Mistakes of My Past

by Emily James

  Chapter 29

  Amber

  A few weeks after my mother’s funeral I was groggy and hung-over.

  Tommy had been spiking my drinks for a while now, but today he didn’t. More recently, it wasn’t so he could hurt me, it was just so he could go to work and keep up appearances, safe in the knowledge I wasn’t going anywhere.

  I’d gotten so used to the abyss the covert meds brought me I probably would have taken them, if he’d asked me. When the meds wore off, a searing hangover followed, when all my problems would resurface.

  “I need you to do something for me,” Tommy asked, handing me a cup of tea. He never made me tea, not even in his earlier, charming days. He moved my hair across from my face using his thumb. I flinched, but righted myself before he took offence.

  “There’s someone important coming, someone about the house. I’ve been thinking a lot lately, worrying actually, if anything happened to you, your mother’s instruction is for Dog’s Trust to be the main beneficiary." Tommy heaves a disgusted ha. “I would get nothing. Nothing, for all the time I’ve invested in you both. So, I’ve arranged for a solicitor to come, to complete your will. It’s only fair. You have no one else to leave it all to.”

  “Is it Malcolm?” I ask, a glimmer of hope that help was on the way.

  “No, we’re not using that old fool. I found a cheaper one. Go get changed, you look a mess and he’ll be here soon.”

  I signed all the documents Tommy told me to. I didn’t put up a fight or tell the solicitor I was a prisoner. He didn’t ask nor did he seem to care.

  * * *

  “So, you’re here to kill me, to make good on the will I signed for you, is that it? Because I’m not sure it’s going to pay out when they realise that you murdered me.”

  “That’s where you’re wrong, Amber. Why would anyone check I was ever here? I called your dad to explain the house had been vacated. He was shocked, so I forwarded him all the emails you sent me, telling me how much you hated and blamed your pa. He’s been giving you time, thinks you’re not ready to fully reconcile. After all, you are mentally unstable. I guess he wasn’t expecting you to come out here and top yourself.”

  Tommy glares at me and points the barrel of the gun at me.

  “It’s not the first time you’ve taken an overdose, is it, Amber? But this time will be different, because this time, you are doing it properly.”

  “I’m not weak anymore, Tommy, I won’t do it.” My voice is steady, and my thoughts are sharper. I try to consider his plan and how I might change its course.

  “I think you will. You have a lot to lose if you don’t.” He nods his head at Roxy.

  “Fuck you!” Roxy spits and I wonder how I am going to get us both out of here safely when a random thought enters my head.

  “The money from your father for the heavies, that’s why you agreed to go to Florida, you were doing it for me?” She doesn’t answer, but her eyes are on mine as Tommy shoves the rag back into her mouth.

  She was trying to protect me, but now I must protect her.

  “I was hoping this would all be over a lot sooner than now. I certainly wasn't counting on you finding a boyfriend to take pity on you, Amber. Then again, what you lack in brains you make up for with your pussy. I had to wait for him to creep out this morning before getting you over here. Guess he's using you too, only for different reasons.” Tommy grins at his attempt to make me feel worthless, but his words bounce off me, without so much as a dent. “However, it does mean my timetable is tighter than I planned. I had wanted to savour this moment.”

  Tommy takes his phone out of his pocket and sets it up on an old mahogany dresser to face the room.

  “I guess it doesn't hurt to have a memento, for old time sake.” Tommy winks and presses the record button on his camera phone, checking the angle to fit us all in.

  Tommy then points the gun at Roxy.

  “We’re going to play a little game, and if you don’t play nicely, I’m going to get rough. Now, I know you like it when I’m rough, Amber, so it won’t be you that I’m rough with.”

  Tommy lifts the gun and examines it. He checks the safety and pushes it into the waistband of his jeans.

  “I love how easy guns are to get a hold of in this country, if our home town was like this, I might not have had to bother with the two flights out here.” He twitches at the inconvenience and pulls a knife out of his inside pocket. With his other hand, he reaches into a rucksack and pulls out two small white boxes.

