Beloved Destiny

by carol fears

  Carina lay motionless for some minutes, shaking with fear and shock. Finally, bitter tears began to slide down her cheeks. She sat up in bed and looked down at her gown and the bed sheets. A stain of red blood soiled the pristine whiteness of the linen sheet. She still felt a sharp pain when she moved, although the worst of it was subsiding. Sliding out of bed, she lit a lamp and looked at herself in the mirror. Not only was her hair disheveled, her eyes red with weeping, but dark bruises appeared on the pale skin of her neck, mocking evidence of her husband's violence toward her. She knew, however that no one must know exactly what had transpired between them, so she removed her gown and stuck it away in the depths of her wardrobe, cleaned herself and donned a fresh gown. The bed she left as it was to verify that her marriage to Joshua had finally been consummated. Mama had instructed her a little on the marriage bed, enough that she knew a bride was expected to shed some blood when first her husband made love to her. The phrase "made love to her" caused bitter bile to rise in her throat when she thought of what Joshua had done to her. The household would accept that he had finally deflowered her, no doubt thinking he had given her time to adjust to her new surroundings before doing so. They would have great admiration for such a thoughtful husband.

  Carina dressed carefully the next morning, choosing a high-necked gown of lavender silk to mask the bruising at her throat. Delia helped her dress, saying nothing about the bruises. Carina knew that she would not mention it unless she herself did. Delia cast her eyes down after first looking at her mistress, not wanting to cause her more distress. Joshua greeted her jovially when she entered the dining room for breakfast, taking her hands, and placing a little kiss on her cheek. It was all she could do to keep from drawing away from him, but she gritted her teeth and forced herself to stand still. She was bound to him by bounds of wedlock and was obligated to make the best of it. Mr. and Mrs. Prewitt beamed, looking on at the young couple happily, delighted that they were showing such affection toward each other. During the next weeks, Carina learned to keep up the charade, playing the loving wife in public, weeping in private. True to his word, Joshua presented her with several lovely pieces of jewelry, one an emerald necklace which he gave to her in the presence of his parents. He made a great production of the gift, saying that he felt the emeralds were a wonderful counterpoint to her glorious auburn hair. She had to look down at the box to avoid his eyes, murmuring her thanks. He also suggested little activities which he knew she enjoyed such as a trip to town in the surrey, a ride in the morning on one of the stable horses. He even suggested that if she wished, he would arrange to have Pomme brought to Easton Hall for her riding pleasure. She looked at him gratefully, thinking perhaps he was kinder than she had thought. Perhaps she had misjudged him. After all he had never entered her bedroom again, or hurt her in any way since that awful night. Still she was wary, not knowing the root of his dissatisfaction with her or what further manifestation it might take.

  Pebo

  ary punched down the dough for the bread she was making, releasing some of the energy and tension held within her from the stresses of the last few days. The escaped slaves were coming more frequently now, sometimes as many as four people in a week she had to hide in the root cellar. Each time she saw them leave, she breathed a sigh of relief that neither she nor they were discovered. Only yesterday she had gone out of the root cellar to watch for the wagon and had come face to face with her son, Pebo. He stared at her as the wagon came around, and one of the escaped slaves came out of the root cellar before she gave the signal. Motioning for Pebo to be still, she clapped and the others ran out. They jumped on the wagon, hastily covering themselves with straw. As the wagon drew away, Mary reached her hand up and grabbed Pebo's ear, jerking him into the root cellar. At any other time, it would have been comical to see a woman five feet tall pulling a grown man by the ear, but Mary was too distraught to even imagine any humor in the situation. In the root cellar she slammed and locked the outer door, standing arms akimbo looking at her son. "What you doin' out there? You got no business outside the root cellar; you stickin' your nose in stuff ain't nothin' to do with you." Mary's usually calm countenance was twisted and ugly with fear and anger.

  "Sorry, Mama, I thought I heard something and wanted to see if there was trouble. What you doin' anyway, who those people that got on the wagon? You ain't mixed up in anything dangerous are you? Those not runaways, Mama, tell me they not." Pebo was wringing Mary's hands, worry, fear and anger mixed up in his face.

