I Belong to Him

by Ava Danielle

  Chapter 12

  A few weeks have passed. Brandon and I tried to see each other as much as we could. Between working at the coffee shop and his job and our families, it was a bit of a challenge. I was starting to fall head over heels for him. As far as Michael is concerned, things never changed. After they got back from their camping trip, we had a big fight. Basically I got upset over tripping over his fishing rods everywhere in the garage and he was too lazy to put them up. Come to think of it, anytime I said anything to him, he would explode over it for no reason at all. We’ve drifted apart. And I’m certain I don’t care anymore.

  After dinner, I knew it was time to talk to Michael. It’s been months since we’ve been intimate, not that it bothers me now, but definitely not something that should happen in a marriage. “We need to talk, Michael.” I tell him as I put the last of the washed dishes up. He looks at me from the couch. “About?” I dry off my hands and head over to him. “About our marriage. About us.” I explain to him. He gives me a confused look like I’m speaking a foreign language. “If you don’t see it then I don’t even see how we can fix anything, or if there’s even a point to.” I fiddle with my nail debating on telling him about Brandon. “Don’t you see it? We don’t get intimate, we don’t speak but about the girls, we barely kiss goodnight anymore, do you not see that?” I ask him.

  Unexpectedly, he laughs.

  What the fuck? “I don’t see why this is so funny to you.” He gets off the couch and walks over to the window. “I don’t know what you want me to say. I love you, I’ve always loved you.” I stop him. “What do you mean loved?” Emphasis on the word ‘loved.’ “I didn’t mean it like that.” Didn’t mean it my ass. He said it. “Well you said it like that. Is there someone else?” Shocked he turned around, “Fuck no, there’s no one else. Is there for you?” Shit, moment of truth. “I think so,” I say quietly. He stares at me. “What do you mean you think so?”

  I get up off the couch and walk toward where he’s standing. “I met him at the school one day when I was helping out the PTA. We had coffee a few times.” There’s a shocked expression on his face, actually I think it’s more of a blank stare now. “What the hell, Addison?”

  Of course this is my fault. I guess in a way it is. I longed for intimacy, I longed for love and when I didn’t get it from my husband I found someone else. But I really didn’t go looking for it, this relationship with Brandon feels real, like it was fate and needed to happen. “Addison!” He yells at me. My tears start to fall. “I didn’t mean to,” I say looking down to the floor. “What the fuck do you mean you didn’t mean to. Is there more to this? Do you love the guy? Hell, who is this guy? Do I know him? Have you two fucked?” All these questions are running together and I don’t know if I can answer one or any of them.

  I start to walk away when I hear a big thud. I look back; Michael put a hole into the wall. “Michael!” I yell. “Don’t fucking Michael me.” He storms out onto the back patio and I see him sitting in his favorite rocking chair. What have I done? Was this all worth it? I go out to stand on the other end of the patio, “I’m sorry.” He looks over at me, kinda, but not really, “Don’t say anything Addison; I can’t hear it right now.” I give him a small look and walk back inside.

  I grab my phone and head to the bedroom. The kids are all asleep so they didn’t catch any of what just happened. It’s better that way. I text Brandon.

  I told him!

  That is enough for him to know what I mean. We’ve discussed it a few times that I needed to talk to Michael; I just never knew when the right time would be. I didn’t just want to blurt it out like it was nothing. I was hoping this conversation would go a little further and we could talk more about it, for me to explain what exactly I’m feeling, but I also understand why Michael put a stop to it and couldn’t handle anything else. I pretty much just broke his heart. I’m not sure if me being deceitful hurts more. Or if there hasn’t been an US in a long time. I get a text from Brandon.

  How are you? Are you ok?

  I’m fine. I’m better than I expected to be. I’m glad it’s out. It hurts, I’m not going to lie, but it feels good to move forward.

  I’m here if you need me.

  Before I could text Brandon back, Michael walks into the room. “I’m going to sleep on the couch tonight.” I was going to argue back, but he’d grabbed his pillow, blanket, and walked out the door faster than I could say anything. I silently throw an okay back at him.

  I close my eyes and try to get some sleep. My emotions are all over the place. I’m broken and healed at the same time. Pain can equal happiness in the strangest way. I remember the last fifteen years, the good times, the bad, and when I think about it, I see more bad. Maybe separating is actually a good thing. Deep down, I’ve been ready for this for a while, but I’ve been too afraid to admit it to myself.

  Chapter 13

  The morning, after, I look out the window as I’m lying in bed. It’s a rainy, gloomy day. Go figure.

  I hear faint noises coming from outside of the door, assuming it’s the girls talking. Speculations as to why Daddy is on the couch. I gather the courage to get out of bed, put on my bathrobe, and thankful it’s Sunday morning.

