Mistakes of My Past

by Emily James

  Noticing our exchange, Dad asks, “Why don’t you and I see if we can find ourselves some ice cream, huh, Cody?” I throw him a grateful smile. There are things I need to talk to Will about that little ears don’t need to hear.

  “Sure thing, Patrick, I’m sure these two kids have got a lot of catching up to do.” Cody winks and we all let out a small laugh.

  Dad’s careful to pull the door shut behind him as Will saunters forward and perches on the side of the bed, his hands search and clasp mine. It suddenly feels like there’s too much to say and my tears cascade as I try to explain.

  “I’m so sorry. I never meant for you or Cody to get caught up in all this. I wasn’t smart. I should have planned for him coming. Will, he killed my mother.”

  Will's arms wrap around me and he tries to tell me it's going to be okay.

  “Will, I have to tell you. I killed him. The police must want to see me, to arrest me.”

  “Amber, no, baby. No one is getting arrested. We saw the tape. The police have it as evidence. You acted in self-defence. I wish I'd been there to tear that mother fucker limb from limb. It breaks me to think of you in that situation. I wish I was there to save you. But, as it turns out you were the hero. It's over now and everything is going to be okay. I love you.”

  Epilogue

  Amber

  There’s something liberating about finally putting your past behind you and looking toward a meaningful future that makes you feel as free as the birds that soar overhead and the fish that swim in the lake.

  The summer finally shone on Ohio. I laid my beaten up and old Converses to rest and slipped my feet into the flip flops they longed for. Even my toes now felt free.

  “Amber, come on in!” Will hollers. The water coats his hair making it shine opal black as he splashes about in the clear blue lake.

  “Lunch is almost served,” I call in reply, with a carefree smile on my face.

  Cody squeals as she dive bombs the lake, soaking Will. His throaty laugh booms and almost everything seems right with the world.

  The heat from the barbecue causes the already blistering sun to feel even hotter.

  I look across at the lake longingly as Dad uncorks a chilled bottle of Pinot and gathers up some plastic wine glasses onto the picnic bench we’d all commandeered for the day.

  Sophie pulls plates out from the hamper and asks if I need any help, while little Gina sleeps soundly, and Doug fusses with an umbrella shade, trying to position it just right.

  “So, last shift at the bar, huh?” Sophie asks me.

  “Yep, school starts in September and before it starts, Cody, Will and I are going on a road trip.” I beam with excitement. Will surprised me and booked three weeks off work to ‘show me around the place’. “My immediate future is looking pretty rosy right now.” I smile, even though today was going to be tough.

  “Good for you. You’ll make a great teacher. It’s such a shame Roxy's not here. Wait, Doug, not like that! You’ll get the sun in her eyes…” Sophie waltzes off to chastise Doug about sun umbrella etiquette and Dad comes over to join me, putting his arm around my shoulder.

  “I know you miss her, but she'll be thinking of you. Steaks up, hon. Do you want to call the kids in?”

  I look across at Will and Cody, admiringly. “Um-huh,” I agree.

  “It’s okay to be sad Amber, saying goodbye is hard. But she would want you to live your life to the full. Are you sure you’re ready to scatter her ashes? We could wait.”

  In the distance, Will pushes Cody up onto the pontoon and they race over to us.

  I sigh, knowing that even though I don’t want to say goodbye, I must. It would be her wishes to be free. “I’m ready Dad. We’ll do it after lunch.”

  We all settled into our seats with Dad at the head of the table and begin loading the plates with steak and potatoes and Sophie’s homemade slaw.

  Dad chimes his fork against his plastic wine flute.

  “Just this once, I’d like to say grace, if no one objects?” He looks towards me, and I nod my head.

  “A little over seven months ago, my world was rocked when I found out my wife had passed away. It was devastating. She brought light to the world and always knew the right words to say, whereas, I have so much left unsaid. I always thought I’d have the chance to tell her, to rectify my absence. I never got that chance, but I also know she wouldn’t want me to live with regrets. None of us should live with regrets.” Dad clears his throat and continues, “When Stephanie passed away I got my Amber back and every day I am grateful to have such a kind and wonderful daughter who is so much like her mother.” Dad puts his hand on top of mine and pauses for a moment. “I guess what I'm saying is, life takes, but it also gives, and for that I am blessed.”