  "Less you know about it the better." Mary jerked her hands away, turning so he wouldn't see the tears forming in her eyes. She was terrified that her only son might get caught up in this dangerous activity.

  "I think I already know enough, don't I, Mama? You got to stop this. I don't know how long this been goin' on, but you gotta stop now! If they catch you, they whip you an' probly put you in the jail. After you get out you likely won't have no house job; they put you out in the field choppin' cotton the rest of your life." Now Pebo was furious with his mother, imagining the dire consequences of her actions. "An' if you won't stop, I gonna help you. That way, if anybody get caught, maybe it be me."

  "No!" Mary almost yelled the word. "You think I rather you get whipped than me? I don't want nothin' to happen bad to you, baby. I want you safe an' you about ready to get a house job, helpin' your daddy tend to Mr. Thomas, keeping books and such. I don't want you nowhere around this business."

  "Mama, I ain't gonna let you do this all by yourself. When the next runaways comin'?

  "Not for ten days." Mary lied, knowing the next group would be here day after tomorrow.

  "Then we can talk on it later. Daddy just told me Mr. Thomas got a letter from Easton Hall askin' for somebody to bring Miss Carina's colt over there. Daddy asked me if I would and I'm leavin' in the mornin'."

  "That's right, son, you go on and take Miss Carina's Pomme to her. I know she missin' him, all the way over there in Natchez without her family. We can talk about this other business when you get back. I don't want it worryin' you none." Mary reached over and patted Pebo on the shoulder. "You go on out of here and see to the horses and I'll leave a little later to go to the kitchen."

  As Mary continued to punch down the dough, she went over all the dangers in her mind. She didn't want Pebo involved in this; he wasn't quite as adept at cunning and trickery as she was. Most likely he'd end up getting caught and it would go harder on him than it would on her. She had to keep him out of it somehow. In order to do that, she would probably have to let the Railroad people know she couldn't take any runaways for a few months. She'd just tell Pebo she had decided it was too dangerous. It was a shame that it would cause problems for the folks who depended on her for shelter and a ride out of here, but she had to take care of her own first. Family came before everything.

  The next morning, Pebo saddled up one of the stable horses and attached a lead to Pomme. The colt seemed to sense that something special was going to happen. He pranced and danced a little on the way out of the drive. His head was held high and his mane shone like spun gold in the sunlight. The colt's long, golden tail waved in the breeze like a silken flag. No wonder Miss Carina loved this colt so much; he was a beautiful animal, full of spirit and grace. Pebo enjoyed the fine weather and the ride out to Natchez as a kind of holiday from his usual activities. If it weren't for his worry about the danger his mama was in, he wouldn't have had a care in the world. At least she said they would talk about it and he knew he could convince her of the foolishness of her actions. He had to.

  It was late in the day when Pebo arrived at Easton Hall, going around to the stables to unsaddle his horse and give him feed and water. He led Pomme into a stall and removed his bridle, brushing him and letting him drink his fill. Joshua came into the stable while he was still brushing the colt and stood just outside the stall. "Hey there Pebo, I haven't seen you in a long time. How're things over at Camellia Hill? I sure appreciate you bringing the colt out so quickly. Miss Carina really mis
sed him. She's going to be so delighted to have him here so soon."

  "Well, Mr. Joshua, ever'thing doin' well over at Camellia Hill. Ever'body doin' just fine an' the crops lookin' fine this year. I knew Miss Carina loved this colt so much I hurried an' brung him."

  "You always were a good hand with horses. If they didn't need you so much over to Camellia Hill, I'd probably see if they'd let you come here to work for us." Joshua smiled warmly at Pebo. He stepped just inside the stall, blocking Pebo's exit. Reaching across the space that divided them, he ran his hand down Pebo's muscular arm. The boy looked at him askance, but knew better than to resist, so he simply stood still.

