Finding Hope at Lighthouse Cove

by Jessica Redland

  * * *

  ✉︎ From Daniel

  LOL. Got a couple of errands to run then I’ll come and find you. Thanks. You’re my saviour xx

  I put my phone back in my bag. Had it been the right thing to do? Should I have said I was busy and taken advantage of some me-time instead? We’d seen so much of each other lately that I never seemed to have a moment to sit down and take stock of what I wanted from life after Gary. He’d sounded so down, though. I couldn’t be so selfish when he clearly needed me.

  The sound of a crying baby pushed Daniel from my thoughts and Jess into them. I closed my eyes again and held my head in my hands. My mind swirled with the news about the genders of the twins, our shopping trip, my own longings for a child and how Daniel didn’t seem to be the one for that next step.

  A shadow blocked the sun and I looked up.

  ‘Elise? Are you okay?’

  I scrambled to my feet. ‘Stevie? Hi. Erm… long time no see.’ Oh gosh, I never had got round to texting him after the Stardust incident.

  ‘I wasn’t sure whether to come over or not. I kept meaning to get in touch after Stardust to say sorry.’

  I shook my head. ‘You’ve got nothing to be sorry for but I do. I kept meaning to text you but the longer I left it, the harder it became.’

  ‘Same here,’ he said. ‘What a pair we are. So, we’re good?’

  ‘We’re good.’ I noticed his attire. ‘I take it you’re out for a run?’

  ‘I’m meant to be, but it’s still too warm for me. I normally run with Sarah on an evening when it’s cooler, but it’s my Uncle George’s birthday so we’re going to The Apple and Peach tonight.’

  ‘Wow! You lucky thing.’ The Apple and Peach was a Michelin-starred restaurant up the coast near Daniel’s cottage.

  ‘It’s his seventieth so he’s pushing the boat out. Have you got any plans tonight?’

  ‘I’m not sure. Did Sarah tell you I’ve been seeing one of her reps, Daniel?’

  Stevie lowered his eyes. ‘She mentioned something.’

  ‘He’s going to join me shortly so we’ll probably do something together.’

  ‘You don’t sound too pleased about that. And you looked pretty deep in thought just now. Penny for them?’

  ‘Believe me, Stevie, they’re not worth that much.’

  ‘Ha’penny then?’

  I smiled. ‘You really want to know? You’d best take a seat then.’

  We sat on the sand and I drew swirly lines in it with my fingers as I told him about my shopping trip with Jess, my longing for a baby, turning down Gary’s proposition and my concerns that I’d never become a mum.

  ‘You don’t see Daniel as dad material, then? Sarah said it was going well between you two.’

  ‘It is. He’s been great for me and we have fun together, but…’ I searched around for the right words.

  ‘But he’s not Gary?’ Stevie suggested.

  I shook my head. ‘No. It’s not that. I don’t actually miss Gary the husband. Maybe that’s because we’d already grown apart when I found him with Rob. What I miss is Gary the best friend and, even though I really like Daniel, I don’t feel like he’s my soulmate like Gary was. But then I remind myself that we haven’t known each other very long and it wasn’t instant with Gary.’ I brushed my sandy hands on my dress. ‘I don’t really know what I want right now. I don’t want to end it with Daniel as he’s doing me the world of good, but I’m wondering if I should cool it a little and see less of him. I was looking forward to an evening to myself tonight, but it looks like we’re spending it together.’

  ‘Why didn’t you tell him you had plans?’

  Because I was doing it again. I was pushing aside what I wanted for the sake of someone else. Same old default mode. ‘I felt guilty,’ I said. ‘He’s had a bad day and needs the company. I don’t want to let him down when he needs me, especially after he came to Jess’s wedding when I needed him. I just worry that I never seem to have any time to discover me.’

  Stevie picked up a shell and twiddled with it. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘I’ve been part of a couple since I was fourteen. We did everything together. I don’t have any hobbies or interests of my own outside of work so I don’t know who I am or what I like instead of what we like. I used to manage the house, plan our weekends and organise holidays. I don’t have any of that to do now, but I have nothing with which to replace it. I’m probably noticing it more because it’s the summer holidays so I have more time on my hands and I actually feel quite lost.’

