The Beautiful Now

by M. Leighton

  From where I stood, he came into view first. Almost in slow motion, first one half of his body was revealed and then the other. Since the dance was semi-formal, he was dressed in a black suit with a crisp white shirt and a slender black tie. He was wearing what half the other guys in attendance were wearing, but he stood out as if he were bathed in bright light.

  Dane wore the simple suit so, so, so much better than the others. His skin was tanner, his neck thicker, his shoulders broader. He was tall and fit and every bit a man already, unlike most of his peers who just seemed…less. Less impressive, less confident, less mature.

  But not Dane.

  Dane James was all man.

  Gorgeous, charming, forbidden man.

  I was completely enthralled by him, right up until I saw his date appear. Then my thrall turned to shock. And betrayal.

  On his arm was none other than my best friend, and the girl who called out sick (supposedly), Lauren Stringer.

  The murmuring grew louder, but I barely heard it over the thud of my heart. It was beating twice as fast as normal. It made my chest hurt and my face sting, and all my dizzy head could think was, Why?

  Why? Why would he do that? Knowing she was my best friend, why? Knowing at times I abhorred her, why her? Knowing the way things were for me and the way she felt about him and his class, why? Why would he do that? Why would he choose her of all people?

  And Lauren…she’d lied to me. On purpose. I had no doubts about that when her glistening eyes met mine and I saw the satisfaction in them. Why would she do this? What was she trying to prove?

  Lauren didn’t know I liked Dane, of course. No one did except Angel. She just knew he was the hottest catch in school, and that was all she cared about. Dane James wasn’t good enough earlier that morning, but clearly something had changed. Lauren must’ve suddenly decided that he was. No doubt she had to have what everyone else wanted. That was part of the lure of being rich and influential, right? To have what everyone else wanted?

  Well, now she did.

  Lauren was one of the few who could do whatever—or whomever—she wanted. She and her family were untouchable. The reigning royalty of Shepherd’s Mill. They made the rules the rest of us had to live by. Even when they themselves didn’t.

  Lauren’s family was the authority in Shepherd’s Mill society. Old money. The oldest, in fact. The rest of us just had to try to keep up, socially and financially.

  But even if they all decided that Dane James was suddenly acceptable, I knew it wouldn’t matter for me. I knew that I would be the only one still forbidden to associate with him. I knew that would never change. No matter what Lauren did, no matter what her parents deemed acceptable, no matter how amazing Dane proved himself to be, my mother would never change her mind for two reasons. One, Alton would forbid it. He hated people like Dane for some reason. And two, she only wanted me dating potential husbands. She would never approve of Dane.

  I stood motionless, dumbstruck, as they made their way to where Chad and I stood on the dance floor. It only made matters worse that I finally noticed how amazing Lauren looked. Whatever kind of rot she housed in her soul, no one could deny she was beautiful. Exotic-looking with her black hair and seafoam eyes, her dress was blood red and skin tight, and she looked magnificent in it. And right at that moment, I wanted to die. With my plain blonde hair and my grass green eyes. Wearing my not-one-of-a-kind dress. I just wanted to evaporate. Cease to exist.

  They looked incredible together. Every girl there could see why Lauren would choose Dane. And, looking like she did, every guy could understand why Dane chose her.

  But I couldn’t. I couldn’t understand it. I had no idea why he would say yes.

  When they stopped in front of us, I managed to eke out a casual observation that I hoped didn’t sound too petulant. “I thought you were sick.”

  I avoided looking at Dane. I didn’t want to see what was in those russet-colored eyes of his. I didn’t want to see his desire for Lauren. I didn’t want to see his ambivalence for me. Because surely that’s what I’d see. And I just couldn’t take it.

  “It was supposed to be a surprise. Duh,” she replied snottily. She turned her face up to Dane and gave him her biggest smile. “We knew everyone would flip out if all this awesome walked in at the same time.”

