The One I Need

by Alivia Grayson

  I push the sack of crap away from me and get to my feet. I shouldn't have done this here. I should have lured him to a quiet location and took my time killing him.

  But I don't have time. I need to get back to the clubhouse and check on Tank. He's not going to be happy with at all. His pride will have been dented, his brothers will know by now that I was the one who knocked him out, and they won't let him live it down. Believe me, men are all children inside until the day they die.

  I breathe deeply. Now I'm finally free. Every last cunt who hurt me is now dead. Not one motherfucker can now chase me, invade my daughter's life. She will never know how she came to be, that's my secret and mine alone.

  God, I feel good inside!

  “I need you.”

  “Again? Jesus, Nova, what the hell have you done now? I've only just finished cleaning up the last guy you offed.”

  I roll my eyes. “I don't have time for this, Marlon. Just get over here and deal with this mess.”

  “Who was it this time?”

  Not that he needs to know, but I'll tell him. “Dodger, president of the Devil's Hornets. The scum you cleaned away earlier was his brother. Now if you're done being a nosey fuck, get to the address I'm about to text you and clean up.”

  “Yes, boss.”

  I end the call and tear off my bloodied gloves. I climb on my bike and ride home. I shower and change in less than three minutes. My blooded clothes bagged and ready to be burned tucked away in my closet until I have time to deal with them.

  Now to get back to the clubhouse and check on Tank.

  My fuckin' head is banging like there's an army of kids inside it mercilessly banging drums for fun. Fuck! I can't believe I even gave her the chance to pistol whip me. Of all the fuckin' things, a woman, my woman! I couldn't even shake off the fuzz to get up and help her. I watched through hazy vision as she cold-bloodedly killed a man.

  I couldn't make out what she was saying to him, it was as if my hearing failed me for a while there. I saw the flashes of bullets leaving the gun she stole from me, then I passed out cold. I woke up a couple minutes ago here in a room at the clubhouse. Hammer and Roman with me.

  Hammer said I'd been out for half an hour. Fuckin' half an hour?! I must have passed out there for a while. Roman said Doc had been in to check on me and told them I'd be fine.

  “Fuck!” I curse when sitting up, hands pressed to my temples.

  “You all right, brother?”

  “Do I look all right?!” I snap at Hammer, then wince at the pain in my head.

  “Packs a punch for such a little girl.”

  “Fuck off, Roman!” I could really do without his gloating right now. I imagine the whole fuckin' MC is laughing at the fact big bad Tank got taken down by a woman, and not just any woman, his own.

  How much do my men know about what happened in that alleyway?

  Do they know my girl killed a man?

  And, are the fuckin' cops coming for her?

  Shit!

  No, they're not coming for her. No one here would call them. If the boys did their jobs properly the body will have been taken to the woods and buried in a deep hole, the alleyway cleaned up.

  Okay, I can calm my damn racing heart. She's the Prez's daughter, everyone will do everything in their power to clean up the mess she made.

  I groan to myself. She's going to be the death of me if I can't keep her under control.

  “Where is she?”

  “I'm here.” How did I not see her standing there? “Can you guys give us a minute?”

  “Why?” Roman folds his arms over his big body and laughs. The look in Nova's eyes tells me she does not like being the brunt of his jokes. “So you can kill him this time?”

  She nods with a sadistic smile on her face. Great. This should be fun. “If you don't get out of this room right now, Roman, it'll be you I kill. Now get. The. Fuck. Out!”

  I cringe.

  Christ, why when your head hurts do things sound so much louder?

  Why does it fuckin' hurt like hell?

  With a chuckle, Hammer tells me, “We'll be outside.”

  I nod without looking at either of them. I just grab the pills from the desk beside the bed I'm sitting along with the bottle of water Hammer placed there when I woke up. I throw the pills in my mouth and swallow them with a long chug of water.

  “I know you're mad at me,”

  “I'm not mad at you, Nova.” I'm not. I'm mad at myself for not standing up for her the way I should have.

  “I've dented your pride.” It's not a question.

