Mistakes of My Past

by Emily James

  She looks up at me wondering. I don’t know if she was expecting me to be put off. I’m not. I kiss her and my lips are glad to be home. I wrap myself around her, and just like the last time she fits perfectly. I break the kiss after not long enough. I have to know she understands. “No more running from me, okay?” I kiss her before she replies because I can’t stop myself.

  “Uh-huh,” she says, in between long and deep thrusts of my mouth against hers.

  We’ve somehow wandered back as we kiss because suddenly the back of her thighs come to a stop against the table. Her arms reach back, and she pulls her bottom up onto the table and wraps her legs around me. I groan as her heels dig in my butt, pushing me forward against her.

  Amber’s hands wander up to my shoulders and she grips on to me, only pausing in our kisses to gasp for air and to let out light, tantalising moans.

  I’m in heaven as Amber’s hands move across my chest, and she starts to unbutton my shirt. She slides my shirt off my shoulders and it falls to the floor. I stop kissing and retreat slightly, my eyes questioning hers, waiting for a signal.

  “I want you, Will, I’m not fighting it anymore,” she tells me, panting and breathless. It’s all the permission I need and I scoop her up in my arms and carry her up the stairs two at a time. Amber giggles and nibbles at my neck. “Wait, where’s Cody?”

  “She’s at Megan’s, not back until tomorrow. Which means we have at least twelve hours, in which your beautiful ass is mine, unless you object?”

  Amber giggles again and shakes her head at me.

  “It might not be enough time.” I nuzzle her neck before I push the door open with my foot and lower her onto the bed.

  Amber lays back and props herself up on to her elbows and looks directly at me, her eyes hot with lust. I nibble nervously at my lip and move to kneel at the end of the bed.

  “You look so perfect in my bed. I’m not sure I’m ever going to be able to let you leave.” I lower myself down to kiss her, relishing the taste of her mouth, still not quite believing she’s letting me in.

  Amber interrupts our kiss, “Who says I’ll want to leave? I’m starting to feel very comfortable here, especially when you do that.”

  * * *

  “WILL, are you home?” I hear the door slam and I wonder if we stay quiet long enough, if Cody might just go back across the road.

  Amber sniggers in a hushed tone, “I think we got busted.”

  “Aw man! I swear it’s a fricking conspiracy,” I groan and reluctantly say a short goodbye to each of her beautiful breasts before I slide her lacy black bra back into place. “I’m really going to miss you two.”

  “Will, I know you’re here. I saw Amber cross the street a half an hour ago. I hope you two made up,” Cody hollers. Her sneakers thump on the hardwood floors as she goes room to room looking for me downstairs.

  I pull Amber up and straighten up her hair, which is sexily dishevelled. “God, you look so fucking hot,” I whisper. “Just follow my lead and hopefully she’ll go back to Megan’s.” I readjust my pants and grab Amber by her hand and lead her on to the landing. “So, you see our boiler works like this, but on yours, the switch is here.” Amber’s cheeks rise and she tries to nod seriously, as Cody and Megan pause at the top of the stairs.

  “There you are. We were looking for you.”

  “Oh, I was just showing Amber the difference between our boiler and hers. The boiler fugilator matrix switch broke on Amber’s boiler. It’s a pretty difficult part to replace, will take a week to get one delivered. But it’s okay. I told Amber she could have your room while you’re at church camp. Pastor Jefferies said it’s great, a week of bible studies. The church bus will pick you up right outside first thing in the morning. It’ll be fun, huh?” I hide the smile on my face. Cody hates organised religion after a bad experience at Brownie Camp.

  “What—no, Will, I can’t. I’m not going. Please don’t make me.”

  “It’s already arranged. Maybe it will be a lesson to you for breaking Amber’s boiler.” I raise a determined brow at Cody.

  “It wasn’t like that, I just switched it off. I didn’t mean to break it. I just wanted you guys to make up. I thought you’d have to help her, and then you guys could get along again. It worked, didn’t it? Please say it worked. Please don’t make me go, Will. I’m sorry.”

