Beastly Lights

by Theresa Jane

  “Goodbye, Mase,” I murmured before turning from him and making my way out of his apartment.

  “He called, Freya,” Mason hurriedly said, causing me to freeze just as I reached his hallway. “Dad, he called me. Two days ago. He’s coming here, Frey.”

  “What?” I whispered, not turning back to look at him.

  “You need to listen to me, Freya. He’s coming to see you.”

  “No, I don’t want this,” I breathed, turning back to glare at Mason.

  “Just hear me out.”

  “No, I don’t want to hear anything you have to say about him, and I definitely don’t want to see him.”

  “Freya-”

  “No,” I shouted, glaring at him for a moment before he opened his mouth to speak again.

  I was already storming from his apartment, just like I’d done over a month ago. I could still hear his shouts as I ran out and slammed the door. I held my breath until I was out on the sidewalk, where I finally allowed myself to breathe again.

  * * *

  I spent hours walking around the city until all my limbs were cold and my throat ached from the icy air. I knew at this rate I would end up with the flu in no time.

  When the sun started to set, I knew I had to go back to him. I had nowhere else to go and not for the first time, I resented him for trapping me so neatly.

  I was almost back to his apartment when the threatening clouds finally made good on their promise and rain started to fall heavily. I didn’t even bother picking up my pace. I wasn’t eager to get back to the apartment any earlier than I had to.

  I was thankful when I arrived that the paparazzi had thinned considerably and the others were packing up, obviously hindered by the rainstorm and tired of waiting. I slipped my hood up for good measure and hurried through the doors before any of them could recognize me.

  “Miss? Are you all right?” I turned quickly to face our doorman, and I realized I hadn’t even bothered to learn his name.

  “Yes, I’m fine,” I answered, casting a nervous glance over my shoulder, but no one outside was looking at me.

  “Do you need me to call Mr. Henderson?”

  “No, I should be fine,” I answered with a shaky smile before I started moving toward the elevator, very aware that I had left a small puddle where I had been standing.

  I quickly stepped inside when the doors opened, pulling my hood down when the elevator was finally moving. I hadn’t realized until now that my body was shivering, the chill seeping through my clothes to my skin.

  However, it kept my mind from thinking about what I would face when I finally reached Liam’s apartment. Who knew what I would be walking into?

  When the elevator doors finally opened on his floor, I walked reluctantly across to the door. I didn’t want to go in, but I didn’t want to stay out here either. I was just about to open the door when it swung open, revealing a panicked Liam on the other side, keys in one hand as he stared down at his phone in the other.

  “Answer,” he growled before he finally looked up to see me standing in front of him with a confused expression.

  “Hi,” I offered, even adding in an awkward wave in case he didn’t hear me. He didn’t say anything for a minute before suddenly I heard his phone and keys hit the floor and his arms wrapped tightly around me. I let out a squeak of surprise, my arms squished to my sides and my face pressed against his chest.

  “Liam,” I mumbled when he didn’t let me go, and he reluctantly released me. He kept his hands on my shoulders and bent down so his eyes were level with mine.

  “Where have you been?” he demanded, his hands tightening their grip.

  “Walking,” I answered uncertainly, trying to shrug his hands off.

  “Freya, you’ve been gone for hours. Why didn’t you answer my calls or my messages, anything?”

  “I-I…” I trailed off, reaching into my pocket and pulling out my phone.

  I hadn’t checked it since I left that morning but looking at it now, I saw I had countless missed calls and many messages from him.

  Most were demanding to know where I was, ranging from furious to begging me to simply tell him where I was. Seeing them, I felt an overwhelming guilt wash over me. I could only imagine how he had felt when I hadn’t answered any of his messages or phone calls.

  “I’m sorry,” I offered, slowly looking up at him. “I didn’t even think. I just needed some time on my own.”

  “I need to know where you are, Freya. You can’t keep running off. It’s not safe. Someone could hurt you.”

  His intense gaze held mine, and I couldn’t stop my mind running back to last night when I had looked to him for help, but he had been too preoccupied even to notice that I was in trouble. That man didn’t match the one that was standing in front of me now. That man didn’t care for anyone but himself.

  “Don’t act like you care,” I hissed, shoving both of his hands from my shoulders and pushing past him into the apartment. I didn’t get too far before his hand shot out, grabbing my wrist and forcing me back to face him.

  “Don’t walk away from me,” he warned in a low, threatening voice.

  “Why?”

  “I care about you, Freya, I-I need to protect you, keep you safe,” he forced out, releasing me and running both of his hands through his light hair.

  “Don’t lie, Liam,” I sighed, shaking my head.

  “I’m not lying,” he shouted, taking a step closer to me. He was starting to lose his patience. He’d probably started to lose it after the first message I’d failed to return.

  “Where were you last night?” He recoiled immediately at my words as my breathing sped up, my frustration and anger finally getting the best of me. “Where were you when he grabbed me in the crowd? Where were you when he chased me through the apartment until the only place left was to lock myself in the bathroom?" I tried to hold back the sob, but my vision was already blurring with unshed tears. My mind was threatening to shut down just by mentioning what had happened last night, but I couldn’t stop.

