Love’s Secret Baby

by Goode, Ella

  “I don’t believe it either.”

  “Yikes. I hope you didn’t tell her that.”

  “Why not?”

  Melody makes a face. “Is that really how you want to start your reunion? You still love her. You haven’t stopped pining over her since the day you lost her and now, against all odds, she is lying in your bed with your son.”

  I drag a hand down my face as that small feeling of guilt that pierced my shell earlier starts unraveling inside of me. “She ran from me,” I say defensively. “Like you said, I love her. I gave her the world and she ran from me.”

  “You were working a ton of hours and traveling a lot. She was alone and didn’t have anyone in her life. I was busy with Ronnie and my husband and you were trying to fulfill every demand of Gran’s.”

  “You’re saying I should’ve taken her on trips where I couldn’t spend any time with her because I’d be in meetings all day?” That seemed like a quick way to break up.

  “I’m saying that’s all in the past. You have a couple of options, Jonas. You can either treat her like crap and try to extract as much pain from her as possible in hopes of lessening your own pain, or you can let it go and try to live a new life together.”

  “I want to know what happened.”

  “What if you don’t like what happened? Do you throw her out then? If you plan on staying together, then the past doesn’t matter.”

  She’s making too much sense and I don’t like it. I don’t want to get over being angry. I’m not ready to forgive and move on. Darby kept my son from me. At least I thought she had. But I hear what Melody is saying. I could lose the two of them again, just when I found them. Melody pats me on the head and takes her leave. I stare at the fire until the flames become embers and the embers become ashes and the room grows cold. When the last light flickers out, I drag my sorry ass into the bedroom. Darby’s body is curled around our son. The two of them look small and fragile in my big bed. When I met Darby, she was a struggling preschool teacher. At first, she couldn’t believe that I’d fallen for her. She thought it was some kind of elaborate prank that her not very nice coworkers had set up.

  She was, as Melody pointed out, alone in this world. I made her fall in love with me. I gave her promises—that I would always love her, that I would protect her, that she would never be alone. I didn’t keep those promises so am I the most angry with her or is it my failure that I can’t live with?

  Chapter 12

  Darby

  I smile when I feel kisses on my cheeks. “Mommy,” Jax says, sounding extra awake. I open my eyes to see him with a giant smile on his face. That cute little face of his, reminding me what’s really important.

  “Hey, angel.” I pull him into me, giving him kisses on his cheeks that make him giggle. It takes me a minute to remember where we are. I fight back all the emotions that tug at my insides as I try and keep it together. I will not have a breakdown in front of Jax. This might be a lot for him to handle, too. We are somewhere completely new. Nothing here is familiar to either one of us. If I’m struggling as an adult, then he must be, too.

  “I hungry,” he tells me when I stop giving him little kisses everywhere.

  “Okay. Let Mommy get you up.” I sit up. The sun is now pouring in through the windows. I spot my diaper bag that I don’t remember grabbing when we left my place. I turn to Jax to tell him to stay put while I grab it but stop when I see Jonas lying on the other side of the bed watching us. Jax follows my line of sight, lifting his hand to point at him.

  “Hi!” Jax chirps at him before he starts to crawl toward Jonas. I know he doesn’t know that Jonas is his father, but it’s still shocking to see how quickly he’s taken to him. He’s always so shy around men. I think it has a lot to do with there not being many around him on a daily basis.

  Jonas sits up, resting his back against the headboard while opening his arms for Jax. He watches him closely as Jax crawls into his lap and starts gibbering on. He’s so curious about Jonas. He reaches up to touch his face, tracing his little chubby finger along his nose. I watch as Jonas stares back at him with love in his eyes. I begin to tear up a little at their interaction.

  “Was dis?” Jax points to something, making Jonas tell him what it is. Once he gets his first answer it spurs him on to continue asking more. Jonas patiently answers all of his questions.

  Jax points to me as his next object to identify. I can feel the weight of Jonas’ stare as he lifts his eyes to look at me.