  "Well, after I leaves here an' goes back home, I be workin' in the big house to help with the accounts and such. My Daddy need me there now. There too much work for one person, 'specially if Master Blanchett gone an' Daddy runnin' things." Nervousness caused Pebo to talk too fast, his voice cracking a little.

  "That's a shame." Joshua's hand lingered on Pebo's arm. "Still, thanks for taking care of the colt. I hope to see more of you before you leave." Joshua turned and walked out into the sun.

  The boy stood still, trying to think of some way to extricate himself from this situation. He was old enough to know that some men had feelings toward boys, but had never been involved in such a thing himself. He didn't want Mr. Joshua to be touching him like that again, but there wasn't much he could do about it if it happened. He couldn't fight him-that would bring down nothing but trouble on his head. He needed to get away as quick as he could, but even that escape was denied him because Mr. Prewitt had told him to stay for two days in order to make a delivery back to Camellia Hill.

  Joshua walked into the house to found his mother and Carina in the front parlor working on some needlepoint chair covers for the dining room. "I know you will be delighted to hear that your colt has arrived, my dear." He smiled amiably at Carina, who jumped up from her chair in excitement.

  "Oh, thank you, Joshua, you don't know how happy this has made me. It was so kind of you. If you would excuse me, Mother Prewitt, may I go out to the stables and say hello to Pomme?"

  "Of course you may, my dear. I know how anxious you have been to see your colt. You hurry along now." Mrs. Prewitt was the soul of kindness, taking great pleasure from Carina's obvious happiness. She really was thinking of the girl like a daughter.

  Carina flew out of the room and out of the house to the stables. When she got to Pomme's stall, she heard a little whinny of greeting and saw his beautiful head just above the door. "Oh, my beauty!" Carina exclaimed. She opened the stall door and hugged the colt around his neck in glee. She had a small chunk of sugar in her pocket that she had obtained that morning, knowing it was his favorite treat. She laughed as she allowed him to nibble it out of her hand. She rubbed his neck, marveling at the smooth, silky texture of his coat. He was the picture of health; eyes clear, muscles well toned. She was grateful that he had been well taken care of in her absence.

  "I need to let you rest today, my darling, you have had a long journey and I don't want to tire you out. Tomorrow we will have a nice ride, and I can show you how beautiful it is around here. You are going to love the plantation and we can ride together every day." Carina realized that if anyone heard her talking to her horse that they would think she had taken leave of her senses, but she was too happy to care. She took a step back and a motion out of the corner of her eye. Turning slightly, she recognized Pebo.

  "Oh, Pebo, thank you so much for bringing my darling here! I have missed him so much." Carina clapped her hands a little in delight.

  "I was glad to do it as quick as I could, Miss Carina. Ever'body at home missin' you and wantin' to do anything we could for you. It just don't seem like home without you there. Knowin' how you love this horse, I thought you might be pinin' for him."

  "Oh, I have been. This is the most wonderful day. It is almost like my birthday and Pomme is my birthday present. I couldn't be happier. When you go home, I want you to tell everyone there I love and miss them all. I am doing fine here. Everyone is so kind to me and I have everything I could wish for, but still I do long for home at times." Carina stopped, thinking she shouldn't be saying these things, especially not to one of the servants. She should not be longing for home, since this was now her home.

  Pebo bowed to her and said that he would take her greetings to everyone at Camellia Hill. He would be leaving in two days, since the Prewitt's wanted him to stay to take some new molasses back with him to the Blanchett's. It had been cooking down for several days and would be ready soon. Mr. Prewitt knew that Thomas Blanchett loved the sweet syrup on his biscuits in the morning, so he always arranged to send him some when the kitchen girls made a new batch.

