Effortless With You

by Lizzy Charles

  “I’m just getting an idea of what you’re made of.”

  “Oh?” I toss him the ball. He squares up, waiting for me to reject him. I do. “And what have you discovered?”

  He steps closer to me.

  Perfect jaw. Perfect shoulders. Perfect collarbone. Perfect everything.

  “A lot,” he says with another step. We stand together then under the hoop, the ball bouncing away. I know I should look away but I can’t. I shiver. I can get lost in his green eyes forever.

  Time stands still. My heart does not.

  He leans in toward me.

  Is he going to kiss me?

  My whole world turns over.

  Yes.

  No, wait.

  No.

  Jennifer.

  I eye Justin, he smiles playfully, brushing my side-swept bangs out of my eye.

  No. I’m not evil. I won’t be a Marissa. He’s with Jennifer. I can’t let this happen.

  He leans in closer.

  I lean away.

  “Your cross-over,” he says. Picking up the ball and showing me a cross-over dribble, low to the ground.

  “What?”

  “It’s sloppy.” He shrugs, tossing me the ball. “That’s what I learned.”

  I stand frozen, ball in hand. What just happened? My face heats. He was only taunting me. I’d totally imagined that whole moment. Of course he wasn’t going to kiss me.

  I fake confidence, “Shut up. My cross-over is solid.”

  “Suit yourself.” He grabs the ball. “Well, I’ve got to run. Thanks for the game.”

  “You call that a game?”

  “Okay, insight then.” He waves, climbing into his truck.

  Yes, wonderful insight into my heart.

  A kiss? How stupid can I be?

  I try to avoid myself all morning. I’m too embarrassed to live. Thankfully, no one else knows. I don’t even think Justin knew that I, for just a second, thought he was going to kiss me. The moment will go with me to my grave. He is so out of my league.

  A text from Matt forces my head out from under my blanket.

  Matt: Party tonight. You promised. 7.

  Right. Birthday party. Matt. Marissa. Zach. Confrontation.

  Am I ready?

  No, but that doesn’t matter. If it was up to me, I’d never be ready. I’d be happy avoiding Marissa and Zach for the rest of my life. But realistically, that is impossible. I’m sick of being passive and part of people’s games. It is time to take control.

  I’m going to that party. Marissa and Zach can shove it.

  I’ll walk in confidently. They’ll never know what hit them.

  I’m fine. No, I am terrified. I’ve never been to a party alone and without Marissa’s connections, I barely know anyone.

  That needs to change. I glance toward Pride and Prejudice, my bookmarker almost three fourths of the way through. It’s time to make some real friends.

  I empty my closet onto my bed, hoping to find something that will make me feel confident and real. Most of my dresses are earth tones with an empire waist. I put one on. It hangs loosely and gives me little shape. Yuck, ugly.

  Marissa always disagreed with me, explaining how the style was perfect for hiding my curvy hips, which just weren’t fashionable. I turn around in front of the mirror. It looks like I’m wearing a peasant frock. I was crazy to listen to her.

  I sort my clothes, throwing everything Marissa approved to the side. My remaining wardrobe is pathetic: a few pairs of yoga pants, my maxi skirt, some tank tops, a pair of leggings, and an old, favorite pair of jeans. I return to my closet, not willing to admit defeat. Even if I have to run out to buy something, I am going to this party. If I don’t, I fear I’ll live in a hole forever.

  My eye falls on a dark plastic bag stuffed behind my shoe rack. I peer in, hoping for at least a fitted t-shirt to pair with my jeans. A green wad of gingham material is shoved inside.

  I pull it out slowly, examining my discovery. A casual sun dress with a heart shaped neckline and halter ties. This is the dress I bought for my first high school party. Marissa’s opinion echoes in my ears, “Girl. Take that off. It makes you look ghastly.” She let me wear one of her strapless bubble dresses instead.

  I iron the dress before trying it on. This better work.

  The dress fits me perfectly. It hugs my chest without showing too much cleavage and accents the small size of my waist between my curves. I shift uncomfortably in the mirror, pulling my hands through my auburn hair. The dress color makes my hair look rich and dynamic. Also, with my curves highlighted, I don’t look so bulky. What was Marissa thinking?