  “That’s your mommy.” My little angel's eyes go back and forth between us. Jonas continues to stare at me until Jax pokes him. His little chubby finger raises up to point at Jonas.

  “Daddy.” The word slips from my mouth before I can stop it. I don’t even look up to see Jonas' expression.

  I slip off the bed to get Jax’s bag so I can change him. Jax is not one to skip meals. The only time he really gets cranky is when he’s hungry. Not even when he’s tired does he cry. He turns into a little cuddle ball.

  “I've got it.” Jonas holds out his hand for the diaper bag. I still don’t make eye contact with him.

  “I can do it.” I’m so used to doing everything on my own.

  “I’ve got it. I put some of your stuff in the bathroom.” He motions toward two double doors.

  “Is this my room?” I ask as I hand him the bag.

  “My room?” Jax asks.

  “You can have any room you like.” Jonas kisses Jax on the cheek, making him giggle. Jax runs his hand along Jonas’s morning stubble on his cheek.

  “Where is your room?” Why was he asleep here earlier? Did he really think I would make a run for it? There is a giant wall around this place. At least I’m guessing it goes all the way around it. They had to open a gate to let us in.

  “This is my room.” His eyes meet mine as if I should already know that. I shake my head, ignoring him. Clearly, he still doesn't believe me. Nor does he care about how I feel or the words I said to him. I’d actually felt a little bad with how snappy I’d been with him about being alone all these years. A guilt I shouldn't have because he doesn't care. Only his anger matters.

  I turn away from him, going into the bathroom and closing the door behind me. I lean up against it. This is the first time I’ve been alone since I realized who Jonas is to me. I close my eyes, still not believing any of this. There is nothing I can do. I will have to just go along with this. I walk over to the mirror and look at myself.

  “Why can’t you remember?” I might be better off not remembering. I pull my hair back to look at the scar that is a daily reminder of a life I can’t remember. That same hollow feeling I get in my chest every time I do throbs back to life. No matter how much time passes it’s always there. I let my hair down, covering the scar.

  The sound of Jax’s laughter has me moving into action. I find the things Jonas got me. All of them are my favorite things. Either he really does know me or he poked around my place. He didn't have time for that, though. The only thing that’s a little snug are the pants. They would have fit me before my belly started to grow. It’s been two years and I still haven’t taken off all the baby weight.

  I force a smile as I open the bedroom door. The last thing I am going to do is fight with Jonas in front of our son. I can force a smile and deal with my own emotions later. Jonas stands with Jax in his arms as I exit the bathroom. Both of them are dressed.

  “Mommy.” Jax reaches for me. Jonas doesn't look like he wants to let him go but he gives him to me.

  “I think I need to baby proof this place.” Jonas looks around the bedroom. I see a million things Jax could grab and pull down on himself. I nod in agreement. “Breakfast?” he offers.

  “Are you hungry?” I ask Jax, ignoring Jonas the best I can. It’s hard. I don’t know how but with his hair still a mess from sleep and holding Jax he is more attractive than ever. My body is reacting to him in a way that it shouldn’t be.

  “Pancakes!” He squeals, clapping his hands.

  “He�
��s been saying that over and over.”

  “It’s his favorite.”

  Jonas opens the door for me. I step out into the hallway, waiting for him.

  “The kitchen.” He nods for me to walk. I look both ways.

  “Which way?” I turn to look at him when he doesn't answer me. He stares at me for a moment.

  “Left,” he finally says. I give him another one of my silent nods before heading left. Ignoring him is going to be harder than I thought.

  Chapter 13

  Jonas

  Gran is gone this weekend to a spa in Beverly Hills, so the lacquered breakfast table is empty when we arrive. The staff, so utterly professional, doesn’t even blink when I ask for a highchair. It does take them a while to bring one out. In the meantime, I jostle Jax on my lap.

  “What does he eat?”

  “Pretty much anything,” Darby says, smoothing a napkin across her lap. “Are you sure there isn’t a different table we can eat at? Jax is sort of messy.”