  “And I think that wine is a little stronger than you thought, huh, Patrick?” Doug calls out and everyone giggles. Apart from Sophie who slaps him on the arm.

  “That was beautiful, Dad. Thank you,” I say. Will gently squeezes my leg under the table.

  “I’m not too late, am I?”

  I spin in my seat as I face the familiar voice. Roxy’s wearing huge Audrey Hepburn sunglasses and her dreads are teased into an up do, she looks demure with an edge. I gasp with happiness and shock.

  “You came. I thought you were on your way to Florida? You're never too late, always just in time.”

  “I couldn’t go without being here for this. I’ll always be here, Amber, even when I’m not here.”

  We finish our lunch and Sophie and Doug head back with baby Gina. As we tidy up and dusk falls on the empty park, I announce, “It’s time.”

  On the pontoon, we gather with the urn and hope the ranger doesn’t catch us. Turns out mum and dad had their very first date in this park.

  Over the summer, dad has been showing me through his photos, his memories. He was too worried before, after the emails Tommy was sending, but now we’re actually reconnecting.

  “Stephanie Boland-Scott, you are my mum, my best friend, and my hero. You were strong when I was weak and you always put love above all else. I honour you, your memory, and your wishes. I’m setting you free, but please, always feel free to come back and see me.”

  I wipe a tear and empty the urn into the night sky over the lake. Her ashes swirl and glitter amber and gold in the setting sun. I throw the one lone lilyI bought with me into the ashes and bid her farewell, for now.

  Slowly, Will, Dad, Roxy, and Cody head back to the car and give me a minute. As I turn to follow, Will waits on the pontoon, holding his arms out to pull me into a hug.

  “You feel okay?” he asks, looking deep into my eyes.

  I answer him honestly. “I feel her, she’s happy, because I’m finally happy. Her soul is resting now that I'm safe. I have a bright future, and I can’t wait to start living it, with you if you still want that?”

  “I want you. I chose you the second I walked into that house and found a frightened little bird and watched her turn into a fearless eagle. I love you.”

  Will wraps his arms around me, and lifts me up high in the sky, his grin conveying sheer elation. When he brings me back down, slowly he stops so that our lips meet. It is a kiss to end a chapter, and to begin a new one. It was everything I always wanted, love without control, love without conditions. It was perfect and so was he.

  Acknowledgements

  To Steph, Rachel and the gang at Entrada Publishing, who are so skilled they make it all look easy; To Gina Costin who put so much time and effort into making this story better; Jennifer Bradley who is lovely and will not ever mix up your dogs! To Stephanie Gonzalez Quinton for the constant pep talks and famous author trivia; To Momma Leena/Saleena who tells it as it is and I adore her for it; To Lisa Greenwood for her positivity and eagle eyes; To Becky Davidson at the Copy Corner (see Facebook) who despite being busy as hell took time (and probably a lot of patience) to help me get better; To Jada Gossett, thank you – you have a great way with words; Andree Schuler who helped me a lot along th
e way; Liz Hunter for sharing a mother’s worry and for being brilliant!; Jessie Kennedy for loving my book and spurring me on; Ani Chokheli who calls me out on any BS ;); and last but definitely not least – Rachel Spencer, thanks for all the late night banter, you rock!

  I’m pretty sure I owe all you girls a very large and frequently refilled glass of Pinot, but until I can afford to buy a winery please accept my sincerest thanks. Cheers!

  About the Author

  Emily James is a British author who lives on the south coast of England. She loves to travel and enjoys nothing more than a complex romance story because she believes nothing good comes without effort.

  Before turning her hand to writing, Emily studied Social Work, where she has worked in a variety of fields. She’s fascinated by human behaviour and just loves to people watch.

  Emily started writing after someone told her she couldn’t —she’s stubborn like that. Her passion for books means that she is often told to ‘get her head out of the clouds’ (not that she listens). On the rare occasions that she hasn’t got her nose in a book, Emily likes to spend time with her beautiful family and friends who are incredibly patient and understanding.

  Banter with readers and authors is one of her favourite pastimes.

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