  ‘Hey, don’t cry.’ Stevie put his arm round me and I cuddled gratefully against his side. We sat in silence for several minutes, watching the sea. I felt the tension easing away from me, replaced by a feeling of calm as I snuggled into his super-hug.

  ‘What did you do before you met Gary or maybe while he was studying to be a doctor?’ Stevie asked after a while, still holding me. ‘Did you have any hobbies back then?’

  I thought for a moment. ‘Actually, I did. I used to write.’

  Stevie let go and turned to look at me. ‘Really? What sort of stuff?’

  ‘Fantasy books about a unicorn whisperer called Ashlea. It didn’t start out that way, though.’ It had actually started by me making up stories to distract Jess from Mother’s increasing reliance on drink and the horrific arguments with Dad. I found that I needed the escapism even more than Jess and started to write my stories down accompanied by a few basic illustrations during the times when the screaming matches were so loud that I couldn’t concentrate on words. Before long, the fantasy world of Ellorinia had developed; a beautiful land far removed in time and place from the warzone at home.

  ‘It sounds like you loved writing,’ Stevie said when I finished explaining. ‘What made you stop? Meeting Gary?’

  I shook my head. ‘No. He was really supportive. He encouraged me to write regularly and even gave me a few ideas. He bought me a wooden unicorn called Serenity for my sixteenth birthday.’ I smiled. I hadn’t thought about my writing in so long. Then I sighed. ‘It was Mother who stopped me.’

  When I was sixteen, Mother went on a drunken rampage one summer’s night after overhearing Dad on the phone telling his best mate, Bryan, that he planned to move to Spain when Jess turned eighteen and could leave home. Dad, Jess and I returned from an evening bike ride to find Dad’s clothes strewn all over the front lawn, clinging to shrubs and trees, and Mother emptying more out of the front windows while necking a bottle of vodka. I vividly remember dropping our bikes and dashing towards the front door. Dad had no sooner unlocked and opened it when there was a loud crash as my precious hand-carved wooden jewellery box – a gift from Dad on my twelfth birthday – landed on the parquet floor in the hall and smashed to smithereens. Vases and various other ornaments of Jess’s or mine swiftly followed. Dad slammed the door before anything hit us. And then we smelled the burning. We dashed down the path at the side of the house to find a large fire in the middle of the back garden; a fire burning books and toys. Dad grabbed the hose, but it was too late. Nothing could be saved.

  While Dad tried to reason with Mother in her bedroom to stop her wreaking any further damage, I had the heart-breaking task of leading my little sister by the hand and taking her into our shared bedroom to see what – if anything – had escaped from Mother’s attack. Fortunately for Jess, most of her belongings had survived. Mine hadn’t. The three things I cared about the most were Marmite my teddy bear, my jewellery box, and the exercise books containing my stories. Marmite had been hidden under the duvet so had thankfully survived. I already knew my jewellery box’s fate, but there was no sign of my stories. Distraught, I stormed across the landing and demanded to know where they were. Mother pointed towards the back of the house – where the bonfire had been – and cackled.

  My voice cracked as I finished the story, a memory I’d buried for years now so vivid in my mind. Stevie put his arm round me again and held me close.

  ‘Gary tried to encourage me to wr
ite them again, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t risk recreating that world and having her destroy it again.’

  Stevie kissed the top of my head. ‘I’m so sorry about your mum. That’s such—’

  ‘What the hell are you doing to my girlfriend?’ I fell back into the sand as Stevie was yanked away from me.

  ‘Daniel? What are you doing?’ I scrambled to my feet.

  ‘What am I doing?’ he yelled. ‘What are you two doing? I thought this was our special place or do you bring all your conquests here?’

  ‘Don’t speak to her like that,’ Stevie shouted. ‘We’re just friends.’

  ‘I wasn’t talking to you.’ Daniel shoved Stevie.

  ‘Daniel! Leave him alone!’ I pulled on his arm. ‘This is my friend, Stevie. I was upset and he was comforting me.’

  ‘I bet he was.’

  ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

  ‘It means he’s a man and men don’t do friendships with women. They always want something and, if I hadn’t shown up, I bet he’d have made his next move. And you’d have let him, wouldn’t you? Not quite the innocent you pretend to be, are you?’ He took a step towards me and I backed away, shaking. Who was this person? He certainly wasn’t the fun, caring Daniel who’d helped me through one of the darkest times of my life.

