Paranormal Dating Agency: Dragons Don't Lie (Kindle Worlds Novella) (Fire Chronicles Book 5)

by D'Elen McClain

  I glance toward the door where Tahr stands with his hands braced on his hips. “I’m dying of brittlemortis and your wife and daughter seem to find it hysterical. I will never find the solution for our electricity problem now. They’ll bury me in a cold dark grave and all my knowledge will go down with me.”

  Even Tahr looks surprised when the women’s laughter takes them back to the floor. I shrug at the absurdity of dying while green. I see no humor.

  “He’s…” Jewel points at me unable to speak.

  Pepper, her mother, picks up where Jewel left off, “He kidnapped an eagle shifter and she’s turned him green,” Pepper says with laughter between every other word.

  “What?” I yell. There’s no way. She wouldn’t. She couldn’t.

  This sends Jewel into spasms. “She’s… she’s an eagle shifter and she turned you green.”

  “No, it’s brittlemortis,” I yell in complete frustration. I look at Tahr and even he’s smiling now.

  “You kidnapped an eagle shifter?”

  “She’s not a—” I remember the not-so-nice glob of shit that landed on my shoulder. “Damn.” I’m too shocked right now to feel anger. Pepper and Jewel dry their eyes and get up from the floor.

  “She’s perfect for you, Ashrac,” Pepper says with a soft smile that’s more of what I was expecting when I came here.

  “She’s going back to her realm. She turned me green.”

  Pepper bites her lip and controls another bout of laughter. “You kidnapped her. Don’t you think she’s paid you back for such a dastardly deed?”

  “I’m a dragon. We kidnap our brides and she knew it was coming. I went through a paranormal dating agency in the earth realm. They took all my information and requirements. The woman knew the rules when she agreed to go on a date with me.”

  “A date?” Jewel demands and gives me no time to respond. “A date and kidnapping are two very different things. If she agreed to kidnapping, she disagrees now or why else would she ask me to take her through the realm crossing or,” she looks me up and down, “change you into the Jolly Green Giant?” Jewel blows out frustrated air. “She’s an eagle shifter and she’s been showing her displeasure in the only way she can. You and your thick skull just aren’t listening.”

  I lift my arm and examine it and then my gaze travels to my shoulder where a certain smelly dropping landed earlier. It all becomes crystal clear. I’ve been had by a yellow-bellied eagle shifter. She even laughed and made up some stupid disease. Without bothering to say goodbye, I shift and fly away with laughter trailing behind me.

  A certain woman is about to meet her match.

  § § § §

  I ENTER THE lower level of the castle after looking in the woman’s room and not finding her. Something smells delicious and my nose leads me to the kitchen. I hear her off-key singing first. If I weren’t so angry, I might smile. A certain featherbrained shifter will return me to my rightful color or she will be sorry. After I’m back to my stunning red, she will receive a not-so-gentle push through this realm back to Earth. After I solve the problems with the human village, I’ll go on another quest for a bride without using that stupid dating agency.

  I push the swinging door to the kitchen. Not only is she singing, she’s dancing too. Her glasses are on the counter, and as she twirls and grooves in the stupid clothes she’s decided to wear, her long hair flows around her. I see something I hadn’t noticed before. She’s slender with all the right bumps in all the right places. She looks almost… pretty. Almost.

  A certain body part of mine thickens at the erotic picture she creates with her dancing. As if she feels my presence, she stops and twirls in my direction. I suck in needed air. Maybe she’s kind of pretty.

  Her right hand raises to about waist level and her fingers flutter when she says, “Hello.” It comes out as a chirp. It goes along with the red that creeps up her neck and settles in her cheeks.

  I didn’t take time to put on clothes and my naked body is on full display for her perusal. She’s seen it before, but I don’t think she got the full effect of my main manly attraction. I look down to where her eyes are glued, and my balls contract at the image. Damn I’m still green and so is my erection.

  “I… I baked you something to help with your erect… I mean affliction. It’s a cake,” she offers and quickly meets my eyes again.

  Cake. Maybe I can hold off on booting her out. “Is it my funeral cake?” I ask with calm deception.

  “Oh no. I think you should celebrate the green. Dribblemortis isn’t always fatal.”