  “Where were you when he slammed his fist against the door trying to get to me, shouting at me, cursing me and calling me names?” My voice dipped as my anger ebbed, until all I was left with was fear and sadness. “Where were you?” I finally whispered, my voice hoarse and my body trembling with cold. The only sound filling the hallway of the apartment were my soft sobs as tears fell freely down my face.

  “Freya,” he whispered, the pain evident in his voice.

  “Was it my fault?” I asked, looking up suddenly and getting lost in his eyes.

  “What?” He frowned, taking a step closer, as if my distraction allowed him that chance.

  “It keeps happening to me. Did I provoke Jebediah to act that way? Am I the reason my father was the way he was?”

  “No,” he answered firmly.

  “You weren’t there, Liam. I needed you. I looked for you, and you weren’t there,” I gasped, my breathing wildly out of control. All I could think about was his mess of hair surrounded by women as I ran from Jebediah. I needed him, and he wasn’t there. I had trusted him, and this was what happened. Why was it so easy for me to give my trust when this was always the final result?

  “I’m sorry, Freya. I’m so sorry,” he breathed.

  Suddenly, his arms were wrapped tightly around me. I allowed him to hold me as the sobs consumed me. I tried to take comfort in his arms, and for a while, it worked.

  Then I felt the doubt and fear start to creep in again. The constant reminder that I couldn’t escape my past.

  Gently, I pushed him away, and I felt his heavy sigh ruffle the hair on my head.

  “Can I show you something?” he asked tentatively, and I looked up at him with a frown crinkling my forehead.

  “What?”

  “It was ready hours ago, but I didn’t know where you were,” he explained sourly. Then he took my hand and tugged me through the apartment. I tensed as we passed the ro
om from last night but Liam didn’t slow his pace until he finally stopped outside the room beside my own.

  “Ready?” He smiled, one of his beautiful, breathtaking smiles, and all words flew from my mind. All I could do was nod like an idiot. “I hope you like it,” he said, suddenly nervous as he reached for the door handle. I looked at him skeptically as he opened the door and he watched my face with a small smile of his own.

  “Look,” he whispered as he leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss against my temple. I felt a comforting warmth spread through my body as I turned my gaze slowly to see a room that made my heart stutter and swell until I was sure it couldn’t remain inside my chest a moment longer.

  “What-”

  Chapter 29: Goodbyes

  “What is this?” I gasped, my wide eyes struggling to take in everything that was in front of me.

  “Your new studio,” he beamed proudly. “Do you like it?” he asked, and I looked back at him. I didn’t know what to say, and my smile seemed to be taking over my face as I ducked my head, trying to keep it away from Liam.

  “Well?” he prompted, and suddenly his hand was under my chin, forcing my eyes to look up at him. I knew I couldn’t hide my excitement any longer, no matter how angry and disappointed I was with him.

  “I love it,” I whispered, looking back at it in awe. He had done all this for me. I hadn’t noticed that he had continued speaking until he said my name a little louder and I looked back at him guiltily.

  “What?”

  “Go check it out,” he chuckled, pushing on my lower back so I had no choice but to go inside. At first, I didn’t know where to go. Then I found myself moving to the easel and running my fingers over the brand new wood.

  I had never had a new one before. I had found mine in a thrift store when I first moved here, and most of it was held up by duct tape and hope. I soon found myself moving to the box of paints set up on a large table with more colors than I could ever dream of using. I was afraid to touch them; they looked so perfect.

  “More?” I asked, barely able to tear my eyes away to look at him. I looked over my shoulder to find him slouched against the doorframe. He wore a small smile and seemed content to watch me explore.

  I must have looked like a kid who was making their first visit to the toy store and was told I was allowed to buy anything I wanted.

  “Can you ever have enough?”

  “No, I don’t suppose you can,” I mused, trailing my hands along the paints again.

  I looked up around the room again, still trying to take it all in, when I noticed a note attached to one of the walls. I looked back at Liam in confusion. He gestured for me to go over and read it with one of his trademark smirks. I walked over to it, not even trying to hide my eagerness. I could hear him laughing at me, but I didn’t care. When I got to the plain white wall, I pulled the note off and opened it to find Liam’s neat handwriting filling the paper.

  Freya,

  Here is a perfectly plain wall. I’m eager to see how you ruin it.

  Liam

  “You’re going to willingly let me paint your wall?” I asked eagerly, turning back to face him, the note still clutched tightly in my hand.

  “Would it have stopped you if I told you that you couldn’t?”

  “No,” I smiled, looking back down at the note.

  “Why don’t you go and have a shower and I’ll go and make our dinner?”

  “You’ll make dinner?” I asked skeptically, shooting him a frown as he pushed himself off the doorframe of my new studio.

  “I know how to call for takeout,” he shrugged, and I shook my head as he started to leave the room.

  “Liam.”

  “Hmm?” he mumbled, stopping to look back at me just as he was about to disappear down the hallway.

  “Thank you,” I answered softly. “This…this is wonderful. I-I’ve never had anyone do something like this for me before.”