  After I use the bathroom, I go down to the kitchen. The girls have made themselves a bowl of cereal and are sitting at the dining room table discussing none other than boys. “Where’s Dad?” I ask them. Cheyenne looks up, “I think he’s out in the garage.” No one mentions him sleeping on the couch, maybe they didn’t notice? I grab me a cup of coffee and make way to the garage. Michael looks up at me after he hears me come in. “Good morning.” I say to him, and he just nods. Well this is going exceptionally well. “I’m going to pack a bag, I’m staying at Ryan’s and Kristina’s.” he says to me. I understand Ryan is his friend, but Kristina is mine and I really wasn’t planning on putting her in the middle of all this. “You think that’s such a good idea?” I let out before thinking twice. “Well do you have a better fucking idea? Because I’m pretty sure I can’t stand being in the same bed with you.” Damn. That just hit me hard.

  Kristina comes over just in time. She gives me that concerned look. She pulls me away with her and we go sit outside on my back patio. Overlooking the green grass, the neighborhood, and watching the rain fall down from the sky. “Spill the beans.” I laugh at her “Where to start?” “Oh, I don’t know, the beginning?”

  I explained the fight to her and for once, Kristina is unsure of what to say. I wish I could change the course of the way things are going, but it’s all out of my control this time. “I’m sorry you guys got involved in this,” I tell her. “What do you mean? Because he’s staying with us, that shouldn’t matter.” I smile at her. “Honestly, Addison, we’re here for you guys and whatever decision you two make together or not together, Ryan and I will always support you”

  I’m glad to have such great friends. Friendship is what you need most in situations like this. Who am I kidding; friendships are the best thing no matter what. And if it weren’t for Kristina, life would definitely suck.

  A few days have passed; Michael has packed some of his things and moved out. We’ve told the Girls about it and they seem to take it pretty well. Either that or they know how to put on a good show. I haven’t told them about Brandon, I think the less they know as to why Dad and I are separated, the better. Last thing I need is anyone hating anyone. Emma did, however, take it the hardest. She’s a daddy’s girl. Especially at that age it’s hard to accept. It does help that the majority of their friends have parents who have also separated and divorced so they have ways to cope with it. Not like they won’t be able to see their Dad.

  Brandon and I have been texting, talking on the phone, and seeing each other as much as we can, still keeping it secret. The other day he mentioned that maybe we get the kids together. It’s a good idea in theory, but I’m still a bit worried. Michael knows, so that doesn’t bother me, but him knowing whom I left him for would be a little awkward, I guess
.

  I was at the coffee shop, when Kristina and I were just sitting at the bar socializing with some of the customers. Brandon came in, and my giddy ass ran right over to him and jumped into his arms. Gladly, he wrapped himself around me and it took a long time for him to finally release me. I love this man. I love the feelings he gives me, I love the way he touches me and knows exactly how to mesmerize me.

  After our hug and of course a nice long juicy kiss, I grab hold of his hand and pull him near the coffee bar. “What would you like to drink?” I ask him as I pour myself a cup of coffee. “Got some water?” when Kristina chimes in, “Water is for losers.” We both start laughing. “Just cause you don’t like it,” and I stuck my tongue out at her.

  Kristina and Brandon have been getting along, I appreciate that so much. While Brandon sits down at the bar to drink his water, our door opens, and Michael walks in. My heart just stopped for a minute I think.

  He walks up to the bar and greets us. Not really sure how to act to all this. “What brings you here, Michael?” I ask him and I don’t think I’ve seen him look at me the way he’s been looking at me the past few days. “I just wanted to talk to you about the girls. I found a little house down the street from us, I mean you. I wanted to discuss, if that’s ok with you to be that close or not?” I actually am happy with this. “That’s a wonderful idea; I think it would be great for the girls.”

  He smiled and nodded. “Good, it has three bedrooms, so the two oldest would have to share, and they can come spend the night whenever or we can come up with a schedule. I think we should think about it.” I’m so thankful that he’s decent with all this and understanding. “Giving the girls the freedom to come and go since we’re practically neighbors is a great idea. It’ll help them cope with it and get over it easier. Should we tell them together at dinner tonight?”

  Considering all the trouble I’ve put him through, I think him coming over for dinner to discuss this would be a good idea, granted he goes along with it. “Sounds good, I’ll come over after work.” And with that he says his goodbyes and walks out the door.

  I lean into Brandon to give him a smile and kiss. “That went well,” he says and kisses me. Right as we lock lips, the door opens again, “Oh Addison.,” I pull away from Brandon, look at Michael, as he leaves to go back out the door. Oh shit. Well, if that didn’t give it away. I debate on running after him when Kristina stops me. “Don’t. You can tell him about it tonight.” Yeah. “Depending on how he is going to react to all this.” Brandon gives me a reassured hand squeeze to let me know it’ll all work out. It has so far.

  Later that evening, as I was making spaghettis for us, the doorbell rang. Cheyenne answered it, “Hey Daddy.” Here goes nothing.

  He walks over to me, puts some bread he bought on the counter, “I didn’t know what to bring so I figured bread goes with everything.” Nice gesture. “You didn’t have to bring anything, Michael.”

  This is extremely awkward. I’d lived with this man for over fifteen years. I’ve made him dinner so many times you couldn’t count it. Well, I mean if you did math and counted how many days a year, take a few lazy days away. Shit, totally going off topic here. I stare at them sitting and talking on the couch while I prepare the salad. It’s all so simple, yet so hard.

