Finding Hope at Lighthouse Cove

by Jessica Redland

  ‘Don’t worry about it. You look like you could use this.’ Michael handed me a cup of tea. I breathed it in. Camomile. I could have done with a stiff drink but this was the next best thing.

  ‘Why don’t you sit down and drink that while I put some clothes on?’

  ‘Oh, you don’t have to.’ I felt heat rush to my already flushed cheeks and squirmed. ‘That came out wrong. I just meant don’t put yourself out. Continue with your shower or whatever you were doing. I’ll just drink this then leave you in peace.’

  Michael smiled then sprinted upstairs. When he came down less than ten minutes later, he’d shaved and put on a pair of jeans and a plain royal-blue T-shirt, which accentuated the blue of his eyes. I found myself staring at him thinking that he was actually better-looking than Daniel when he wasn’t scowling.

  ‘So what’s he done?’ He curled up on the other end of the corner sofa.

  I looked at my tea instead and blew on it to keep me from staring at him. ‘He punched my friend Stevie and broke his nose.’

  Michael whistled. ‘I’m assuming it wasn’t an accident.’

  ‘Do you think I’d have been “beating the crap out of the door and screeching through the letterbox like something possessed” if it had been?’

  ‘Fair point. Is your friend okay?’

  ‘He will be.’

  ‘Why did he do it?’

  I shrugged. ‘He saw Stevie hugging me and went into what I’m assuming was some sort of jealous rage. Stevie and I are just friends. I was upset and he was comforting me, but even if it had been more than that, it doesn’t excuse what he did.’

  ‘In my mind, there’s never an excuse for violence. He didn’t hit you, did he?’

  ‘No. I don’t think he would have done.’

  Michael ran a hand through his damp hair then shook his head. ‘I can’t believe he got jealous and hit your friend. How hypocritical can he get?’

  I put my tea down. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Sorry, Elise, it’s between you and Daniel. I don’t want to get involved.’

  ‘Seriously, Michael, you have to stop this.’

  ‘Stop what?’

  ‘The cryptic comments. On Monday you told Sarah to tell me to be careful, then you repeated the warning to my face earlier, and now you’re saying Daniel’s hypocritical for being jealous, but you won’t expand.’

  ‘Can you forget I spoke?’

  ‘If you’ve got something to say, I’d rather you just came out and said it. I’m a big girl. I can take it.’

  Michael gazed into my eyes for a while and I found myself holding my breath. ‘No,’ he said eventually. ‘I can’t. There’s a big enough wedge between us as it is. I’m not going to cause any further problems.’

  I toyed with pushing it but changed my mind. I felt emotionally drained and wasn’t sure I really wanted to know. ‘Does he have a history of violence?’ I asked.

  Michael laughed. ‘You sound like the police! He used to beat me up when we were kids and I wasn’t allowed to touch him because I was older and bigger, but beyond that, I’ve never known him to hit anyone so I’m a bit surprised. Something must have really riled him. Not that I condone what he’s done, even if he was wound up.’

  I sighed. ‘I guess there’s a first time for everything. Let’s change the subject. How was photography today?’

  Michael’s eyes lit up. ‘The best. We went to Kittrigg Forest then on to Shellby Bay. It was one of those days where everything seems to come together: the weather, the colours, the wildlife…’

  Curling up on the sofa with my tea, I listened to him enthuse about his day. I asked him about the greatest photography experiences he’d had and he told me about amazing trips to South Africa, the Galapagos Islands, South America, and Russia. At one point, he jumped up and ran upstairs, returning with a MacBook.

  ‘These are incredible, Michael,’ I said as we scrolled through his online albums. ‘You’re very talented.’

  ‘Thank you. Dad’s a good teacher. Kay’s in very capable hands. From what I can see, she’s got a real eye for photography so Dad’s in his element. Do you ever—?’

  A loud clatter outside stopped him. He stood up and cocked his head. There was another clatter followed by a string of expletives.

  ‘Daniel’s back.’ His shoulders drooped and the light left his eyes. ‘I’ll leave you to it. Unless you want me to stay.’ He closed his laptop.

  ‘It’s fine. Thank you. I’m only here for an explanation and an apology then I’m out of both of your lives for good.’ Stevie was right. I needed to dump Daniel.