  Cody looks worried. Her eyes dart back and forwards from me to Amber.

  “Of course, you don’t have to go, does she, Will?’ Amber tells Cody, “And you didn’t break it, although I was pretty cold.”

  “I’m sorry. I was coming straight back to switch it on if you didn’t call Will. But I knew, once I told him it was broken, he wouldn’t leave you without heat.”

  “How did you even know that this hare brained idea might work?” I ask her, even though I already know that when Cody gets an idea in her head, she stops at nothing.

  Cody looks to me and says, “Will, you know how stubborn Amber can be…”

  “Uh-huh,” I agree.

  Amber’s eyes widen at me as though shocked. “I’m sorry babe, but it’s true. You’re still totally adorable, though.” She purses her lips at me, telling me that she’s not all that offended.

  Cody continues, “I was sick of trying to get your bullhead over to her to apologise. So, I got to thinking, what could make Amber come to you? I know she really hates to be cold, so I just Googled it. Easy-peasy.” Cody shrugs her shoulders like we’re all dumb for that not being obvious and she high fives her buddy. “Megan kept you busy fixing the chain on her bike, while I took the keys from your jacket pocket. You should really take better care of those, Will. Can we order some pizza; I’m, like, really starving.”

  “I thought you were having dinner at Megan’s?”

  “My mom’s on a diet. She's cooking something with broccoli,” Megan pulls a disgusted face. “Cody said that was cool because you could order pizza, and we could all play board games. She really needs to keep an eye on you, Will, to make sure you don’t mess up again.”

  “Great—a night of board games,” I feign a smile. “I can’t think of anything better.” I swing my head to the side and mouth an apology to Amber, who gives me a reassuring smile, and pinches my ass as we all walk downstairs.

  Chapter 22

  Amber

  I skip over to Roxy, who’s just finishing up chatting with one of the gym trainers.

  “You look awful pleased with yourself,” she says, greeting me.

  “I am, after three months, I'm starting to feel like I'm actually getting it. I love kickboxing. I feel so pumped. Like I just want to fight and win, and show everyone.” I’m literally bouncing on the spot, my excitement coming through me in waves, life just feels so good right now.

  “Yeah-yeah, Rocky, why don’t you start by taking a shower, and then let’s go get something to eat.”

  We both shower off and change. Tonight is Roxy’s and my ‘date night.’ Since Will and I have been together, officially, Roxy and I haven’t seen so much of each other, not that she’s complained, but I wanted to make sure she knows that she’s still my bestie. She still comes over plenty, we have three nights a week at kickboxing and every Sunday I cook a roast dinner for her, my dad, Will, and Cody, but still, they’re like my family now, and it’s important to me to take care of them all.

  Roxy and I leave the gym at the side of the strip mall, and head across the car park to an Italian restaurant that we’ve made our regular haunt. They do a risotto so good, I now order it every week.

  “So, what’s new in Roxy world? I saw you talking to John, maybe we could double date.” I grin because that would just make everything even more perfect.

  “John’s okay, but I’m not really looking to get into anything serious. How’s lover-boy?” Roxy purses her lips into a big O. Since I told her we’d moved along a few bases, she keeps teasing me about my recent orgasm, which was the first I’d had. She was so shocked she’s been giving me pep talks about intimacy. Some of which
are welcome, some of which have blown my mind. Roxy knows a lot more about sex than I do.

  “He’s pretty great. He wants to take me to New York for a proper weekend away.” I gush, never have I been so excited about a trip, ever. “But, I’m a little nervous, you know about…” I whisper, “Doing it.”

  “Do you love him?”

  “Yes. Completely.”

  “Do you trust him?”

  “One hundred percent.”

  “Then you have nothing to be worried about. Have some Pinot confidence and bust out all your best moves. It’ll be fine, and if Will’s as fine as he looks on a building site, it’ll be better than fine.” Roxy takes a sip of her wine and shifts in her chair. She’s seems edgier than normal.

  “Roxy, are you okay?” She seems preoccupied, but before she can answer, the waitress interrupts us by bringing our food.

