Finding Ever After

by Stephanie Hoffman McManus

  I never wanted to wake up from this dream. Even ‘dream me’ knew I shouldn’t like it, shouldn’t want him, but that didn’t stop me from tilting my head to give him better access. When he took my earlobe between his lips and nibbled it gently, I’m pretty sure I let out a feminine sigh of satisfaction, which elicited a deep groan from him in return. It was definitely the most vivid dream I’d ever had and I let my entire body relax into his warmth instead of fighting it. It was also the best night’s sleep I’d had in a while.

  Chapter 21

  I couldn’t stop the grin from spreading across my face as I woke with pleasant thoughts of last night’s dream running through my mind. I laid there, refusing to open my eyes, not quite ready to let go of it. I even convinced myself I could smell his fresh and masculine scent that made my senses tingle. I inhaled deeply and let out a groan.

  “Mmmm.”

  I must still be half asleep because I thought I just heard him groan in as well. Then the bed dipped beside me and it didn’t feel like a dream at all anymore. It felt real. A little too real. Someone, well not just someone, I had a pretty good guess who, was definitely in the bed with me. I froze. What do I do?

  I didn’t know whether to sit up and demand to know what he was doing in here, or if I should just lay here a while longer and pretend to still be asleep in hopes that he would leave. I went with that one. I tried to slow down my breathing and relax my body.

  “I know you’re awake Princess so you might as well just open your eyes.” Guess that didn’t work.

  I groaned again, this time it wasn’t out of contentment, and turned to look at him. He was on his side staring back at me, an unreadable expression on his face.

  “Ugh. I thought I was just having a nightmare, but turns out it was real.” He was unphased by my cutting remark. If anything he seemed pleased by it, which only infuriated me further.

  “Didn’t seem like a nightmare, Princess.” He reached forward and brushed a lock of untamed hair out of my face. I jerked away from his touch. It was one thing to give in to a dream for a night, or what I thought was a dream. It was different to be laying here in the light of the day facing him after everything he said to me, the way he hurt me. I wanted to know just what was wrong with him. My money was on some extreme bipolar disorder. That was the only explanation I could come up with for the one eighty in his behavior.

  “Why are you here?”And why did Bas, or any of them let him up here? His entire demeanor changed. All of the playfulness and sarcasm disappeared.

  “I need to apologize to you for yesterday.” He looked away from me and ran a hand through his already messy hair. He let out a deep breath then brought his eyes back to mine. I could see regret in his. “I need to apologize for more than just yesterday. I’ve let you down in a lot of ways. You trusted me with something, even though you were afraid and instead of being there for you, I acted like an asshole. I’m sorry that I lost it.” His apology was sincere, but it wasn’t enough.

  “I can understand that you were upset. It was a lot to process, and asking you to accept all of it, all of me, was asking a lot, but you didn’t just lose it. You were vicious. You treated me like a clingy whore you were dismissing.” He winced but couldn’t deny that it was true.

  “I know,” he sighed. “There’s nothing I can say that will excuse it, but I can try to explain why.” He looked at me hopefully. I wondered how many times he flashed those doleful eyes and got his way. Curse that face, it was going to work on me as well. I nodded to give the go ahead and waited for him to speak.

  “First off, it was never about me not accepting you, or being mad at you. So don’t think that.”

  “That’s not how it seemed.”

  “Please just let me finish.”

  “Okay.” I relented.

  “I was mad. No actually, I was pissed, but not at you. I was angry at a lot of people, mostly myself. The moment I met you I wanted you under me. When you turned me down, repeatedly,” he grinned and I rolled my eyes. “I saw it as a challenge, one I was determined to win. The shit with Connor happened and I honestly thought he was just an angry ex. I agreed to be your friend and to back off, but really I was just trying to give you time before I pushed any more. I still had every intention of getting you into my bed.” This was supposed to make me feel better, to be less angry with him?