  And she's right, she has dented my pride. No woman has ever taken charge of a situation like that, and one has certainly never knocked me the fuck out with my own gun. Has she dented my pride? Of course, she fuckin' has, I'm the man for fuck’s sake, it's my job to take care of her, not the other way around!

  “How many people know what happened out there? And I don't mean what you did to me.” Which I'm never gonna live down. Oh, these fuckers will thrive on it for fuckin' years to come!

  “Just Jett and Red. I swore them to secrecy. I told my dad I thought I was protecting you, that's why I did what I did. Jett took the blame for the kill, said he pulled the trigger when he saw the guy come toward me. Red backed him up.”

  “Wanna tell me just how you know how to fight and kill like that?” She sighs dramatically while folding her arms around herself. “Answer me!” She doesn't even jump when I raise my voice. She's a tough woman is Nova, nothing scares her. Not that I’m trying to scare her, but some recognition that she gives a shit would be nice.

  “Don't raise your voice to me, Tank, I'm not one your whores.”

  “I don't have any whores, just a stupid old lady who goes around killin' men three times her size.” Her eyebrow raises sarcastically. “Now tell me the goddamned truth.”

  “It was a fluke, Tank. I shot his hand. I was going to leave it at that but he went for his gun. I just did what I had to do to protect us.”

  “Protect us? I should have protected us!” I'm now on my feet. I'm more pissed at her than I first realized.

  “I'm not a weak little girl who needs a man to protect her. I've been doing that myself my whole life. I won't have you repressing who I am just so you don't look weak in front of your brothers!”

  She's driving me insane! I don't wanna yell at her, but she's infuriating. Standing there laughing at me like this is some big fuckin' joke. She killed a man like it was nothing to her!

  I know I've killed in the past, and I did it with ease because I had to. And if I think about it she did the same thing. But she didn't have to. That's the damn point. She could've stayed behind that dumpster and let me deal with it.

  Don't get me wrong, I love that she's so strong, that she's not afraid to do what needs to be done in order to save her own life, even my life.

  But what she did today was unnecessary.

  Simple as that.

  She put herself in danger with no thought of what would happen to Ember should she have been killed. She was reckless and she needs to own up to that.

  “I'm not repressing who you are, Nova, but what you did out there was stupid and unnecessary! What the fuck kind of point were you trying to prove?”

  She rolls her eyes. “Fuck that. Get over it, Tank. I hurt your pride, the men of this club will crack jokes about what I did to you for a while, but they'll soon find something else to waste their time on.”

  “You just don't get it!”

  “What don't I get, Tank? Jesus Christ!”

  “You don't even realize how reckless you were out there!” I grab her upper arms and force her to look at me. “What if he'd killed you?”

  “He didn't.”

  “He could have. What about Ember? Did you even think about her when you were taking that man's life?”

  Something flashes in her eyes, but I can't read it.

  What the hell is going on inside her head right now? Nothing I say to her is going to sink into he
r brain. I'm talking to a brick wall!

  “You know what? Forget it, I'm outta here.” I need a fuckin' drink or ten.

  “You walk out on me right now, and that's it!”

  I stand at the door, my back to her, my hand on the handle.

  I should turn around. I should tell her that it's all right.

  But it's not all right, she did wrong here today and if she can't see that, then maybe we don't have a future.

  Fuckin', fuckin', fuckin sonofabitch!

  How dare he walk away from me like that?!

  I get it, he's pissed off that I did what I did, he feels emasculated, less of a man. And for a biker, that's like losing his balls, even his hands so he can never ride again. But I just didn't think about that, I needed to take care of Shank myself. It had to be me.

  I can't even deal with this right now, I have so much anger welling up inside of me, and if Tank thinks I'll run after him and beg him not to leave me, then he's more stupid than he looks. I beg no man.

  I storm out of the bedroom, down the hallway and into the bar. It's packed as usual. Bikers, their guests. My father has been waiting to speak with me about what happened. He'll have to wait, I need to get to the gym out back. I need a sparring partner first.