  The door burst open. Michael put his hand on my shoulder and whispered, ‘Good luck,’ before dashing up the stairs.

  ‘Bollocks,’ mumbled Daniel, trying to pick his keys up off the floor, but stumbling onto his knees instead. He pushed the door shut with his foot, crawled a few paces then hauled himself up, clinging onto the kitchen worktop. He swayed a little then surveyed the room. ‘Elise? Ish that you? Oh God, babe, I’m soooo sorry.’ Babe? Really? He staggered a few steps and flopped onto the sofa. ‘Sit still,’ he said.

  ‘I’m not moving. I take it you’ve been to the pub.’

  ‘Farmer Bill gave me a lift. He’s a nice bloke. Really nice bloke. But I’m not. I hit your friend.’

  ‘I noticed. Care to explain why?’

  He looked at me with big sad puppy-dog eyes and shook his head.

  ‘Then I’ll be off.’ I stood up and walked towards the door.

  ‘Don’t go.’ He grabbed my hand. ‘Please don’t go.’

  ‘Then tell me why you hit Stevie.’

  He flopped back and closed his eyes. ‘Amber. Saw her with Jake.’

  I felt a rush of empathy towards him. ‘When?’

  ‘This morning. Went to Lincoln. Still got clients there. Saw them together and she’s…’

  ‘She’s what?’

  ‘She’s pregnant.’

  ‘No! Oh Daniel, I’m so sorry.’ My voice softened.

  He opened his eyes again and tried to pull me down onto his knee. I resisted and sat down on the edge of the sofa instead. ‘I was so jealous,’ he said. ‘They looked so happy. Then when I saw you and him… I didn’t know he was your friend. I thought it was happening all over again. Should have known you wouldn’t do that. Should have trusted you. Please say I haven’t lost you.’

  His words were a boost to my fragile ego, but could I trust him? ‘I can’t promise you that, Daniel. I understand how tough today must have been, but do you understand how wrong your actions were?’ I felt like I was speaking to one of my students instead of a grown man.

  He nodded. ‘It won’t happen again.’

  ‘Damn right it won’t.’

  ‘I love you. Don’t dump me. Please. I couldn’t bear it.’

  I looked into his sad eyes, wondering what on earth to do next. I couldn’t bear violence, but Michael said it wasn’t like Daniel and he certainly wouldn’t be covering for him. I knew I didn’t love him back and I knew I needed some me-time, but it was flattering having someone who loved me and wanted me after what I’d been through. What was the stronger pull? Dump him now and discover myself or have my fragile ego flattered for a bit longer? Was there any point when it would end eventually? I needed to sleep on it. Not with Daniel, though. Not tonight. I decided to avoid the subject altogether. ‘I think somebody could do with some coffee,’ I said.

  ‘Yes please.’

  I stood up and wandered into the kitchen area. When I returned, he was snoring. I crept upstairs and knocked on Michael’s door. He opened it in just a pair of trunks. An unexpected tingle of excitement ran down my spine.

  ‘All sorted?’ he asked.

  ‘I wouldn’t say that, but he’s apologised. He’s asleep on the sofa. I’m going to take his duvet down and put it over him, but I’m not staying. Will you tell him I’ll call him tomorrow, but it probably won’t be till early evening?’

  Michael nodded. ‘I’ll tell him. Night.’ H
e moved to close his door then stopped. ‘I know the circumstances weren’t ideal, but I just wanted to say that I enjoyed spending time with you this evening. I’m sorry I’ve been off with you. It was nothing personal. It was about Daniel.’

  I smiled. ‘I know. Oddly enough, I enjoyed this evening too. Thanks for showing me your photos, especially the local ones. You’ve somehow put beauty into places I’d previously thought were quite drab.’

  ‘Thank you.’ We stared at each other for a moment.

  ‘Right, well, I’d better get this duvet down to your brother. Good night, Michael.’

  ‘Good night, Elise.’

  As I walked out to Stevie’s car a few minutes later, I glanced up at Michael’s bedroom window. He was silhouetted in the window, and I could feel him watching me. My stomach did a flip. Oh-oh! What’s this? Please, no! If I was going to dump Daniel, it was to discover me, and not to jump straight into another relationship. Especially with his brother! I had some serious thinking and decision-making to do over the weekend.

