The Secret Wife

by Susan Mallery

  “A lot of things went wrong,” he said, not willing to admit that his only regret was losing her. He took a deep breath and leaned back against the desk. If Elissa had never entered his life, could he feel more empty than he had when she’d left? He wasn’t sure.

  Silence filled the room. Elissa continued to flip through pictures, but he sensed she wasn’t really seeing them. While she was occupied, he had an opportunity to study her.

  She wore her hair loose and it curled over her shoulders and down her back. He remembered the feel of those curls in his hands, the way the silky strands had slipped through his fingers. Light makeup accentuated her eyes and cheekbones. Her mouth was straight, not quite as mobile as it had been all those years ago, not so intent on giving away her secrets.

  She hadn’t changed the way she dressed, and he was glad. Feminine prints in soft fabric flowed over her body, merely hinting at concealed curves. Full skirts flirted with bare calves, tiny sleeves exposed smooth arms. In a world of jeans and T-shirts, she was an anachronism.

  He feasted on the vision of her as if he’d been starving. In the past week he’d tried to convince himself that her return to his life meant nothing. He wouldn’t let her matter. But all the telling in the world didn’t change the fact that there was a part of him that had died when she’d left. Rebirth, however unexpected and unwanted, was still painful.

  Elissa studied one photograph for a minute, then held it out to him. He leaned forward and saw himself eight years ago, standing proudly in his cap and gown at his graduation from UCLA. A young, shy Elissa stood at his side.

  “Our first date,” she said.

  “You look about fifteen.”

  “I turned seventeen two weeks after this picture was taken. We were both still kids. You look so serious and determined. You always had a lot to prove.” She set the picture down and glanced at him. “Right now you’re a long way from that New York law firm, Cole. I thought you were going to make partner before you were thirty-five. What happened?”

  “How’d I get here?”

  “Why’d you give it all up?”

  He shrugged. “I got tired of the rat race, and the rats winning. Like you and your sisters, I continued to receive the orphanage’s newsletter. There were some financial problems, as well as a lack of administrative talent. I had money, I was looking for something different. This seemed an ideal opportunity.”

  “I remember you in suits and ties. The jeans are a change…a nice one.”

  “Jeans are more comfortable.”

  She angled toward him. “Millie says that you still practice law. You have a small office in Ojai and you do enough there so you don’t take a salary out of the orphanage. She also said you do lots of pro bono work for a women’s shelter.”

  Unwelcome embarrassment made him clear his throat. “Millie talks too much. I’m not any kind of hero, so don’t go thinking I am. I do the law work because I like it and because it pays the bills. The shelter needs somebody and I’m convenient. Nothing more.”

  He wanted to ask her what other changes she’d noticed. How else had she been pleasantly surprised? How much of their life did she remember?

  “You’re more than convenient,” she said. “But if the compliment bothers you, I won’t repeat it.”

  Before he could lie and say that nothing about her bothered him, Millie walked in. If she thought there was anything odd about Cole and Elissa sitting on the floor together, looking at old photographs, she didn’t say anything.

  “Found anything we can use?” she asked, crouching down next to Elissa and picking up a handful of pictures.

  “Quite a few. I’m separating them into different piles so that you can see an assortment from each decade. I thought you’d want to have a nice mix, and not a majority of pictures from any one year.”

  “Good thinking.” Millie glanced at him and raised her eyebrows as if pointing out Elissa’s efficiency. There was no point in explaining that he didn’t object to his wife’s work habits as much as he did to her presence.

  “Who are those three girls?” Millie asked, holding out the picture of Elissa and her sisters. As the older woman asked the question, her gaze fell on the writing on the back. Her mouth opened but she didn’t speak.

  “My sisters and I are triplets,” Elissa said. “We used to visit the orphanage.” She shrugged self-consciously. “When we were younger we were on a television series called ‘The Sally McGuire Show.’ It was about an orphan. The three of us played Sally. The studio set up the first visit for publicity, but my sisters and I came back because we enjoyed visiting.”

  Millie stared at her. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Me, either,” Cole added. “I’ve never seen Millie at a loss for words before.”

  His office manager made a rude gesture with her arm. “Quit trying to get the best of me,” she said, and returned her attention to Elissa. “I’ve seen the show a few times. Isn’t it still running on cable?”

  Elissa moaned. “Far too often. Please don’t make me watch it or tell anyone about this. My sisters and I did the best we could, but none of us were very good actors. After the first season, we didn’t really like being on the show, but we didn’t have much choice.”

  Millie studied the photograph, then Elissa. “You weren’t interested in the fame and fortune?”

  Elissa grimaced. “Fortunately there wasn’t much of either. Seventeen years ago children weren’t as big on television as they are now, especially girls. We had the occasional promotional appearance, but trust me, it was something we dreaded rather than looked forward to. We would have preferred meeting other kids one-on-one, but our mother never wanted that. She was more interested in the exposure possibilities.”

  There hadn’t been much money, either, Cole thought, remembering how a trust fund had paid for Elissa’s college fees and board, but not anything else. All three sisters had had part-time jobs to cover spending money.