  “I know, I know.” I must not have been doing a good job of hiding my emotions. “I’m a dick. The problem is, it’s never mattered to me before, but it matters now. You’ve been through hell and I have no idea how to be the kind of friend you need, because you deserve better. All I wanted to do was kill that son of a-“ I glared at him.

  “Sorry, but that’s just it, I swear and drink and I like sex. I’m a jackass and I’m fine with that, or at least I was. I want to kill Connor and your dad and everyone who hurt you, but I don’t know how to help you. I don’t know how to be here for you. Instead of trying I acted like an asshole. It’d be easier if you just hated me. That’s what I thought when I was wasted anyway, but fuck I don’t want you to hate me.”

  As far as apologies went it wasn’t the greatest, but then I don’t imagine too many people are ever graced with a Kyden McCabe apology. He was being genuine and I understood what he was telling me. I still didn’t know if I could trust him, but I didn’t hate him. I didn’t think I was capable of hating him.

  “I don’t hate you, but I don’t know what you want from me. You said you don’t know how to be my friend and I know you came in here last night and …”

  “And what, Princess?” His signature grin was back.

  “You know what. You were touching me.”

  “Way to make me sound like some pervert.”

  “You know what I’m talking about.”

  “No I don’t. I wasn’t in here last night. I came in here about half an hour ago to see if you were awake yet.” What? No. I know he was in here last night. It wasn’t a dream.

  “No, you were. It wasn’t a dream.” He had to be messing with me.

  “What wasn’t a dream? Were you dreaming about me last night Princess?” I felt my face heat up. Did I dream it all because he was on my mind? I really didn’t know anymore. He really seemed like he didn’t know what I was talking about.

  “You really didn’t come in here at all last night?”

  “Yeah, I did. I just couldn’t resist messing with you.” His face was lit with amusement.

  “Really, you thought it was a good idea to mess with me after just apologizing?” I snapped at him.

  “Shit, I mean crap. Sorry, it’s not like that.” It was my turn to grin. “Damn it Princess. I thought you were seriously pissed at me again.”

  “No, but I’m confused and would like an explanation for why you came in here last night?” I shifted my gaze to where my hands were fidgeting with the sheet pulled up over my lap. I couldn’t look at him without getting embarrassed thinking of the night before.

  “The only one I’ve got is I was drunk. I felt like shit for how I treated you. I talked to the guys after you left and worked some stuff out. I thought it would be a good idea to rush up here as soon as we got back so I could apologize. You looked too peaceful to wake up and like I said I was drunk. I couldn’t help myself. I probably shouldn’t have gotten into the bed with you.” I looked over at him and raised my eyebrows. “Okay I shouldn’t have gotten into the bed with you. I’m sorry.”

  “You keep saying you’re sorry, and it’s fine. I get it, but what is it you want?”

  “I want to give the whole ‘friends’ thing a shot. A real shot.” I couldn’t help but be skeptical.

  “Thought you said that you didn’t know how to do that?” He dropped his head and ran his hands through those gorgeous locks leaving him looking even more unruly in a dangerously sexy kind of way.

  “I don’t and you’d be smart to tell me to fu-I mean ef off. I’ll probably suck at being your friend, but I want to try if you’ll give me a chance.” He was right, I shoul
d tell him to ef off, but I couldn’t. Didn’t even want to.

  “Friends? Seriously this time?”

  “Seriously. I promise no more bull shit. I’m done trying to get you in bed, that’s not what I want anymore. Last night was a drunken lapse in judgment. It won’t happen again.” I should’ve felt relieved. That’s what I’d wanted from the beginning, to be friends, no complications. It was different when I was the one making that decision though. I didn’t want him trying to seduce me, but stupidly, it felt nice to be wanted. Maybe that’s why his words stabbed at my heart.

  It’s what was best for both of us though, so it was time to suck it up and be satisfied that things were working out how they were supposed to between us, and ignore the aching feeling in my gut.