  “It’s fine. There are more tables where this one comes from,” I lie. It’s an antique original but if it’s not meant to be eaten on, what’s the point of owning it?

  A staff member comes forward and pours Darby a cup of coffee. She’s visibly startled, as if she’s never experienced the Willits’ treatment before. “She’ll have three scoops of sugar.”

  “Yes, Mr. Willits.” The staff bops her head and spoons the sweetener in while Darby watches wide-eyed.

  “I can spoon my own sugar,” she exclaims.

  “Ah, but Madame prefers for us to do it,” the staff explains.

  “Madame?” Darby tries out the word as if she’s never said it before.

  “Gran. My grandmother. She runs this place and if it had been any other weekend, she’d be here. Thankfully, she’s not.”

  “But I am here,” announces a sharp voice.

  We all turn, including Jax, at this. My heart sinks at the sight of Gran sweeping in, an angry glint in her eyes.

  “So you’re back,” Gran says. A staff member rushes over and pulls out a chair next to me.

  “Pretty,” cries Jax and reaches for the gaudy ruby brooch that undoubtedly belonged to some dead royalty. Gran slaps his hand away.

  Darby erupts, flying out of her chair and whipping Jax out of my lap. “You do not touch my son like that!” she cries. Jax immediately starts wailing at his mother’s distress.

  “Well, I never,” exclaims Gran, slapping a hand across her chest. “You should’ve taught him some manners if you didn’t want him disciplined.”

  “He wasn’t going to harm it. He’s just attracted to shiny things.” Darby rubs a hand down Jax’s back, but he’s worked up. The boy’s got lungs. His cries are loud and piercing. Darby’s getting agitated. A line forms in the middle of her forehead.

  “Shut him up,” shouts Gran.

  “Don’t tell me to shut him up,” Darby shoots back.

  “Take him out of here.” Gran directs one of the staff members forward.

  A blond-haired woman jumps forward, but stops in the face of Darby’s glare. Interesting. Really interesting. I rise and reach for Jax. Darby doesn’t want to let him go, but she’s anxious to get him to stop crying.

  He settles down as soon as he’s in my arms, which makes her scrunch her nose in irritation.

  “I’m new and shiny,” I say by way of explanation. Ronnie was like this as a toddler. She’d be inconsolable for her mom, but as soon as I walked in the room, she’d quiet. My sister said that it’s because Ronnie didn’t get to see me often so would try to behave. Emphasis on try.

  Darby isn’t appeased. She crosses her arms over her chest. “I think we should go to our room.”

  “Let’s finish breakfast. Jax is hungry.” And we’re all going to have to learn to live together so we might as well start now.

  “Hungry.” Jax nods. “Carrots?”

  “Sure. Bring me some cooked carrots.”

  “Certainly.” The blonde nods.

  I pull out a chair for Darby and she starts to sit when Gran says, “Whose brat is this?”

  “Forget this crap,” Darby says, pushing out of the chair. “Give me Jax.”

  I shake my head. “No. We’re going to have breakfast here. Gran is going to stop being difficult and Jax will eat his carrots and you will have pankcakes with powdered sugar and strawberries because this is my family. Gran,” I say to the old woman. “You wanted an heir and now you have one.”

  Her jaw drops open. I tap the chair for Darby, who reluctantly takes a seat but not before shooting me an angry, unhappy look. Jax pats my cheek in what I take as silent encouragement. Once Darby is settled, I sink into my chair, making sure that Jax is far out of arm’s reach of my gran.

  “Gran, Darby was at the Ward estate with Jax where they have been living since Darby’s accident. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?” Some suspicions have been swirling around in my head. If Darby was telling the truth, but I was informed she’d been, there’s only a few people that could have bought the hospital staff off and one of them is sitting next to me in all her bejeweled glory. “You never did like her.”

  Gran’s chin goes up. “I certainly wouldn’t have kept my great-grandson from you.”

  “No, I don’t think you would have either, but Darby was only eight weeks along, so it’s possible you didn’t know. Instead, you saw an opportunity to break us up and then install one of your empty-headed heiresses in her place.”

