Beastly Lights

by Theresa Jane

  Ant’s back was to me, but I could tell he was tense from the bunched muscles in his back as well as an anxious Ryan standing at his side. He had the role of worried boyfriend down to a tee.

  “You let him ruin you every time. Why?” Ant demanded, taking a threatening step toward Liam. “You turn us away, but you let him in. Why? What have we done wrong?”

  “I don’t want you here, Anthony.”

  “Then why did you hire my sister as your publicist?” Ant shot back.

  “Fine,” Liam hissed before he turned on Lucinda. “You’re fired.”

  “What?” Lucinda stepped back, looking at Liam like he had lost his mind.

  “Oh, I guess that solves everything,” Ant said, throwing his hands in the air as he stormed away from Liam, then abruptly turned and marched up to him again.

  “You know what? I’ve been trying to be your friend, Liam. I have put up with everything you’ve thrown at me. I’ve picked you up more times than I can count and been there for you whenever you’ve needed me, but I’m sick of this. You’re on your own,” Ant finished, breathing heavily while glaring up at a cold-faced Liam.

  A long silence stretched out between the two and I stood in anticipation for Liam’s response, but it never came.

  “You don’t care about anyone, do you?” Ant sighed, shaking his head at his friend. “I thought you might care for her,” he shrugged, pointing back at me before he continued. “But I guess after last night, we all know that was a lie as well.”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Liam snarled, his eyes flashing dangerously.

  “No, Liam. I know exactly what I’m talking about. You seem to be the only one in this room who is missing the point,” Ant yelled, jabbing a finger into Liam’s chest. “You’re finally going to have what you’ve always wanted.”

  “You don’t know a thing about me,” Liam growled, slapping Ant’s hand away. He took another aggressive step forward, but Ant refused to back down.

  “Despite your best efforts to cut me out, Liam, I know more about you than you know about yourself, and you’re going to regret this moment for the rest of your life. After today, you will finally be truly alone.”

  “Good.”

  “Fine.”

  By now, the two men were chest to chest, both breathing heavily with their fists clenched tightly by their sides. If the tension in the room hadn’t been so high, I might have found their positions comical; it was as if they were about to kiss.

  “I truly thought you could change, Liam,” Ant finally sighed, stepping back as his entire body seemed to drain of energy.

  “You should have never expected so much of me.”

  “I never really did,” Ant shrugged before he turned to me with a sad smile spreading across his face. “Not until I saw it in her. At first I resented her, but then I saw the way you looked at her. The way you seemed to do little things differently. Heck, when you called me for advice, I thought you truly had changed, but then you went and did this. Not even hours after that phone call.”

  “Shut up, Anthony,” Liam seethed, but I had already heard too much, and my mind was reeling. Had he called Ant about me?

  I felt my head shifting between the two like a spectator at a tennis match.

  “I guess it’s too late now,” Ant pressed on despite the threat in Liam’s voice. “Because you’re going to lose her too.”

  Ant turned his back completely on Liam now and moved toward Ryan. My eyes stayed firmly on Liam as a myriad of emotions started to play across his face.

  “She can’t leave,” Lucinda said worriedly, breaking through the stifling silence. “Please Freya, he needs you. This is a mess.”

  “Luce, leave it,” Ant frowned. “She deserves the right to choose. Especially after the night she’s been through.”

  The two shared a strange look before Lucinda backed down, but I didn’t miss the worried and uncomfortable looks she kept shooting me as I stared at Liam.

  “Freya?” he prompted, and I felt the weight of all the eyes in the room on me.

  I didn’t want to answer because I didn’t have one. Images of the night before flashed through my mind, of Liam and Jebediah. My mind was overwhelmed with thoughts, but none of them were leading me to a definitive answer.

  I shut my eyes tight in the hope of shutting out the world. I needed to focus on the thoughts running through my mind, but it didn’t help, and I felt the familiar pull I always felt when my father went off the deep end.

