Wreckless

by Zara Cox

She heaved a deep breath and moved away. “Because I can’t go on like this any more.”

  He sprang off the bed, his erection subsiding as he glared down at her.

  “What the fuck are you talking about?”

  “Just what I said. This thing between us, I—I’m ending it.”

  Shock froze his features. “Why? Is it because of Cara? I thought you two sorted things out? I know she came to see you, to clear the air.”

  “Yes, she did. Which is why—”

  “You mean now that you’ve sorted things out with her, you’re walking away? I don’t matter?” He sounded hurt, which confused her even more.

  “This thing was never meant to last. You were punishing me for what I did to your sister.”

  A dark flush crept up his neck, but his jaw clenched. “Yeah? And you? What were your reasons for taking my punishment?”

  “I needed—It was just sex.”

  He pulled on a pair of boxers. “Maybe at the beginning, but not any more, we both know that.”

  “So what’s this now, then, if not just sex?”

  Expecting him to be defensive, he relaxed, which surprised her. “That’s what I’ve been wanting to talk to you about. Cara said—”

  “Do you and your sister tell each other everything?”

  “Only the important things. Maybe you could learn something from her.”

  “Well, I don’t have that luxury of confiding in a brother or sister since you know I’m an only child. My parents died before they could have more children, remember?”

  He reached out a hand to her. “So talk to me, confide in me,” he said softly. “Whatever is wrong, give me a chance to make it better.”

  This caring, softer side of Enzo was throwing Lexi for a loop because she was in serious danger of giving in to it, and that scared the hell out of her. Gathering the sheets around her, she moved to the side of the bed.

  “I thought we were talking.”

  His arm dropped to his side. “I mean about the accident. Maybe it’ll help you move on.”

  “What’s there to talk about? I drank when I shouldn’t have, killed one friend, put another in a coma, and disfigured the third.” She got off the bed and hunted for something to cover herself with.

  He caught her elbows and forced her to look at him. “The accident wasn’t your fault. I think you’ve paid enough for that. It’s time to let go.”

  She frowned. “What are you saying?”

  “Fiona’s forgiven you. Cara came to see you to make peace. I know she sees things a lot clearer now than she did a year ago. You two can put all this behind you. So, maybe it’s time you forgive yourself.”

  What about you? She noticed he hadn’t included himself in the absolution. The realization ripped her apart. She turned away to hide the pain. “Yeah well, forgiveness might be easy for some and maybe, just maybe, in time I might to learn to do that, but how do I forget? Do you have a solution for that? When I lie awake at night thinking I should never have touched that drink, wondering if I’ll ever forget? Do you have a numbing potions for that?”

  “No, but the memory will fade with time and forgiveness. You just have to learn to live with it.”

  Easy for you to say. “What a birthday this is turning out to be, huh?” She was dying to change the subject, to get away from even more heartrending memories. Yes, Cara and Fiona may have forgiven her, but his forgiveness, his love, was what she wanted above all else. What use was forgiving herself, if she still walked away with her heart broken in a million little pieces?

  “It’s a good place to start. I want us to—” He stopped and muttered a curse when his bedside phone rang. Stalking to the stand, he swept it up.

  “Yes? Cara, I can’t talk right—”

  He stopped and listened. From where she stood, Lexi could hear the pained excitement in Cara’s voice.

  “Slow down and tell me why?” Enzo bit out, impatience stamped on his face.

  In the silence of the room, Lexi heard her screech, “Just do it.”

  With jerky movements, he grabbed the remote and aimed at the TV.

  Surprised, Lexi turned to watch the screen.

  The face plastered on LA's Channel Four news stopped her breath as the voice of the newsreader echoed in the room.