  “I thought you said I had brittlemortis.”

  She nods rapidly. “Oh, I did, but I’m hoping you have a milder case of the disease, um, it’s called dribblemortis.”

  She’s so full of shit and she can’t even keep her lies straight. “Jewel’s mother, Pepper, thinks she knows a cure. It will require a human sacrifice to the Goddess but really, what’s one or two measly humans? She assures me it only hurts them for a moment and then they feel nothing as the blood flows from their body.” We’ll see how she likes those green apples.

  Her face goes from red to white. “You can’t make human sacrifices,” she says in horror.

  “I know you have laws against that in your realm but here, I’m in charge. Killing a few humans is nothing as long as I survive to carry on the red dragon line. We’ll begin rounding up the unfortunate sods tomorrow. Pepper says the sooner the better and we don’t have much time to waste. The sacrifice should cover brittlemortis and the other one you just mentioned. Was that dribblemortis?”

  “Um, yeah, dribblemortis. I should have told you before that I might know a cure that won’t require, um, sacrifices.”

  I move farther into the room and she takes a step back. Suddenly she remembers her glasses and quickly scrambles to get them on. As soon as the thick glass is in place, her eyes become the buggy things that were so unappealing before. She can’t hide, though, because I know what’s under them and under her clothes, or at least I want to know. Playing this game with her has surprisingly cooled my anger.

  I glance at the pot on the stove. “What’s in there?”

  She smiles nervously. “Stew.”

  I breathe in deeply. “Smells good, and you made cake too?” I don’t give her time to reply. “If sacrificing the humans tomorrow doesn’t work, this will make the perfect last meal.”

  Her complexion turns a yellowish tinge this time. “We’ll come up with something else. And besides, I think you only have the minor dribblemortis disease not the nasty one that kills you.” She turns and fusses around the kitchen, preparing a bowl for us both while doing everything she can not to look at me.

  I can’t figure her out. She agreed to the contract and then she told me and Jewel she wants to leave. I had no idea the woman couldn’t entertain herself and be happy. I need to face the fact that I don’t understand women in the least. Yep, so much easier if I could mate with Jewel. I ignore the ick factor rolling through my stomach, at the thought of even thinking of Jewel in that way. We might not be biological cousins but she’s more family than mate material. This causes my thoughts to turn in another direction.

  Sex.

  I haven’t provided any and maybe that’s what this woman is upset about. Interesting. I’ll have to think more on it. Without the glasses, she’s passably pretty. Maybe if I could see her entire body, she would be a lot more interesting.

  Bowls hit the small side table off the kitchen. Eating in this room should be done by servants, which I don’t have, so I guess I can lower myself to eating in the kitchen as long as the woman will be here too. Flora, that’s her name. She might like it if I called her by her name.

  “Flora,” I say louder than I intended to. She jumps and turns in my direction. “Does it bother you if I eat like this?” I make a motion with my hands to show her I mean my naked body. Her eyes go straight to my big green appendage that isn’t at its most attractive at the moment even with its great size. She keeps staring
until I startle her again. “You like it?”

  Her eyes snap to mine and her face goes from yellow to red in mere seconds. “It’s, um, very nice as far as green penises go.” She looks down and back up. “I think…” her voice tappers off.

  Makes me wonder how many green cocks she’s seen. As the first one I’ve seen, I’m rather impressed. I take a seat on the leather-covered chair where she placed my bowl. My naked ass doesn’t slide and a not-so-nice sound comes from the region where not-so-nice sounds are bound to come from every once in a while. It’s my face that goes red this time because it’s not the sound it sounded like.

  Flora fake coughs and covers her mouth for a moment while she gains control of herself. I ignore her attempt to ignore the sounds my body didn’t make as I get comfortable. I’ll need to remember that a naked bum on leather is not a good way to impress a lady. My jumbled thoughts have zeroed in on the fact that impressing her with my brain and sex appeal is where I should have started our relationship. I’ll try again, but if her lies grow too outrageous, she’s going back to Earth’s realm and that’s final.

  She takes the seat across from me and lifts her spoon, giving me a stubborn look when I lift my bowl to pour the contents down my throat. Now she reminds me of my mother, who is forever scolding me over poor manners.