  I tried to ignore the way she was rubbing her boobs up against his side. And the way he had his arm slung over her shoulders. I tried to ignore the way my stomach sloshed uneasily, too. The last thing I needed was to puke in public.

  “You look beautiful, Brinkley.”

  Dane.

  By calling me out, he was forcing me to acknowledge him, which I really didn’t want to do. I could actually feel him looking at me, like a flame held too close to my skin.

  Heating it.

  Burning it.

  Marking it.

  I turned chilly eyes up to his warm, autumn ones and I gave him a short, forced smile. “Thanks.” I glanced quickly away, back to Lauren who was infinitely preferable to interact with at the moment. If I didn’t get the hell away from them, I feared I’d end up in tears. Or losing my dinner.

  Somehow, it was easier to accept that I could never be with Dane when my peers couldn’t either. Somehow, it was easier to accept that he was kissing other girls when I didn’t hang around any of them and have to listen to the details. Somehow, it was easier to accept…before tonight. But this…this was torture. This was too close to home. This felt like he was cheating on me, and in my heart, he was. He knew this would hurt me. But he did it anyway.

  And that hurt even more.

  I plastered on a smile, shaking off my upset as much as I could until I could tend to it in private, and I wrapped my arm around Chad’s waist, leaning in for effect. “Well, Chad and I are leaving. We already had our pictures made, so… See ya!”

  “So soon? Where’re you off to?” Dane asked pointedly. I loved the sharp edge to his voice. It was soothing to my torn-up insides, soothing in that way that revenge sometimes feels. I wanted him to be bothered. I wanted him to be as bothered as I was.

  “Mission Pointe.” Chad piped up to supply the answer before I could. I had no intention of letting him take me there, but once I saw the look on Dane’s face, I decided to let it ride. I just smiled and kept my mouth shut.

  Eat your heart out, asshole!

  “Is that right?” Dane’s smile, however, had gone tight and insincere. Now who wasn’t happy?

  Chad nodded and held up his hand for a high five. I gritted my teeth and slid my gaze to Dane, almost daring him to smack it. I found that those perceptive eyes were narrowed on me. They bored right into me, or maybe right through me, as he slowly lifted his hand and slapped it against Chad’s.

  “I guess we’ll see you later then,” Dane replied, not even looking at Chad.

  “Or not.” Chad laughed like he’d said something funny.

  He hadn’t.

  That or I just wasn’t in a humorous mood.

  Dane and Lauren at Mission Pointe? Making out like two beautiful rabbits? I couldn’t even tolerate the thought of it.

  I made no comment. I couldn’t speak past my stomach, which was lodged in my throat. I just swallowed repeatedly, trying to force it back down to where it belonged.

  When I finally trusted myself to say something, I just looked at Lauren, told her I’d see her later, and took Chad’s hand to drag him toward the doors. I needed out of there. Fast.

  Chad tugged on my hand. “Slow down, baby. It’s not that long of a drive.” He was under the mistaken impression that I was in a hurry to get to Mission Pointe. He couldn’t have been more wrong.

  I ignored him. I didn’t say another word until we’d been on the road for a few minutes. Only when we were coming up on the turn that would take us to my house did I speak up.

  “Left here, Chad.”

  He turned a confused look in my direction. “Why?”

  “I’ve got the cramps. I’m gonna have to take a rain check.”<
br />
  I could tell by the set of his jaw that he wasn’t fooled. And he wasn’t happy.

  “You’re shitting me.”

  “I’d never shit you.”

  He made a scoffing noise. “You’re nothing but a dick tease, you know that, Sommers? Taylor was right.”

  I ignored that, too. I didn’t want to talk about Taylor. I didn’t want to think about Taylor. I didn’t want to think about any guy. They were all nothing but trouble. Trouble and lies and heartache.

  Chad mumbled something under his breath, but he turned as I asked him to. He’d barely put the car in park before I was out the door and stalking toward the front porch.

  “You could at least kiss me goodnight, Brinkley. Don’t forget you asked me to this dance.”