  Early in the morning, before anyone was up, Carina left the house. She went to the stables to saddle Pomme. "We're not going far, Pomme. We don't want anybody to worry, just riding out for a little exercise. We need to show you around the place." She rode out the dirt drive and over into the next field which was fallow. She let Pomme stretch out and run a little. The sensation of wind in her hair coupled with the speed of the horse under her filled her with delight. She found herself laughing aloud as she rode along; finally turning him around and heading for home. They arrived in the stable yard and Carina tied Pomme to a post. She went into the stable to get some water for the horse since he was heated up. As she walked into the dark gloom of the stable, she heard something, voices from one of the stalls, but so muted she could not hear what was being said or who was there. It is probably just Pebo and another stable hand, she thought, as she opened the stall door. In the dim light of the stall, lying on a horse blanket, she saw two men. They were both naked to the waist, and one of them had his arms around the other, caressing him. As her eyes adjusted, she could see that Joshua was reclined next to Pebo, running his hands over Pebo's chest, his mouth kissing Pebo's shoulder and neck, all the while murmuring endearments to him. Just then, both men saw her and Pebo shut his eyes despairingly. "I sorry, Miss Carina, I sorry, I didn' want to."

  Carina stood still, shocked to her core by something she could not understand. This was a thing she had never heard even hinted of in society and which was totally outside the scope of her experience. She gaped at the two of them, trying to understand what they could possibly be doing. Joshua stood up and adjusted his clothing, pulling on a shirt. He took her arm roughly, pushing her toward the door. She allowed herself to be thrust along, her feet moving while her mind remained frozen in confusion.

  "Come, my dear, let me take you up to the house; I can see you are quite exhausted by your ride. I will tuck you in for a nap and then I will come out and tend to your colt myself." Joshua's voice sounded as calm and matter of fact as if he were telling her what he had for breakfast that morning. They entered the house and Joshua gave her a little shove toward the staircase. She started up the stairs with him right behind her. As they entered the bedroom, he grasped her arm and pulled it up roughly behind her, until she thought she would faint from the pain. He let go of her and shoved her onto the bed, where she lay face down. He put his hand on her head and shoved her face into the covers. "So help me, if you so much as whisper a word of this to anyone, I will make you wish you had never been born. You will be the dutiful little wife and submit yourself to my will or you will suffer pain, disgrace and loss of freedom. I will lock you away for the rest of your life if I have to. I could convince even my parents that you are mentally unstable if you defy me. You are my property and you will do exactly as I say. Do you understand me? Your only value to me is that of a compliant pretty face to make the world think I am a happily married man. You will allow me to find my enjoyment in other places without scandal."

  Carina was struggling for breath as he held her head down against the coverlet. He loosened his grasp and she lifted her head, gasping. He looked down at her, satisfied, and walked out of the room.

  The vulnerability of her position was much too frightening for Carina. She may not have und
erstood what was going on between the two men, but she knew that whatever it was, her husband would harm her before he would allow it to become known to anyone else. She had no doubt that he would follow through on his threats. It seemed to her that she should have known from the beginning, from their first meeting that he cared nothing about her. He simply wanted to use her. Thinking back to the days when he and William were staying at Camellia Hill, she remembered how very affectionate he always was with William, touching him, ruffling his hair, always laughing and happy in his friend's presence. Did he and William . . . what? That part of it she could not fathom. She sat up and dried her tears. She could not afford to be weak and vulnerable. She must pretend to go along with everything he said. She would play the dutiful wife to perfection. But she had to find some way out of this nightmare.

  A Bitter Winter

  he Prewitt household was quiet and calm for the next few days. Pebo rode back to Camellia Hill. Joshua busied himself with work concerning the plantation. Carina buried herself in the task of appearing to be a dutiful wife, working with Mother Prewitt to help run the household and learning to keep the household accounts. There was a staff of 20 in the household, and the lady of the house kept busy making sure everything ran smoothly. There were parties from time to time, which involved even more planning. Sometimes servants even had to be borrowed from one of the neighboring houses. Carina was becoming completely familiar with all the duties that she would take over when she became the lady of the house. Mother Prewitt was sixty years old and although she was spry for her age, at some point she might become infirm. Carina would be expected to step right into her position when that time came. There was no further ugliness between the newlyweds. For all intents and purposes, at least in public they were happy and content.