  No matter how much I despised that feeling, I couldn’t ignore it. I had been since the first night Liam had got drunk, but that didn’t mean that it wasn’t affecting me. I needed to help him. I had hope that he could change. Just like my brother and just like my father.

  “I’ll stay,” I whispered, letting my chin fall against my chest in defeat. Why was it that hope always felt like being trapped? Was I doing it wrong?

  “Thank god,” I heard Lucinda mutter before she started tapping furiously on her phone. I didn’t miss the string of curses that came from Ant. I just chose to ignore them. While I was surprised to finally have him on my side, for some unknown reason, I wasn’t going to do what he wanted.

  “Freya,” I heard Liam sigh before he reached out and took hold of my hand. My eyes quickly snapped up to him as I yanked my hand from his grasp.

  “Don’t touch me,” I hissed, my eyes narrowing as his went wide. “I said I would stay. I’ll keep up the charade in front of the cameras, but I don’t need to when we’re alone.”

  “What?” He frowned, looking helplessly at Ant, who was watching us cautiously. “I don’t-”

  “I can’t forgive you, Liam,” I said, shaking my head as I backed away from him. “You knew about my father. You knew everything, and still, you acted that way last night. I-I thought I could trust you, but you’re no different than them.”

  “Freya, I’m-”

  “Save it,” I winced, not wanting to hear his insincere apologies. How could he possibly think that an apology would ever be enough? Last night was my nightmares brought to life. It was going to take more than words to win my trust.

  “Please,” he begged, trying to reach for me again.

  “Just leave me alone,” I shouted, my eyes flashing to him as I stepped out of his grasp again. “Haven’t you done enough damage? Can’t you just…just leave me alone?”

  I finished softly, feeling an unwelcome burn in my throat as the tears started to build. I had cried more in two days than I had in years, and I wasn’t eager to continue the trend.

  There was silence as I fought to keep my composure. I knew they were all watching me, but I couldn’t pull my eyes from Liam’s. They looked sadder than I’d ever seen them. I could almost see the words he had tattooed on him flash through my mind.

  Their choice is to leave. I couldn’t help but think it was the only choice you were left with after everything he could put you through.

  I didn’t want to be just another person that left him, but he made it almost impossible to stay. I just needed a break.

  “I need some air, I need…” I trailed off as I started to move farther away from him. I saw pain flash through his eyes, but he didn’t even flinch and soon his eyes were filled with resignation. “I-I’ll be back,” I offered weakly, looking between Lucinda and Ant. “I just…I just need some air,” I muttered before I spun and raced from the apartment, slamming the door as I left.

  I repeatedly pushed the elevator button as I glanced over my shoulder, anxious the apartment door might open. It was a waste of energy because I knew he wasn’t coming after me. He hadn’t chased anything in his life, and it was naive of me to believe I would be enough of a reason to change that.

  I just needed to get away from him for a while, I promised myself. I just needed a few hours to clear my head and calm my heart because right now, I couldn’t understand what it was trying to tell me.

  When the elevator reached the
lobby, I didn’t even look up when the doors opened. Instead, I hurried across the polished floor to the front door. I ignored the doorman’s greeting and pushed out into the chilly New York morning, immediately regretting leaving without a jacket.

  However, after I took my first step outside, I instantly regretted it as lights flashed across my vision and voices yelled out questions, I didn’t want to answer. They pushed against me, several trying to get me to look up, but I kept my eyes firmly on my feet as I tried to make my way through.

  I stumbled on their feet and would have tumbled to the ground if they hadn’t been so close to me, pushing and jostling to get a better position, a better picture.

  I only looked up for a moment, trying to figure out where the sidewalk was and where I might find a cab, but immediately I felt a chill run through my body.