  To recap our breaking news this morning, British movie producer Ian Pulbrook was arrested an hour ago on allegations of rape and assault. He’s being held based on the accusations of two women, one of them the actress Suzanne Baines, the leading lady in his new movie, and Rebecca Staunton, another actress. When questioned by our reporter on his way to the police station, Pulbrook denied the allegations. His lawyers say he will be posting bail immediately, pending arraignment on Monday. We will bring you any further news as soon as we have it…

  She sank onto the bed. Cold shivers racked her body. Beside her, Enzo muted the sound.

  “I’ve seen it, Cara. Is Hopkirk there with you? Good, okay try and go back to sleep. I’ll call you in the morning.” He hung up and turned to her.

  “Do you believe that—hey, what’s wrong? You’re as white as a sheet.”

  She shook her head, unable to speak.

  “You’re not getting sick again, are you?”

  The insane desire to laugh hysterically, bubbled up. She swallowed it down. “N-no. I’m not getting sick again.”

  “Then what?” His gaze went to the screen, where Ian Pulbrook’s face was displayed in hi-def widescreen. “You’re upset because of him? If you want my opinion, the asshole’s had it coming. Even if the accusations turn out to be false, a couple of days in the slammer is just a taste of the justice he deserves after what he did to my baby sister.”

  Another hysterical laugh threatened to choke her.

  He heard the sound and rounded on her. “You think this is funny?” Anger blazed in his eyes.

  “No, Enzo. Funny is the last word I’d use for this situation.”

  He threw down the remote in disgust. “I know you two had a thing going before we met, but don’t expect me to feel any sympathy for him. He deserves what’s coming to him and worse.”

  Another shiver, harder this time, juddered through her frame. “Whatever there was between us finished years ago.” With numb fingers, she picked up her shorts.

  “Yeah, right,” he sneered.

  She looked up. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means you can quit lying to me. I know all about you and that jerk.”

  “What about me and Ian?”

  “Enough with the goddamn pretense, Lexi. I know you fucked him while my sister lay in the hospital, dumped and disfigured!” Bitterness coated his voice.

  Ice surged through her veins, freezing her blood. Through frozen lips, she muttered, “And how do you know this?”

  “Because I saw you two with my own eyes, that’s how. So don’t bother denying it.”

  “You—you saw us?”

  “Going at it like crazed rabbits, two days after the accident.”

  The shorts slid out of her nerveless fingers. “You came to Ian’s apartment?”

  “Yes,” he bit out, his jaw clenched and his movements jerky as he pulled on his trousers.

  “And you left?”

  He sucked in a breath. “Why? Should I have stayed? Sorry, I told you I’m not a Peeping Tom and I’m not into fucking group sports.”

  “You saw me. And you left,” she whispered, feeling numb and devoid of every scrap of emotion.

  “I already said so, didn’t I? You seemed to be enjoying yourself, especially with that little bondage thing you had going on. He with his hand clamped over your mouth and you doing the terrified virgin thing. I guess he enjoys that more than I do; makes him feel like a man, does it?”

  “You left.” Something close to horror rose inside and her body shuddered as dark pain blurred her vision.

  “Dammit, that’s what I said. Why do you keep on repeating it?” He started pacing.

  Her eyelids felt heavy, almost le
aden, as she lifted her head to look at him. She shuddered again and her hands clamped around her middle, holding herself in.

  “Because what you saw wasn’t two people having sex, Enzo. What you saw, and did nothing about, was Ian Pulbrook taking what belonged to me. Without my permission.”

  He froze. “Without your permission…what the hell are you talking about?”

  “Ian Pulbrook raped me.”

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Enzo jerked to a stop. “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “I think you heard me. Ian Pulbrook raped me, two days after the accident.”

  “That’s bullshit! He was engaged to marry my sister.”

  Her shoulders slumped. “Oh, well, that’s all right, then.”

  “For chrissakes, you know what I’m trying to say.”

  “No actually, I don’t. Are you saying that because Ian was going to marry your sister, he didn’t rape me, or the fact that he was engaged to Cara makes him incapable of rape? If you don’t believe me Enzo, just say so. I don’t care.”

