Beloved Destiny

by carol fears

  "I would like to introduce my dear friend, Lavinia Grayson. Her family owns Belle Rive which is the plantation just to our north facing the Fox River. Lavinia and I spent a year at finishing school together. Her father is Benjamin Grayson. Lavinia, this is Joshua Prewitt, of the Prewitts of Natchez."

  Joshua bowed, extended his hand and asked Lavinia for the pleasure of the next dance. They strolled onto the dance floor, making an extraordinarily handsome couple.

  Carina turned to her father, commenting that the party was going well and that all the guests seemed to be having a grand time. She was proud of her mother for skill at entertaining so graciously.

  "Oh yes, your mama can throw a party better than anyone I ever knew. Why when we still lived in Natchez, she was the most notable hostess in society there. You should have seen the soirees and balls we hosted. The newspapers would publish the guest lists and wax poetic in regard to the delicacies that were served, the decor and the music played. Mama was in her element immersed in the social milieu. Come, my darling, shall we dance?" Papa took Carina's hand, leading her onto the dance floor. Papa was a superb dance partner, and Carina reveled in the graceful way he led her around the floor. She was not aware of what a handsome pair they were as they whirled in perfect synchronicity. Even with hair that was graying slightly now, her father was a handsome man.

  Carina and William

  s the music stopped, they walked together over to the French doors that opened onto the terrace. William Porter stepped into the room, abruptly facing Carina and her father.

  "I have looked for you all evening, Miss Carina, hoping that you would do me the honor of allowing me a dance." Carina nodded graciously, taking leave of her father. Carina and William joined the dancers in their twirling moves. "I was beginning to think I would never get a dance with you." William's eyes sparkled as he met her gaze, obviously pleased with his good luck.

  "Why Mr. Porter, I have been here all evening, but this is the first time I've seen you. I was beginning to think that you might be bored with us out here in the country. What do you think of our neighbors? They are all wonderful people; the sort of folk you can depend on when you need help. Our Mary was ill with the ague back in the fall and Mrs. Peak came over and brought medicines for her. Before we knew it Mary was well, just as if she had never been sick a day."

  "Your neighbors all seem to be very special people and they have shown me every kindness. I have always dreamed of a life in the country. The growing of crops and pursuit of animal husbandry is quite the noblest of callings in my estimation. I feel that a man is closer to heaven on a farm than anywhere else. Where but on a farm can one come into intimate proximity with nature in all the forms that the Creator designed? It is unfortunate that I will not have the opportunity to pursue that dream, since my brother Jeb will inherit the family plantation. My family intends for me to make the military my profession, a far cry, I am afraid, from nurturing the land." William spoke without self-pity, although it was obvious that he would have changed places with his older brother if he could. "Of course, I will do my duty to my family and to my country. Hopefully I will find a wife who can endure the rigors of life on the frontier, or the prospect of lengthy separations while I am on campaign. Such women are rare, especially nowadays when so many of the young ladies in our society have been coddled so that they grow up without backbone. As far as I am concerned a wife should be beside her husband, his equal, sharing the responsibilities of home and family. How about you, Miss Carina? Have you the gumption that so many young ladies lack these days? I have an idea that you do. When I first saw you peering over the railing at us as we entered the hall, I thought, here is a young woman who doesn't sit back and wilt like a violet. Was I wrong? "

  Carina didn't know what to make of this little speech. Was he daring her, or just trying to see what she was made of? She almost laughed aloud when she thought of his reaction to the idea of her riding horseback astride. Of course, she could never let on to such a thing. He might like a woman with some gumption, but she wouldn't want him to think her a rowdy. "Mr. Porter, I believe I am a woman with some backbone. Far be it from me to sit on a cushion by the fire and simper when there is more wholesome fun to be found. My colt, Pomme is the apple of my eye, and I enjoy grooming and riding him. Papa has also allowed me to go to the hunt with him and his friends several times. I found that activity tremendously exciting and prided myself on being able to keep up with the others. In fact, a challenge is very appealing to me and I would welcome the chance to try more of the outdoor life."

  William's eyes warmed, small lines appearing at the corners as he smiled. "I thought I recognized in you a kindred spirit. Perhaps while Joshua and I are here we might ride out some morning, with your father's permission? Nothing could please me more than to have you join me in exploring the lovely countryside here."

  "I would enjoy that very much, Mr. Porter. I doubt that Papa will voice any objection. After all, we have been properly introduced, besides which you are almost a friend of the family through your friendship with Joshua. Perhaps tomorrow we could ride out near the Perkins' place. There is a lovely creek that meanders through the property with several pear trees which are quite lovely in summer. I don't get a chance to ride over there often unless someone is free to ride with me." Carina's cheeks were flushed both with the exertion of dancing and the prospect of a ride in the country with William.

  "I will speak to your father at once. I see him over there by your mother resting from the dance. I will wait for you out at the stables in the morning."

  Carina nodded. The dance was over much too quickly and as William led her toward the place where her parents were seated, another young man came to claim her as his partner. The party went on until well after midnight with mirth and dancing. When finally not a dancer was left standing guests began gathering their cloaks, bidding farewell to their hosts. Carina made her way up the staircase to her bedroom. She was pleasantly tired from the exertion of dancing all evening; but excited by the anticipation of an adventure in the morning.