  His face was so familiar, and that cap was the same one the man had been wearing yesterday, but that wasn’t what set me on edge. Unlike all the other vultures, he wasn’t carrying a camera or a phone ready to capture my words or the emotions playing across my face. All he was equipped with was an unnerving smile, as if he knew something that I didn’t. Were they still paparazzi if they didn’t carry a camera?

  I was still in shock when the crowd seemed to surge, and he disappeared among the men and camera flashes. When I registered the frantic nature of the crowd, I quickly shook my thoughts of the man and started to push through until I finally reached the curb.

  I quickly stepped out onto the street and flagged down a cab, throwing myself inside and slamming the door before any of them could jump in with me.

  “Where to?” the cab driver asked, and I distractedly told him my brother’s address. I glanced back out at the photographers, still trying to capture a picture of me. How had my life come to this?

  When the cab started moving and the crowd began to fade into the distance, I let out a tired sigh, resting my head heavily against the headrest. It was going to be a long day. I could only hope that my brother was in better shape than I had left him yesterday.

  Chapter 28: The Gift

  I dug up the remaining coins from my pockets and handed them to the disgusted cab driver before quickly ducking out of the cab with a murmured thank you.

  I may live with a rich and famous rock star, but that didn’t mean any of it was mine. No matter how many times Liam tried to give me his money.

  Looking down the sidewalk, I sighed, knowing I had a little way to walk. I didn’t have enough money for the cab to take me the whole way to my brother’s apartment.

  I felt the chilly New York wind slice through my thin sweatshirt and again, I wished I had thought to grab a jacket before I stormed out of the apartment.

  Crossing my arms tightly over myself, I started to move down the bustling New York street as people hurried to work and school children dallied to school. I didn’t walk fast because I knew I needed more time to compose my thoughts.

  I was walking past a newsstand when the headlines of the magazines caught my eye. They were all about Liam and even some about me.

  They all seemed to be yelling at me with their bold text, reminding me that Liam would always be the same and there was no one out there who could change him.

  I was about to turn my back on them when I saw a small picture in one of the lesser known gossip magazines. It was grainy and obviously at the back of some nightclub in the city, but the man’s face was unmistakable, as was the woman wrapped around him. What was Jazelle doing with Jebediah?

  I squinted a little at the picture before I read the small headline. Jazelle Continues Her Rapid Fall From Grace,’ it read. I cast a quick glance up at the salesperson who seemed to be in a heated discussion about some sports results before I quickly snatched up the magazine, flicking to the page with the story.

  An ungraceful fall from fame

  It appears that the once American sweetheart, Jazelle Ericson, is reduced to nothing without her A-list beau, Liam Henderson, who as we all know is fighting his own demons again while we all wait for his new relationship with the clumsy, slightly fashion-challenged Freya Coleman to fall to pieces.

  “God, Ryan is going to murder me if he reads this,” I muttered before casting a quick glance up at the salesperson. He was now shouting at the other man about the innocence of a player accused of taking drugs. I quickly returned to reading, anxious to see if the article said anything other than ranting about my less than desirable wardrobe.

  Jazelle was spotted last night at one of New York’s elite nightclubs getting cozy with one of Liam’s band members, Jebediah Wright, who was reported hours earlier at Liam’s apartment getting even closer with Liam’s current girlfriend. This again begs the questions, why was the break up between the rock star and the starlet so sudden? Could this be one strange love ‘rectangle,’ or is the bad boy rock star through with both his leading ladies?

  One fact is clear: Jazelle is no longer the girl next door that every director is seeking to cast and has instead fallen from her pedestal. As with every fall, it has also prompted all those who chose to remain silent as her star rose to reveal that the actress was a nightmare to work with. Many staffers on her movies labeled her as more diva than sweetheart…

  I stopped reading when it started talking about all the movie deals she had been passed up on in the past few weeks and quickly put the magazine back as the salesman started to get suspicious.

  As I walked away, I couldn’t help but think about what they might be saying in the other articles. Were they just as ruthless? How did they get their information about Jebediah at the party? Did they have pictures?