  “You deserve this, Freya. I truly am sorry for what happened last night,” he continued earnestly. “I wish I could take it all back. I wish I was there.” I felt my retort on my tongue, desperate to escape, but I kept my words inside. Even though all I could think was ‘but you weren’t there.’

  “Can you ever forgive me, Freya?” he asked hopefully, and I started to fiddle with the paper in my hands and looked around the room without really taking anything in.

  “I-I need some time, Liam. This,” I gestured at the room. “It doesn’t change what happened last night. You can’t buy my forgiveness.” You can’t buy my trust, I silently added.

  There was a tense silence that followed my words, and I kept my eyes downcast until I heard the sound of his footsteps disappearing. Finally, I felt like I was able to breathe again.

  Taking one more look around my room, I couldn’t help the small smile that spread across my lips. It would have been so easy for me to forgive him after this, but I knew I couldn’t. I still didn’t know where I stood with him. How did I know last night wouldn’t repeat itself?

  When I felt the cold from my wet clothes start to register again, I sighed in defeat, knowing I needed to leave my new haven and take a shower to get rid of the chill. It was already starting to make my head a little clouded and my throat a little tight.* * *

  Had I washed my hair? I couldn’t remember, my mind was too preoccupied with everything that had happened over the past few days. Now that I had time to myself and I felt my body begin to relax, I began to ask some questions I had been too stressed to ask before.

  What had Liam meant yesterday morning when he had been talking about changing us? What was he going to change? Was that the reason he kissed me?

  I had almost forgotten about that kiss, but now it seemed to be all I could think about. More importantly, was that the reason for his reckless behavior? Did he regret the kiss? Did I regret the kiss?

  Mentally slapping myself, I shut the shower off, not caring whether I had washed my hair or not. I needed to get a grip. Thoughts like this were going to send me to the loony bin.

  It felt better to be finally warm and out of my wet clothes, but I could feel soreness in my throat, and I couldn’t stop sneezing. Apparently, my bad luck was about to strike again.

  After dressing, I read Liam’s words on the note one last time and smiled before I left my room. Immediately, I was hit with the smell of Chinese food.

  “I told you I was capable of calling for takeout.”

  “Did you frighten off this poor delivery boy too?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at him.

  “No, this one didn’t have the nerve to hit on my girl,” he answered, an edge of annoyance in his tone.

  “I’m not your girl, Liam," I mumbled, slumping down on the stool beside him at the bench and heaping fried rice onto my plate. He didn’t say anything for a while, but I could feel his eyes boring into me until it finally became too much.

  “What?” I sighed, turning to face him. He hesitated for a moment, words seeming to form before something made him change them all over again.

  “Nothing,” he finally muttered, looking back at his food. I didn’t miss the annoyed expression on his face, but I felt too drained to bother asking him what was wrong. He was a big boy.

  We ate in silence for the rest of dinner, sporadically broken whenever I had a sneezing fit. Eventually, I gave up trying to fight sleep and pushed tiredly back from the bench to go and wash up.

  “I’ve got it,” Liam said softly, taking my plate from me without even looking up. “Why don’t you go and get some rest?” I hesitated for a moment, watching him as he moved toward the sink. I wanted to say so many things. Thank him again, maybe ask him one of my continually mounting questions, but in the end, I settled for something simple.

  “Okay,” I whispered. It couldn’t get any simpler than that. “I guess I’ll see you in the morning then?”

  “Night,” he answered softly.

  I watched him for a moment before I left and stumb
led down the hallway until I collapsed into my bed. Thankfully, my mind was too tired to dream.

  * * *

  I was leaving my room the next morning when my eyes landed on something that caused me to stop dead in my tracks. Leaning up against the wall beside Liam’s door was a suitcase and his guitar. My heart suddenly stuttered to an uncomfortable stop. Where was he going?

  I was still looking at the pile of his belongings in shock when he walked out.

  “Freya,” he began, but I interrupted him before he could continue.

  “You’re leaving?” It didn’t make sense. Why would he do all of that for me and then leave?

  “I go on tour today, remember?” he answered, moving to pick up his guitar.

  “Oh,” I said quietly, looking away as I tried to swallow an uncomfortable lump in my throat. How could I forget that he was leaving today? I thought I still had time with him. I thought...

  “Where is everyone else? Aren’t they going with you?”

  “They’re meeting me at the airport,” he explained, holding his guitar as he stared down at me.

  “Oh.” It seemed to be my favorite word today.

  “I needed to talk to you before I left,” he took another step closer. “Alone.”

  “Okay,” I answered uncertainly.

  “I would have asked you to come, Freya,” he sighed, setting his case down again before taking another step closer to me.

  “I-” I began, feeling my heart quicken with every step he took.

  “I know,” he smiled sadly. “You need some time. I understand. It would be selfish of me to ask you.”

  “I can’t trust you, Liam,” I whispered, ducking my head again as I continued to hear his footsteps approach. I couldn’t travel to a foreign city with him when I couldn’t even trust him in this one.

  “Freya,” he said gently before resting his hand against my cheek. Immediately, I leaned into his warmth, allowing my eyes to fall shut before they opened again when he continued. “I want you.”