  “They’re not your usual brand, please forgive me.” Tommy winks as he walks towards me and opens the box of pills. Twenty or so pills taunt me from under their foil and plastic protection. He hands them out, offering them to me.

  I shake my head, refusing to take them. From behind him, Roxy’s wide eyes dart around the room as she violently shakes her head from side to side.

  Tommy sighs loudly through his nose, and his jaw tightens and twitches. He gets impatient and his knuckles whiten as he squeezes the handle of the blade he holds in his right hand.

  “Take the fucking pills, Amber!”

  I shake my head trying to think of a way out of this.

  His anger at my non-conformance springs him into action, and similar to muscle memory, my body tenses for the onslaught.

  Tommy leaps back and raises his right arm. My adrenaline surges as my body leaps forward to protect his downward stab, but I can’t get to her in time. The sharp point of the blade is harshly powered down into Roxy’s inner wrist.

  My heartbeat slows in time, and the thuds reverberate in my ears.

  The knife slices through the flesh of my hand, as I try to release it, but mostly, I only prevent it from going deeper into Roxy.

  Tommy’s hold is strong. He springs the blade back and uses the closed fist around it to knock me from Roxy’s side. His boot takes the wind from my chest as he stamps on my abdomen.

  I try to pull myself up, to get to Roxy, as blood pours from her wrist and down the leg of her long black boots. Blood coats the floor around her and Tommy slips as he pulls me up by my arm and throws me back onto the wooden chair.

  “Now, I’m not sure how long it takes for a person to totally bleed out, but, if you’re a good girl and take your medications, I’ll give Roxy something to plug that hole.”

  Roxy’s eyes dart towards me, as she furiously shakes her head. The colour is already draining from her face as she struggles against the rag in her mouth.

  “Stem the bleeding, now. I’ll take them, all of them if you want me to, but help her.” Tommy places the knife on the dresser, adjacent to the sofa. He hands me the pills and removes the gun from his waistband.

  The pills weigh heavy in my hand. Roxy’s stare is haunting as she looks from me to the knife and back again.

  Tommy pulls a rag out from his backpack and wraps it around Roxy’s wrist. Her blood instantly reddens the white material.

  “Tighter,” I tell him, knowing that it’s pointless. If he kills me, there is no way he’ll leave Roxy alive.

  Tommy looks at me expectantly.

  “Shall we get started then, I have a plane to catch.”

  “What if I come home with you, I’ll sign everything over to you. You can have it all just please don’t do this.” I plead to his better nature. Tommy was abandoned by his mother and trapped in poverty by his alcoholic father. It's fair to say that he has issues.

  “I’ll take care of you better, I won’t leave this time.” I offer even though I don’t mean it. I’ll call the cops as soon as we get to the airport, sooner if I can.

  “You think I want golden boy’s seconds?” Tommy throws me a look of disgust. “You fucking die today. My life will be better without you in it, without half the village wondering about ‘Poor Amber’. You brought this on yourself. All I wanted was some loyalty, but like my fucking mother, you are incapable of it. Bottoms up, bitch!”

  Tommy glares at the pills still in my hand and I know this won’t end without the fight I’
ve resolved myself to have. Stalling for time I tell him, “I need water, I can’t swallow this many without it. I’ll get a glass from the guest house, the water’s not on here.”

  I stand to leave, allowing the pills to fall on the floor. Tommy winds his free hand around my hair, securing his fist against the nape of my neck, and he shoves me towards the door.

  Roxy’s eyes look heavy as Tommy leads me past her. The blood is so sticky and dark she looks coated from her waist down in black gloss. I mouth a sorry to her, as I’m forced down the hallway, through the doorway, and into the kitchen. But, instead of heading toward the back door, Tommy pulls me into the corner away from the dusty window. The cold muzzle of the gun lifts the bottom of my shirt and presses against my abdomen. Tommy pushes the forefinger of his other hand to my lips to quiet them.

  I angle my body away from his so I can see what’s set him off course. The rain pelting the window makes it difficult to see clearly, but I’d recognise that red coat anywhere.