  A plate of carrots appears silently at my hand. I feed one to Jax, who gurgles happily, completely unaware of the tension at the table. Darby’s favorite breakfast is also served but she’s too upset to touch it. I force some coffee down my throat because I need something to do with my free hand lest I slap my gran with it.

  “You have quite the imagination, Jonas.”

  “I’ve always thought of myself as a brilliant businessman but this is a scheme I hadn’t thought you were capable of. I shouldn’t have put those limitations on, should I?”

  Gran pretends great interest in a plate of egg whites that is set down in front of her. Her silence speaks for itself. A call must’ve been delivered to my office about the accident. Gran found out and took it upon herself to visit the hospital. She learned of the diagnosis of amnesia and pounced. She would’ve paid off the hospital staff and anyone else she needed to and then had Darby transferred somewhere far away. How Darby got to the Wards is a lucky miracle. Gran’s involvement stopped once Darby was out of the picture.

  “You must’ve been very anxious every day, wondering if Darby would regain her memory and show up at our doorstep.”

  “You should be married by now.”

  Yes, that makes sense. Gran thought with Darby gone, I’d fall into someone else’s vagina, but it doesn’t work that way. Not for me at least. “Good news. I’ll be married by the end of the day.” I turn to Darby. “Feel free to go into town and pick out a dress but be back by three. I have a priest coming.”

  Chapter 14

  Darby

  I want to scream. I think that old bat next to Jonas wants to also. She looks as though she’s eaten something sour. Jonas’ words definitely left a bad taste in the old bat’s mouth.

  “You can’t just get married,” she says. I hate that I actually agree with her on something. Every bone in my body wants to go against her, but there is no way that I could side with Jonas on this one. Good ole Granny went from glaring at me to now not making eye contact at all. She does, however, keep stealing peeks at Jax.

  There is no way for her to deny that he’s Jonas’ son. Each second I spend with them together only makes me realize how much they really do look alike. She may not like me for some unknown reason, but too bad for her that she’ll now have to deal with me in some capacity for the rest of her life.

  “I can and I will.” Jonas cuts up the French toast, feeding Jax a piece. Acting as though his declaration of marriage is normal. Last night he didn’t even believe me ab
out having amnesia and now he thinks he can rule my life and demand I marry him.

  “This is not how things are done!” the old bat hisses. I fight myself not to nod in agreement with her. Jonas’ words about what had really happened to me bounce around in my head. Did this woman hate me so much that she went as far as taking my life away from me?

  A knot forms in my stomach and I feel just as lost in this moment as I had when I woke up in that hospital bed. If Jonas’ assumptions are true then who knows what else I’ve lost because of this woman?

  “Do I have parents?” The words spill out of my mouth. Jonas’ eyes go soft on me.

  “No, sweetheart.” My shoulders drop. “Do I have anyone?” He shakes his head no. I go back to staring at my food because my son is in the room and I need to remain calm.

  “I was looking for you.” I look up from my food. I don’t feel like I’m going to cry but still it hurts. “I know you woke up alone. That no one came. But I swear I was looking for you.”

  Still I only nod. I can’t find the words. I don’t know if I want to be mad or happy. It’s all too much. I do know one thing for sure: the woman sitting across from me will never take another thing away from me. I need to protect my son from her.

  “This is ridiculous. You will not marry on this day.”

  “Gran. If I were you I’d knock the shit off.” The woman looks like she’s been visibly slapped. Too bad I wasn’t the one to actually do it. “I will dig into what happened to my Darby. If I find you did something to her...” His words trail off. My heart does a funny flutter at the my Darby part. The word sounds so possessive. The longing I feel for it to be true is almost overwhelming. The need to belong to someone suddenly creeps in.

  I shoot up from the chair. It falls over, hitting the floor with a loud thud. Now I kind of hope I did break it. “Please keep an eye on Jax.”

  “Darby—”

  “Don’t let her touch him again.” I point at the old woman. If she puts another finger on my son she’ll need a double hip replacement by the time I’m done with her.