  I place the bowl back on the table and pick up the spoon. For once, my laboratory can wait. I glance at Flora and her smile is actually heart-stopping and that’s even while she’s wearing those goddess-awful glasses. She’s beautiful and she’s been hiding it. Why?

  I mentally review my discussions with the pint-sized battleax from the Paranormal Dating Agency. I made myself perfectly clear, whether she paid attention or not. I have little free time and it’s best a mate isn’t emotionally involved with me. I wouldn’t want her to be bored while I work on the important things in life.

  I lift the spoon to my mouth and take the first steaming bite. The food literally melts on my tongue. I look inside my bowl at the potatoes, meat, and other vegetables. By the goddess how can this taste so good? Without giving Flora another glance, I shovel the stew into my mouth as fast as possible. It’s that good.

  When I finish, I notice her bowl is still almost full. She pushes it my way. “Eat mine, I taste-tested while it was cooking.”

  Without giving her time to take it back, I grab her bowl and start spooning it into my mouth. If she wasn’t watching, I’d have downed it all in one swallow. Delicious.

  “Save room for cake,” she says as I run my finger around the inside of the bowl and lick my finger clean. Our eyes meet and for the first time I see a gentle look fill her expression. She takes off her glasses and rubs the bridge of her nose.

  “Your eyes are beautiful.”

  She immediately picks up the glasses and puts them back on. “I have a problem with my eyes and the glasses allow me to see.”

  I’m sure it’s an eagle problem, but I’m keeping the knowledge that I know she’s an eagle shifter to myself for the moment. “How soon can we have cake?”

  This makes her laugh. “You ate all your food like a good boy, so you can have cake anytime. Let me get it out.” She fetches two plates and forks and sits one in front of me and one in front of her chair. I haven’t had cake since the last time my mother made one and invited me over. I think that was a year ago.

  Her back is to me when she lifts the cake from the cabinet and turns. The cake is so big I can’t see her face, but what I can see is the color. It’s green. A giant green cake. Heat swells in my chest and smoke comes out of my ears.

  “You don’t like it? I thought you would feel better with a cake that matched your new color.” She says this as she rests the cake on the table and I can finally see her twinkling eyes.

  Very slowly I rise from my chair. Flora is smart enough to back up.

  “Aren’t you going to taste it?” she all but squeals as I move around the table and take a step toward her. Her hand comes up and she shakes her head as I stalk closer. “The color is a joke, but I promise it still tastes good.”

  “You think dying from some horrible disease is a joke?” Of course she does. She had no problem making me think I was dying.

  She covers her mouth with the back of her hand to keep from laughing and lowers her upper body to escape when I reach out. She backs up until she’s standing with her back to the cabinet. My hands go to either side of her head. Slowly her face lifts and a touch of defiance enters her expression. “I’ll throw it out and make another one. A red one this time.”

  “No. You. Won’t.” My arms cage her in and it’s obvious I make her nervous because she’s looking for a way out and there isn’t one. When her eyes meet mine, I smile slowly with lots of teeth. Anyone in their right mind would be afraid of this smile.

  “Dragonbreath, you don’t really want to do this.”

  Strangle her? Pull all her hair out? Kiss her?

  Kissing wins. My hands move to rest on her shoulders and keep her where I need her. My head dips. She nervously licks her lips. My breath hitches when I finally taste her by running my tongue across her lips. She was taste-testing frosting too. So damn sweet. I pull her closer and she sinks into me. Goddess, her taste. Energy zings along my nerves until the energy finds home. Home is my cock and that’s how damn good she tastes.

  Chapter Twelve

  Flora

  HE’S CONSUMING ME—his mouth, his touch, his very presence. The world around us stops revolving, or at least it feels that way. It’s as if I’ve been waiting for his lips my entire life. They’re firm where mine are soft. I consume right back. He plays with my mouth and I realize he understands the finer finesse of kissing. Who would have guessed that an egotistical megalomaniac would take the time to learn to kiss a woman properly? He explores my lips like they’re an exotic treasure. When he bites my bottom lip, I open for him and he accepts my invitation. His tongue twirls and parries with mine. His head moves slightly and he pulls me closer to deepen the kiss. I swear my brain rolls out of my head, across the floor, and out the door.