  When she awoke the next morning, Carina donned a green velvet riding habit, topped off with a hunting hat adorned with a pheasant feather. Stopping in the dining room only long enough to pluck a croissant from its platter and quickly sip some strong, hot coffee, she was out the door before her parents had even made an appearance for breakfast. William was waiting at the stables, his mount readied and eager to run. Carina went to Pomme's stall to pull his tack down from the wall.

  "You are probably the first woman I've seen saddling her own horse, Carina. The more I watch you, the more I'm convinced that you are a very rare woman. One who is capable as well as beautiful."

  Carina colored under his appreciative gaze, flattered and flustered by his compliment. "This colt means a great deal to me sir, and I am proud to take care of him myself. This is not a chore I would gladly relinquish to a stable boy. Thank you for the compliment; especially the part about being capable."

  Carina flashed a grin. She stood next to her mount as William held Pomme's bridle and assisted her onto the saddle. They started out of the stable yard, meandering down the long drive which was bordered by live oaks. Carina took the lead, allowing Pomme to break into a trot as they entered an adjacent field. Speeding up the pace, they allowed their horses to stretch out as they enjoyed the clear bright day. Though it was chilly, with a light fog burning off the fields, the sun promised a warmer afternoon to come. They passed a neighboring mansion, in stately Greek revival design, which William admired. He was very interested in architecture, having spent some time in the study of that subject, as well as the study of law while he was at school. Riding on for another 20 minutes, they arrived at a place where dense stands of old growth hardwood trees spread bare branches to the sky.

  "It's too bad that there are no pears ripe for a picnic. We could enjoy one now, along with a cold drink from the creek." William had heard the sound of water gurgling just over the ridge and they allowed their mou
nts to walk over for a drink. William dismounted, holding out his arms for Carina. Placing his hands on her waist he lifted her effortlessly from the horse. The rush of water, the warm sunshine as well as the robin's-egg blue of the sky combined in a pleasant way to engage their senses. They walked a few steps toward the creek to an area covered with thick green grass. William pulled a blanket from his saddle, spread it out, and they sat down. "Ever since I got to the plantation, I have felt a keen interest in you, Carina. But that interest is not only because you're beautiful, which you certainly are, but because even though you are a very young woman you seem to have a mind of your own. I admire that very much. You also don't waste time as so many belles do in useless chatter. Your conversations reflect serious thought and logic; refreshing in a member of the fairer sex. I fear that you probably have any number of suitors begging for your hand and I have not the greatest of prospects, but if you would not object, I would like to ask your father for permission to call on you formally." William was the one whose cheeks flushed now, unsure of what her reply would be.

  "To be honest, William, I don't have a suitor at present. Although I fear I am inexperienced in such matters I believe that my feelings for you might allow some affection to grow between us. I believe that we could be good friends and get to know one other well as time goes by. I would like it very much if Papa would give permission for you to call." Carina was blushing furiously now, confusion overtaking her, fearful that she might have answered too quickly and too boldly.

  William grasped her hand in his, kissing her fingertips one at a time, and then held her hand in both of his. "Your name suits you so well. Did you know that Carina means "beloved" in the Spanish language? You are meant to be my beloved one. I knew that from the day I entered the door at Camellia Hill and our eyes met. Although you were upstairs peering at me over a rail, your face reflected a purity and intelligence that enthralled me in that instant. My soul has cried out to call you my beloved. May I?" William continued to hold her hand as if he could not bear to relinquish it. "My beloved Carina." He repeated the name again with a smile. He kissed the palm of her hand, the brush of his lips giving her the first hint of the sensual pleasure which could occur between a man and a woman.

  Carina blushed again as she nodded, casting her eyes down lest he see that she too would like to use some term of endearment to address him. Of course she could do no such thing, it being unseemly for a young lady to do so. They sat for some time in silence, enjoying the communion they had with nature and with each other. Finally Carina rose, shook her skirts out as she laughed joyously and took off at a run to where Pomme was standing. William took up the sport, chasing after her, and catching her just as she grasped the horse's bridle. He swung her up onto the saddle, turning to find his own ride. They rode steadily back to the farm, pleasantly exhilarated by the ride as well as the emotions that they were discovering. Carina stayed at the stables to attend to her colt. William kissed her hand, saying good-bye before walking up to the house.

  Carina brushed Pomme's coat thoroughly, a chore she found so pleasant she sometimes lost track of time. Pomme showed his appreciation by touching her hand with his muzzle. She had two sugar cubes in her pocket and she let Pomme nibble these special treats from her hand. Only after making sure her colt was dried, fed and watered did she go into the house for lunch.