  Cody stands with her back to us, next to my still running car. She scratches her head as her backpack swings loosely behind her.

  “You’re going to stay really fucking quiet, or I’m going to shoot that kid right in the head.” I nod my understanding and with my breath held, I silently urge Cody to head back to Mrs Stevens.

  As if hearing my prayers, she turns and squints through the rain, back at the house. For a moment I think she spots me, but then she turns, throws her backpack higher onto her shoulders, and walks in the direction of home. My relief is an audible sigh as she disappears out of view.

  Tommy’s fist thrusts me forward as he sidesteps and reaches for an already dirty glass I hadn’t noticed on the sink. He fills it from the kitchen tap and glares at me.

  “Water works just fine, you lying bitch!”

  “I didn’t know that,” I shake my head as I lie, and take the glass of water from him. My cut hand makes the glass slippery to hold. It occurs to me that the glass could be used as weapon. I imagine smashing the glass in his face and the thought pushes a smile onto my face.

  Tommy catches my fleeting smile and lifts the gun to my face.

  “Don’t get any ideas that you’re not smart or brave enough to see through.”

  Back in the room, Roxy has passed out.

  “So this is it, you’re going to make me take the pills. Let me die, and then jump on a plane home. And you expect the authorities to just believe I killed myself? Do you even see how flawed your plan is?”

  Tommy grabs the sheet of the pills from the floor and throws them on my lap.

  “Make a start, sweetheart or I’m going to start slashing up your girlfriend.”

  I take one of the pills and wash it down with the water. It lodges in my throat but after a few dry heaves and another sip of water, I feel it settle into my empty stomach.

  “You’ve sent so many deranged emails, Amber. I don’t think it’s too greater leap that a crazy person takes their own life, after taking the life of her friend.”

  Tommy's arms are tightly folded, still clinging onto the gun.

  “Don't look so sad. You get to be with Mummy dearest soon. More pills, Amber. We're working to a deadline here, take six this time.”

  The mention of my mother flares my anger.

  Tommy nods at the pills and my shaking hands remove two. He nods at Roxy, daring me to defy him. I remove four more. They mix with blood on my hand before I swallow them down.

  “And again, you know the drill,” Tommy orders.

  I take six more.

  “You know, my mother hated you. She saw you for the evil little man that you are. And, as for the house and the money you so desperately covet, my great-grandfather worked sixty hours a week and built that house with his bare hands, for his family who loved him. You will never know love because you are not capable of giving or receiving love. You will die in that house alone, bitter, and miserable!”

  My voice is now raised and my eyes meet his. If I am going to die, I won't do it afraid of him.

  There's a flash of recognition in his eyes from the truth that I speak.

  Tommy rips the packet of pills from my hand and pushes the tablets out into his palm. He squeezes my cheeks until my mouth opens, and he pulls back my head by yanking my hair. With my head back and mouth forced open, he pours in the tablets and then holds my mouth and nose with the same hand that holds the gun.

  “Is that how I will die? Is it, Amber? Because I seem to remember you know a lot about dying, but not everything. Do you know that peanuts can kill people? Because I didn't know that, not until I heard you mention your mother had such a severe allergy, that she could die from the dearest sniff. God, your mother was dragging out her death. The cancer got very old, very quickly. So I crushed some peanuts and put it in a nice glass of juice for her. I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree though, does it? You had one job back in England, Amber. Take the pills I left for you and die, and you couldn't even get that right!”

  His words obliterate every fact that I held as true. I suddenly no longer know anything, except that he murdered my mother and now he must die.

  I struggle for air as his hand is still clamped over my mouth and nose. The glass slides from my fingers, and smashes on the floor as my hands grab at him. The tablet coating mixes with my saliva and a bitter taste fills my mouth. Some of the pills lodge in my cheeks, as others are involuntary swallowed. My eyes dart around the room as my vision hazes through lack of oxygen. Roxy’s head sways and I can’t tell if the blood has stopped, or if it continues to flow from her. There's just so much of it. The knife is still on the dresser, but I can’t reach it. The gun is still in Tommy’s hand as he continues to hold me in position by my hair and mouth.