  “You make it sound like it wasn’t any fun at all,” Millie complained. “There had to be something you liked.”

  “There was,” Elissa said. “Most of the time the actual work could be fun, although it got tiring and we really wanted our regular lives back. If the series did anything, it brought my sisters and myself even closer.”

  “What is it like being a triplet?” Millie asked.

  Cole glanced at Elissa as she talked. Funny how despite knowing her sisters and having seen her with them so many times, he thought of her as a unique woman. In his mind, the sisters were as different as any three siblings. Physically, he could easily tell them apart, while their individual personalities only added to their separateness. Fallon was the oldest and the leader. She made decisions easily, took charge and expected to get her way. Kayla was the youngest, by how many minutes he couldn’t remember. She took chances, had a charming air about her and generally saw life as an adventure.

  Elissa was the middle child, the peacemaker. On more than one family gathering, he’d watched her mediate her sisters’ spirited discussions. She’d subjugated her own wishes for theirs.

  Now, watching her explain to Millie the intricacies of filming a series, he wondered how many times she’d wanted things done a different way but hadn’t bothered to stand up for herself. In their marriage she’d usually been the one to bend to his desires. Usually, but not always.

  Over the past years she’d changed. He wasn’t sure if it was because she’d been on her own or if it was the result of growing up, but she didn’t have a problem standing up to him anymore. Had her sisters noticed the difference, also?

  Her sisters. He hadn’t seen them in years. The last time had been a couple of months before Elissa had left him. From the time he’d slipped the engagement ring on Elissa’s finger until he’d walked into the empty apartment and realized she’d left him, he’d been a part of her family. For the first time in his life he’d belonged. He hadn’t realized how much he’d wanted a family—had needed the roots—until he’d had it all and
lost it.

  This time would be different. This time she wasn’t going to suck him into her world. This time when she walked out of his life he wasn’t going to miss her, because this time she wasn’t going to get close enough to cause damage.

  * * *

  “How’s it going?” Fallon asked.

  Elissa leaned back on the bed and fluffed the pillows behind her head. “Great,” she said enthusiastically into the phone.

  “Liar.” Fallon’s soft voice took the sting from the word. “It’s not going great or even well.”

  “You can’t know that.”

  “Yeah, I can. For two reasons. First, I know Cole. There’s no way he’s going to let you walk back into his life without protesting, even just a little. And second, I know you. Seeing him has to be really tough. So I’ll ask the question again. How’s it going?”

  Elissa closed her eyes and for a brief second wished she’d been born an only child. Then she wouldn’t have to put up with this kind of well-meant meddling. Of course, the price of that would be loneliness and isolation. Meddling was a small price to pay for the knowledge that she was loved and cared about.

  “Sometimes I think everything is going to be fine,” Elissa said honestly. “Sometimes I think he’s going to slip into my room in the middle of the night and strangle me.”

  “At least it’s not boring.”

  Elissa smiled. “It’s many things, but you’re right. It’s not boring.”

  “And if he does slip into your room to do away with you, you can always convince him to do something else with his time.”

  “Sure,” Elissa said, trying not to think about the fact that she was the last woman Cole would be interested in sexually. “I wish he was more friendly. He barely talks to me, and when he does, I feel that he’s judging me, or waiting for me to mess up.”

  “Are you surprised?”

  “I guess not. This is where I admit I’d imagined him welcoming me back with open arms. Stupid, huh?”

  “It’s never stupid to dream, kiddo. We all do that. We can’t help it. But Cole isn’t exactly the forgiving kind. Even though he deserved what he got, you were the one to walk out on him.”

  “I know. Sometimes I think I acted hastily. Maybe I should have—” She shook her head. “I don’t know. Who am I kidding? If he’d cared about me, he would have come after me, right?”

  “Life isn’t that simple.” Fallon’s voice deepened with concern. “I wish I was there to give you a hug.”

  “Thanks. But I have to do this one on my own.”

  “You never said why you went back. I know you’re there to see Cole, but is this about reconciliation or making sure the relationship is over?”

  Elissa opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling. “I’m not sure. Either, I suppose. It’s been long enough for us to figure it out. It’s so strange. I thought seeing him would be enough to let me know what I’m supposed to do, but it isn’t. There are still things about him I admire. And things that drive me crazy.”

  “Be careful,” Fallon warned. “Cole nearly destroyed you last time. Do you remember how you were when you came home from New York? I’ve never seen you that unhappy before or since.”

  Her sisters had never asked for details about that time in her life, and Elissa hadn’t volunteered the information. At first she’d been too hurt and humiliated. Later, she wasn’t sure she would come out on the victorious side of the telling. What had seemed so cruel and insensitive at the time didn’t seem quite so bad in hindsight. Had Cole been the ogre she’d always thought, had she been a child, or did reality lie somewhere in between?

  “How’s the brat?” Elissa asked, changing the subject.

  “Kayla’s still annoyingly blissful. She can barely mention her new husband’s name without bursting into song. What I can’t figure out is if he’s so darn wonderful, why did she take so long to realize it? She’d worked for him for years.”

  “Gee, Fallon, we can’t all be as logical as you are when it comes to matters of the heart. Sometimes the rest of us just wing it.”