  Enzo heard her words, but her expression told a different story. She cared. The devastation in her eyes told him she couldn’t possibly be lying about this, but still… Icy dread seized his body. If it was true…Jesus, what had he done?

  He rounded the bed and took her chin in his hand. “Tell me it’s not true. Lexi, please, tell me!”

  She just looked at him with sad, bruised eyes. Dropping his hand, he took a shocked step back.

  She’d been raped!

  And he...what the hell had he done?

  For six months, he’d locked her into a sordid tryst, slaking his body on hers in punishment for something she hadn’t done. He’d mistaken the hell he’d glimpsed in her eyes as guilt for her part in his sister’s accident, when all along she’d been carrying a different burden.

  Jesus. He scraped both hands through his hair, barely registering their trembling.

  “Pulbrook raped you?” He could scarcely form the words. Now that he’d put a different interpretation on what he’d seen, his mind supplied the corroborative evidence and came up with the damning verdict.

  His eyes flew back to the screen, to the face of his vilest enemy. He wanted to reach into the TV, grab the asshole, and tear him from limb to limb.

  He shuddered. Dear God, he’d seen her being raped, and he’d walked away. He’d walked away. He swayed on his feet. Through the haze threatening to blind him, he saw Lexi reach out a hand.

  “Enzo—”

  He tried to make sense of it and failed. “Did…did you report him to the police?” He knew the answer before she responded, since they’d named the women who’d accused Pulbrook.

  She dropped her arm and looked away. “No.”

  He hauled her up to face him, knowing his anger at her was totally misplaced but unable to help himself. “Why the hell not?”

  “I—I threatened to, when he—when he started... He just laughed and said no one would believe me. I’d just escaped a DUI charge. Everyone thought I’d gotten away without punishment, including the police. I don’t think their sympathy level would’ve been very high. Besides, it wasn’t a secret that Ian and I dated before he met Cara; all his friends and mine knew we’d been seeing each other. He…he said he’d tell the police we were both on the rebound from broken relationships, that we…we were comforting each other. It—it sounded too plausible to put myself through the aggravation. Besides, I didn’t want Cara to find out.”

  His hands tightened on her arms. “For fuck’s sake, Lexi, what were you doing at his apartment in the first place?”

  “I went to ask him to reconsider breaking things off with Cara. I knew she loved him, and I thought he loved her.”

  “What did he say?”

  She shook her head.

  “Tell me,” he insisted.

  “He said he couldn’t be seen with…a freak. He suggested we get back together. I told him to go to hell, and he…he just laughed. When I tried to leave…he grabbed me—”

  “Dammit, you should’ve come to me!” The look in her eyes shamed him. “Or gone to the police,” he amended. “You let the slime ball get away with rape!”

  “So did you!”

  He felt the blood leach from his veins. His legs gave way underneath him and he sagged onto the bed.

  She immediately grasped his arm, her face twisting in remorse. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean it.”

  Weak with guilt and self-disgust, he waved her away. “But you’re right. I deserved that and more.” Thinking about it made him want to flay himself.

  Tears sprang into her eyes. “No you didn’t. You saw something and interpreted it one way. You knew Ian and I were friends and, as you said, he was engaged to your sister. The last thing you’d have thought of was…was that.”

  His fists clenched. “Hell, I knew I should’ve gone with my first instinct.”

  “Which was?”

  “Grab him by the throat and throttle the living shit out of him.”

  The look in her eyes said she wished to God he had. Pain chomped on his gut.

  “I guess that clarifies one thing,” she said huskily.

  “What?”

  “Why you broke off our engagement without explanation. I thought it was because of my part in the accident, but it wasn’t, was it?”

  Shame made him glance away. God! That was something else he had to live with, on top of everything he’d done to hurt her.

  “Lexi, I'm...Jesus, I'm so sorry—”

  She cut him off with a feeble wave. “What were you doing there?”