  ‘Stop it!’ Stevie stepped between Daniel and me. ‘She’s done nothing wrong.’

  ‘Move out of my way or I’ll—’

  ‘You’ll what? Hit me?’

  And that’s exactly what he did. I cringed at the crack of Stevie’s nose before he fell to his knees, blood spurting onto the sand and down his white T-shirt.

  ‘Shit! Stevie!’ I knelt down, grabbed some tissues out of my bag and held them to his bloody nose. I turned to Daniel. ‘What the hell were you thinking? He’s a friend and, even if he was more, you don’t go around punching people.’

  Daniel’s face was pale. His mouth kept opening and closing, but no words came out. Then he turned and ran up the beach.

  I put my arm round Stevie. ‘C’mon. Let’s get you to your feet. Is your car nearby?’

  ‘Yes. Why?’

  ‘Because I need to drive you to A&E.’

  He fished in his pocket and handed me his keys. ‘Good plan,’ he said. ‘But promise me one thing.’

  ‘Name it.’

  ‘You’ll dump that bastard before the next person he hits is you.’

  23

  Stevie’s nose was definitely broken. I’d suspected that as soon as I heard the crack, but a three-hour wait in A&E confirmed it.

  ‘I’m so, so sorry,’ I said as I drove his car back to Bramble Cottage.

  ‘Eighty-seven,’ he said.

  ‘What is?’

  ‘The amount of times you’ve said sorry since the beach.’

  I smiled weakly. ‘If I’ve said it that many times, then you’ll know I mean it.’

  ‘It really isn’t your fault,’ he said. ‘Although it’s just as well I don’t have any hot dates lined up this weekend because the nurse said I’ll be bruised and swollen by the morning, possibly sporting two black eyes.’

  I opened my mouth to speak, but Stevie beat me to it. ‘Don’t you dare say you’re sorry again.’

  ‘Okay, sorry, I won’t. No! I just said it. Sorry!’

  We both giggled then Stevie groaned. ‘It hurts to laugh.’

  It was just after nine when we pulled up outside Bramble Cottage.

  ‘Cup of that disgusting green tea?’ he suggested.

  I laughed. ‘You need to work on your sales technique. I’ll politely decline although I could really do with using your loo if you don’t mind.’

  ‘Be my guest.’

  Bonnie came bounding towards us as soon as Stevie opened the door and she obediently lifted her paw for me again.

  ‘The bathroom’s up the stairs and on your right,’ Stevie said. ‘Feel free to have a look round while you’re up there but excuse the mess.’

  The bathroom was lovely: neutral tiles, large shower cubicle, and a roll top bath. Opposite the bathroom was a small bedroom which acted as Stevie’s office. At the end of the corridor, taking up the full width of the house was a spare bedroom and, judging by the peeling floral wallpaper and swirly carpet, this was obviously the room that he hadn’t yet tackled. It would make a gorgeous child’s bedroom.

  At the other end of the cottage was the master bedroom. The external wall had been stripped back to stone and the remaining walls were painted a warm cream. A sturdy oak sleigh bed took pride of place in front of the exposed stone wall, flanked by a matching oak chest of drawers and a wardrobe. Glass doors at the back of the room opened onto a small balcony with views over Stevie’s garden and the fields beyond. Wow! Just wow!

  Feeling suddenly self-conscious about staring at another man’s bed, even though I’d been given permission, I made my way back downstairs and found Stevie in the kitchen tidying away some pots.

  ‘When can I move in?’ I asked.

  ‘You like it?’

  ‘It’s gorgeous. I’m not a hundred per cent taken with the carpet in the spare bedroom, but the rest is stunning.’

  Stevie laughed. ‘Oh, but that’s the template for the rest of the house. How could you not like it?’ He pointed to the kettle. ‘You’re sure you don’t want a drink?’

  ‘I’m sure. I’d best be going. Will you promise me you’re going to get some rest?’

  Stevie pointed towards Bonnie nuzzling against my leg, ‘I know a certain border collie who’s not going to let that happen.’