  “Yeah, that would be good. Friends.” Anyone really close to me would know that my voice was just a little too high, and I was speaking just a little too fast. Thankfully Kyden didn’t notice anything off. “Does this mean you’re going to stop calling me Princess?”

  “Not a chance Princess.” He grinned. “I’m still me. I can’t turn that off.” He proved his point by leaning in real close, too close. His face only inches from mine. I could see the flecks of gold swirled through the emerald of his eyes. I could get lost looking into them. His hand came up, startling me and he ran his fingers through my messy locks and the wide smile on his face let me know that despite the shaky truce we’d just established, there were some things that wouldn’t change.

  “Time to get up, we’re going to have fun today!” He hopped off the bed and yanked the covers away. I think I wanted moody Kyden back. I tried to pull the covers back and bury myself under them, but he wasn’t having it.

  “This is your warning Princess, you better be downstairs in five, or I’m coming for you.” He said, clearly enjoying himself a little too much. I picked up a pillow and tossed it at his back as he walked out of the room. He just chuckled and reiterated his warning. “Five minutes.” He shut the door behind him.

  I looked at the clock on my cell phone, it was only nine. Ugh. Well I would show him. I got up and pressed the lock on the door handle and then plopped back down on the bed pulling the covers up over my head. He could just take his five minutes and shove it. I would get up when I was good and ready. I closed my eyes and tried to fall back asleep.

  What if he knows how to pick a lock? He probably doesn’t … he probably does.

  What if Vi gives him the key? She wouldn’t … she would.

  With another frustrated groan I slid out of bed and shuffled through the dresser drawers. The bright sun was already peaking through the curtains so I grabbed the first pair of shorts I found and my Beauty and the Beast t-shirt that had “A Tale as Old as Time” printed across it and an enchanted rose losing petals. It was my favorite Disney movie of all time. Belle was super smart and kind and a little awkward but she didn’t care what anyone else thought about her. She fell for the prince when he was still a hideous jerk because she saw past his appearances to the good underneath.

  I always felt like she was the princess I could relate to. I laughed unpleasantly realizing how much more I could relate now, with the whole falling for a jerk. Then I froze, half way to the bathroom. I was not living in a fairy tale. I had not truly fallen for him. I needed a psych evaluation for even entertaining such ridiculous thoughts. I turned around and forcefully yanked the drawer with t shirts open and grabbed a different one. If that fairytale was now ruined for me, I was going to smother him in his sleep, assuming I survived whatever “fun” he had planned for today. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to know what was in store for me downstairs, but I did know what was in store for me if I tried to hide out in here. No way was I letting him come up after me.

  Dressed in a Transformers t-shirt that didn’t make me think of Kyden at all, I walked toward the kitchen, where I could hear the sounds of life. From the level of noise, I would guess that I was one of the last to rise. What is wrong with these people, haven’t they ever heard of sleeping in? Were they not all out late last night?

  “Cutting it close Princess. I was looking forward to dragging you down here.” He winked and then went back to chopping whatever was on the counter in front of him. I ignored him and went to take a seat next to Vi.

  “Mmm, will you marry me Rainbow?” Confused, I stopped halfway to the island where Spade was sitting with Bas, Chris and Vi.

  “Excuse me?” I asked him

  “These muffins and cookies are the shit. I’ll hand over all my credit cards and bank info and buy you any diamond you want, if you promise to bake for me every day for the rest of my life.” I just shook my head and laughed. “Was that a yes?” He asked between bites of muffin.

  “No.”

  “Well, was it a no?”

  “No.” I answered, teasing him with a big smile.

  “So you’ll think about it?” He reached into the container for another muffin.

  “Hey you better have saved some of those for me dickhead.” Ace appeared from the living room and raided the Tupperware for his own muffins. Maybe I should have made a bigger batch. I would try to remember to bake for them more often if it made them this happy.