  I notice Mike tinkering with a bike in the garage. “Hey, Mike, come spar with me.”

  He looks up from what he's doing with a raised eyebrow. “No way. You really think I wanna get on the wrong side of Shepard, Tank, and Jett? You're insane.”

  “Don't tell me you're too scared to fight a woman?”

  He gets to his feet and places the spanner he was using on the shelf beside him. Mike is a tall, well-built, but not overly. His long blond hair is always tied up like Tank's dark hair. And his dark eyes always seem to be darting on the wrong side of hell. He's perfect for what I have in mind.

  “I'm not scared to fight anyone. But the fact remains you are just a woman.” Oh, it's like that is it? “I wouldn't want to hurt you, little lady.”

  “Don't patronize me, jackass. Just get in the damn ring. Be a man. I can handle my own.” I walk away knowing he'll follow me.

  I've removed my jacket and taped up my hands before he walks into the gym with a smirk on his face. I knew he couldn't resist. I watch him tape up his hands while I strap my gloves tightly. I then slip in my mouth guard. I wouldn't want to break my teeth.

  I'm more than grateful for the gym these men have here. They're all big fuckers and it's easy to see why. This place is huge. It has all the mod cons. Some of this equipment looks really expensive, and I'll make use of it soon enough. But for now, the boxing ring in the middle of the room is calling my name.

  Stepping into the ring, Mike follows me. I'm not dressed appropriately for this, but I don't care, it's been too long since I got in the ring with someone. Boxing bags aren't the same thing, even if they do provide you with what you need at that time.

  “You sure about this?”

  “Don't even think about going easy on me. I may be a woman, but I'm not a weak one. You'll soon come to realize that.”

  He chuckles, I just shrug.

  We dance around each other for a moment. I sense someone walk into the gym but I don't take my eyes off of Mike and he doesn't take his eyes off me either.

  Mike goes in for a left hook, I dodge him, he laughs. I fake a right, he takes the bait, my left fist connects with his jaw, knocking him to the side. “Nice.” He smiles and catches me off guard with the left I just dodged.

  We dance around hitting the shit out of each other. He packs a punch I'll give him that, but I know how to block the right way. He doesn't often aim for my face, my damn midsection mainly. Fucker!

  At least he's doing what I asked him to do. Not treating me like a weak woman.

  I know the room is filling up, I can see them through the corner of my eye. Everyone is wondering what the hell Mike is doing fighting me of all people. I love the fact he's not scared to fight me. Hell, it's not even fighting, it's just simple sparring.

  Okay, maybe a little fighting.

  I dodge his attempt on my ribs, swinging back with my foot, connecting with his face so hard it brings him to his knees. I don't give him the chance to get up before I smack him left and right to the side of his head. I jump back, this isn't a fight, I have to keep reminding myself of that.

  My eyes lock with Tank's. He's watching me as are the rest of the MC, my father and brother included.

  Each man looks angry with me. Like I give a shit. The rest of the guys are hollering, telling Mike to get up, not to let a girl beat him. It's all good banter but Mike seems to take it seriously. He suddenly swings a punch which connects with my temple, it knocks me into the corner rope, my vision blurring. Son-of-a-bitch!

  I can barely fight him off. He's too strong, I block my face with my arms, but the pounding my stomach is taking is not a good feeling.

  Then I hear it, Tank's voice next to me. “Shake it off, Nova. Remember the basics of self-defence! Use it!”

  Use it.

  He's right, I have to use it. So I do just that. I bring my knee up against Mike's balls so hard he yells out in agony before falling to his knees, his gloved hands covering his crown jewels.

  I don't waste a moment, I pounce on him, raining punches down on him until the moment I'm dragged away from him. “Enough!” Comes the hiss in my ear.

  God, I want to melt against him, I want him to drag me out of here and fuck me six ways to Sunday, but Tank releases me and literally walks away from me, leaving me gawking at his back as he walks out of the building.

  “What the hell do you think you're playing at?” I roll my eyes at my father and climb out of the ring, tearing off my gloves in the process while spitting out my mouth guard. “How stupid can you be, fighting a grown man!”

