No Going Back

by Karen Foley

  She looked relieved. “I’d like that, thanks.”

  He turned to go, but her voice halted him.

  “You’re coming right back?” He could hear the anxiety in her voice.

  “I’ll be gone for less than ten minutes,” he assured her. “Why don’t you get out of those wet clothes and get warm?”

  He knew she felt apprehensive about being alone in the big tent, and now he wished that he had tried to find her other accommodations until her client arrived. He told himself it was only for one night. Tomorrow, they would view the first concert venue in the morning and then drive to Kandahar, where the USO had arranged for the third and final concert. By the time they returned to Bagram two days later, Tenley Miles would have arrived. The performers would spend five days giving concerts and meeting the troops, then they would fly back to the States and Kate Fitzgerald would go with them. Two days ago he’d been resentful at the prospect of babysitting the publicist. Now he realized that he didn’t want her to leave.

  * * *

  KATE WAITED UNTIL Chase left, then secured the entrance to the tent as best she could. The wind still whistled outside and the rain drummed against the roof. Chase had made the interior seem almost cozy with his height and broad shoulders, but now it seemed big and empty. The flashlight illuminated the area directly around her bunk, but the rest of the large tent was cast in dark shadows that undulated with the wind and rain and made her think that someone was on the other side of the canvas, trying to get in.

  Shivering, she opening her duffel bag and pulled out a pair of flannel lounge pants and a loose top. The walls of the tent sucked noisily in and out with the force of the wind, and Kate wished Chase would hurry. Fishing in her pocket, she pulled out the beeper that he had given to her earlier, and closed her fingers over it. Just holding it made her feel marginally better. She wanted to push it, but then he would know what a complete fraud she was, and that everything about this trip totally freaked her out. Besides, he’d promised that he would be right back; what would she say to him when he arrived? That she was afraid of the dark? That she was afraid of being alone? That he made her feel safe?

  Yeah, right. If only that was all he made her feel. She recalled how he had looked in the bathroom, with nothing but a towel wrapped around his hips. His body was layered with lean muscle and sculpted to masculine perfection. He was hot enough to bake cookies on. She could still picture the thrust of his broad shoulders and the bulging biceps in his powerful arms. She remembered again the feel of his mouth on her breast, and how perfectly he’d fitted in the cradle of her hips.

  Just the memory of his body caused something to fist low in her stomach. Most of the time, he looked at her as if she was an annoyance, or just another mission that he needed to complete successfully. He’d said the incident in his bedroom had been a mistake, but for those few moments in the bathroom, she had seen something else in his eyes. Something hot and needy. Something that had caused a rush of heat beneath her skin.

  Shivering, she realized the temperature had dropped dramatically from what it had been earlier in the day. Chase hadn’t exaggerated when he’d said the nights could get cold. Quickly, she stripped out of her wet clothing and changed into the flannel lounge pants and top, and pulled on a pair of socks. Still, she couldn’t get warm. She shook out the sleeping bag that had been left at the foot of the cot and unzipped it, dragging it around her shoulders like a shawl. But even cocooned in its warmth, she couldn’t stop shivering.

  The flap of the tent billowed and then Chase was there, bringing the wind and rain with him, until he secured the entrance. Shrugging out of his rain poncho, he hung it from a support beam and turned toward Kate just as a crack of thunder sounded overhead.

  Chase grinned. “I can’t remember the last time I saw a storm like this over here. Are you okay?”

  Kate nodded, relieved to have him there. “Are you sure it’s safe to be in a tent? What if it gets struck by lightning?”

  Chase sat down on the bed directly beside hers, leaning forward to link his hands between his knees. For the first time, Kate noticed that he had shaved his beard, revealing the strong, square line of his jaw. She wanted to stroke her fingers over the smooth skin.

  “The tents are grounded,” he said, “so you have nothing to worry about. More than half of the troops on this base live in tents, and we haven’t lost one in a storm yet.”

  The rain thundered on the canvas roof, and Kate pulled the sleeping bag a little closer around her shoulders. “I guess I’ll just have to trust you.”