  “That’s pretty risky. Remember what happened the last time you did that. Maybe it would be better to be cautious.”

  “Agreed,” Elissa said, remembering a love so hot it had burned itself out. She knew; she had the burn scars to prove it.

  Chapter Four

  Cole left the administration building and headed for the main dormitory. Before he reached his destination, he heard a low rumble that shook the ground. He turned toward the sound and watched as an enclosed 18-wheeler slowed, then stopped in the driveway.

  He stared at the vehicle. Millie kept him informed of deliveries, and she hadn’t said anything that morning. It wasn’t like her to forget.

  He walked toward the truck, meeting the driver halfway. The long-haired young man smiled engagingly. “You Cole Stephenson?”

  Cole nodded.

  “Cool. Sign here and we’ll start unloading.”

  Cole glanced at the computer printout detailing the delivery. It seemed to be a list of sports equipment. “I didn’t order this.”

  The younger man shrugged. “Somebody did. Hey, it’s paid for. My job is to unload. I guess yours is going to be finding out who sent it to you. Maybe Christmas in September. So where do you want it?”

  Even as he asked the question, a second deliveryman had already raised the truck’s rear door. Several children had heard the truck and they dashed forward, wanting to see what was inside.

  Cole returned his attention to the delivery sheet. There was a phone number on top. “Don’t unload anything,” he said firmly. “I’m going to call your office and find out what’s going on. There must be some kind of mistake.”

  The truck driver shrugged. “Go ahead, but there’s no mistake. We don’t get many deliveries to an orphanage, if you know what I mean. I wouldn’t confuse you with like a hospital or something. Besides, who else wants playground equipment?”

  “It’s not that I don’t want it,” Cole began, then shook his head. There was no point in explaining it to the driver. “Just wait. I’ll be right back.”

  He jogged toward the administration building. Millie and Elissa were coming down the steps.

  “What’s going on?” Millie asked.

  “Someone’s trying to make a delivery. You didn’t order any sports equipment, did you?”

  “No. I couldn’t. It’s not in the budget. Even if it was, you would have to authorize that kind of purchase.” She glanced at the truck. “A mystery. How wonderful. Come on, Elissa, let’s see what this mystery looks like.”

  Cole allowed his gaze to settle on his wife. She glanced at him and gave a quick smile before Millie took her hand and pulled her along. He paused long enough to watch their progress, hating the fact that sometimes just being around Elissa was enough to make him feel that his world could be made right.

  “Stick to what’s important,” he told himself, and stepped into the administration building. Unlike Millie, he didn’t like mysteries and he was determined to get to the bottom of this one.

  Fifteen minutes later he hung up the phone and admitted defeat. The order for the playground equipment had been received by mail, along with a cashier’s check for the total amount, including shipping. The donor wished to remain anonymous, and the company would not give out the name.

  He turned to glance out his office window and saw that his wishes had been ignored. Instead of leaving everything on the truck, the delivery guys had unloaded several boxes and were setting up what looked like a complicated jungle gym near a grove of trees.

  As he watched, the children began opening packages. There were basketballs, soccer balls, baseballs, bats and mitts, goalposts, nets and hoops. Where the hell had it come from?

  His gaze settled on Millie, who tossed a softball to Gina. Her husband was a successful executive in a Fortune 500 company. They regularly made large donations to several charitable institutions, including his. But she didn’t give anonymously. As she put it, her
husband enjoyed giving, but he wanted the tax deduction, too.

  Elissa joined the duo. Elissa? He remembered their conversation from last week, when she’d told Millie about being on the television show. She’d been a child star. Could she be the donor?

  He shook his head. She hadn’t had any money when they’d gotten married. If there had been a fortune from that show, it was long gone. He might have complaints about her leaving, but she’d never been selfish or secretive. She wouldn’t have kept that kind of information from him. So she couldn’t be the one.

  As he walked outside, he tried to figure out who had sent the equipment. Millie saw him approaching and waved him over.

  “Isn’t this wonderful?” she asked. “I know it’s not as practical as a new restaurant-size stove, but the children love it.”

  “Any ideas about who sent it all?” he asked.

  Millie frowned. In her designer silk summer dress and stylish low-heeled sandals, she looked as if she were attending a ladies’ luncheon. Yet she threw a mean curveball during batting practice, and didn’t mind sitting with sick kids, or helping anywhere she was needed. He didn’t know what he’d done to deserve Millie in his life at the orphanage, but he was grateful.

  “The Bayers often make a large donation about this time of year,” Millie said.

  “Agreed, but they always check with me first to see what we need. I was hoping they would buy the stove.”

  “Audrey Johnston?”

  He shook his head. “She’s going to have the buildings painted in the spring. We’ve already talked about it.”

  “Are anonymous donations that unusual?” Elissa asked.

  “They are when they’re this size,” he answered. “It’s one thing to get twenty dollars in an envelope, it’s another for someone to spend several thousand dollars.” He looked at the custom jungle gym taking shape on the green lawn.

  “Millie, look!” Tiffany called. She pulled open a large box filled with baseball gloves. “Let’s play.”