  I paused, a little stab of guilt making its way into the red haze of my anger and disappointment. I wasn’t considering actually kissing him until I saw the curtain in the living room shift. Momma. She was watching. And if I let Chad leave angry, I’d never hear the end of it from her.

  So, with teeth gritted, I turned on my heel and went back to Chad, and I let him deliver a disgustingly wet, tongue-laden goodnight kiss. One was more than enough to make my point, however, so I pushed him off, hunched over and grimaced like I was in pain, all for the benefit of my prying, spying mother.

  When I walked in, she didn’t even try to pretend she hadn’t been watching us. She was smiling brightly, hopefully.

  “How’d it go?”

  “Really great,” I answered with a subdued smile.

  “What’s wrong? Something’s wrong. What happened? What did you do?”

  Of course, as always, it would be something that I did. My mom didn’t think there was anything that I couldn’t put up with for the right man who had the right future and the right bank account. I swallowed my irritated sigh.

  “Cramps,” I said, folding my arm over my abdomen.

  Her expression immediately softened. “Oh, my poor baby. Ruined her night. Go on up and change. I’ll bring the heating pad and hang up your dress.”

  I nodded and walked slowly toward the stairs. I knew that Alton was sitting on the sofa. I could feel his eyes on me. I wanted to turn and scream for him to stop watching me. I hated his looks. Sometimes they held contempt, sometimes suspicion, but sometimes they held things that no man ought to be thinking about his stepdaughter.

  I’d mentioned to my mother what happened that night in my room, the night Alton scared the pee out of me with his close talking and inappropriate touching. Although she paled noticeably, she’d defended him, saying that he was just looking out for me, that I’d misinterpreted what happened. I knew I hadn’t, though. A grown man should never touch a young girl the way he had for any reason.

  Ever.

  Now I steered clear of him. Gave him no reason to come to my room, or even speak to me about anything other than the mundane, polite, everyday-life kind of stuff.

  I kept my gaze trained forward and I mounted the steps, locking my bedroom door once I was upstairs. I’d begun doing that after the night I found Alton in my room. I never felt quite comfortable at night anymore. I doubted I ever would. Not unless there was a locked door between me and whatever sick thoughts he had going on behind those cold blue eyes.

  I tore off my dress and slipped into sweatpants and a tank top, doing my best to put thoughts of Dane and Lauren out of my head. Nothing worked, of course. Seeing them together was all I could think about. It was hard enough to watch him walk the halls at school every day surrounded by a gaggle of girls, but to see him with one, just one—touching her, smiling at her—and to have a face to put with the nightmares I had of him kissing someone else… Well, it made the fact that I could never have him, that we could never be together more real. And I’d much rather have pretended that one day…one day…we could.

  I knew that was silly. Probably nothing more than the by-product of an unresolved crush. I mean, it had to be, right? I couldn’t have real feelings for Dane James. We’d only kissed once. Well, technically, it was a night full of kissing, but still. It took more than that to fall in love with someone, didn’t it?

  I didn’t know much about love. Obviously. But the tightness in my stomach, the ache in my chest, and the pain in my soul told me that I had much more than a crush on Dane James, whether my brain believed it or not.

  I went to my little window seat and drew my legs up under me, teetering between feeling like I hated Dane for bringing Lauren, like he’d somehow done it on purpose, and wishing beyond reason that he would come to my window and tell me that it was nothing, that he only had eyes for me. I couldn’t even bear the thought of him taking Lauren home, of him kissing her on the front porch steps or, worse, taking a detour to Mission Pointe instead.

  I was soul-deep in those thoughts when I heard a soft knock. For a split second, my heart stuttered, thinking it might be Dane. But I quickly realized that the knock was an actual knock on my actual door. I got up to answer it. It was my mother, bringing me two ibuprofen and the heating pad.

  “Why do you keep your door locked?” She acted kind of miffed that she had to wait for me to open it.