  When I closed my eyes that night, though, it wasn’t Michael I pictured. It was Stevie.

  24

  ✉︎ From Sarah

  I’ve chosen the dress… I think! Mum says it’s perfect, but there was a close second and I want to be absolutely sure by getting the opinion of my fabulous bridesmaids! I know it’s a bank hols weekend so I understand if you have plans. Clare’s up for the weekend so she’s free, Callie can do 2pm and Mum can cover the shop. Would that work for you? xxxxxxxx

  * * *

  ✉︎ To Sarah

  Can’t wait to see it! Got no plans so see you there xx

  * * *

  ✉︎ From Gary

  One of the couples who viewed on Sunday have offered £10k below the asking price. Lawtons are trying to negotiate it up

  * * *

  ✉︎ To Gary

  Promise me you’ll accept if they won’t budge. I want to move on

  * * *

  ✉︎ From Gary

  I promise

  * * *

  ✉︎ From Sarah

  Just heard from Callie. She says can you and Clare join her for drinks afterwards to discuss my hen do?

  * * *

  ✉︎ To Sarah

  OK. See you on Saturday xx

  * * *

  ✉︎ From Gary

  An extra £5k. I’ve said yes. The house is now officially sold STC. Hopefully it will be a smooth one

  * * *

  ✉︎ To Gary

  Let’s hope so. Thank you

  ‘I’m so relieved you all liked my first choice best,’ Sarah said as we left The Wedding Emporium. The first dress she’d tried on had been lovely, but the second one was definitely the one. It rendered us all speechless, even Clare.

  ‘You looked so stunning in it,’ I said. ‘I’m so excited for you.’ I was too. I was in a very different place to where I’d been when we’d shopped for bridesmaid dresses.

  ‘Have you got time for a quick drink with us or do you have to go back to work now?’ Callie asked.

  Sarah looked at her watch. ‘I’m probably good for another half an hour max.’

  ‘Minty’s it is, then,’ Callie said.

  Clare and Callie went to the bar while Sarah and I secured some seats. I could have done without it. I’d been struggling to shake a headache the past few days and would have preferred to go home. The champagne in The Wedding Emporium hadn’t helped so goodness knows why I’d asked Callie to get me a glass of wine. Dutch courage to face an afternoon with Clare?

  ‘I saw Stevie on Tuesday,’ Sarah said.

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

  ‘Because I thought you’d worry. Because I thought you’d tell me to dump Daniel. Because I couldn’t think of how to tell you without it sounding really bad.’

  ‘Is there a way?’

  ‘Probably not. It’s complicated. There’s still no excuse for what he did, but I understand why he reacted in that way. He’s really sorry. He insisted on meeting with Stevie so he could apologise in person.’

  ‘I know. Stevie said.’

  ‘Are you going to lecture me?’

  Sarah shrugged and looked at me with pity in her eyes. ‘Do I need to? Do you want me to tell you that you’re playing with fire going out with someone who goes around punching people? Because I can do that quite easily. But I suspect you’ve lectured yourself enough already, haven’t you?’

  I fiddled with a beer mat. ‘I know what I’m doing. He won’t do it again and he’d never lay a finger on me.’

  ‘How do you know that?’

  ‘I just know. There was a reason why he reacted the way he did. I know it doesn’t justify it. He was mortified, you know. But please don’t worry. He really won’t touch me.’

  ‘I hope not. Or he’ll end up with more than a broken nose.’

  I smiled, but a battle raged inside me. Stevie thought I should dump him, Sarah thought I should dump him, and I’d already been questioning whether it was time to say goodbye before the incident, knowing that I liked him but didn’t love him. Since the incident, I wasn’t sure I even liked him that much. Why was I still clinging on by the fingernails?

  Sarah placed her hand over mine. ‘It’s only because we care, you know.’

  ‘I know and I appreciate it. But I’m really okay.’

  She removed her hand and sat back in her chair. ‘Okay. Subject dropped. I haven’t seen Auntie Kay since I sorted out that photography tutoring for her. How’s it going?’