  That’s when it hits me. Marissa knew exactly what she was doing. She played my features down so she could be the hot one. That’s all I was to her; an accessory that helped highlight her looks and made guys turn her way.

  I smile at myself. I can’t wait to see Marissa’s expression tonight.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Matt lives in the development next to mine. I walk to the party, needing the exercise to steady my mind. I focus on the truth: Marissa degraded me to help her feel beautiful and confident and Marissa and Zach know nothing about commitment, truth and kindness. They are weak. I will be the strong and compassionate individual.

  At least, that’s what I hope.

  I stall outside of Matt’s backyard fence for a brief moment. It’s time to do this or I’ll hate myself forever. With a smile plastered to my face, I push open the gate. The yard is more crowded than I expected, putting me at ease. I can easily lose myself in the mix. I won’t have to stay long. Just long enough for Marissa to see me.

  Matt waves as I step through the threshold. He motions for me to join him near the grill.

  “Wow, big turn out.” I say with too much nervous energy.

  “I know. Weird, right? People must be getting bored early this summer.” He turns a row of beef patties. Olive, the petite red-head from our advanced math class, holds out a plate of cheese for him.

  “It’s not weird,” she says in her quiet voice. “It’s your birthday. People like you. It makes sense.” She shrugs and smiles at me. “Hi, I’m—”

  “Olive. We were in math together.”

  Her nose scrunches up a bit, “We were?”

  “Yeah, I sat in back.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry. I swear I would have remembered you.” Olive’s eyes dart away from mine. I can feel her embarrassment. Matt places his hand on her shoulder. I watch that side of her body gently relax. I smile. There is definitely something going on there.

  “Please don’t worry about it. I kept to myself.” I explain to her. She studies my face for a while.

  “Oh, you’re that Lucy girl.” My heart sinks. How does she suddenly know that? “Everyone knows about Marissa and Zach, which means everyone knows about you.” Olive nods toward a group hanging out in the corner. Marissa is sitting on Zach’s lap, giggling loudly at someone’s joke. “They’ve been super obvious and super annoying.” Marissa squeals in the background. Olive covers her ears. “I swear. That’s the worst noise in the world.”

  “You have no idea.” My stomach churns at the sound.

  “I’m sorry. This is probably hard on you.” Olive fidgets. I like her. She is honest and awkward. She stares at me for a long time, waiting for my answer.

  “Well.” I look back at them. Zach’s arms are wrapped around Marissa’s waist. She squeals again. My stomach relaxes. I mostly just feel humiliated that I ever dated him and was friends with Marissa. “Actually, it’s not that bad. I mean, I’m pissed but, honestly, I don’t really care about them anymore.”

  “Wasn’t she your best friend?”

  I shake my head. “She just used me.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Eh. It sucked.” Zach nibbles Marissa’s ear. The little hairs on my arms stand on end. Creepy. “I’m glad it happened. I’m way better for it.” I echo Justin’s opinion, which I realize I totally agree with.

  Olive pats my ba
ck. “Good for you.”

  “Thanks.”

  Matt rejoins us. Olive naturally leans toward him and he leans back in response. Neither one seems to notice their slight shift in position. Olive eyes the food and drink tables. I sense she wants to return the situation to just being her and Matt.

  I take her unintentional hint. She deserves the chance. “Well, Matt, those burgers look amazing. I’m starved. I hope you have a happy birthday. Thanks for the invite.”

  “Sure. Have a good time.”

  I grab a water and fiddle with the lid. The backyard is more crowded than before. I only catch occasional glimpses of Zach and Marissa between bodies. I just have to let them see I’m here so Marissa will know I’m not scared of her. And then I can pretend to mingle a bit longer before I walk home.

  I take a deep breath. I can do this.

  I catch a familiar head of blond hair out of the corner of my eye. Luke. We never really hung out much at work. I scan the crowd for someone else I know. My eyes fall back to Luke. He’s playing soccer.

  What is wrong with me? I know Luke. Yes, we barely speak. But it would be weird of me if I didn’t say hello. It’s time to stop being passive, for good.

  I take advantage of my brief moment of bravery, crossing the lawn and waving to Luke. He immediately waves back with a smile. Good. This isn’t going to be weird.