  Everyone else had already eaten, but Mary had saved a slice of beef with mustard sauce and some biscuits for her. After shedding her riding habit and donning a light cotton dress she ate a simple lunch. There was no one else about this afternoon; everyone else in the household was apparently engaged in some activity or amusement. Carina retired to her room, picking up a novel she had been reading. After several hours of reading she grew drowsy and decided to lie down for awhile. She woke much later as the shadows were spreading across her room. With an appetite made hearty by exercise and youth, she dressed for dinner hurriedly and joined the others in the dining room. William smiled at her as she walked in the room. She didn't know whether he had spoken to Papa or not, so she smiled at both him and Joshua as she entered the room. Joshua nodded at her, as usual not showing any real interest in her. What is it? Carina asked herself. He almost acts as if he dislikes me, but I know that I have done nothing to offend him. Although there was nothing overt in his manner toward her, there was no mistaking the fact that he seemed to find little to admire in her.

  On Friday, Joshua and William took their leave of Camellia Hill. Carina still had no knowledge of whether William had spoken to her father. Nothing had been said and the two young people had not been alone together for the last two days. Papa had taken Joshua and William around the county to meet the plantation owners. That activity took up most of their time. At dinner, Carina noted Joshua's healthy color and jovial disposition as he and William bantered back and forth about everything they had seen over the last two days. Perhaps he had been too much in the house recently and simply needed a good ride, Carina thought. Whatever the source of his bad humor had been, he seemed to have shaken it off. Papa stood and raised a toast to the young men, wishing them a pleasant journey home. Mama declared herself to be devastated at the thought of losing the company of two such entertaining and pleasant companions.

  The next morning the two young men took an early breakfast and rode out as the sun rose over the trees. The elder Blanchetts and Carina walked out to see them off. William turned, gazing at Carina as he and Joshua rode down the drive. He lifted his hat and waved it in farewell.

  Back in the house the family enjoyed a few moments discussing the visit, each one professing to be pleased that their guests had been properly entertained. Carina's father cleared his throat, looked at Carina, and then addressed his wife. "Well my dear, although you seemed to think young Joshua might be an ideal beau for Carina, it seems William has jumped the gun."

  "Whatever are you talking about, dear? You have left me confused of your meaning. Surely you don't mean to say that William Porter has addressed himself to you about courting Carina? I mean, who is he, after all? The second son of a none too prosperous farmer? Oh, I have already made inquiries into his background, as I would of any young man under my roof. I am sorry to say that I see nothing to make me think me that he could offer Carina anything." Mama was getting a little red in the face as her voice seemed to reach higher and higher.

  "Yes, that is exactly what I mean, my darling. I had no idea you would be so discomfited at the prospect. William seems to be a perfectly nice young man to me." Papa knew he was outgunned. His voice trailed off; he anticipated defeat.

  "Oh, he may be perfectly nice, but the family is one step up from common farmers and he won't inherit a thing. I have it on good testimony that young William wouldn't have been able to go to school with Joshua if Mr. Prewitt didn't have such affection for him that he himself paid for the young man's education. Would you have your daughter married to a beggar? Carina, this doesn't need to concern you. You may be excused and retire to your room if you have finished with breakfast." Mama's voice was becoming firmer, the no-nonsense tone that meant there was absolutely no use in arguing or pleading with her.

  For a moment Carina just sat stunned by what had happened. It had occurred so fast that she was left dazed by the thought that she and William might not see each other again. She arose from the table slowly, throwing her father a pleading look as she left the room. She spent a miserable day trying to occupy her mind, without success. Needlework made her sit much too still. Mary and the girls in the kitchen were cleaning up, putting things in order since the houseguests were gone. They didn't come right out and say that they didn't want her in the kitchen right now but they made it clear that they didn't need her help. She went to the stable and stood caressing Pomme's silky coat. His nuzzle found her other hand, which usually held a bit of carrot or bread for him. He rooted in her hand so persistently that she laughed aloud at his antics. His warm touch comforted her despite her sadness. That night at dinner Mama and Papa spoke in generalit
ies, never mentioning the subject of that morning's conversation. Carina knew she didn't dare raise the subject until she had her father alone. The set of Mama's jaw left no doubt that there would be no quarter from her.

  Planting began in the next month as work on the farm reached a fever pitch. Papa was busy morning till night now, rarely entering the house even for dinner, but taking a late supper when he could get away. His foreman, Carson, kept things running smoothly when Papa had to be away at a meeting or on some other farmrelated business. Carina succeeded in speaking to her father alone one morning when her mother slept later than usual. "Papa, can you not intercede for me? I admire William very much and we seem to have many ideas in common. He believes a woman should be strong and capable, not some hot-house flower who would wilt in the sun. I know that he will probably be posted on the frontier but I could go with him. I could be useful and learn so many things out there. I want to be with a man who appreciates me for my independence and strong will. I really believe, Papa dear, that we are soul-mates. From the first time we met, we felt a strong connection to each other. "

  "No Carina, your mama is probably right. You deserve a man who can give you everything. You need to be in the society of others of your kind, not off in the wilderness being chased by savages. It was remiss of me not to inquire into William's background before speaking to him. I am afraid that I took him for a gentleman. I thought that he would not try to deceive me about what he has to offer." Papa shook his head sadly. This girl was the light of his life and although he hated to disappoint her, he would hate worse allowing her to make a bad marriage. And Minnie had finally convinced him that the matter should be closed. Carina would never see William again.