  “Thank God. I am starving. So, what else is new?” Roxy avoids my question, but I know Roxy, if she’s got something to say, she’ll say it.

  I tell her about work, knowing it’ll bore her senseless, but still she nods and agrees in all the right places. “My shifts have increased and George has asked me to mind the bar while he takes a vacation, which is a pretty big step six weeks into a new job. Of course, I’ll have Sophie on hand in case, but she’s still at home with the baby, so I can’t call on her unless it’s an emergency.”

  “That’s really good. And what about the dick over the road, did you use your kung fu shit to kick his ass?”

  “No, but he is looking at me really strangely, sometimes he just turns up unexpectedly, wandering around like he owns the place. You know he must have taken my phone number off my dad’s emergency contact list that he keeps next to the phone. It's the only place he could have got it. It’s weird. I asked him last week if he’d sell me Flo, he doesn’t give a shit about her but won’t give her to me, I offered him a thousand bucks and he laughed. He told me that seeing me most days was worth far more than that. I have no idea what to do about it. Flo needs me, though.”

  “There’s something you could do…”

  “What?”

  “You wouldn’t do it.”

  “Maybe I would.” I gulp.

  “You either take her, he goes ape-shit on your ass, and you probably end up spending the night in jail, or you leave the gate open…”

  “Roxy, I could never do that.”

  “Let me finish, you leave the gate open so it looks like she ran off, act all devastated, but really you take her out of state, to a re-homing centre, where they find her a nice family. But, I guess it’s one of those situations where if you love someone, you have to let them go.” Roxy pulls at the end of her long blond dreadlock. She's still tense when she continues, “Did you hear anything else from Tommy?”

  “I haven't checked my emails. It’s the only way he has of getting in touch with me. Besides, I figure he’s happy, I’m happy, why rock the boat.”

  “For fuck’s sake, Amber, you have no idea if he’s still living in your mother’s house, living off your money,” she sighs, exasperated.

  “Why does it even bother you so much? I’m actually free of him, Roxy, he can have it. I don’t care.”

  “What, you don’t think it’s insulting to your mother’s memory that he’s living in her house, sleeping in her bed, drinking out of your mother's fucking tea cups?”

  The server comes and takes our plates. “Was your meal okay?” she asks.

  “Yes, thank you.” She walks away, and I whisper to Roxy, “I’ll deal with it my own time. Of course, I want him gone. I wish I could make him pay for all the pain he's caused, but how can I? The police won’t touch it. I have no evidence. He’s far away, on the other side of the planet almost. Maybe if this is all the freedom I get to have, I should take it.”

  “And what if one day he uses your money to hitch a plane out here? I’m not always going to be around to look out for you, and I’ll bet Will still doesn’t know the extent of that fucker’s head fucking?”

  “As long as he has the house and the money, he has no reason to come after me, it’s all he ever wanted.” Roxy looks genuinely worried for me so I smile reassuringly.

  “Will and I are fine. He hasn’t asked about my past in ages. I'm doing so well, he has no reason to. I haven’t had a flashback or freak out in over two months. For me, that’s progress. Can we let all that stuff go; I don’t want to spoil our night.”

  “Amber, I need to tell you, I’m leaving. I got accepted into art school down in Florida, I’m starting this fall. I know you already applied here to do English but they just don’t run the course I want here and I saw my dad; he offered to front my basic costs, if I went to college, out of state. So I accepted. It’s a good opportunity for me…” Her voice trails off and I feel like my world just shattered.

  The server returns and I vaguely hear Roxy ask for the check.

  “Why does your dad want you to attend college out of state, because you don’t have to go, you could stay here and study?” There’s a pleading edge to my voice, it feels like the perfect little world I’ve started to construct is starting to cave in around me.

  “I can’t afford college; I can barely afford my rent. Besides, my dad’s wife thinks it’d be better for me, a fresh start and all that. You can visit, we’d still be besties, but I’d be your bestie with a college education.” Roxy gives me a half-hearted smile that doesn’t meet her eyes.