  “Awesome. We’re getting killed, Lucy. Are you half as decent at soccer as you are at basketball?”

  “Ummm, maybe a sixteenth?” I was on a soccer team for a few summers in elementary school. I remember the basics.

  “That’ll have to do. Come on.” He grabs my hand and pulls me out onto their makeshift field. The boundaries and goal posts are marked with Pepsi cans.

  My nerves settle as I focus on the game. Laura, Luke’s girlfriend, befriends me immediately. She’s a bubbly brunette with a Southern accent. She chats with me the entire game about how she moved from Georgia and how lonely she was until she met Luke.

  “Did you grow up here?” she asks after telling me her life story.

  “In Minnesota, yeah. But I moved to this district when I was a freshman.”

  She shrugs, “Same situation then. You still had to move in high school.” She lowers her voice. “Did you find it difficult to make friends here?”

  I think of my horrible freshman year and hear Marissa’s squeal in the background. “It was horrible. To be honest, it still is.”

  “Oh thank gawd. I thought there was something wrong with me.” She nods toward the group of senior girls that call themselves “The Lunch Buddies” huddled in the corner. “They stared at me like I was insane when I asked if I could eat with them in the cafeteria.” She pretends to pout. “I had to eat alone in math that day.”

  I laugh. “I ate a lot of lunches in the janitor’s closet.”

  “Yeah, the girls here are cliquey.” She pulls her hair back into a French braid. She sighs, looking at Luke, “But the guys. Oh, they are so much better here. Back home they just want to charm their way into your pants. Luke’s not like that.” She nods over my shoulder. “Neither is he.”

  I turn to look. Her eyes rest on Justin who’s standing near the gate. My heart twists. I force myself to look away.

  “He showed up early to our Pre Calc class and found me eating lunch alone. He invited me to eat with him the next day. I didn’t believe him so I went back to eat in math the next afternoon. But, there he stood with his Jennifer, waiting for me. He was actually the one who introduced me to Luke.” She clicks her tongue. “Sad thing about him and Jennifer, though. I really thought they’d make it.”

  What?

  I furrow my brow, looking back at Justin, who laughs with some guys at the gate. Jennifer isn’t at his side.

  “Jennifer broke up with him last night. I’m sure they’d prefer if the world didn’t know so quickly.” She taps her cell phone. “But word travels fast with these. I’m surprised he’s here.” Laura nods back toward the drink table. Jennifer stands smiling and chatting with a group of friends.

  Why didn’t he say something to me this morning?

  My eyes travel back to Justin. He moves toward Jennifer, occasionally stopping to laugh and greet people along the way. He approaches her from behind, reaching out to tap her shoulder. I hold my breath. Jennifer turns around and smiles. They hug briefly and I swear a hush falls through the crowd. Justin steps back from her and hugs her friends as well. He chats briefly before he moves on to his next group of friends.

  “Well, that doesn’t surprise me. They had the best relationship. Why not have the best break-up too?” Laura shrugs.

  I nod, turning my attention back toward her. She asks me questions about my dress while I track Justin in my peripheral. He grabs a burger with another guy from the basketball team. He laughs, pulling his hand through his hair and my heart flies into a frenzy.

  Laura giggles. “Ooo!” She points at Justin who is sitting down to eat his burger. “This will be fun. Watch them gather.” Within a moment, random girls start approaching him. They all lean in, flip their hair, and let out loud, flirtatious giggles. “We need a seat for the show.” We abandon the soccer game, which we weren’t really playing anyway. Laura leads me over to a high table. “Let the games begin,” she jokes.

  Laura calls the game. “Here comes the tall, leggy volleyball captain. Look at those tight shorts! She’s going in for the kill, bending over to pick up her napkin and showing off her main asset.” Justin briefly looks at her bum, and smiles before looking away. “No ace; sorry sweetheart.”

  I bite my lip. The thought of him being with Jennifer seems natural but knowing he’s checking out other girls makes me feel so unnoticed. I take a deep breath. No. I need to feel good about myself tonight. I won’t let my mind go there.