  I gave her a sadly exasperated look. “You know why, Momma. You just don’t believe me.”

  She cupped my face. “Alton’s a good man, Brinkley. It’ll be my dying wish that you end up with a man as good as he is, one who will take care of you and your babies. I know you don’t understand it now, but I’m trying to do what’s best for you. I always will.”

  I nodded. There was no arguing with her. There was no arguing with anyone in this town. They all seemed to believe the same kinds of things about money and worth and happiness.

  She bustled in, hung up my dress, and then walked back to the door where I was still waiting to lock it again once she left.

  “G’night, Mom.” I mustered up a smile just for her. She was Momma and, flaws and all, she was all I had.

  She leaned in to kiss my cheek, patted it once, and then left me in peace. I didn’t know if I’d ever understand the way the people of Shepherd’s Mill thought. Or if one day they would brainwash me into believing the same things. Age did funny things to people. So did being poor. It scared me to think of what, of who I might become if I didn’t get out of here soon.

  I locked the door behind my mother and resumed my seat at the window. I leaned my forehead against the cooling glass and stared out at the empty night, wishing that Dane James would come and rescue me.

  Chapter 12

  I’d already abandoned the window seat in favor of lying across the bed, staring out at the big, full moon while a song about loneliness filled my room with musings from the deepest part of my heart.

  I was all alone in a town of crazy strangers and the one person I could relate to had left me. Or at least that’s how it felt. He’d defected to the other side, all because they could finally see that he was something special. But I knew it from the first time I met him, long before anyone else gave him the time of day. I knew it and couldn’t do a damn thing about it.

  I felt like I knew a lot of things that no one else knew—things about my stepfather, things about my mother, things about Shepherd’s Mill and her patrons. Some days, I felt like I was the only one who had her feet on the ground. But that in turn made me feel like I was the only one who didn’t really know what was going on. Like I was missing something. I couldn’t understand it. How could an entire population of people be so blinded to the truth, to reality, that they believed that money and power was what made people either worthy or unworthy?

  Maybe I was the blind one. Maybe that was how the world worked. Maybe I was in the minority for a reason. Maybe I was the deluded one.

  The sharp tick of rock against glass caused me to jump. A single breath later and it had my heart racing like a runaway train while my stomach filled up with butterflies.

  Dane.

  He’d come for me.

  Maybe he was my hero after all.

  I ran quickly t
o the window, praying that sound hadn’t been a product of my imagination. Or the product of too much wishful thinking. But when I pulled back the curtain, I could see the bright silvery moonlight spilling over his dark head and broad shoulders. It was like a waterfall of mercury cascading over midnight granite that had been carved into the shape of a man.

  My heart sank when I saw Dane’s face, though. It was stern, his customary devil-may-care grin curiously absent.

  I raised the window. “What are you doing in my yard in the middle of the night, Dane James?”

  My tone had a decidedly chastising flavor to it. By the sound of it, I should’ve been clucking my tongue and pointing my finger, like an angry schoolmarm or a disappointed grandmother. I hated it, but I couldn’t seem to help it. I was angry. I was disappointed.

  “I’m here for you,” he said simply, still no smile.

  “I can’t go anywhere,” I told him. That wasn’t entirely untrue. I really shouldn’t be sneaking out with him. Alton warned me what would happen. But if I were being honest, if it hadn’t been for Dane’s arrival with Lauren tonight, I’d have risked it in a heartbeat. It would’ve been stupid and inconsiderate, but I’d have probably done it just for a few more minutes with him. It scared me a little to think about what all I’d be willing to do for more time with Dane James.

  “Can you come downstairs for just a minute? Or do you want me to come up?”

  Him? Come up here? I hadn’t even considered that, but the idea that he had gave me a shiver. What else had he thought about? What had he pictured happening in my room?

  I couldn’t help wondering if Dane could get up here. He was nearly a foot taller, and with his strong arms and long legs, maybe he could. Maybe he could use the railing to climb from one porch to the porch on the next level.