultimate claim on me like a true husband.

  “I think I like that look.” Chandra smiled. “You’re up to something, aren’t you?”

  “You might not like it after I tell you my idea.”

  “Try me.”

  “I’m going to continue to make Enzo jealous and I’m going to use your boyfriend to do it. That is if you both are okay with it,” I added meekly.

  “That’s a fantastic idea!” Chandra exclaimed.

  “It is?” Luke asked. “It sounds pretty bad to me.”

  “Oh, hush you. You’re going to help our girl, and that’s the end of it.”

  “Do I get a say?” he asked.

  “No,” answered Chandra just as I said, “Yes.”

  “What does this jealousy thing entail?” he asked me.

  “Not much, I don’t think. You’ll have to come to my house when Enzo’s there, but that shouldn’t be an issue since we’re studying together. We might have to hang out a few times, but we do that anyway.”

  “Hmm,” he pretended to ponder. “Sold. Luke Duzay, fake boyfriend extraordinaire.”

  That was the beginning of Operation: Make Enzo Jealous.

  Ten

  Enzo

  “That stupid … fuck … she … goddamn slut …” I was alone in my room, throwing things and couldn’t even form a coherent thought after seeing Paige with her boy toy. I had also realized I was stuttering out loud when I passed the mirror and caught a glimpse of my mouth moving. Great. Paige was making me go crazy. If I hadn’t known better, I’d say I was jealous. But I didn’t get jealous and I certainly didn’t get jealous over Paige. It was a matter of principal. It had to be because I didn’t know another reason I was reacting this way.

  I was her husband, dammit! I knew she hated me almost as much as I hated her. The first and only time she had said it was a punch in the gut. It was one thing to know it and another to hear it. I don’t even know why it tore me up so much. Maybe because no one hated me, well, other than my father. And even then, I didn’t think he hated me; he was just disappointed in me. I definitely hated him. This whole ordeal was actually more his fault than Paige’s, but she had been the one to agree to it, so it was her final cherry on the icing that sealed this crap deal. I didn’t care what Paige thought of me; I didn’t care if she liked me or hated me. She was just a thing in my way, an object I had to deal with. But when she had said the words, something inside me snapped. It didn’t feel good or right or even warranted, even though I’d done and said plenty of things to justify her hate. It just … it wasn’t good.

  Either way, she was still mine. Mine. She might not want to be in this marriage, and God only knew why—she was the one who had signed up for it. She might not like me, but the fact remained that she was indeed my wife. She was legally bound to me. And if a secret part of me wanted to admit it, I expected her to look at me with adoration, to check out my ass as I walked by her and ogle my body when she thought I wasn’t looking. I got that a few times, sure, but it was nothing like I was used to, nothing as I had anticipated from my wife. I never really thought about having a wife, especially one I was forced to marry, but if I had one, I’d want her to see me and only me. What I did was my business. Yeah, I sounded like a hypocrite, but tough, that was who I was.

  So take the fact that Paige didn’t admire me the way I deserved and couple that with the fact that she had an independent streak that I both hated and respected, and it was enough to send me over the edge. But no, she didn’t stop there; she brought her little boyfriend to our place. My first glimpse of him was while she was wrapped tightly around his body. I hated the fact that she was touching another man; I hated the fact another man was touching her even more. I hated the ease with which her body flowed around him. I hated the way they seemed familiar with each other. I hated everything about that situation. I saw red only seconds after my mind went into a slideshow of all the positions they had probably been in just moments before … in my own home … under my nose.

  I wanted so desperately to punch a hole in his face, but I didn’t. I was not sure how or why I contained myself. I wanted to rip Paige away from him and take her to my room where I would lock her in the closet so no one else would touch her. She had creamy skin and smooth curves, a wet dream, a sexy dessert, but I didn’t want her. I just didn’t want anyone else to want her, either.

  The asshole had moved toward her at one point as if she needed protection from me. That pissed me off even more. And then she had the audacity to stand up for him as if he meant something to her. Who the fuck was he? He was probably nothing more than some peasant she used to warm her bed. He wouldn’t even be back there again. I stormed away before I did any real damage. I heard the door close, but I didn’t hear Paige in the house, not that I would have over the roaring in my head, but that just got me even more. She left with him.

  She was mine! My property, my possession, my wife, and he was getting her. It took two hours of raging against my room, a cold shower, and then a good, hard fuck from one of my usuals to calm me down.

  Things were tense between us for the next week; even our typical terse level of civility seemed strained. It went back to our normal about a day or two later, and then I saw the motherfucker again. I saw him in his car driving away from my home as I was coming back. He didn’t see me and when I came home, I didn’t see Paige, so I went out that night and got trashed and ended up with a cute blonde. That wasn’t the last I’d seen of that asshole either.

  I didn’t know why I would have rather had Paige screwing a new guy every night than seeing this guy a few times a month. My wife was a cheating slut either way, but something about her having a steady guy bothered me more than if she had multiple guys a day. I ended up seei
ng this Luke guy more times than I could count. I’d like to say it got easier watching her parade with her boyfriend, but it didn’t. I just got better at handling my emotions and finding an outlet. I figured, hell, if she was getting some that night, I might as well be, too. And if she was having sex in our home, I sure as hell would too; not that I hadn’t done that plenty of times before, but somehow, it seemed that much more apropos.

  The more I saw him, though, the more I hated him and the more I hated Paige. I was an asshole to her, to him; I made snide remarks about her whore-ish ways. I did a lot more things than I cared to admit to get her to stop seeing him, but nothing worked. I tried everything short of beating the shit out of Luke to get him to stay away from her, but the douche wasn’t going anywhere. I loved my pseudo-freedom and my no-strings sex lifestyle, but I did get a bit jealous of the relationship they had because it seemed that nothing could get them to break up whatever it was they were doing. And the fact that I was covetous of that infuriated me even more than the fact that this asshole was all over my property. I wasn’t jealous. I would never be jealous. Just upset. Seemed like that was all Paige was good at – getting me upset.

  *****

  I’m not one hundred percent sure when it happened, or even how or why, but instead of just covering Paige with a blanket every time I found her sprawled on the couch, I started carrying her to her bed. I remembered being hesitant the first time that I lifted her in my arms. I had vowed never to touch her again, and although I doubted this would count, it still felt wrong. Yet something about her in my arms, so vulnerable and so peaceful, felt downright good. When she was asleep, when I didn’t have to stare into those mesmerizing deep blue eyes, when I didn’t remember she was a burden to me, it felt nice.