  There’s something else going on too. His incredible body, which is now fully pressed against mine, burns a trail of fire everywhere we touch. My hands go to his forearms and they’re as big as my thighs but not soft at all. He’s pure corded muscle with amazing skin pulled tightly across the plains and valleys. My fingers travel over his rippled arms.

  A smidgen of brain cells fire within my skull and suddenly I’m obsessed with one thought.

  Escape.

  I can’t allow this to happen, even though everything inside me wants it to. More Ashrac, more kisses, more skin on skin. My eagle took notice of the dragon and that’s not a good thing. Eagles mate for life. Hell no, not with dragonbreath. I move my head back, his follows, and the kiss deepens further. I clench his arms and try to push them away.

  He growls into my mouth and a swell of energy rolls over me. I give in and drop my hands from his arms to sneak one behind him to rest on his ass. Resting is not exactly the correct word. Squeezing and rubbing over his naked flesh is better. Oh yes. And don’t think I can’t feel the thick appendage pressing into my belly.

  My, oh my.

  Our lips part, his head comes up, and his eyes go from lovely ice blue to completely feral in a snap. This man, who hasn’t given thought to the woman he kidnapped, wants me. I’m so damn turned on that breathing is something that takes thought to accomplish. I want him too. My eagle wants him. How the hell did this happen? His fingers skim my lips, gliding across them in wonder. My heart goes all squishy. I can’t have sex with him, and yet right this minute there’s nothing I want more. He’ll never understand. Eagles remain virgins until we find our mate. If I sleep with Ashrac, he will be my mate for life even if we never see each other again. Admiring his body is completely different from admiring his mind, or the man he is on the inside, or his willingness to accept me for who I am. I don’t know him well enough to mate with him. Hell, I don’t think I want to know him that well.
The truth is, Ashrac is a spoiled dragon with no sense of compassion. He kidnapped me. It’s wrong that I should want him sexually.

  His eyes tell me he thinks he’s won. He leans back in and his head dips.

  “No more,” I say in a strong voice that belies my true feelings. I want him so damn bad.

  “You want to say yes.” He thrusts his hips against me so I understand exactly what I’m saying no to.

  “I want a Tesla too, but that’s not happening.”

  His lips are an inch from mine and they tip into the sweetest smile. I realize I’ve crossed my eyes so I can watch it. He full-on smiles at my goofy face and I want him even more. With a show of strength, I push him back. He only goes because he wasn’t expecting it. The smile clears off his face and now he’s unsure. I imagine not many women turn him down.

  “I can’t sleep with you, Ashrac. You need to take me home to Earth. I know you think I agreed to you kidnapping me but I did not.” There, it was out. Now I’ll see what he does with it.

  He steps into me again and his forehead tips into mine so we’re touching. It’s such an intimate gesture and it throws me. So does what he says. “I’ve gone about this mating thing wrong. I have a lot of work to do in my lab but if you give me a few days, I’ll put my work aside and prove to you that you want to be here with me.” His head lifts and his lips press against my forehead. It’s the sweetness that makes me want to agree. “Besides,” he continues before I turn him down, “I’ll be dead from brittlemortis soon and I need someone to hold my hand when I die.” He steps back and looks at me with an expression I can’t decipher.

  His eyes are smiling and for just a second I wonder if my jig is up. He’s also looking at me like he sees me for the first time. The fact that he’s willing to give up his lab work for a few days leads to words I shouldn’t be saying. “Three days with a condition.”

  “What’s the condition?”

  I sniff and wiggle my nose for added effect. “You bathe.”

  Now his smile turns glorious and my heart skips a beat. He lifts his arm and sniffs. Now his nose movement matches mine. “I’ll bathe, promise.” He abruptly turns away and walks to the cake I made him. He lifts it in his hands and cockily strolls back to me. From five feet away, he launches the cake while I watch in seeming slow motion as it tumbles top over bottom and splats against the front of my chest. The power of the throw is so strong, it forces me back against the counter. Ashrac follows. When he’s a foot from the mess he just created, one long finger comes out. He wipes a dollop of cake from my chest and brings his finger to his mouth. “Delicious, just like you promised.”