  After we all eat dinner, and explain to the kids our idea of Michael living close. “Yay, Daddy, this is awesome. We still get to see you and have multiple bedrooms,” Emma blurts out. Leave it to a 10 year old to see the brighter side of life. After the kids wash up and go to their rooms, I’m assuming they are going over room decor by the sounds of the conversation at dinner.

  “So, that guy. I’ve seen him before, “ Michael states.

  “Actually you have met him, he was at the grand opening a few months back. His son Benjamin is in Emma’s class.” “Is it serious with you two?”

  Serious. How do you identify serious to your husband about your boyfriend. “The kids don’t know about us so I don’t really know how serious you mean.” He looks a tad upset, when he gulps down his glass of soda. “I’m not going to lie to you Addison, it was hard seeing you kiss another man. Those used to be only my lips to touch, my hands to hold, and my heart to have.” I feel so bad for Michael, but honestly, he never claimed me the way Brandon does, not even when we first started dating years ago. “I’m sorry, Michael, I don’t know what you want me to say to that,” and really, I don’t.

  He pounds on the table, stands up, walks over to me, “I will fight for you,”

  DUDE. Now he’s going to? Where was this fight the past year when I needed him to fight for us?

  “I wish you wouldn’t, Michael.”

  “You saying it’s hopeless? That the past fifteen years don’t matter anything to you?”

  “Of course they matter to me, but you and I haven’t been an US in a very long time. We were nothing but roommates the past year. The way Brandon makes me feel, you never made me feel. I was someone you had children with, and maybe at one point loved, but I’m not sure if you were ever in love with me either.” “You’re so full of it, Addison,” and he stormed out the door.

  Every time things get a little complicated, he runs out the door. I’m used to it. But only this time, he came back. “Addison, I love you, I’m always going to love you, and if this fight as you say is hopeless, I’m still going to attempt it. I will, however, not stand in between you and what’s his name. I’ll be here when he breaks your heart, he will, you’re just a fling to him, his wife is gone and he wants someone to replace his need.” Before I could even say anything to him, he’d already walked out, got in his car and left. I let out a sigh of relief and got ready for bed. Screw the cleaning, I need a bath and goodnights sleep after all that drama. I text good night to Brandon and hope the next few days go over without a hitch. I’m worried Michael might do something stupid to get between us, after the words he just threw in my face, there’s no telling. I also debate about what he said about Brandon, and whether it’s true or not. What if I am just someone to replace his wife and I was the lonely fool that fell for it? Does he really love me like he says he does?

  So many questions that didn’t run through my mind until Michael said the things he said.

  Chapter 14

  Life is an up and down battle. I have fallen in love with Brandon, one hundred percent. But a part of me misses Michael. Michael was the man I always turned to. Michael was my first love. Michael was the one I always tried to make proud. I hope the decision we made was the right one. I know staying in a loveless relationship is not the way to live your life. I need to shake off the self-doubt and move on. I’m too old to mess around, I’m not a teenager anymore, well actually, when I’m around Brandon, I sure feel like I’m one. I really didn’t think it was possible to even feel like this again, especially at my age. Age isn’t but a number, right? I really need to start thinking like that.

  “Good morning, Mom.” I hear Violet say, she totally got me out of my trance there. “You here?” She asks. I shake my mind, shaking all my thoughts away, “Of course. Breakfast is ready, you girls need to get ready and go to school.”

  I think today is the day I will introduce the girls to Brandon. I don’t want to wait too long, or have something like yesterday with Michael, happen with them. “Girls, would it be ok if I invited a friend over for dinner tonight?” I slowly ease into the conversation. “You’ve never asked before,” Cheyenne points out. “No, but this is more of an introduction to someone.” “Introduction, what’s that mean?” Violet says. “Emma, you know Benjamin in your class, right?” I look in her direction. “Duh, Mom, he’s just the cutest boy in that class, geez.” I giggle.

  This isn’t going to be easy. “Well, he and his Dad would like to come over and meet you girls.” Emma looks at me confused. “Why?” she asks all confused. I hear Cheyenne and Violet whisper to each other. Nothing gets by these girls. I glare at them, “care to share?” Violet looks at me perplexed, gulps, very noticeably, “Well, we saw
you holding a man’s hand the other day, is he the dad?” when Cheyenne interrupts, “Is that the reason you and dad split up?” This sure didn’t go the way I had anticipated. “Actually, he’s not THE reason, but we have been seeing each other.” They kind of look down. I’m hoping once they meet them, it’s going to work out. I know, more than likely that’s wishful thinking.

  The girls get ready to head to school, I only hear a faint good-bye in the kitchen. It’s going to be ok. It’s going to be ok. Keep telling yourself that, Addison.

  I grab my phone and call Brandon. Hoping he doesn’t already have plans for tonight. I’ve already told the girls about him, sorta.

  Hey Baby, what’s up?

  Hey babe. Do you already have plans for tonight? I would like you and Benjamin to come over for dinner, I told the girls about you. Kinda.

  He giggles.