  An odd expression crossed his face, and Kate was surprised when he stood up. “Right. Which is why I should leave. Try to get some sleep.”

  “What?” Pushing the sleeping bag off, Kate stood up and followed him across the tent. “Why are you leaving? I thought you were going to stay, at least until the storm passes.”

  Chase paused in the act of retrieving his rain gear and gave her a disbelieving look. “Kate, if I stay here with you, do you really believe we’ll play cards?”

  Kate’s breath caught at the expression on his face, and her heart leaped in her chest. “Look, if it’s about last night—”

  “Yes, damn it, it is about last night.” His voice was a low growl. He leaned forward until his face was just inches from hers and raked her with a heated look. “I’m trying very hard to keep this professional, but every time I look at you, I see you lying across my bed, making little gasping sounds as I touch you. Christ…” He spun halfway around and scrubbed a hand over his hair before turning back to her. “So just—give me a break, okay? Understand that this has nothing with my not wanting to stay with you. I can’t stay with you. Not unless you want to be flat on your back in that bunk with me inside you.”

  His words caused Kate’s heart to stop beating and then explode into overdrive. Part of her realized she should be at least a little bit frightened by this man, but the images he conjured up filled her with a buzz of awareness and a sense of her own feminine power. She knew that her eyes grew wide and her mouth fell open, but nobody had ever spoken to her so bluntly, or admitted that he wanted her enough that he couldn’t trust himself to be with her.

  Misreading her expression, Chase gave a rueful laugh.

  “Pretty pathetic, huh? I guess I really have been deployed for too long.”

  Kate didn’t know how to respond to that. Was it pathetic that he should find her attractive? And did he only find her attractive because he’d been deployed for so many months? How would he react if she told him that she hadn’t been with a guy in almost two years? Now that was pathetic.

  Outside, another flash of lightning illuminated the sky, and wind gusted through the entrance, bringing a spray of cold rain with it. Chase grabbed his poncho from the hook and dropped it over his head.

  “You have my beeper,” he said curtly. “Use it if you need me.”

  Kate stared at him in dismay, unable to comprehend that he was really going to leave her alone in the enormous tent while a storm raged outside. It was wrong to expect him to stay with her. She was a grown woman, after all, but she couldn’t deny that she wanted him with her. “I don’t need your damned beeper, Chase. I want you.”

  Chase held up a finger and gave her a warning look. “Don’t. I’m barely holding it together here, Kate.”

  Before she could argue further, he pushed aside the flap and vanished into the night. Kate stood staring after him in disbelief for a full minute, expecting that he would reappear. But when an ear-splitting crack of thunder reverberated through the tent, Kate dashed back to her bunk and dragged the sleeping bag over her.

  With her back pressed against the headboard, she sat with the flashlight in her hands, directing the beam at the entrance, certain that someone—or something—was going to get her before the night was over. The shadows seemed to grow and move in the corners, and the combined cacophony of rocks and sand being flung against the sides of the tent, as well as the hard rain drumming against the roof, guarantee
d that she wouldn’t get any sleep that night.

  She realized she still clutched Chase’s beeper in her hand, but nothing would induce her to press that button now. Not when he’d made it clear that he couldn’t be alone with her. He obviously was a man of honor, and there was no way she would ask him to compromise his principles for her.

  An ear-splitting crack of thunder directly overhead, followed by what sounded like an explosion very close by, made her jump with alarm. Drawing a deep breath, she pressed the beeper.

  9

  CHASE SAT JUST OUTSIDE the entrance of Kate’s tent, hugging his poncho around his body, not that it did any good. The sheeting rain found its way inside the protective gear, and his clothing was soaked. Charity had refused to leave him, so he’d let her curl up beneath his poncho, but even she was dripping wet.

  Beneath his feet, the ground was a swirling soup of red mud and rocks, and the wind caused the fabric of the tent to snap loudly. Reluctant to leave Kate alone, he had taken up watch for the night, just in case she needed him. The conditions were so bad that only the security vehicles were out, driving slowly through the flooded roads, their emergency lights cutting orange swaths through the wind and rain. Chase doubted there would be any chance of a mortar attack tonight, since the weather would drive even the insurgents for cover.