  “So that’s it? You’re going to let your dad and lollipop head dictate your future?”

  “No, I’m not. It’s a great programme, down in the Sunshine State, where no one knows about my shitty past. This is my decision. I’m not burying my head in the sand, like some people, with my plastic fake life. I’m dealing, these are my options, and I’m turning them into opportunities. You, on the other hand, are working in a shitty bar when you have the means to actually do something with your life. You and I both know you aren’t going to take one dime from your dad to pay for college.”

  Roxy’s chair angrily scrapes against the linoleum floor as she stands to leave. A young couple over by the window turns in their chairs to watch our argument, their mouths agape. Roxy’s eyes narrow on the couple, and she slowly raises her fist, brings it to her lips, kisses her middle finger and then blows the endearment right at them, as if blowing a kiss. Their shocked faces turn to each other and then back to Roxy, who, towers above them in her six-inch heels.

  “What of it?” She dares them and they turn back in their seats and look away, their faces flushed with fear.

  I shake my head at her. “There was no need for that.”

  “There was no need for you to give in to that bastard, but you did. You know, you’re no better than me. I’m done here.” She throws twenty bucks on the table and walks out of the restaurant.

  * * *

  I don’t hear from Roxy for nine days until she shows up on my doorstep.

  “Bob asked me to give you these,” Roxy says, and slings an envelope down on the island, knocking Will’s plate of cookies sideways.

  “Who’s Bob?” Will asks, rescuing his cookies and staring at the envelope like he has x-ray vision.

  I finish pouring Flo’s meat into her dish and feign disinterest.

  “Will one of you answer me?”

  Roxy’s arms are folded; she stares straight through Will toward me.

  “It’s about time you two made up, don’t you think?” Will says, looking at us both in turn.

  “Ah, young Will…” Roxy starts.

  “He’s older than your childish ass,” I interrupt.

  “Yes, and all of a sudden, you’re so mature,” she retorts.

  “Is someone going to tell me what the hell is up with you two?” Will asks, doing that cute pulling his hair thing he does when he’s confused.

  “Tell him then, Amber. Tell him why we argued?” She looks so smug, and because I’m still angry with her my words come out venomous.

  “She gave some innocent diners
the birdie, and left me in a packed restaurant, alone!”

  “They were not innocent! They'd been giving me evils the whole night, which you would have noticed if you weren’t such a self-absorbed yellow bellied bitch.”

  “I am not a self-absorbed yellow belly. You… You… are a great big turn coat.” It’s the best I can muster and even Will looks a bit disappointed in my retort.

  “Are you saying I’m fat? You bitch; you know I gain five pounds on my cycle.”

  “No, I’m not saying you are fat. Why does it always have to come down to the size of your junk, you’re obsessed. I said you were a turn coat!” I yell, both our voices gaining pitch and volume. Will’s head ping pong’s back and forth, and I silently pray Roxy doesn’t let slip the catalyst of our argument.

  “I’m a turn coat? You are a turn coat, whatever the fuck that is. She,” Roxy points at me and tells Will, “Is never going to college, even though all she wants is to teach all the grubby little brats in town how to hold a fricking pen. Cody excluded, obs, she’s not a brat.”

  “Obs,” Will nod’s confused. He clearly has no idea how to handle this situation.

  “Well, she is moving away, far, far away and it’s not fair, because I only just had a best friend, and I don’t want to not have one, even if she is a selfish cow.” I snivel. Tears start to roll down my cheeks.

  “So, that’s what this is all about? You’re being a diva ‘cos you’ll miss me. I thought you were just being a cow.” Roxy smiles and closes in on the gap between us.

  “I have to do this, Ambs. I want to. But I’ll be back. You can drive or fly. You'll need a break from Will and his massive silky hair anyway. That shit will be depressing without me as a buffer.” Roxy grins and almost chokes me in a hug.

  “Hey, I thought you liked the hair?” Will asks with a pouty, adorable face.

  “Of course, I do baby, it’s always very shiny and smells like peaches.”