  I quickly cleared my thoughts, hating even to think about him for a moment because it quickly brought up the memories from last night, and I wasn’t ready for that. I didn’t think I would ever be ready for that.

  Finally reaching my brother’s apartment, I knocked tiredly on the door. Moments later, the door opened and revealed my brother in all his suited glory as he prepared to leave for work.

  “Freya?” he frowned as he looked up for the first time.

  “I knocked,” I offered as he remained frozen in the doorway with briefcase in hand.

  “That would be a first,” he chuckled, his face breaking into an uncomfortable smile before stepping back and making room for me to come inside.

  “Don’t you need to be at work?” I asked weakly, stepping around him as he shut the door.

  “I think the reason you’re here is more important than anything I could get done at work today.” He smiled, and I couldn’t help but return it.

  We both walked down his hallway in silence. When we reached his kitchen, I sat across from him as he moved to make us both a coffee. When his back was turned, my eyes quickly swept the apartment and didn’t miss the open bottle on his coffee table and the single glass next to it.

  “It was just one to help me sleep,” Mason murmured, and I turned back to him, keeping my eyes resting on the steaming coffee mug he set down in front of me.

  “Right,” I answered absently, a million thoughts running through my mind.

  “Why are you here, Freya? I thought...after everything, you wouldn’t want to see me for a while?” he asked gently, and I could feel him watching me closely.

  “I needed something familiar,” I mumbled, taking a sip of my coffee.

  “What did he do?” Mason asked in a flat voice. I wondered why he immediately jumped to that conclusion. Was it really that obvious or was I just becoming predictable?

  “Nothing, it’s fine.”

  “I read the newspapers, Freya,” he frowned.

  “Only the boring parts,” I quipped.

  “More than you read,” he smirked before his face fell again. ‘What happened last night?’

  “It was a misunderstanding, it’s nothing, I promise.”

  “You don’t need to stay with him, Freya. He can’t hurt me, and I know you’re not naive enough to believe that he would ever s
tay faithful to you.”

  “It’s different now, Mason. He’s different.”

  “You need to leave, Freya; he’s only going to hurt you.”

  “Strange, you didn’t think that when you first got me into this whole mess,” I laughed humorlessly.

  “I made a mistake, Freya, but you shouldn’t have been here that night,” he shot back defensively.

  “Why is it that all your mistakes always affect me?”

  “What do you want from me, Freya?” he demanded, pushing off from the bench and running his hands angrily through his fair hair. All I could think was that I wanted my brother. I wanted my brother from before my mother died, from before he allowed alcohol to consume his life. The brother who would never lie to me or himself.

  “Nothing, Mason, I want nothing from you,” I muttered, getting up from my seat.

  “You love him, don’t you?” he spat, not even giving me the chance to answer. “You’re being foolish, Freya. He doesn’t want you. I’m trying to protect you.”

  “You want to know the sad thing, Mase, is that I know this is your messed up way of trying to protect me,” I sighed, shaking my head at my brother. “But this is my life, my choice, and my foolish decision. You should understand that better than anyone.”

  “Stop being so childish,” Mase scoffed.

  “Who do you think taught me how to gamble, Mase?” I shot back sadly. “At least I’ll remember my foolish actions in the morning.” I knew it was low and I hated the hurt look that appeared on my brother’s face, but I was tired of him judging me and telling me how to live my life when he couldn’t even manage his own. “Do you even remember what you said to me that morning?”

  He paused, and I knew I had been right all along. He had been drunk before he came to see me when he found out about Liam and I. I had tried to deny it, but now I knew.

  “We’re not talking about me,” he deflected, running a hand uncomfortably along the back of his neck.

  I shook my head at him silently as I pushed back from the bench. I hated that this was the way we were with each other but mostly, I hated that I couldn’t convince him to change. I couldn’t convince him to save himself, just like my father.