  His tent was only a five-minute jog away, but he didn’t want to risk anything happening to Kate in these conditions. The main power was still out, although the emergency lights were working. As he crouched by the entrance, a bolt of lightning lit up the sky, so close that he could feel the electricity in the air. The streak was followed immediately by a deafening crack of thunder, and a loud popping sound as the lightning struck a nearby transformer and caused it to explode, plunging the area into total darkness.

  Chase pushed himself to his feet just as the beeper in his pocket began to vibrate. Kate. Making his way through the entrance of the tent, he stood just inside and swept the interior with his flashlight, looking for her. He found her huddled on the nearest bunk, wrapped in her sleeping bag and clutching the flashlight that he had given to her earlier.

  “Are you okay?” he asked. He didn’t come any closer. Water streamed down the rubber coating of his rain gear in heavy rivulets and pooled on the floor.

  “How did you get here so quickly?” she asked. “I heard a noise, like an explosion, and it sounded pretty close.”

  “Yeah, the lightning took out a transformer just down the road.”

  In the indistinct light, he could see the speculation on her face as she considered him. “Were you standing outside my tent this whole time?”

  “Just doing my job,” he said evenly. “I meant what I said earlier—attached at the hip.”

  Oh, man, if only. His words conjured up images that he had no business thinking about. Shaking off the disturbing thoughts, he strove for a professional tone.

  “If you’re okay, then I’ll let you get some sleep. I’ll be right outside if you need me.” He turned to go.

  “Wait!”

  Chase stopped and looked at her expectantly. Another bolt of lightning flashed outside the tent, followed by a loud boom. To his surprise, Kate stood up, letting the sleeping bag fall onto the mattress. Her flannel pajama bottoms rode low on her hips, exposing a pale strip of skin along her abdomen. He swallowed hard and watched her approach, half hopeful, half filled with dread.

  “As much as I appreciate you standing watch,” she said, stopping just beyond the puddle of water he was creating, “I wouldn’t put a dog out in these conditions.” She looked pointedly at Charity, who stood in the doorway with her head down, shivering. “Not even a guard dog.”

  Chase hoped the hood of his poncho, combined with the darkness, hid his expression, because he knew he was eating her alive with his eyes. She looked warm and feminine and he ached to slide his hands into the back of her loose pajama bottoms and cup her luscious rear. He wanted to bend her over his arm and shove her shirt up so that he could lick her breasts. He couldn’t remember when he’d had such a strong reaction to a woman, and he took a step back.

  Kate hugged her arms around her middle, her expression one of concern. “Why don’t you come in and dry off?”

  “No, thanks. I’ll just get wet again when I go back out.”

  “Look,” she said, and Chase knew she tried to sound casual, but the way she rubbed her palms over her thighs told him she was nervous. “I’m not asking you to sleep with me, okay? But I’d feel safer if you were inside the tent with me. And since you’re going to stand watch anyway, doesn’t it make more sense to come in out of the rain?” She indicated a folding chair in the corner. “You can just as easily sit inside the entrance as you can outside, right?”

  Chase rubbed a hand over his face. She’d never know how tempting her words were, but he had to admit that everything she said made sense. But he hadn’t completely lost it. He still had a small vestige of brain cells left that functioned, warning him to retreat.

  “General order number one prohibits any service member from entering the sleeping quarters of the opposite sex,” he finally responded. “I shouldn’t come inside.”

  “Well, I’m not a service member,” she pointed out, “and surely allowances can be made for the fact that the weather is so terrible and all the power is out. You’d be able to do your job better if you were inside the tent. Besides, it’s not like anyone is going to come out here in this weather to check on me—or you.”

  Still, he hesitated.