  I stroked her head. ‘Do you want me to do it for you?’

  ‘Will you stop worrying about me? I’ll be absolutely fine. I’ll walk her round to my Uncle George’s. I need to check he’s had something to eat.’

  ‘His birthday meal. Oh my goodness, I’d forgotten. I’m so—’

  ‘Don’t you dare say you’re sorry. Uncle George won’t mind. If I know him, he’ll have seen it as the perfect excuse to go to the chippy instead which, if I’m honest, would be his preferred option over a Michelin-starred restaurant any day. We’ll celebrate another time. Maybe you could join us?’

  I smiled at Stevie. ‘That would be lovely, thanks. Although I’m not sure your Uncle George will want an evening in my company after he sees the state of you.’

  ‘Elise…!’

  I put my hands up in surrender. ‘Okay, I’ll stop taking the blame. I’d best let you get round to your uncle’s. I’ll call you in the morning to work out how I get your car back to you.’

  Stevie drew me into a hug and I gently squeezed him back, taking care not to knock against his nose. ‘Thanks for staying with me at the hospital. I really appreciate it.’

  ‘I was never going to abandon you there. It was the least I could do in the circumstances.’ I released my hold. ‘Is there anything else I can do for you?’

  ‘One thing.’

  ‘Name it.’

  His eyes took on a puppy-dog appearance as he said, ‘Dump Daniel.’

  ‘Stevie! I told you in the hospital that I don’t know what I’m going to do yet. There has to be an explanation for what he did.’

  ‘Does it matter? Surely nothing excuses behaviour like that. Please, Elise. Dump him and go out with…’ He stopped and looked away.

  For a moment, I thought he was about to add ‘me’. I bit my lip. ‘Go out with whom?’

  He smiled as he looked back at me. ‘Someone who will treat you like you deserve to be treated.’

  ‘Like a princess?’ I joked.

  ‘If that’s what you’d like. I was thinking more like a beautiful, intelligent, funny woman who deserves respect and understanding.’

  ‘Oh. Is there such a person? Right now, I’d settle for someone who doesn’t lie.’

  He held my gaze. ‘Not all men lie, you know.’ Bonnie nudged his leg, making him look down. ‘Looks like nature calls.’

  ‘Please send my apologies to your Uncle George and I’ll call you tomorrow.’
/>
  As I passed a turn-off to Shellby Bay ten minutes later, I knew what I had to do. I checked nobody was behind me then slammed on the brakes, reversed down the road, turned left and sped towards Daniel’s. I wanted an apology. And I wanted answers.

  Daniel’s car was parked in front of the cottage alongside Michael’s jeep. I banged on the door. No answer. I banged again. Still no answer but the downstairs was lit. Exasperated, I lifted the letterbox and shouted through it, ‘I know you’re in there, Daniel. We need to talk.’ I let the letterbox slam shut then banged on the door again.

  ‘All right, I’m coming. Keep your hair on,’ yelled a man’s voice. The door flung open. ‘What the hell…? Oh, it’s you.’

  ‘Sorry. I was after Daniel.’ I tried to avert my gaze from Michael’s wet, naked torso and the towel fastened loosely around his hips.

  ‘He’s not here.’

  ‘His car is.’

  ‘Well, he’s not.’

  ‘Then where is he? You live in the middle of nowhere. He can’t be far away.’

  ‘I don’t know where he is. Come in and search if you don’t believe me.’ Michael stepped aside.

  ‘I will if you don’t mind.’

  ‘Be my guest. As you know, I’m not exactly his biggest fan so, believe me, I’m not hiding him from whatever it is he’s done to upset you so much.’

  I paused at the bottom of the stairs. ‘Who says I’m upset?’

  ‘Erm… perhaps the beating the crap out of the door and the screeching through the letterbox like something possessed might be a clue?’

  ‘Sorry about that.’ I bit my lip. ‘Am I okay to go upstairs?’

  ‘Help yourself. Don’t forget to check under his bed, under my bed, the shower and the airing cupboard.’

  I’m ashamed to say that I did. I checked everywhere, but Michael was right; Daniel wasn’t there. My legs shook as I made my way back down the stairs, cheeks burning. ‘I feel a bit silly now. Apologies for the irrational behaviour.’