  His lips tightened. “Cara asked me to return her engagement ring and his keys. I knew he was home, so when he didn’t answer the door, I let myself in. I’d decided to have a man-to-man talk with the little shit anyway, give him a few pointers on how and when to break up with a woman. But—” he cursed.

  “But?”

  He exhaled sharply. “Seeing you there, spread beneath him, thinking you’d both been so into it you hadn’t heard the doorbell... God, I knew if I took a step into the room, I’d be hauled out of there with both your blood on my hands. Cara needed me; I had to keep a level head.” He raked a hand through his hair. “But I let you down instead.”

  “It’s all right. You didn’t know, Enzo.”

  “No, it’s not all right! Stop trying to let me off the hook.”

  “Maybe it’ll help you forgive yourself.”

  “I’ll never forgive myself, never!”

  “Remember what you said to me just before Cara called? Carrying that sort of guilt around would just end up eating you alive--take over your life and not in a good way. Take it from someone who knows.”

  “The accident wasn’t your fault, Lexi.”

  “Maybe not entirely. But if I hadn’t had that drink, maybe—”

  He got off the bed, dropped to his knees in front of her and placed a finger over her lips. “Shh. Let it go—”

  “But how can I? That one drink was the equivalent of three shots of vodka, did you know that?”

  His gaze rested on her. “No, did you?”

  She paused. “No. Cara told me she asked the bartender to make that last round of drinks stronger, because he’d been watering them down all night.”

  “See? It was just a horrible mistake.” He ran his hands down her arms, tracing her scar before he bent to kiss it. Goose bumps washed over her skin. “Baby, we can’t live our lives by ifs and maybes, you said so yourself—”

  She shuddered. “I hate that name,” she said vehemently.

  He frowned. “What name?”

  “Baby. You started using it when we…”

  He stopped her words with a finger and replaced it a second later with his lips. When he eased back, he saw fresh tears in her eyes. “I’ll never call you that again. I promise, Lexi. Is that better?” He’d do anything, anything to make her feel better.

  She nodded. “Much.”

  “And I’ll ne
ver let any harm come to you, ever again. I’m sorry I left you with that bastard, Lexi. So, so very sorry.” For the first time in a very long time, he felt the sting of tears. He wanted to curl into himself and bawl like a baby for the hurt he’d caused her. But he had to remain strong.

  He felt another shudder rip through her as her tears fell. Gathering her in his arms, he let her cry, hoping it would ease her suffering. “I’m sorry, darling. Oh, God, I’m so sorry,” he said over and over, kissing her between pleas.

  When she had cried herself dry, he settled her back on the bed. “Stay here.” He went to his wardrobe, rummaged around, and found what he wanted. Coming back to the bed, he started to pull his T-shirt over her head.

  She pulled away. “No. I want my own clothes. I want to go home.”

  “No, you’re staying right here. The last thing you need is to be alone tonight. I’m glad Pulbrook never reached you this time.”

  “I—I think he tried.” She told him about the hoax calls. He swore hard. “It’s all right, Enzo. I can take care of myself.”

  “You’re staying here. At least until that nut job is behind bars for good.” He needed to know she was all right. He also had to convince her to give them a chance.

  Slowly, she pulled away from him, her eyes beginning to gleam with a determination that struck a whole different emotion inside him.

  He tried to swallow around the fear clawing up his chest. “What are you thinking?”

  “I'm thinking I've let Ian rule my life for far too long. It's time for that to change.”

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  “You okay?” Enzo asked, his hand on her arm as he escorted her down the steps of the police station in Santa Monica.

  The three hours she’d spent there had been the most grueling of her life. But as much as she’d hated recounting the attack, the cathartic effect was immeasurable. She felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

  She smiled at Enzo to ease the worry in his eyes. He’d stayed with her throughout the interview, and she knew hearing the details of the rape had been just as hard on him. Harder, if possible, because of the guilt he carried for walking away that day. The grim lines around his eyes and mouth told their own story.