  “Didn’t you tell me that your job is to ensure my safety while I’m here?” she pressed. “That you are my single point of contact for everything, and that I don’t do anything without you? If you refuse to do this, I will go to your commanding officer and tell him—”

  “Okay, okay,” Chase relented, interrupting her tirade. As threats went, hers was pretty ineffectual. As long as he kept Kate safe, his commanding officer had no interest in what he did or didn’t do with her. He just hoped he wasn’t making a huge mistake. “I’ll bunk down inside the entrance, if you don’t mind.”

  * * *

  KATE FELT SOMETHING uncurl inside her at his words. No, she didn’t mind in the least, and she stepped back to allow him to pass. Immediately, the space felt smaller, and she watched as he pulled the dripping poncho off. Beneath the rain gear, he wore a pair of camo pants and a T-shirt, and while she pretended to be absorbed in rearranging the sleeping bag on her cot, she observed him. He had set his flashlight down on the floor, and by the beam of light, she could see how his T-shirt molded itself to his contours. Charity shook herself briskly, and Chase laughed ruefully as she sprayed him with water.

  “Oh, the poor thing,” Kate said, and grabbed a towel from the nearby stack. Walking back toward Chase, she handed it to him. He blotted his face and then scrubbed it over his hair, before crouching down to briskly rub the dog’s wet fur. Only then did she see that both his T-shirt and his pants were soaking wet.

  “You’re drenched,” she exclaimed, returning with another towel.

  “I’ll dry,” he said off-handedly, accepting the towel. He glanced briefly at her. “You should go back to bed.”

  “You won’t leave?”

  “I’ll be right here.”

  Kate walked back to the bunk and climbed under the sleeping bag, curling on her side with the flashlight on the floor beside her. He stood up and was silhouetted in the beam from his own flashlight. She held her breath when he grabbed a fistful of his shirt and dragged it over his head, dropping the sodden garment onto the back of the chair.

  He was breathtaking.

  She released her pent-up breath on a shaky exhale. She’d realized after seeing him in the bathroom that he was fit, but the flashlight cast intriguing shadows over his body, emphasizing every dip and contour. As he toweled himself dry, she could clearly see the thrust of his shoulders and pecs. When he bent forward to blot the excess moisture from his pants, his abdomen resembled corrugated metal.

  K
ate felt herself growing warm. Recalling the intensity of his lovemaking the previous night, she knew he would be a good lover. Despite his size and obvious strength, his hands had been gentle on her body, coaxing a response from her until she’d been so aroused that if he hadn’t pulled away when he did, she would have come just from rubbing herself against him. Even now, desire coiled tightly inside her and then unfurled, blossoming outward until her breasts ached and she shifted restlessly beneath the covers.

  “You’ll sleep better if you turn that light out,” he offered, sitting down on the chair.

  “Are you going to sit there all night?”

  “That’s the plan.”

  Kate’s heart was beating fast. She reminded herself that she didn’t even know this guy, and that he’d all but told her that he had no intention of sleeping with her.

  But she knew he’d lied.

  There was no denying that they had chemistry. Sizzling chemistry. Maybe it was the storm that raged outside their tent, or the inherent danger that surrounded them from insurgents, but Kate had never been more desperate for human contact than she was at that moment.

  Did she have the courage to proposition him? More importantly, would she have the guts to face him in the morning, regardless of whether he accepted or rejected her offer? If she did sleep with him, it would be with the knowledge that they wouldn’t have any kind of relationship outside of a physical one, and even that would be short-lived. In a week, she would return home and he would resume his Ranger duties. But she also knew that she wanted this man more than she’d ever wanted any other. She’d made a lot of difficult choices in her life, some she’d regretted. This wasn’t going to be one of them.

  She watched as he tilted his head from side to side in an attempt to ease the tension in his neck. Charity lay on her belly beside him with her nose on her paws, and now she whined softly as Kate pushed back the covers and slid her feet to the floor. She didn’t have to see Chase’s face to know that his attention was riveted on her, although he never moved a muscle. His flashlight lay on the floor nearby, the beam of light angled slightly away from her, but she knew it provided sufficient light for him to see her. Outside, the wind howled and the canvas at the entrance flapped noisily.