  I'm choking. Bile reaches my tongue, but cannot be released, so it’s swallowed back down, along with the remaining pills. My eyes are focused on the gun. I can feel the cold steel against my cheek.

  Believing this is my final chance, I grapple for the gun, but Tommy is too strong. I twist in my seat and pull at the gun with both hands. I pinch and dig my nails into his hand, and push up with my feet to knock my chair out of the way, and then, with Tommy's gun held hand as leverage, I use the weight of my knee to slingshot his groin.

  It must take him by surprise. For a moment, the only sound is Tommy's sharp intake of breath.

  He drops the gun.

  I’m out of my chair and have the knife in my hands before he has chance to turn. My arm raises and plunges the blade down into his back. It slides in easier than I expect it to and its handle deep in his right shoulder before I’ve registered the look of shock on his face. I withdraw the knife. Tommy turns to me and swoops down to snatch the gun from the floor.

  The gun fires, but I don’t feel pain. I only feel fury as I drive the knife back down, deep into the flesh of his chest.

  A rough hand grips me by my throat. The fingers of Tommy's left hand dig in as he clutches at me for support. The gun drops from his right hand, letting me know that I am finally winning. I push the knife this time into the front of his body. Still unable to breathe, I twist and turn the knife in his abdomen. Determination that this must end today powers me on.

  My hands are slick with blood, and dark spots blot my vision, but I stand my ground.

  I pull out the knife and stab one more time. Tommy's hand loosens, and he finally sinks down to the floor, pulling me down with him.

  I crawl to Roxy. I’m not sure if it’s shock, or fear, or all the pills I’ve ingested, but as I beg Roxy to come back to me, and my world starts to turn black, I see my mum and Roxy, standing over by the door patiently waiting for me.

  Chapter 30

  Amber

  The slow whoosh of air and the beep of the machines rouse me from a perfect dream. Will and I woke up together, he made us breakfast and we went out with Dad, Cody, Roxy, and Flo.

  A searing pain hits my abdomen when I bolt upright, as my brain catches up.

  “Where’s Roxy?” I c
all out in panic.

  My dad rouses in the armchair of the small hospital room. The darkness of the night sky through the window brings a fresh surge of panic.

  How long have I been knocked out?

  I start to untangle the wires and set to work on the needle in my arm, when my dad’s warm hand presses gently on mine, causing me to stop. The bags under his eyes are dark, framed by deep worry lines.

  “It’s okay you’re safe. They got him, Amber. Tommy is gone.”

  My breathing hitches and I cry, “He was going to kill us. Where is Roxy?”

  “I know, honey. I’m sorry, but Roxy is still in surgery.”

  “This is my fault, I knew he’d come for me, I was just too scared to deal with it.”

  “Hey, none of this is your fault. The police are looking into it. They traced the emails. They were sent from England, he’s been planning this a long time. Honey, I’m so sorry I believed what he wrote, I thought you wanted space. He told me that you hated me.” My dad’s voice is strained as I wrap my arms around his shoulders.

  “I love you, Dad, I always did. Mum did too.”

  “We have a lot to catch up on, but I think there’s someone else that you’re going to want to catch up with.”

  Dad walks over to the door, widening it so a small red headed tornado can burst into the room. Will stands behind her. Cody runs and hops up onto my bed, latching her arms tightly around me. A searing pain shoots through my side, but I ignore it as the rush of relief at seeing her overpowers it.

  “You’re okay, I was so worried.” Cody tells me. “I knew you were in danger.” She smiles at me and continues, “The car, you left it running. So I watched through the window. That bad man was hurting you and Roxy. I called the police but they took so long.” Cody sniffs and wipes at her eye.

  “Hey, you did great. You saved us.”

  “Is Roxy going to be okay?”

  “I hope so.” I sniff. The tears fall from my eyes as I hug her tightly, glad that she wasn’t any more caught up in this.

  Will’s still standing in the doorway to my room. Emotion and exhaustion weighing heavily on his beautiful features, despite this, he gives me a smile.