  ‘Brilliantly.’ My shoulders relaxed and I put the part-shredded beer mat down. ‘She went out with Philip and Michael last Friday and I’ve seen her photos. They’re amazing. I think she may have a hidden talent.’

  ‘Who has?’ asked Clare, returning with our drinks.

  ‘Auntie Kay.’ Sarah explained, then I told them about Michael’s photos and how talented he was.

  All too soon, Sarah announced she had to get back to the shop. She hugged Callie goodbye and agreed to meet Clare at home later. As she hugged me, she whispered into my ear, ‘Are you sure you’ve picked the right brother?’ I stiffened. What was that supposed to mean?

  ‘Thanks for helping me choose the dress,’ she said to us all. ‘Please don’t scheme anything too embarrassing for my hen do. Callie, you may need to act as referee between these two, so good luck with that.’

  ‘It’ll be grand,’ Clare said. ‘Go and do some work, you big slacker.’

  Was I sure I’d picked the right brother? My stomach churned as I twisted in my seat and watched Sarah walk back down the precinct towards Castle Street. Why had she said that? Probably because I’d just spent twenty minutes gulping down my wine and raving about how talented Michael was. What an idiot. It wasn’t like I fancied him. But then I pictured him looking out of the back of his dad’s 4x4 after they picked up Kay, answering the door with the towel round his waist, and while he talked animatedly about his photography projects. Oh my goodness, was that it? Was that why I was hanging onto Daniel, because it gave me an excuse to see Michael? Why else would I still be with someone I didn’t even like anymore? No!

  ‘Elise! Have you heard anything we’ve just said?’

  I turned back round to face Clare. ‘I… No. Sorry. What were you saying?’

  ‘Are we keeping you from something?’

  ‘No. I’m concentrating now. Fire away.’

  Callie shuffled awkwardly in her seat as I scowled at Clare. ‘We were discussing what Sarah did and didn’t want for her hen do,’ Callie said.

  ‘Oh, right. And what did you conclude?’

  Clare sighed loudly. ‘Sarah said she doesn’t mind what we do or where we go as long as it’s something everyone will enjoy. She doesn’t want any silly challenges but she doesn’t mind wearing a veil and L-plates.’

  ‘She liked the sound of some of the things I did on my hen do,’ Callie added. ‘We went to Wales for an adventure weekend. We did laser clay shooting, white
water-rafting, gorge-walking, tank driving… all sorts of stuff. It was amazing. I don’t think she was too keen on the gorge-walking but she liked the sound of the other stuff.’

  ‘I’d love to drive a tank,’ I said. ‘That sounds like fun.’

  ‘It’s brilliant,’ Callie said, grinning. ‘There’s a place in Northumberland called The Adult Playground. It’s a disused airbase and it’s got different vehicles like tanks, army trucks, racing cars, steam rollers, diggers. You name it, they’ve got it. They’ve also got things like laser clays, grass sledging, and this really wet, muddy assault course.’

  ‘Wet mud? That sounds like something that Clare would hate.’

  Clare raised her eyebrows at me. ‘Would I now? And how will you be coming to that conclusion?’

  ‘Look at you.’ I indicated the short, tight, navy dress, high heels, perfectly manicured nails and immaculate make-up. ‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in jeans or without make-up. Somehow I can’t see you driving a tank or scrambling over a cargo net.’

  Clare leaned forward on the table and swirled the remnants of her wine around her glass. ‘And you’ll have come to that conclusion purely from how I look?’

  ‘Yes. There’s no way you’d be seen dead in a boiler suit covered in mud.’

  ‘You’re saying that because I dress a certain way, get manicures, spend time on my hair and make-up, that it somehow defines me? That you know exactly the type of person I am?’

  I nodded. ‘Yes! The type of person who doesn’t like to shake her hair loose and get covered in mud.’

  Clare knocked back the last of her wine then stared at me. ‘Well, no wonder,’ she said.

  ‘No wonder what?’

  ‘Given that you’re so quick to make assumptions about people and put them in boxes, it’s no wonder your poor husband didn’t dare tell you he was gay. No wonder he lied and found real love behind your back. Being married to someone as judgemental as you must have been hell on earth.’