  Laura pretends to gasp. “Oh no. Is this really happening? Too soon girl; too soon. Allison approaches, one of Jen’s closest friends.” Allison sits down on the end of Justin’s lounger, crossing her legs. Justin responds to her with his genuine smile and brushes something off her shoulder. Once, he looks over her shoulder and rolls his eyes at Jennifer.

  Maybe they haven’t broken up after all? He seems too relaxed and happy. Jennifer bats her eyelashes and rolls her eyes at him before she returns to her conversation with her friend. They seem okay. I push my disappointment aside. Maybe it was a fake break-up? I want Justin to be happy. He deserves it.

  My thoughts and Laura’s play-by-play are interrupted with a loud clearing of the throat. We turn around. My stomach jolts. Marissa stands behind us, hands on her hips.

  “And what do you think you’re doing here?” Her face is scrunched up into what she uses as her intimidating expression. I never noticed how much it really makes her look like a pig. I stifle a laugh. I can do this.

  “Hi, Marissa. Matt invited me,” I say in a relaxed, unbothered tone. I refuse to stoop to her dramatic level of life.

  “But you knew we’d be here.” Marissa speaks loudly, trying to draw attention. People turn around to stare at us. Laura whistles lowly. Marissa glares at her.

  I shrug. “I thought you might. But, no big deal.” I turn back toward Laura. Marissa shifts behind me. It’s driving her crazy that I’m not playing her game.

  “Nice dress,” she spits out.

  I turn back around and tug on the dress’s side. “Really? Thanks. Maybe you remember it?”

  “How can I forget such a rag?”

  Laura stands up next to me, not having enough experience with Marissa to avoid her drama. “Are you crazy? The dress rocks.” She spins me around. “Look at her!”

  Marissa pretends to gag. “Yeah, without me to dress her she looks—”

  “Beautiful.” A comforting low voice interrupts Marissa from behind us. I turn around.

  Justin.

  My face grows hot. He walks forward, stopping at my side. I hope he can’t hear my heart pounding against my chest.

  “Oh Justin, just because Jennifer dumped you doesn’t
mean you have to lower your standards.” Marissa looks me up and down. She leans in toward Justin. “You can do much better than that.”

  I speak quickly. “Listen, Marissa. You’ve had your fun.” I nod toward the crowd. “Everyone’s watching; that’s what you wanted, right?” I whisper so only Marissa, Justin, and Laura can hear. “Now, how about we end this before you end up looking bad?”

  Marissa laughs. “What’s that? You want Zach back?” Her words slur together. My mouth flies open to protest. Justin’s hand rests on my shoulder. Laura grabs my other hand. I take a breath, steadying myself.

  Marissa takes a step toward me. Her breath smells of alcohol. “I’m sorry, babe. Zach was only with you to get to me. You’ll have to learn to understand.” People snicker.

  I force myself to stand up straighter. “Honestly, Marissa. I don’t really care.” I nod toward Zach who has come to watch. “You can have one another. I’m good.” Marissa purses her lips, reaching out and pulling Zach toward her. I feel Zach’s eyes fall on me. His eyes survey me and my skin crawls. My eyes dart away.

  “Well, good.” Marissa snaps. Her frustration is palpable. She pulls Zach’s arms around her. “I hope you can find someone like Zach someday.”

  “I did, remember? Turns out, he’s not my type.”

  “Exactly. He’s mine.” Zach kisses her neck and she forces out her high-pitched giggle.

  “Aw gawd!” Laura adds. “Go get a room.”

  “Good idea,” Zach adds. Marissa giggles again. The crowd groans.

  “Have fun.” I wave goodbye, turning away from them and willing them to leave. The crowd thins.

  I welcome the relief. They are gone. I did it.

  Laura is the first to speak. “Nice entrance, Justin. Very smooth. Very heroic.”

  “Yeah, thanks for that.” I add. He looks down at me, his green eyes smoldering. I would be lost there forever if it wasn’t for Laura’s cough. I immediately take a step back.

  No. It doesn’t matter that he is available. I’m not like the rest of those girls. I know where I stand with Justin. Friendship. That’s all he wants. I wouldn’t dare ruin that.

  He shrugs, removing his hand from my shoulder. “No problem,” he says casually. He nods toward his friends eating on the lawn chairs. “I’ll see you later.”