  “Hey, get the fuck away from my muffins. You already had four cookies.” Spade barked out and snatched one of the muffins right out of Ace’s grasp.

  “I’ll just grab another one dumbass.” Ace turned to reach for replacement muffin, but Spade shoved him in the opposite direction. Ace responded by trying to get Spade in a headlock. That resulted in them wrestling throughout the kitchen. While they were both distracted Bas and Chris took the opportunity to grab muffins, but as stealthy as they thought they were being, their actions didn’t go unnoticed.

  “Hey douchebags those are our fucking muffins.” Ace stopped trying to tackle Spade to the ground and glared at Bas and Chris. He and Spade both completely forgot about the all-out brawl they were having ten seconds ago and were now united against the muffin snatching brothers.

  “Hey guys, I can just bake more for you to take home with you.” I interrupted before it turned into a tag team match. Guys could be so ridiculous sometimes.

  “Really?” They both looked at me like I just offered them sexual favors, in fact I’m not even sure they would have looked quite that excited if I had.

  “Yeah, it’s not a big deal.”

  “Actually, Princess, it is. We’ve got plans today. Sorry guys, she’s not going to have any time to bake for you.” They groaned their disappointment and went back to squabbling over what remained of the cookies and muffins.

  “Plans? You and me?” Nobody seemed to find this strange either, as if they hadn’t witnessed him humiliating me yesterday. I shot Bas a questioning look, but he just brushed it off and tried to hide his smile by taking a bite out of the muffin he had in his hand, but I still caught it.

  “Not just you and me, so sit down.” I was curious, but he wouldn’t tell me more. He pulled out a stool at the bar for me and then set a tray of fresh fruit, yogurt, granola and … “Peanut butter?” I looked at him, surprised.

  “Yeah, I thought it sounded weird as hell, but Bas said I needed to put it on there.” I picked up a slice of mango and dipped it into the thick spread. I savored the sweet and salty combination in my mouth, while Kyden watched me, his face a mixture of amusement and disgust.

  “You eat strange shit Princess.” He went over to the fridge, pulled out the orange juice and poured me a glass.

  “Thank you.” I mumbled, still trying to figure out what he was playing at this morning. Instead of sitting down or getting his own food he stood there watching me eat. It was a little unnerving, and I suddenly felt self-conscious eating in front of him.

  “Aren’t you going to eat something?” I asked him, hoping he would take the hint and quit standing over me. He reached his hand down, plucked strawberry off my plate and dipped it in the peanut butter and then the granola. I was impressed that he was actually willing to give it a try but then, instead
of bringing it up to his own mouth like I thought he would do, he touched the strawberry to my lips and held it there until I opened and bit into the juicy berry. I don’t know what made my heart rate pick up more, him feeding me, or when he put his mouth around the remaining half of the berry, where my lips had just been.

  “Tasty, Princess.” I coughed, trying not to choke on the bite I was swallowing. Two words and I was ready to put on a ridiculous outfit, fan him with a palm frond and hand feed him grapes all day if he asked.

  If I stared at his mouth any longer, my traitorous body would betray the appearance of indifference I was trying to maintain. I quickly diverted my gaze from his lips, but wasn’t any more comforted by what I saw when I looked away. So much for hoping no one noticed my embarrassment. Bas and everyone else was watching us intently. Bas wasn’t trying to hide his grin this time and I really, really wanted to wipe it off his face.

  I could tell today was going to be one of those days I wished I had just stayed in bed. The jury was still out on whether or not this new friendship with Kyden was going to be a good thing. I was going to get whiplash trying to keep up with the different facets of his personality. I never knew what was coming next.

  My embarrassment only grew when Ace and Spade started mockingly serving bits of muffin into each other’s mouths. My cheeks were sufficiently reddened. Kyden abruptly pulled away from me and went about fixing his own food. Seemed I wasn’t the only one embarrassed about being observed, or maybe he just realized hand feeding wasn’t something ‘just friends’ usually did for each other.