  “Chill out. I know what I'm doing. I know how to fight, dad. I needed to let off some steam.”

  “You think smackin' your old man in the head with the butt of his own gun and knocking him out and then coming in here and fightin' one of my men...”

  “Don't even go there.” I cut him off while ripping the tape from my swollen knuckles. Damn, I really hit him hard. Doesn't seem to have fazed Mike, though, he's sitting with some of the guys laughing about what just happened. “The way you're acting anybody would think I just killed one of your men.”

  “I have no idea what Celia let you get up to in the time you were with her, but you damn well won't do it here. Do you understand me?”

  “Wow, Dad.” Shit, I feel like he smacked me across the face with his words. There was so much venom in them, and it's only now I realize he's ashamed of me.

  “Don't Dad me! Is it any wonder Tank walked away from you here?”

  “That's enough, Dad.” Jett takes his arm and shakes his head. My father rolls his eyes in annoyance.

  I won't wait around for him to give me his fake apology. And I won't say I'm sorry either. I did what I had to do to protect Tank, myself, and my daughter. God, I never should've come back here, I knew it would be a mistake.

  “I need to go.” Jett reaches out to take my arm. I'm not mad at him but I pull my arm away and shake my head. “I've embarrassed everyone enough for one day. I just want to collect Ember and go home.” I lean into him and kiss his cheek. “I'll see you later.”

  * * *

  I can't believe this little lady is going to be a year old in a few short weeks. She's already standing against the furniture, trying to let go so she can walk. It won't be long now and she'll be running around. I smile while watching her standing against the couch, bending her knees and bouncing her little body up and down. She entertains herself so well. I'm so proud of her.

  After I picked her up from Lynette's, I brought her straight home, fed her, bathed her, and dressed her ready for bed. Tank is usually home in time to put her to bed. It's become part of her routine. But it's now ten minutes past her bedtime and she's starting to whine. She also keeps looking at the window and pointing. I wish I k
new what to tell her, but I don't. I honestly don't think he's coming home tonight.

  “Mamma.” She groans softly, her little head laid down on the seat of the couch, her little eyes closing. Her body and mind are too tired to wait for Tank any longer. Selfish prick. He can be as angry as he likes with me, but I won't have him take this out on Ember, it's beyond unfair.

  I lift her in my arms, her head instantly falling against my shoulder. “Come on, princess, Mommy will put you to bed.” She nods against my shoulder as if she understands exactly what I'm talking about.

  I carry her to her room and lay her down in her crib, she's already asleep. I stroke her hair back from her forehead. “I love you, Ember. Mommy loves you so much.”

  I take myself to the shower, I didn't get chance to clean up properly after the fight with Mike. Although, I did clean up the blood from my split lip and eye before I picked up my daughter. I'm full of bruises, face, stomach, ribs, hands, even my left outer thigh when Mike gave me one hell of a kick. It's nothing I've never endured before. Doesn't even hurt. I'm used to this kind of pain, you learn to push past it.

  By the time I'm dressed in shorts and a tank, my hair blow dried, and I'm climbing into bed, Tank still isn't home. Why hell did I ask him to move in with us? It was too soon, we needed a bigger place first.

  Fuck him! I don't need him.

  I pull the covers over myself and instantly fall asleep. The whole day has taken a lot out of me.

  I wake up to Ember's hungry cries at 7.30 AM. She slept really well. She didn't wake once in the night, which gave me my first full night’s sleep since she came home to me.

  Tank also didn't come home last night. I guess he really did leave me.

  Well, if he thinks I'll be sitting here crying over him, he's sadly mistaken.

  I set Ember up in her highchair and sit feeding her, her favorite oatmeal for breakfast.

  Yeah, I've kind of given up on the whole breastfeeding thing. She's almost one, and she has a tendency to bite my nipple and believe me, that shit hurts like hell.

  So, I've been weaning her off the breast these past two weeks. We're finally at the point where she doesn't cry for it anymore.